In this sermon, Pastor Chuck Smith focuses on the moral virtue of discretion and how it can defer anger. He shares the wisdom of not punishing children when angry and instead waiting for them to face the consequences of their actions before offering love and support. Pastor Chuck emphasizes God's loving and kind nature, even when we foolishly violate His commandments. He also mentions the importance of understanding different temperaments when disciplining children and the consequences of laziness and wastefulness.

Oh, let the Son of God enfold you With His Spirit and His love Let Him fill your heart and satisfy your soul Oh, let Him have the things that mold you And His Spirit like a dove Will descend upon your life And make you whole The discretion of a man defers his anger. Plato said, I would, to one of his servants, he said, I would beat you, but I'm angry. Deferring anger. I have found as a parent, it's never good to punish your children when you're angry. If you're angry, you're better off just say, I'm going to talk with you later. Because we are always so often overdoing it. We react according to our own anger and emotion. Many times what the child has done frightens us. We're fearful for their safety. And we are so frightened by what they have done that we grab them and in anger have a tendency to over-punish the child. So the deferring of the anger, it's the discretion of a man to defer his anger. Put it off. And it is his glory to pass over a transgression. Love covers a multitude of sins. Don't respond or react in anger to a situation. Defer that action until the anger is subsided. And then many times, once it's subsided, well, what difference does it make? After you've thought the thing through and you realize, hey, nobody was hurt. And so you just sort of pass over the transgression. Solomon, a king, he said, the king's wrath is as a roaring of a lion. When you get a king angry, you're in trouble. But his favor is refreshing. It's like dew upon the grass. A foolish son is the calamity of his father. What a heartache a foolish son can be. A son who does foolish things. The calamity of the father. It hurts. You know, I think that one of the hardest things in the world is to see your child make a mistake. To go against your advice and counsel and make a mistake that you know is going to bring him pain later on in life. Now, you don't disown the child. You do your best to guide them in the right way. But sometimes they're determined to go their own way. When they're 19, 20 years old, they think they know so much better than you. You're an old fogey. You just don't know anything, you know. And they know what they want and they know what's best. And you weep, you pray, you plead, and they only get angry. And it hurts you to see them do things that you know are going to hurt them in years to come. And you're helpless to do anything about it. That's a difficult position to be in. And most parents who have raised sons through the teen years have gone through that experience. But there's something else that is a real calamity, and that's the contentions of a wife. They're a continual dropping. Sort of a Chinese torture. If a wife is constantly contentious, constantly contending over different things, and Solomon had no doubt this kind of wife. I'm sure he had every kind of wife there was. He had a thousand, you know. So he knew every variety of women that came along. And some of them no doubt were contentious. He had his experience. He said, they're just like a continual dropping. It's a torture. It drives you crazy. He'll have something else to say about wives in a moment too, though. House and riches are the inheritance of fathers, and a prudent wife is from the Lord. That's in contrast to that contentious wife. The prudent wife, the wise prudent, from the Lord. What a blessing. You say, well, I made such a wise choice. You were lucky. Just thank the Lord. She's from the Lord. Because many wise men have been deceived by the woman. She seems so sweet. She seems so easygoing. Always smiling. Everything you did was just perfect. If you've got a prudent wife, she's from the Lord. And he that hath found a good wife has found a favor of the Lord. Good thing. Now, Solomon has a lot to say about laziness. And here he speaks about slothfulness, laziness. It casts into a deep sleep, and the idle soul shall suffer hunger. If you're given over to sleep, you won't get up in the morning. The idle soul, you're going to end up in poverty and hunger. He that keepeth the commandment keeps his own soul, but he that despises the Lord's ways, his ways would be God's ways, shall die. So the importance of keeping the commandments of the Lord, because, as we've pointed out, God gave us the law as a guide for our lives, and it is good. The law of the Lord is perfect. He gave to you a standard for a perfect life. And God does not withhold from you anything that is good and beneficial. The law does not restrict you from one thing that is good for you. The law only restricts those things that are harmful. And again, I think the analogy of the father and the son, seeing the son do things that the father knows best. He seeks to guide the son. He has the years of judgment, and he can see the pitfalls, but the son is determined to go his own way, and he thinks his dad is trying to keep him back from what is desirable. And I think we're that way with God many times in the law of God. We think that that's restrictive. God doesn't want me to have a good time. He doesn't want me to have fun. God is too restrictive in the laws that He's placed upon me, the commandments that He's put me under. But God knows best, and He knows that by violating these commandments, you're going to bring pain, you're going to bring hurt, you're going to bring suffering upon yourself. And I'm certain that God is just as hurt as a father, if we as human fathers are hurt, when we see our children taking a path that we know is going to be destructive and harmful and painful to them, and yet we can't stop them because they're determined to do it. So the Heavenly Father sees us take this path that He knows will lead to pain. He knows it will lead to suffering. He has commanded us not to do it, but we do it anyhow. And then we reap the consequences. We go through the pain. Now, as a parent, again, when your child is determined to take that path, you have to let them go. You can't force your will upon them when they get to be 19, 20 years old. When they get to be 17, 18, it's hard. In fact, our one son, when he came to his 18th birthday, his mom, my wife, she's everything. On his 18th birthday, she said, Well, son, you can't run away from home anymore because he was in a habit. Things get tough, he'd just run away. When he was 17 years old, he ran away several times. Get on his case, he'd just run away for a few days, and he'd sneak back, you know. On his 18th birthday, she said, Well, that means you can't run away anymore. He says, What do you mean I can't run away? She said, Hey, you're 18. It's not running away anymore. It's now leaving home. You watch them take the paths, and yet you're there and you stand there. You wait for the cycle to make its full course, and then you are there to pick up the pieces. You don't cast them off because they've made the mistakes, because they've gone against your advice, but you're waiting for them to come home with all of the pain, with all of the hurt, and you open the door, you receive them, you love them, you put Band-Aids on, and you put the balm and the salve on, and you're there to just love and to help them get things together and get their life together and get it going again. And so God with us, He has given us commandments, and we are foolish. We violate the commandments of God, and we begin to suffer the consequences, and we come back, and God is so loving. He's so kind. He sort of, you know, patches us up, puts things together in love, in tenderness. So if you keep the commandments, you're really doing yourself a favor. But if you despise God's ways, it'll lead to death. Now, again, dealing with the poor, and this is a fascinating statement. He that hath pity on the poor lends to the Lord. Now, I've loaned the Lord a lot of money, but that which he hath given will the Lord pay him again, and I have to confess it's true. In giving to the poor, I never ask for a return. I don't loan to the poor. I give, and I don't make any demands upon repayment. I figure it's a loan to the Lord, and the Lord always pays his debts. He is always blessed. My generosity towards the poor, and I've done it on the basis of the scripture. When someone is in need, poor, and I give to them, I just say, well, Lord, I'm lending you some more money. You don't need to pay interest, just... the Lord will pay him again. Now, Solomon has quite a bit to say about disciplining your children, and Solomon was one who believed in spanking children. Now, today, you know, you can be arrested for child abuse and your children taken away, but Solomon, a wiser man than the sociologists today, said, chasten your son while there is hope. In other words, while they are still being formed in their character and so forth, it's important to discipline. It's important to set the parameters for them, to give them their limitations and let them know their limitations. While they're still in that formative stage, set the parameters. Drive back the frontiers of evil. Chasten your son while there is still hope, and don't let your soul spare for their crying. Now, children are wise, little children even, and they know that the moment you start spanking them, if they will just let out blood-curdling wails, that you're prone to go easier. You're prone to just sort of, you know, let it go. You don't want the neighbors to call the police, you know. And they're wise, little kids, and so many times, my boys, I'd start to spank them, and they'd start screaming and yelling before I even, you know, got the palm of my hand on their little bottoms, and I would stop, and I'd say, wait a minute, what are you screaming about? Don't hit me, Daddy, don't hit me, you know. We hadn't even touched them yet, and they're already... So Solomon no doubt had a lot of kids too. That many wives, you're bound to have a lot of kids. But he had more than that. His father David was an extremely poor disciplinarian. David had one son that rebelled against him, and never at any time did David speak a word to correct him. Now, a child left to himself will bring reproach to his parents, and David left this son to himself, and he brought reproach. He ultimately rebelled against David, and Solomon could see the failure of his father David as a disciplinarian. He saw the results in his brother's lives, and as a result, he has a lot to say about discipline, about sparing the rod and spoiling the child, and we'll get to that one later on. And I had my son quote that to me one time, smart little kid. I started to spank him for something that he had done, and he said, Daddy, that's not scriptural. And I said, What do you mean it's not scriptural? He said, The Bible says spare the rod and spoil your child, where you put the emphasis, I guess. A man of great wrath is going to suffer punishment. If you have a temper, you fly off. It's going to get you in trouble. It's going to get you in a lot of trouble. If you don't have control over your temper, it can get you into all kinds of problems. He's going to suffer punishment, and if you deliver him, you're going to have to do it again. I mean, bail him out. He got angry and got in a big fight, so you go down and bail him out. Well, you're going to have to bail him out again. A person who can't control his temper is just bound to get into trouble, and will suffer punishment. Now, Solomon said, Hear counsel. Listen to it. Receive instruction that you may be wise in the end results. Listening to counsel. Don't just go off, but seek advice. Seek counsel. Seek the counsel of others. Receive the instruction that you may be wise in the final results. There are many devices in a man's heart. Oh, how we can devise and scheme and plan, but the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand. The schemes and the devices of man so often fail. The best laid plans of mice and men, I mean, they can fail, but the counsels of the Lord, they're going to stand. So listen to God. Follow the word of God. Keep the commandments of God, because the counsels of the Lord, that's the thing that's going to stand. The desire of a man is his kindness, and a poor man is better than a liar. And so, again, the contrast, poor. You're better poor than you are being a liar. The fear of the Lord tends to life. That is that reverence for God. It brings life. It tends to life. And he that hath it shall abide satisfied. He will not be visited with evil. What a glorious promise. To fear the Lord will bring you satisfaction, contentment, and will protect you from evil. A lazy man hides his hand in his bosom. This guy's really lazy. He's so lazy, he won't even pull out his hand to take the food to his mouth. I mean, when you get that lazy, you're not long for the earth. When you get so lazy, you won't even feed yourself. You've had it. So a slothful man hides his hand in his bosom. He will not so much as bring it to his mouth again. That is really lazy. Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware. If a man is scornful, he said smite him. It will cause people to beware. The simple will take note. Reprove one that has understanding, and he will understand knowledge. So the different types of punishment for different types of people. There are some that need to be smitten to learn. There are others who you can just speak to. We'll get to that proverb, train up a child in the way that he shall go. We'll deal with that when we get there. But it is understanding the various temperaments of children, and you train them according to their temperament. Some of our children, we had to spank some of them. Just a word was sufficient. A word would bring them into tears and repentance. And others, even the spankings hardly worked. I mean, kids are different. A slothful man, lazy man, hides his hand in his mouth. He that wasteth his father, that is, wastes his father's goods, the guy that just lives around the house eating off the family and won't work, and chases away his mother, is a son that causes shame and brings reproach. So cease, my son, to hear instruction that causes you to err from the words of knowledge. Good advice. Don't listen to the instruction that will cause you to err from the words of knowledge. And surely that is applicable to children in school today who are exposed to the heresy of evolutionary hypotheses. It will cause you to err from real knowledge. It is a distortion of logic and will make you perfectly incapable of reasoning if you follow those premises. An ungodly witness scorns judgment, and the mouth of the wicked devoureth iniquity. So the ungodly witness, he doesn't really care for real judgment. He scorns it. So the mouth of the wicked, they devour, they eat up iniquity. For judgments are prepared for scorners. Again, smite the scorner. Judgments are prepared for the scorners and stripes for the back of fools. It's the chastening of the fools. And while you're there, we encourage you to browse the many additional biblical resources by Pastor Chuck. You can also subscribe to the Word for Today podcast or sign up for our email subscription. Once again, all this can be found at thewordfortoday.org. If you wish to call, our toll-free number is 1-800-272-WORD and our office hours are Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Pacific Time. Again, that's 1-800-272-9673. And for those of you preferring to write, our mailing address is The Word for Today, P.O. Box 8000, Costa Mesa, California, 92628. And now on behalf of The Word for Today, we'd like to thank all of you who share in supporting this ministry with your prayers and financial support. And be sure to join us again next time as Pastor Chuck continues his verse-by-verse study through the Bible. That's right here on the next edition of The Word for Today. And now once again, here's Pastor Chuck with today's closing comments. I pray that God will give you a very special week, a time of spiritual growth and development, a time of coming into a clearer understanding of God's love and God's grace, a time of rejoicing in the discovery of the goodness of God, that your heart might be filled with happiness and joy and the understanding of God's purpose and plan for your life. Truly may you have a merry heart this week as God's Spirit draws you close to Jesus Christ. Have you ever thought about the simple phrase, God loves you? This just might be the most important truth you could ever grasp, that God has called you into a loving relationship with Himself. Unfortunately, many of us have been brought up to think that we need to earn God's love. In Chuck Smith's book, Why Grace Changes Everything, Pastor Chuck imparts years of wisdom from his own experiences, how he thought he had to work hard and deny his own desires for God to love him, but when he unlocked the secret to God's grace, this changed everything. Come alongside Pastor Chuck to discover an astonishing truth about your relationship with Jesus Christ, that it's not based upon your works, but based upon God's love for you. It's true, grace changes everything. To find out more and to read a preview, visit the wordfortoday.org and click on the link to download Why Grace Changes Everything by Chuck Smith. Or if you'd like to order this book in print, call the Word for Today at 800-272-9673. This program has been sponsored by The Word for Today in Costa Mesa, California.