In this sermon, the preacher uses the analogy of a man walking in the woods, unaware that he is being stalked by a 1200-pound grizzly bear, to illustrate the spiritual blindness that many people have. He emphasizes that people may be going about their lives seemingly normal and content, but they are unaware of the danger they are in. The preacher urges listeners to pay attention to the warnings and cries of those who can see the danger and to have their spiritual blindness removed before it's too late. He also highlights the importance of approaching others with kindness and consideration when sharing the message of Christ, rather than forcing it upon them.

Whenever one of the greatest burdens of anyone who preaches is when they look out over a congregation and they see so many, so many needs. You know there's so many needs because there's so many people and people are individuals and people have so many individual needs. It's very, very hard, very difficult. It's a great burden. But then it's always to throw us back on the fact that it is a sovereign God who does a sovereign work and that he does not need men or the help of men, but he does desire that men be obedient to what they have been called to do. I plan to continue preaching today. I feel as though the Lord has led me that. Yesterday I began teaching a bit on marriage during the wedding and I would plan to continue doing that this morning. But before I do, I'd like to share two things. One is not so much lighthearted, even though it may sound a bit lighthearted. This morning I was thumbing through scripture and looking back and forth at passages that the Lord was bringing to mind and I just happened to glimpse over too far. I was in the New Testament and I moved the pages over too far and opened up to Jonah 4-7 and had a part of that passage underlined and it jumped out at me like just fire off the page and it was simply these words. Because I was looking around, Lord, what should I preach? What should I say? What should be done here this morning? I still had very little peace about it. And underlined was in Jonah 4-7 was, and God appointed a worm. And I know the immediate application of that text, the immediate context speaking about what happened there with Jonah. But it was almost like the Lord was sharing with me, Paul, settle down. I have appointed a worm. You're that worm and that's OK. It's not about you. But if I move today or do not move today, it is not about you. It is about it's about me. It's about the need of my people that I dearly love. And I appoint worms to get glory for myself. I don't appoint great men, I appoint worms. The other thing that I would like to share that I just feel like I need to share is. And it's not so much prophecy, simply a reality. There are people here today that are just blind. There's no other way to say it, but that they are blind and they walk in darkness. The only other possibility is that they are insane. Now, what do I mean by that? A man is walking in the woods. He's enjoying the leaves and the trees, the sound of nature all around him, the smells of fresh air. He's walking nonchalantly, humming to himself, full of joy, taking in his surroundings. There's nothing wrong with that picture. The man is acting as a reasonable man, doing something a sane man would do. But that is only because he does not realize at that moment he is being stalked by a twelve hundred pound grizzly. He is unaware of his true reality. And so he casually meanders through the woods, taking in sights and sounds. Now, let's say that there's those of us who are standing back from this man and can see the larger picture. Let's say that we are cut off from him so that he cannot hear our voice, and yet we scream madly at the man. Your life is in danger. You're being tracked by a bear. Sudden death is upon you and you do not know it. Maybe from a far off distance, he can see us waving our arms, running to him. He nonchalantly raises up and waves back. That is a description of possibly many of you, young people, possibly older people alike. It is a description of you. And you'll hear people, you'll hear preachers, you'll you will hear family members and they scream at you and they yell at you and they cry for you and they beat on the glass with their fists. And the only hope you have is that before it's too late. The blindness is removed and you see the bear. But, oh my dear friend, this bear is so ferocious. This bear is so fast. And so many have waited too long and when their eyes were open, it was still too late. Some of you are blind. Some of you are blind. How is it that some men can recognize the validity of Christianity and be a casual observer even though they recognize the validity of it? And how is it that some men see the same Christianity and literally it drives every heartbeat and every thought of their mind? The difference has to be in this. Not that one man is better than the other, but one man has seen what another has not seen. Some of you today are blind. If that frightens you, what should you do? Cry out that your blindness be removed. Grope in the darkness. Grope with fear. Speak. There's never been a man, woman or child on the face of the earth that has genuinely sought the Lord that he has not been found by them. That is one of the most wonderful declarations. There's never been a person who truly wanted to be saved that the Lord did not save. There's never been anyone who's cried out to him sincerely that he has not answered with salvation. Well, going from there, I want us to go to Ephesians chapter five. Yesterday, if you were at the wedding, you heard a great deal to the man, a great deal to the man. But the reason why I spoke so much to the man is because it is about the man. We may glory somewhat in our authority in the household, not knowing exactly what we're doing. To understand that you have authority in the household, gentlemen, is is a correct thing, but a dangerous thing to use. Authority is a dangerous thing because authority is given to use on behalf of the one who has appointed you. That would be God. And for the sake of. The ones over whom you have been appointed, authority is always to be used on behalf of those over whom you rule and you will be held accountable. Now, when we look at verse 22, begins by saying, wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. Now, when we come to this text, we have two extremes in modern day America. The first extreme is to simply explain this away. To explain it away, one of the ways in which this is done is a doctrine referred to as mutual submission, and it's based on verse 21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. And there is a sense in which between the man and the woman there ought to be what is known as mutual submission, because the great authority is God and his revelation of his written word. But it cannot be denied, and it is wrong to deny. That there is a sense within the married couple of the man taking authority and that being his place and the woman submitting to the authority of that man. So there is a genuine case in the Bible for the authority of the husband. But now here's something else that I want you to see. The other extreme is where a husband takes this and uses this for his own benefits. A man who will do this, that will grab this text and use it to rule over his wife and his family for his own benefit is proving himself to be not simply a legalist, but unconverted. And when the command comes to women to submit to their husbands, here's something that you need to understand. It is talking about submitting within the general case of marriage within the context of a normal marriage. With its conflicts and with its problems, but within the context of the church, in the context of all the families in the church, in the context of what it means to have a normal family, you should be living in submission to your husband. This is not a command for a woman to stay with a man who beats her to death. This is not a command for a woman to submit to an ungodly man making ungodly demands that cause her to live in disobedience to the Lord. And so even though I don't have the seven days of lecture time necessary to explain all the exceptions here, I just want you to see that when we speak about submission, the submission of a woman to her husband, we're talking about in the case of a normal marriage of two people who are still open to sin and capable of sinning, of two people who make mistakes, of two people who are needy of grace, but at the same time, two people who are walking with the Lord and seeking to obey him. You see, whenever the idea of submission comes up, we're always immediately trying to put forth all the exceptions. Young people are really good at this. When I say obey your parents, they always come up to me and go, well, what if my dad asked me to build a nuclear bomb and blow up the Empire State Building? You know, I always ask them, well, when was the last time your father asked you to do that? You see, your problem is not that. Your problem is when dad says, tell me about your friends. These people I don't think you should be with or take out the trash. So in a normal context of a normal family and a normal marriage with its positive and its negative, with its blessings and its problems, wife is to submit to the leadership of her husband. Now, I want us to look at some things that are so extremely important, and in order to do that, I want us to go for a moment to First Peter. And if you weren't there yesterday at the wedding, then I think you can get the tape or the CD to that and it may be helpful for you. If you're a woman, you definitely probably want to get it for your husband. If you're a man, you probably want to hide it from your wife. But in First Peter, chapter three, First Peter, chapter three, the Bible says, verse one, in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands. Now, what does it mean in the same way? Well, he's talking about submission in the chapter preceding. And he's talking about submission to government, submission to rulers and leaders. And what we need to understand is that God has set up a line of authority to govern humanity. He has set up a line of authority, not just within Christianity, but within the realm of human relations. He has set up authority. Now, it's great to be American. It's great to celebrate Independence Day. It's great to talk about our freedom. In a sense, it's great that we have no king, that we, the people govern ourselves. But there's another case to be said for this, that it really makes it hard for you to understand Christianity. We are a people who do not trust authority. We are a people who do not like authority. Back in the early 70s, and we remember seeing T-shirts all over it, question authority. And so we are a group of people. We do not want a king over us. We do not want a lord over us. We don't want anyone ruling over us. We're our own people. We do what we want. No one's going to tell me what to do. And because of that, it makes it so difficult for us to understand Christianity. It makes it so difficult to do church in America. For example, the church in America is all about a democracy. And because there's such a flippant gospel preached in most churches in America, and since there's no church discipline practice in America, then the great majority of the people in a local church are carnal, wicked people. And when they vote, they control where the church goes. You see, so one of the things that we have to understand is that we are a product of our culture. And sometimes we interpret the Bible, as one Scottish theologian said, through our flag and our checkbook. We need to be very careful. The Bible speaks about authority. Now, some would say, well, that's great when you are the authority, but what happens when you're not? Well, it's not so great when you are the authority, if you truly believe in God. Because God will hold all authority accountable on that great day, and it will be a terrifying thing for all authority that has ruled apart or in contradiction to his authority. Wives, you should fear for your husbands. Let me ask you a question, wife. When was the last time you feared for your husband? You feared for the day that he has to stand before God. You see, sometimes we do not take into consideration what the scriptures are truly saying. I think in the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they will be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. And the one thing that you need to see here is that when the Bible speaks about authority, it speaks about it in a way that is so realistic, because when the Bible speaks about the authority of government, it is always presupposing that the government is not going to be in favor of Christianity, but actually against it. But it still commands the Christian to submit to authorities that aren't even walking according to God's word. And in that, Christianity has a powerful testimony. And so when we come here to the idea of submission in first Peter, chapter three, he doesn't say in an idealistic sort of way, wives submit to your husbands because they're always going to do right. And they're always going to have a sublime and pristine character and their works are always going to be good. That's not what he says. He assumes that some husbands aren't even going to be saved. He assumes right off the bat that others aren't going to lead well. He assumes that even the best of the best, the top gun among all husbands, that even he is going to make mistakes and have feet of clay. That's why a wife puts her hope ultimately in God and the God of her husband. And that's the problem with a lot of teaching on authority. They do not recognize because it's usually the men doing the teaching that men are granted authority, but that authority will always have feet of clay. And one of the reasons that occurs is for the man to trust in God, but not only the man to trust in God, for the wife to trust in the God of the man now. It says this, be submissive to your own husbands so that if any of them are disobedient to the word, how can they be disobedient to the word? Well, there's so many ways, but let's break it down into two categories, one primarily when this type of phrase is used, although not exactly in other places, but it's primarily referring to a lost man. But at the same time, let's use a general application. First of all, let's talk about for a second, a lost man. And secondly, let's talk about disobedient saved men. Because believe it or not, wives, they do exist. I have heard so it's unbelievable, but I have heard so many times women saying, but I don't have to submit to him. He's not a believer. And I have heard men say, you know, I do not have to be a certain way or fulfill certain obligations towards my wife because she is an unbeliever. And I've heard children who have been saved gloriously in a family where the father or mother and neither of them are Christians say, I don't have to listen to my parents because they're not Christians. But that's not what the Bible teaches. The Bible teaches that we'd be at peace with all men and that we seek to submit to those in authority over us, even if they are unbelievers, we do everything in our power to submit to them and only begin to think about not submitting when there are direct contradictions to the word of God. But even to the unbelieving authorities in our life, we should do everything in our power to submit. And later on, we're going to see the reason why when we ourselves take matters into our own hands, which means we no longer trust in the sovereignty of God and we begin to fight against the authorities over us because they've been unjust, then God pulls back and does not fight. But when we obey and seek to live at peace and seek to submit and the authority over us is disobedient, then God intervenes. And when he intervenes, he intervenes. Now, I want us to look at something, women. It says that any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one. How many women seek to win their husbands and not just to seek to win their lost husbands, but seek to win their saved husbands? How many women have I seen striving and working to win lost husbands? So many. How many women have I seen and heard from in counseling where they're praying and striving to make their husband more spiritual, the one that has been saved, but just seems to be lagging behind in zeal and spirituality? So many. But most of those women go about it all wrong. They're leading their husbands to be leaders and he can lead, but only in accordance with her will. She's leading him to be a leader and then can't understand why he doesn't lead when he does make that decision. But a decision that is obviously wrong because he's obviously not as spiritual as she is. And it may be true. She corrects him on it and points him to the right way to lead. Look what it says here, that they may be one without a word. Why do you suppose he says that? I'll tell you why. Because God knows women better than women know women. And God knows that women have a power and it is in the tongue. And if it comes down to a verbal battle between a husband and a wife, you can just about always count on the fact that women, the woman's going to win. She is able to take that tongue and tear a man apart. Now, I want to say something here. I want to use an illustration. Please do not misinterpret this illustration. Do not leave here saying that Paul Washer says it's OK for men to beat their wives. But I just want to give you an illustration. It is a terrible sin. You ought to be locked in jail if you ever touch your wife. But I was counseling one time in Peru and there was this woman and it apparently that her husband had smacked her a few times, had beat her up a few times, which is a horrible thing. We immediately told her she ought to separate from him. We ought to call the police. We ought to deal with the matter. But as I was talking immediately when she said that, I took her side and began to do what needed to be done in counseling. The other pastor who was approving was sitting there. And when I got through, he said to the woman, let me ask you a question. Do you and your husband ever get into fights? And she goes, well, yeah, all the time. Does he ever say we need to go one way and you say we need to go the other? She goes, yes. He just doesn't even know what he's doing, because when you get into those fights, those verbal arguments, who usually wins? She goes, I did. And he looked at her. He made me mad until he explained to me later what he was doing. He actually I mean, I got angry with what he said. He looked at her and said, if you keep your mouth shut, you'd probably get hit a lot less. And I looked at him like that, like, what is your problem? And he knew the woman a lot better than I know. We had to deal with the man. We had to do all sorts of things. We wanted her to get out of that. It was a terrible situation. But he said, Paul, when a woman and a man get in a verbal disagreement, for the most part, a woman can tear him to pieces, backs him against the wall. And the only thing he has left, if he's not a godly man, is to start swinging. He said, I've seen it so many times now that is an extreme, terrible illustration. But the point that I want to make to you is this. The Bible teaches that you're going to get nowhere. In resolving your problems, in bettering your husband, in improving your marriage through the words that come out of your mouth. And yet that is the thing you most often use. You are not going to win your husband by your words. You are just I mean, you can go ahead and do it if you would like. You can you can you can do anything. Go ahead and try anything if you want. I'm just telling you it's not going to work and I can prove it. How many times has it worked? How many times has it worked? I remember one time witnessing to someone and a friend of mine was there, very wise young man was and I was witnessing. And when we left, he said, well, Paul, you beat every one of his arguments. But you didn't win him. And he was right. The guy considered him something of an atheistic apologist or something and everything he put forth, I demolished. That's all I did. I won the argument. I didn't win the man. The Bible specifically, I think, points out the idea of not being able to win your husband with the word, because that is the very thing that women are most prone to go to. Their word, their arguments, their reasons why, and it is like a catch 22. It is like it is like a vicious cycle that when you get into it, you can't get out of it and it begins to deteriorate the marriage. In what way? Husband seeks to leave. He says something. The wife says the opposite, contradicts him. And then it begins to happen so often that when the husband begins to lead any time and if the wife opens her mouth any time, he won't even listen even when she's right anymore, because the only thing she ever does is tells him what to do. And so there's a need for wisdom. Now, wives, let me tell you something. You are not to give your husband, as I preached on yesterday, a husband is not to give his wife what she deserves. At the same time, wife, you're not supposed to give your husband what he deserves. You're supposed to do whatever necessary to make him a better man. And that is sometimes allowing him to lead when you think he's wrong. The term for man or woman is an extremely dangerous thing. And how are we to win? In any relationship, but specifically here, how is a wife supposed to win her husband? It says here one without a word by the behavior of their wives. This applies in a greater context, not just to family, not just to marriage, but we would even say that among unbelievers, wouldn't we? So many times we're trying to win people by our words and not by our behavior. I used to sit down on a plane. I sit down on a plane. It was my job to witness to the person sitting beside me whether they wanted it or not. And so I would sit down and if they were close to everything I was saying, I would just and then walk off the plane feeling justified. Well, he knows where he's going. And then it dawned on me the whole thing about you're to be a servant. And to get on a plane and literally, you know, I get on a plane now, sit down, I'll talk to someone, look for an open door. If none comes, I might even just go ahead and say, look, I'm I'm a Christian. And would you mind if maybe I shared with you about the Christian faith for a few minutes? If someone says, yes, glory to God. Had a guy sit down with me. Used to be George Bush Senior's one of his advisors. I sat down with him on a plane coming back from Europe one time and I said, could I share with you about the Christian faith? And he said, well, I'm Dutch reform and I don't really know anything about Christianity, but could you do me a favor? We've got six hours here. Could you just go through the full course of the thing? I said, well, I'm glad you asked, but I sit down beside someone and begin to share with them about Christ and they automatically seal up. You know what I do? I stop and I carry on the conversation directed towards what they want to talk about so that maybe through my kindness and consideration and my questions about their life and allowing them to tell me what they want to tell me, maybe they will have like heaping hot coals poured on their head and be ashamed instead of walking off the plane, telling their friends in the bar there in the airport I was accosted by one of those fanatical Christians. You see, it's always by our behavior. It is astounding how little Jesus said. It is astounding that he wrote nothing. His life. And especially today when there are so many talkers in the evangelical community, so many preachers, so many screenings, so many doing so many things and someone's just going, I just want to see somebody live this. I just want to see them live it out. And it's saying the same thing here. It's saying to win your husband without a word by the behavior of their wives. And what kind of behavior is that? A haughty legalism, a super spirituality. What is it? A condescending look? No, it is through this, your your chase and respectful behavior. It means behavior with respect. Not what you are doing is what you are doing, what God commanded you to do. Wives, you need to understand something. There is a reason why in Ephesians five, it never commands the wife to love her husband, even though other places. Yes, it says to love your husband. But in Ephesians five note, it never tells the wife to love her husband because that romantic, emotional love is not what your husband needs primarily. Notice what it says. Respect or even fear your husband. The idea there is to respect your husband, to treat him with honor. You see, a wife needs to know she is loved. She needs to see it. She needs to hear it. She needs so many things. She needs love. It needs to be expressed. A man by and large, although he needs love, it is not to the same degree. He needs something else. He needs respect. If a man does not believe his wife respects him, he is totally incapacitated. But if he knows his wife respects him, he can fight the world. I've had women tell me that my husband makes me feel ugly. You know, I know that there's all these beautiful supermodels running around on television and all over, you know, they're six feet tall, weigh three pounds, that type of thing. And here I am, you know, my wife and my husband, I just don't feel pretty. Well, that's a travesty. But let me tell you something, wife. So many men tell me my wife makes me feel small. You see, it's both things. My wife makes me feel small, impotent, powerless, puny, a boy. And usually you take that and go talk to the wife and say, you know, your husband feels it. Well, if he stopped acting like a boy, I'd stop treating him like one. And the husband said, well, if she would dress nicer and lose some weight and do this and that, I'd see her as you see what we're getting at. It all goes back to this conditions, doesn't it? Justifying your sin because of the bad behavior of another person will count nothing on the day of judgment because you're not rebelling against a disobedient mate. You're rebelling against the Lord of Glory who never gave you one excuse to do so. Except this one, the woman you gave me. And that goes back to realizing that God gave you the specific person he wants you to have. And he didn't do it so that you could write a book on marital bliss. He did it so that you would be like Jesus, which you all want to be. And the only reason you want to be that way is because you don't know what it means, because what it means is this to love to. It's this what's unconditional love, love someone who doesn't need any other conditions. I don't know what we get in our head when we're in college and we get saved and we start praying, Lord, make me like Jesus. Is it because we all want to walk on water or raised? We don't have a clue what we're talking about. It means, Lord, strip me of every reason to love every human being around me and then empower me to love them anyways. I've always said the most dangerous thing you could ever pray is, Lord, make me like Jesus. Matter of fact, there ought to be a rule that someone can't pray that prayer until they're a Christian for at least 10 years because they don't have a clue what they're asking for. John Newton explains this, and I heard a dear man preach on it a few months ago in Zambia, and it just how John Newton prayed. He came a time in his life when he prayed to be made like Jesus. And such horrendous, horrible things happened to him. And he wrote it in a song that he thought that that, well, he thought when he prayed that that there would just be this sudden, sudden ushering into greater holiness, that God would do something by his spirit and just in one second empower him to be someone else. And he did not know that it would cause tremendous suffering and everything in his life for that prayer to be answered. So it says, observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Now he goes on in verse three and he says, your adornment must not be in the new American standard. It has your adornment must not be nearly external. I just want you to know something. The word merely is not there in the text. And I'm not sure that it ought to be in this translation. We are so careful. Not to be legalists. You know, it doesn't mean that you can't have any kind of adornment or external thing, you know, it doesn't mean that you can't have anything like that, but it doesn't mean that shouldn't be the big thing they see when they look at you. There's a problem with this text. One, we live in a culture that is all about externals. And so we're always trying to protect our right to put on external things to make us more beautiful and some of us need a lot more external things than others. So that's one side. But here's the other side. And it's probably going to get me stones to some of you stronger men, get a door open, Gestapo homeschooling moms. Now, my wife and I are going to homeschool. We really want to do that. But I want to tell you something. There's no difference between me standing in a church somewhere. And watching some lady walk through the door with every kind of braid in her hair. I mean, she looks like a circus. I mean, things she's got hanging from her ears. I could use them as fishing lures, but there's no difference between that and also look at the other side of this. Don't get angry with me, but I can go to Walmart and there goes homeschooling. There goes this. There goes that. Because I want you to know that all of us can put on a pattern of clothing that turn out to be nothing more than pride. It can go both ways. Now, in our culture, primarily it goes to the fishing lure lady. But on the other side, there's this thing. I mean, you can just you see him coming and you're afraid of you just know they're going to. And when you talk to him, you know that they're looking at you like like this. And it scares you to death. And so what I'm saying is be careful on both sides, because it's not about external, whether it's the flamboyant braiding your hair or purposely making yourself look like you just walked through a car wash. Both things are wrong. You see what I'm saying? Don't hate me because I'm telling you the truth. It works both ways. It really does. And you have to be careful. And no, I can't give you a specific answer, because if I do, I have to draw you a picture and then the whole thing starts all over again. The Paul Washer way of dressing, if you're going to be spiritual, something just comes down to this. Some people need to loosen up and other people need to tighten up and you just have to be careful, just have to be careful. I remember one time I had people in Romania. A few times I went there and preached and God really moved and people thought that, man, I was the man of God. And then I made the biggest mistake of my life. I took my wife over there. I took my wife over there and I had I had people walk up to me and say, this happened twice. Brother Paul, really, you know, I just I love your preaching and you preach to the power of God, but how could you be married to a woman like this? Because her hair, it was it was this long. Now she's even more heretical. It's like this long. But her hair was like this long. And you know, you're not supposed to cut your hair. She had makeup on. Not a lot. Someone asked me one time, is it a sin to wear makeup? I said to some women, it's a sin not to wear makeup. A little paint on an old barn never hurt anything. You know, but this this girl kept kept coming in and Chato has always been very wise in these things. And she sat down with this girl who literally was. And Chato said, you're a beautiful girl. Let me ask you a question. Do you have any joy in your life? Do you have any joy? Because I haven't heard you say anything about our savior. And she just went down through a list of things. And then the girl showed Chato and me a picture of herself prior to her revelation of how she was supposed to look to be spiritual. And she looks so happy. Chato said, look at this picture. You look so happy. Look at you now. Legalism. And let me let me just share with you something, ladies. On one side, there is this extravagant, flamboyant woman who's living in luxury, who is sensual, and God hates all of that. On the other side, there is a legalism that can also kill. And it is so hard to live the Christian life. For this reason. And you say, well, why didn't God just clear all this up? Because then we'd have followed everything, dotted every I, crossed every T, and become nothing but hell-bound Pharisees. And so at one point, we have to be careful in our culture when it says not merely external, because it seems like we're trying to protect our right to have some external things going on. But at the same time, to put nearly external in there is good because we also have a tendency to try to dress up like Puritans. And so we just simply have to be careful. And I want to tell you something, and it just I don't know how I don't know the rules. I don't know really how it works, but I can tell you this. You take one look at some women. And the moment you look at them, you know, they're sensual. You take some one look at some women and you think, I hope they don't ask me any questions about God, because I know I'm going to be wrong. And you take a look at some women and you forget about clothing and hair and everything because you just noticed Jesus. And I don't know where that works. But it's there. You just can't fake it. So don't don't try to take certain things as badges of spirituality. The truth is that the evidence of spirituality is spirituality. It defines itself. And so some people need to hear, hey, you need to dress more modestly. Some people maybe need to hear the opposite. Some people just need to be left alone. And so it says, how do we win our husbands? Some women will will get saved and get serious about it and become serious about it and almost everything. But there's just it was like this story one time I heard it was a it was a replay of what might have happened in the first century. And it talks about this this drunk who was known by everybody in the neighborhood. He was very friendly, played with children. He was always carving out little animals for him. He'd go down the road with a kind of a dance in his step and a song in his heart. He was just an old drunk. And one day he got saved. He no longer played with children. He no longer sang. He no longer walked with a dance in his step. He was mean. He was critical. And he walked up to some of his old friends who were drinking around the barrel that they had put some wood inside, had fire in it. He tried to witness to them and they said, oh, no, we liked you a lot more when you were a drunk. I've met people like that in Christianity. Christianity is not about being prudish. It's not about being closed and mean and critical. It's about this this internal nature. And it's in verse four. But let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, not a right demanding critical spirit. But just a gentle and quiet spirit. Never forget the kingdom of God and the advancement of the kingdom of God is never achieved through inquisitions and wars and prodding and manipulation and this glance of disappointment at your mate. But it is like taking a seed, a watermelon seed. You're eating watermelon. You throw up in the window. I'm from Alabama now. I can do this. You throw up the window, spit the seed out and you forget all about it. And then one day you walk out there and there is a watermelon plant and there's watermelons on it and you don't even know how it got there. That's how the kingdom advances. You are not commanded to change your husband. You're commanded to live before him with a gentle and a quiet spirit. Just like men, you are not commanded to make your wives submit to you. You can't do it anyways. Nor can you woman change your husband. But you have been commanded to live before him in such a way that when he is disobedient, he'll immediately recognize it. Here's a point that I always use is very important. I've always loved castles and thought they were amazing things. And in Romania, I've got to see a few, even some forms of castle in South America. And there's something that's quite amazing, women, that I want you to see. The door of the first floor to that castle is humongous. I've always wanted to use that word in a sermon. It's just big. They're really big and probably 30 men wide could go through that door, 20 or 15. But if you go a lot of times to the second floor of the castle, that the stairway to get up there is about this wide and the door at the top of the stairwell is only about like this. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. When they ask the guy, what's the problem here? Why do they do this? He said it was very simple. He said, let's say the castle is in a siege. Some of the enemy is seizing the castle. And it's obvious that they're about to break down the door. The enemy is going to break down this big front door and they're going to rush in. Everybody in the castle runs to the second floor. Now, let's say that there's only 35 people in the castle and there's 350 really mean guys out there knocking the door down. But when those 35 run up to the second floor, everything changes. Why? The enemy can only run up that stairwell one at a time. And so one guy with a lance can stand there in the door and defend the entire castle from 350 guys because only one at a time can get up there. That's the way you are a lot of times, wife. The husband, you've already knocked down his front door. He's scared to death. He's run to the second floor. You've run up that stairwell in hot pursuit because you're going to change him. You're going to correct him. You're going to make him the man he ought to be. And he's just holding you off. And you're sitting there fighting and fighting and fighting and the whole time you're fighting, God, why don't you do something? God, why don't you do something? God, why don't you help me? Why don't you change him? Why don't you make him? And God's going to get out of the way, get out of the way, because only one can stand in this stairwell at a time. So as long as you keep fighting, I'll keep standing behind you going, get out of the way. And if you'll get out of the way, I'll fight. You ever hear in Romans, give place to the wrath of God. Don't avenge yourself. And husband, let me tell you something. You ever see your wife back down that stairwell and let God take the place? You better surrender. You better surrender. The most dangerous thing a man can have is a submissive wife with a gentle and quiet spirit. And wife. This has nothing to do with your husband. He could be as bad as all you say he is. But as long as you're fighting against him, you, too, are going to receive God's discipline. And maybe God's discipline might be the lack of intervention to change your husband because you won't obey God. Which is back down the stairwell and give God room. Now, here's something else that I want you to say. Many women think their husbands are incompetent. And so they want to train their husband to be the man he ought to be. Woman, that's like me training. That's like me training a ballerina to be the ballerina she ought to be. I'm not a ballerina. I don't know if you've looked, but I'm not. I'm not really built for that. You're going to train this man to be the man he ought to be. You're not a man. You're not wired as a man. You weren't called to be a man. You're not a man. You can't train him to be a man. Let him go and let God train him. Well, I just don't trust that he's going to. No, let me put it this way. The same way that Adam said the woman that you gave me. He wasn't blaming Eve. He was blaming God in the same way. When you say, well, I don't trust that he'll change what you're saying is I do not trust that God will change him. Either he cannot because he has no power or he will not because he's not covenant keeping. Now, let me say something else. Verse four, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. Let me ask someone. I was preaching one day and everyone got really, really mad. And I came down from the pulpit and this guy walks up to me and goes, oh, you know how these young guys talk. Man, Mr. Walsh, you rock. I'm more of a role, don't I? He goes, no, man, you rock. And I go, OK, how do I rock? He goes, you're not scared of anybody. And I go, well, I'm probably the most fearful man in this room. I'm probably more afraid of men and more insecure than anyone else in this room. He said that that can't be because you just made everybody in this room really mad. I said, yeah, but I said it's all relative. And he says, what do you mean? I said, let's say for a moment that what I'm telling you is true, that I'm more afraid of men than anyone else in this room. But men aren't the only one in this room. There's someone else in this room and it's God. Now, if I've got to make a choice, young man, regarding whom I'm going to be afraid of, I'm going to choose God. So I am afraid of men, but I'm more afraid of God. And so that's what causes these types of things to happen. Now, would you please leave? Because I'm going to get to my car as fast as I can. Now, what does it matter? Look at this. If you have this hidden person quality, this imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, what do you care whether or not your husband recognizes it or not? Now, of course, he ought to. And of course, it will be a blessing if he does. But look at what this says. It doesn't say that if you have that, it will be precious in the sight of your husband. But it says it definitely is precious in the sight of God. One of the things that we've got to come back to is most of us, all of us get into Christianity for us. I know there's a lot of talk about doing everything we do for the glory of God, but that's basically not a reality. And we prove it every day, most of us get saved for us. Most of us obey for us and most of us do things because of what it will return for us. And one of the things that we've got to realize is that this is a spirit that is totally and completely wrong. We do it not because we reach some temporal benefit. We do it because it's precious to God. It is precious to him. So whether or not my children respond to my godliness or whether or not my wife responds or my husband responds or my friends respond, I should have this characteristic and this quality because I know that God is shining down upon me. His countenance is for me. He's pleased with me. That is the thing we should be looking for. And if we have that one thing, we don't need anything else. It's precious to God. I have his joy and his pleasure because I'm doing this. I don't do it. You know, most wives as well as most husbands will try this during the first hours of the morning. And why does it not endure all day? Because no one responds appropriately to what I'm doing, therefore, I'm going to withdraw my favors. That right there tells you why you're doing everything. You see, here's the one thing you've got to realize, wife and husband, and it's this. You can always use the other party as an excuse for your sin. Always. That's never going to end. It's never going to end. You can always use the other party as an excuse of why you sin. But the problem is, you can't use God that way because he's never given you an excuse. He's always been good. He's always been right. He's never failed. So when you fail him, you do not fail him with excuse. You fail him as a selfish rebel. One of the best books on being a husband that I think has ever been written, and I've read quite a few because I've needed to, is an Exemplary Husband. Exemplary Husband. I recommend that book. Why? Because the book is primarily not about being a husband. It's primarily about your greatest problem, which is you're not Christ-like. And you see, that is the thing. Are you living as a person who seeks to be precious in the sight of God? Now, I want to turn just quickly to one last thing. Turn back for a second to Hebrews. Hebrews 12, I'm sorry, Hebrews 13, verse 17. Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable to you. Look, he really does have to lead, which means he really does have to make decisions. And you can't just let him lead. Listen to that language. You can't just let him lead when you're in agreement. And you should not every time he says something, even if every time he says something, he's wrong or a little bit wrong. Don't correct him and contradict him every time, because eventually you're just doing damage to yourself because he's going to get to the point where every time you begin to open your mouth, he's already built a wall because he knows you're going to come at him. Sometimes just let him lead. And then when he falls flat on his face, don't stand there and go, told you so, told you so, told you so. Let it be a joy to him. Now, here's two things that I want you to see. First of all, do this with joy. Let him lead with joy. Used to my managerial style at the mission was basically this. The floggings will continue until morale improves. And I'm a perfectionist. And then I started trying. I mean, God began to do a work. And over time, it's been look at the gifts of this person. Let them go. Let them go. Let them just let them make the decisions. And it's amazing how many decisions people have made that I haven't agreed with. And in the end, they turned out to be better than the decision I would have made. And sometimes when they've made decisions and it's been wrong and it's hurt us. But here's the thing, when you're the boss or you have authority in business, usually, you know, authority. Let me give an example. In the military, they teach authority and you do not question why. Because if someone with authority turns around and looks at you and says, oh, if you go, why your head's blown off? Just like when I used to be in the oil and gas thing after University of Texas, I want to be an oil and gas lawyer. So we'd have to go out on these places where they were drilling for oil and gas and gas. And they said the number one rule, always watch the oldest guy on the rig. If he jumps, jump. I don't care if the platform's 30 feet. He does Peter Pan right off that platform. You go right behind him. There's a story of a missionary in Africa whose boy is playing under a tree and the father comes out of the house and stands on the porch kind of watching his son. And all of a sudden he screams like a madman at his son. Fall! And his son fell. And he said, crawl, Georgian! The son just crawled. He said, get up and run! He got up and he ran straight to his father. A pit viper had come behind the boy's head. And if the boy had said, why? Or I don't want to. He'd be dead. So obedience can be a good thing. Another thing that I want you to see in a business, when a man has authority, he doesn't have time. Yes, sometimes he's going to make bad decisions, but not all the time. He has time to call everybody in and get everybody's opinion. Sometimes the man just has to sit there and go, let's do this. We've got to do it. We've got to do it now. And we're going to do it. It's my call. I'm going to make it. We've got to go. Sometimes that has to happen. And if he's got someone in the group that every time he makes a decision, they walk into his office with the contrary, or they're just here every time, eventually it runs everything apart. It ruins everything. If a husband is supposed to talk to his wife, they should meet together. They should pray together. If the wife thinks there's a problem, a red flag should go up in his mind. But at the same time, don't use all this against your husband-wife when he has to make a decision. Let him lead. The great complaint that women have today is that if a man-eating lion got loose in America, he'd starve to death because there aren't any men. But part of the problem there is this. You want a man, if he's in a movie, when he walks into the family to lead, maybe you want a boy again, you see. Let him lead with joy. And I know the way some women are. You're going to say, all right, I heard that message today. Okay. You get home, you talk to your husband. I heard that message. I'm going to let you lead with joy. I'm watching you. Got my eye on you, boy. No, that's again, you're God, aren't you? God can't control your husband. Can't control your family. Be careful. Just be careful. Yesterday, again, I spoke the whole time about men and their responsibility. So please get that get that CD, because I laid it on pretty hard, much harder than I did today on the women. But this is important. This is very, very important. Let's pray. Father, I only preach these truths today, Lord, because they warm my heart and because they've been a great help to me. They've been a great help to me. Lord, please help us to take scripture and not master it, but that it might master us. Oh God, make your people that thing which would bring you most glory. In Jesus name. Amen.