In this sermon, the preacher emphasizes the importance of prioritizing family and spending quality time with loved ones. He urges men to imagine the last moments with their wives and consider whether they want to have regrets or send them off joyfully. The preacher also highlights the significance of loving one's spouse above all else, as this will lead to happier children. He cautions against placing too much emphasis on homeschooling or any other aspect of family life, stressing that Christ should always be the center and foundation of our lives. Additionally, the preacher references Deuteronomy chapter four to illustrate the importance of knowing and submitting to God's will as a way to set ourselves apart as believers.

Again, absolutely a privilege to be here. I've got so much that I really want to say, so much that is so extremely important. But first, I want to say this, especially to the men. I'm speaking at a family conference here. When I walked out the door of my house a few days ago, I grabbed a hold of my wife and I honestly, I didn't want to let go. It wasn't a moment of passion as much as it was a moment of sadness. I believe what I'm going to preach. But I also want you men to know that it is a standard that I'm preaching. And not my own life. A young man asked me a long time ago, he said, Brother Paul, how can we preach the word of God without being hypocrites? And I said, son, you will always be called to preach a standard that is above your own life. But you are only a hypocrite if you try to make people believe that you have reached the goals you're preaching. If you were to ask me right now, Brother Paul, how can we pray for you? I would say pray. That I would be. A more Christlike husband. I don't want to put a burden on some of you men, some of you men, most of you, all of you, maybe you come in here and you listen to the things that are preached and maybe you falsely assume, man, these guys that are preaching this, they. They really are something. Well, we really are something, but exactly what that something is, I'm not sure. In many ways, we're struggling, or at least I am like you. My wife's greatest need. Is a more Christlike husband, and I'm going to preach a standard that I sincerely strive for, that I want to make my own. But I also want to admit to you, I'm a broken man and I have not attained, but this thing I do. Is press on. Press on. Brother Paul, how can we pray for you that I would be a more Christlike husband? A more Christlike father, just be more Christlike. Let's go the Lord in prayer. Father, I come before you. And I pray that you would work in this message. That you would help your people. That you would teach them. Reprove them, correct them and train them in righteousness. That the very words that I speak. Father, that they would also enter into my own heart. Oh, father, we have such a need. To be like your son, Jesus, conform us to that image. In Jesus name. Amen. I want to begin with a verse that's going to see somewhat seem somewhat unusual, but just listen to Matthew 23, 15. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you travel around on sea and land to make one proselyte. And when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves. Now, most mission conferences do not begin with this verse, but I think it is necessary to begin this sermon with this verse. These men would travel over hill, they would travel over mountain, they would cross seas to make one proselyte. But what they were exporting. Should not have been exported, it should have been quarantined. And my question. For American Christianity is this. How much of American Christianity ought to be exported? And how much of it ought to be quarantined to protect the nations from us? Let me ask you a few questions. Do we have a gospel worth exporting? I want you to know I travel around the world and I see what American easy believism, decisionism has done to the nations, just like here in America. Countless multitudes, millions of individuals believing they're saved because one time they prayed a prayer and asked Jesus in, but there's absolutely no evidence of conversion. I see the same thing in the in other countries around the world, and much of it has been exported, has been taken to them by American missionaries. Should our gospel be exported or should it be quarantined? Now, let me ask some more personal questions. Do we have a devotional life worth exporting or should it be quarantined? We want to take what we have to the nations. Well, is your devotional life, should it be exported? Would you want someone else to have the devotional life? That is yours. Do we have a personal godliness worth exporting? Or should it be quarantined? Would you want someone to have a such a relationship with Jesus Christ as you have to produce the godliness that's produced in your own life? I begin to ask myself these questions a while back, and that's why I'm asking them to you. I want you to think about it long and hard. The godliness of your life. Should it be exported? Or should it be quarantined? Another question, do we have a uniquely Christian lifestyle worth exporting? If someone from another planet, if there was such a thing, were to come here and they watch the full course of your life, would they see any truly Christian distinction? What sets your life, your family apart from the nations? That you have anything to take to the nations? Another question, and this is very important. Do we have a marriage worth exporting? Would you want someone to have the marriage that you have? Would you put your marriage even on your worst enemy? Would it be a blessing? For your marriage to be duplicated into the lives of everyone around you, these are very important questions, aren't they? Do we have a family worth exporting? Would you really want some family that you don't even know to be given the same family life that you have? The degree of love in your family, the degree of peace, the degree of tenderness, would you really want that for someone else? Would you wish it upon them? Would they consider it a blessing or a curse? And do we have a church. Worth exporting, would we really want to take the American church and put it someplace else, or should it rather be quarantined? You see, these are very hard questions, Brother Paul, yes, but they need to be answered because we don't want to hear what Jesus said to the Pharisees. You're so involved in missions, but when someone comes under your yoke, your teaching. Rather than become more like my son, they become a twofold son of hell. You see, that's why personal godliness, personal integrity, Christ likeness in our own lives, our own families is so very important. Now, are we little more than saved pagans or are we taking the full counsel of God's word and applying it to the full course of our lives? I realize here today that I have far too much on this paper to get done in an hour. So I'm going to skip through some things, but I want you to consider the nation of Israel for a moment. As I jump down through here for my notes, I want you to consider a truth about the nation of Israel. The nation of Israel was called by God. To be a light to the nations. They were to be an outstanding nation in the sense that they were to stand out, they were to be distinct, they were to be different. What God called Israel to be and we will see calls the church to be is absolutely contrary to what many people are saying the church should be, that the church should be relevant, that the church should look like the world in order to minister to the world. No, that's not true. You're not relevant because you're like the world. You're relevant because you're completely distinct from it. You provide a clear cut option to the lunacy of paganism. Now, I want to show you just quickly that there are two things, two things that set Israel apart from the nations, and then we're going to see how that applies to the church. The two things are this, the story of their redemption sets them apart and then the will of God revealed to them and their submission to the will of God sets them apart. So it was the story of their redemption, but also this new life, this new manner of living that God gave them as the result of their redemption. First of all, I want you to look at redemption. What sets Israel apart? Listen to this verse in Exodus 20, then God spoke all these words saying, I am the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, you shall have no other gods before me. What is he saying? He's saying, Israel, I have a double claim upon you. I am the Lord God. I am the creator of the universe. I made you and thus I own you. It is my claim. You are mine. And that claim belongs to every human being on the planet. God has a claim upon every man, woman and child, regardless of their identification with Christ, because he made them and he sustains them. But he also says this, I am the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt. He's saying, Israel, I have a double claim upon you, I not only created you. But I redeemed you. I bought you. You are mine, and it's very interesting that he begins the Ten Commandments with this aspect. Before he begins to teach Israel ethically, he shows Israel that the basis of what I've done in your life is not a bunch of laws. The foundation of what I've done in your life is my redemption of you as a people. And now that you are my people, I give you laws that you might know how to live. Now, the redemption of Israel was to be their boast. They were to go into the nation simply proclaiming all the laws and rules and lifestyles that they were to have. They went into the nations primarily to proclaim a God who had redeemed them. It says here. In Psalms, ninety six one, sing to the Lord, a new song, sing to the Lord, all the earth, sing to the Lord, bless his name, proclaim good tidings of his salvation from day to day. Tell of his story, of his glory among the nations, his wonderful deeds among all the peoples, for great is the Lord and greatly to be praised. Israel was not to boast of itself, it was not even to boast of its law, but it was to boast of its God and the redemption its God had given them. Now, this was to have a great impact upon the nations. Now, I want us to look at the church for a moment. We do not go out into the nations boasting about our lifestyle. When we see people who have no relationship with God, we do not walk up to them and give them a bunch of rules. Let me just put it as clearly as possible. If we see a neighbor who knows not Christ and he listens to country music. And he spends his money on big trucks and his wife wears pants and every sort of other thing, we don't go over there and try to give them a new lifestyle. And if you do, you've missed the gospel. You go over there to give them a savior. A savior. Savior. And having that savior, boasting of your savior, when they come to know your savior, your savior will begin to make changes in their life, do you understand? So as a church, we do not boast of all the ways in which God has necessarily changed us or transformed us, we do not boast of our new lifestyle, we boast of our redeemer. We boast of our redeemer. It says here in first Corinthians six, do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and that you are not your own for you have been bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body. Listen to what it says in Galatians 614. But may it never be that I would boast except in the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world. What should be your boast? Your boast should be Jesus. Your boast should be the gospel of Jesus Christ. Do you understand me? Everything else is important. But it's secondary. I remember years ago when I was in Peru, I was counseling one day having a very difficult day. It seemed like everything was in turmoil. And then someone knocked on the door. I had just been dealing with people who were on drugs, people who were in basically in prostitution, people who were doing all manner of things. And I'm trying to counsel them. And someone knocks on the door. I go to the door and I open it up. It's a seven day Adventist. And this is what he asked me. Do you eat meat? And I looked at him and I said. Do I eat meat? That's that's the best you can do. That's your gospel. This city is filled with prostitution, corruption, drugs, children are starving to death in the street, war is all around us. And the only thing you can come to my door and say is, do I eat meat? But I'll tell you something, I know Christians like that who are proclaiming all sorts of things is so important and somehow neglecting to tell people about Christ. Now, I want to give an exhortation here to homeschoolers. Because I am one, if I was here with a bunch of people who really didn't care about their children, then I would be probably telling them something else. But you're a bunch of people who really care about your children, really care about homeschooling and all sorts of things that are also very dear to me. But I want to give you some warnings because you need to hear them. Number one, we must make much of Christ. Virtue, clothing, modesty, manners, as I said last night, all of it's so very important. Human dignity, walking in a way that is upright, that is pleasing education, all of it is so very important, but all of it is done compared to Jesus Christ. Nothing is comparable to him. And in our families, doing missions in our families, we must make much about Jesus Christ. We must speak of Christ, glory in Christ, not in our rules, not in our lifestyle, not in all the things we think that are sometimes so important. But we must glory in Christ and our children must see that above all things, we are passionate about the person of Jesus Christ. Beware of the idolatry of family, the idolatry of intellect, proper manners and strict living. Calvin said that our hearts are idol factories. He's right. Make sure that your proclamation. Isn't you. Or what you do, but Christ and what he has done now, let me say this. Have no banner over you except Jesus Christ. I honestly know many, many people who are very, very dedicated to raising their children. And when you look at them, it's obvious that the banner over them is homeschooling. The banner over them. Is a godly family. It's what they talk about, it's what they revel in, it's what they desire, and I hear very little about Jesus Christ. That's wrong. I had a dear pastor call me many, many years ago, and some of you will well, I hope you'll appreciate this. He called me many years ago and he said, Brother Paul, I need you to come out to my church and preach for about a week. And I said, what's going on? And he said, I just feel like so many people in my church are lost. And I said, why? He said, because they're homeschoolers. And I said, brother, you're a homeschooler. He said, yes. But homeschooling is not my banner. He says, I've got people in my church that if you were to have them stand up and give their testimony, they would say something like this. Five years ago, I discovered homeschooling and it changed my life. My dear friend. That's wrong, it's all about Christ. And if we're going to go to the nations, the family is important. But nothing stands in a conjunctive relationship with the person of Jesus Christ, he is supreme above everything. Now, I want us to look just carefully, you can turn there to Deuteronomy, chapter four, and I want to show something to you before we go on. What was to set apart the nation of Israel? It was their redemptive story, what God had done for them, what God had worked on their behalf to redeem them from the bondage of Egypt. What is the thing that sets the church apart? The redemptive work of Jesus Christ on our behalf. What should be our boast? The redemptive work of Jesus Christ on our behalf. But then look what else we find in the nation of Israel. There is another thing that set them apart and it is the knowledge and submission to God's will. In Deuteronomy, chapter four, verses five through nine, see, I have taught you statutes and judgments just as the Lord, my God, commanded me. That you should do thus in the land where you are entering to possess it. So keep and do them, for that is your wisdom and your understanding. Now look at this in the sight of the peoples. Who will hear all these statutes and say, surely this great nation is wise and understanding people, for what great nation is there that has a God so near to it? As is the Lord, our God, whenever we call on him or what great nation is there that has statutes and judgments as righteous as this whole law, which I am setting before you today? Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life. But make them known to your sons and your grandsons. Now, you see, there were two things that were to set apart the nation of Israel. God's work of redemption in their life and then. The lifestyle of the nation of Israel, and I want you to realize something, notice that nowhere in the Old Testament do you find God saying, listen, Israel, I want you to look like the pagans so that you can win the pagans, I want you to act like pagans so that you can identify with the pagans. No, it doesn't say that. And that is the lie of our day. We are to go to the word of God and we are to ask God, God, how am I supposed to walk? How am I supposed to talk? How am I supposed to dress? How am I supposed to eat and sleep and work, how am I supposed to love a woman, how am I supposed to love my children, how shall I order my life? You see, that is the sufficiency of scripture and that is where we have dropped the ball in the United States of America. We no longer have this aspect of a testimony. Do you realize that we don't? We boast about Christ and praise God that we do, but then we cannot say and look at our lives, they're distinct. As a matter of fact, we've been taught to brag that even though we have Christ, we're just like you. I remember one time I was preaching years ago in a small town, maybe 10,000 people or something, and I was preaching there and there was this guy sitting there and a young guy. And I mean, dude, he had he had it all. I mean, tattoos, earrings, I mean, everything. It was just unbelievable. And I want you to know this. Many of my dearest friends have those things and I love them, but he had them all. And so he walked up to me afterwards because I was preaching on holiness. And he said, Mr. Washer, I said, yeah, he said, you got to understand. I said, young man, I agree with you. I need to understand. He said, you need to understand. I'm working on the streets. And I'm ministering on the streets, and so I got to be able to identify with the people on the streets. And I said, young man, this town's pretty small. How many streets do you have? And I said, you know, young fellow, I want to tell you something, I really appreciate you and I'm glad. I'm happy for all that you're doing on the streets, I said, but can I share something with you? I'm a farm boy. From Illinois, it's not too glamorous, I lived with street people. In the inner city of the Fort Worth, Dallas area for a while. For about six months, I said I lived with them, I ministered among them for three years. I went into crack houses. I dealt with prostitutes, male and female, and the whole time I was doing that. I looked just like an Illinois farm boy. And they didn't care, all they cared about. Was there's this Illinois farm boy walking around out there who really does love us. The whole thing about looking like the world to appeal to the world, it's a lie. It's just a lie. We need to be different, not different on purpose for the sake of being different. That's idolatry, but different according to whatever this book commands us to be. And realize this, Israel, people were going to recognize that they were truly the people of the one true God because of their laws and their statutes. And the same applies to us. But I want you to just listen to something Jesus said. And. By the love you have for one another, they will recognize that you are my disciples. If you could come to my home, I would have no shame. And you seeing the way I raise my children, just struggling to be a biblical father. But I want you to know in a couple of months. I'm going to be in the hood, probably inner city Chicago. And I'm going to be with some of to you, it seems some very strange people. I'm going to love them. And I'm going to look over things and I'm not going to be some person, a stickler standing there with a list of rules saying you don't look like this, this, this and this, and therefore I can't have fellowship with you. And I'll tell you why. Because when I go there among them, I see Christ changing people's lives dramatically. And I see the life of Christ among them. And I'm going to still look like an Illinois farm boy, just a goober in the middle of the hood. But I'm going to love them. I'm not going to adapt to them, but I'm going to love them and I'm going to appreciate what Christ is doing in them and I'm going to teach them and I'm going to be patient with them, hopefully just like Jesus Christ has been patient with me for twenty six years. You see, you ought to be a preacher sometime. If you're not one. And have every blog in America attack you constantly. Well, he's friends with these people and we don't like that because they're too legalistic and he's friends with these people and we don't like that because they're not legalistic enough. And he hangs around with these people, I'll hang around with anybody if they love Jesus Christ and are progressing towards holiness, even though they don't understand maybe everything I do, I understand. And so we will be known in the world by our lifestyle, the way we live, even the way we dress, the way we talk. Yes, that's so important. But Jesus Christ said principally they will know you because you love one another. That is it. Now, I am well, they call me a Puritan dinosaur, maybe that's what I am, a formed fellow. I remember one time in Departamento Amazonas during the war in Peru. We were lost, we were trying to take visit a church that was under severe persecution. We had smuggled ourselves in the back of a grain truck, 24 hours in the Ecuadorian heat covered with a black tarp. At night, the truck arrived in a place called Cerradero and we leaped out. We spent the night in the jungle and then we started making our way up the mountain to a place called Tambolik in Ingenio. And we were terrified because we knew if we ran into a band of the Sendero Luminoso or a band of the MRTA, they would kill us. Later, we found out we were being followed the whole time. It's night time and we're lost and we come across this village, me and my dear friend Paco Laos, Peruvian brothers, like a brother to me. And we're sitting there going, do we go in? Because if we go in and it's owned by them, they'll kill us. We stay out here. That's not good either. So I pulled down my hat and pulled up my poncho and tried to make myself look as short as possible. And we walked in. We came up to a drunk and we said, Are there brothers here? He said a few really bad words and said, There's an old woman over there. She's an evangelical. So I walked over there, tapped on the door. Little old lady opens up the doors about this tall with a lantern, scared to death, not knowing who would it be. Would it be the terrorist who's arrived? And I looked at her and I said, Somos hermanos evangélicos, pastores, necesitamos ayuda. We're evangelical pastors. We need help. I'm reformed. She was a Nazarene. There's a lot of differences. But there was one thing, and yes, doctrine is important to me. But there's one thing she knew Christ enough to grab a hold of me by my poncho, pull me in and slam the door, take me down into a basement cut out of the clay on the side of the cliff and hide me and Paco there. A little boy runs in and she gives him orders and he takes off running and he comes back and all these Nazarenes come bringing chickens and killing them and everything and providing a meal. They could have died. They will know. We are Christian, they will know that we know God. Because we love one another. Because of Christ. Because of Christ. That's something that I just felt like I needed to say now. I want to go to something very important, and it's primarily with the time I have left. It is primarily for men. But my dear sister, if your husband grabs hold of this, you will be very happy in Genesis one twenty eight. We have this. God bless them. And God said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth. Men have always been called to advance the kingdom of God, even from the beginning. It was not that Adam and Eve were just simply to sit there in the garden and enjoy its fruit. They had a task. Subdue the earth, work, give yourself to the doing of God's will and that God's will would expand and grow and advance throughout all the world that continues until today. We do not do it through military might. We do not do it through political battles as much as we do it through what the preaching of the gospel. Jesus said this. All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the father and the son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I command you. And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Now, apart from loving God, because that is the great command. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Apart from loving God. The great passion in a man's life should be the advancement of God's kingdom. This is exemplified in the person of Jesus Christ. I want you just to listen to his prayer, pray then in this way, our father who is in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Listen to this prayer. What was the passion of Jesus Christ? It was this, my father, who art in heaven, hallowed be your name. What does that mean? Holy be your name. What does that mean that your name would be unique among all other names, that it would be set apart from every other name, that your name would never be put in a conjunctive relationship because no one is your equal, that your name would be superior and supreme above all that every one on the planet would treat your name is holy above all other names. And when you looked Christ in the eye, when you saw him work, you knew that he had one great passion, that God be glorified above everything, that your kingdom come, that your will be done. That God's name would be glorified how through the advancement of his kingdom and men submitting to the will of God and be brought into conformity to the will of God, that was his passion. The apostle Paul said it this way in Acts 20, 24. But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself so that I may finish my course in the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God. You look him in the eye. And you know, this man burned with one holy passion, that God's name be exalted above every other name, that his kingdom come and that all the nations submit to the will of God for their own good and for the glory of God. Now, I want to say something for a moment, not only have men been called to advance the kingdom, but women have been called to do the same. Make no mistake about it, women have been called to advance the kingdom with equal passion, with equal. Conviction and with equal cost, listen to what the scriptures say, God bless them. And said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and rule over it, then there were only two, one of them was a man, the other was a woman that made up the them and the them were supposed to be involved in this. Together. But we also see something very important that although their roles were equal and equal dedication required. The roles were different, it says in Genesis to 18, then the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him. Now, let me share something of my my sin when I got married years ago. So ignorant. Of anything to do with marriage and family, and I was this gung ho missionary, I was a bachelor to the rapture, I was just going to go out there and be martyred for Christ, I looked for ways to get martyred. I just wanted to serve Christ and die. God brought a woman into my life and I thought that, well, that means that she and I will be a Batman and Robin team. We'll when I when they shoot me, she'll stand up and preach in my place and I mean, we'll just we'll just go for it, we'll live our life backpacks on in the jungle. Here we go down the Amazon. Hold on. My wife's a very gifted person. I think she teaches very, very well and she has a lot of wisdom. But as the years went on, I noticed that. You know, honey, you need to teach, you need to get involved in this ministry, you need to help me do this and this and this and this. And one day this was years ago, she broke down crying. I mean, crying and ran out of the room that had never happened, and I thought I was just lovingly encouraging her to. Get with the Great Commission. She broke down crying. When I caught up to her, she turned around with tears in her eyes. And I mean, you could have hit me with a two before and it wouldn't have hurt. She said this, you want me to be so many things. I just want to be your wife when you come in, I'll beat up, I want to bandage you, I want to feed you. I want to care for you, I want to pray for you. At that time, we had no children. She said, I just want God gives us children because we were told we couldn't have them. I just want to take care of your children. And it caused me to begin a journey that, well, I've ended here that, yes, I go. And yes, she is my equal in every way. But our roles are different, people always ask her, they'll say, well, you need to you need to teach, you need to do that, she says, I will. She said, when my children, when I've raised them. Studied the scriptures many years, my children leave the home, I will teach younger women to love their husbands, care for their children, I will dialogue with my husband. I do every day. And yes, he asked me, what's the meaning of the text, and sometimes I help him, our roles are different. But they are so very important without her. I could not fight. Listen to me, dear sister, if your husband's like me, he could get up one morning and the whole world could be standing on the front yard with signs saying down with him. He's not worthy to be alive. And you just kind of look through the drapes and think, well, just another day in paradise. You can bear with it. But if I thought that my wife did not respect me. Was not at my side. It would tear me to pieces. You see that now there's so much more that I want to say about about this. But I need to go on with the time that I have, I want to teach on something that I feel is very, very important. The wife, according to the book of Ephesians, according to the Bible, should both respect her husband. And joyously submit to the rule of Christ. And joyfully submit to his headship, it's what the Bible teaches now, some of you men may be sitting there going, that's right. You shouldn't be sitting there saying, that's right, you should be trembling, trembling. Do you realize who's getting called on the carpet one day with regard to your family? Let me share something with you. Let's say that I was the boss, the owner of a great corporation. You all work for me. You men or let's say that this guy worked for me and he really didn't know what he was doing, but he was young, kind of stupid. So I just figure I'm going to work with him for a few years and help him. I'm not going to get mad. I'm not going to fire him. I'm just going to try to help him. But let's say that I have another man there who is, I mean, ninety five percent of all my profit comes from him. And he's also happens to be married to my daughter. And even though he's the most important man in my company, I find out he's been mistreating my daughter. I don't want to sound like John Wayne, but he's going to have some serious difficulties with me. I don't care if I lose him in the company, I don't care about the ninety five percent profit he brings in. He is messing with my daughter. I want you to think about something. I don't care if you're the most useful minister on the face of the earth, I don't care if God uses you to do everything. I want to tell you something, if you're mistreating your wife and if you're using your headship to coerce her, manipulate her and abuse her, I want you to know that on the day of judgment, you are going to have hell to pay. Because you're not just messing with a ministry. Which is secondary to God, you're messing with his daughter. So when you talk about headship, you had better tremble, because I want to I want to tell you something, many times I am afraid to teach on biblical headship and you want to know why, because if an ungodly, wicked, religious man gets a hold of headship, he can use that to so abuse his wife that it's incredible. And I've seen it and so have you. So when we talk about headship. You better tremble because it's the daughter of God you have been entrusted with, so tremble. Now, here's what I want you to think about, this woman takes the commands of God seriously to submit to her husband and to support him in the endeavors of his life. OK, so this woman turns from the commandments of God and looks to her husband and this is what she sees. My name's the only thing that's important, my kingdom come, my will be done, I am working for my own self-promotion, I am working for money, I'm working for hobbies, I'm doing this and that and everything else. It's all about me and everybody's an extension of me. It's all about me. And a woman looks at that and a bitterness of soul. Is hers, a gall enters into her spirit. I know I must obey my Lord, but I've been called to submit to that. A self-centered, egotistical man who is all about himself and believes that everyone else in his family is nothing more than an extension of him, a loveless man. Let's look at another scenario. When I preach on this about a man should be all about the kingdom, some godly women get very afraid, some godly pastors, wives get very afraid because they've experienced something like this, but the wrong way. They have a husband, you look him in the eyes and he's all about how would be the name of God, the glory of God, the kingdom of God, the advancement of the will of God. And he's working in the ministry day in and day out. And the wife looks over there and says, what is this? This is what I'm called to be a woman with a family. Without a husband, because he's been stolen by God to do the ministry. How many men do I know that think it is a virtuous thing to sacrifice their family on the altar of ministry? How many missionaries have lost their families on the foreign field because of this lie of the devil that you're to sacrifice your family on the altar of ministry? Let me share with you something. Romans chapter 12, verse two, says that the will of God is perfect. And if it's perfect, there's no contradiction in it. That means that you do not fulfill one aspect of the will of God by violating another aspect of the will of God. You see that the will of God is perfect. That means that there have been commandments given to me with regard to the external advancement of the kingdom. And I am required to obey those. And there are commandments given to me with regard to my wife, my children, my family as a whole. And I am called to obey those. When I get to a point where I say I can no longer obey the commandments of God with regard to my wife and my children because I've got to do this in the kingdom, I am not about the kingdom. I am about some wrong view of the kingdom or my own self promotion in the kingdom. The way that we are going to advance the kingdom is by obeying the king of the kingdom. Now, if you're a single man and God has called you to go out and live 24 hours a day for Christ, to pray all day, to witness all day, to preach on the streets all day, that's fine. Go. Because you're free of many of the commands that bind me, I was once like you, I could preach all day, pray all day, run around the jungle all day, do anything I wanted in the name of Christ all day because I did not have a wife. But one day in God's providence, he brought a wife to me and in bringing a wife to me, something happened. I came under a new set of commands that unto that point had nothing to do with me. I now have commands to fulfill as a husband, and for eight years we went without children. And then one day God gave us a child and then another and another. So my wife and I came under a new set of commands. It was not just a marriage. Now, it was a family. Do you see that the greatest way to advance the kingdom is simply by obeying the king, not by some pragmatic running around crazy trying to get the gospel to the world. It doesn't work. You advance the kingdom by obeying God. But you advance the kingdom in the way that I mentioned in my last sermon, something that's been very helpful to me, advancing the kingdom in concentric circles, if you drop a pebble into the water, you see the ripples start going out. That's the way I look at my life to be a missionary. Mary. I must, first of all, be a godly man to be a husband, I must first of all, be a godly man. To be a father, the same to be anything, I must first of all, be a godly man. So the first circle of my life is training myself for godliness. Exercising myself for godliness, my wife, my wife. Her greatest need is for her husband to be more like Jesus. Do you understand that, man? My wife's greatest need is for me to be more like Jesus, the mission feels greatest need is for me to be more like Jesus, I'm no good to God or anyone else, my family, my children, unless I am growing in Christ likeness. So that's the first circle, I spend time every day growing in this or at least training myself in godliness, alone with God, alone with his word, that his word, that prayer, that the disciplines of the spiritual life might be used by God as a means of grace to transform my life, even if I was ignorant of many principles of missions, ignorant of many principles of husband and family. I would still be a lot better husband if I was more like Jesus Christ. And then after that, what is my primary ministry, what is my primary ministry? Well, if I'm on an airplane and someone says, what do you do? I say, oh, I'm a husband. And they go, yeah, right, well, what else do you do? I'm a father. OK, but, you know, what else do you do? Well, I preach some. That's the order. The Bible tells me I cannot be an elder in a church if I do not manage my family. The Bible has given me commands with regard to my family. The Bible does not tell me that anyone on the planet is one flesh with me except this woman that I married. So my primary ministry. Must be my wife. Even over my children. And when I go out there to Peru or to the nations, they need to look at me and see. Man. This man loves his wife. He is concerned about the godliness of his wife, about her promotion. About her growth and sanctification, about her joy. And then from there, well, let me say something that's very, very important. Now, this is a really crude illustration, but please, it's necessary. I never get in this situation and we won't even press the literalness of the illustration. It's just designed to make a point. If I'm in a boat with my wife and my three children and that boat is sinking and I'm the only one who can swim and I can only save one, I'm saving my wife. The person that I must love more than any other person on the face of the earth is my wife. And I can tell you this, if I love my wife more than any other person on the face of the earth, I'm going to have the happiest children in the world. Now, let me share with you something about women get ready. Now, husbands, if your wife gets so mad, she charges the pulpit. Please grab her. This is meant for your good. Have you ever heard the statement, there's no love like a mother's love? That's not true. It's not what the Bible says. Many women pour forth their love upon their children. And even make their children an idol. And it's not so much about selfless love. It's a parasitic relationship because they are neglected and their affections are neglected. And their needs are neglected by their husband, they're striving to get the love that scripture commands a husband to give the wife, they're striving to get that love somewhere and they get it from their children and their children were never created to provide that kind of love. And that is why when a young girl comes along many years later, who's very godly and takes away her son, it's as though the girl commits adultery. You've taken away my source of love and affection. Do you see what happens when we disobey God in one aspect of his will? It affects everything. So my primary ministry is my wife. And then I go out and then my ministry is my children, my children teaching them the word, but gentlemen, I want you to know we don't have these great, you know, catechism classes in my house. We teach in the midst. We have a separate time each day in which I teach each boy and things like that. But I want you to know it must be a lifestyle and not an oppressive, legalistic academy training lifestyle, but it's just a lifestyle of loving Jesus and of making the word a part of everything in your life, whether you're sitting down studying the 1689 London Confession or you're wrestling, fishing, hunting. It's all about him and it's all about the word and everything is an opportunity when you go out, when you come in, it's the word, the word, the word, and it's Christ, Christ, Christ, and it's joy, joy, joy. I go into some homes and I go, I wouldn't want any of this. The children look like frightful zombies. Where's the joy? Where's the delight? Where's the wrestling with dad, the waiting at the door because you can't wait, dad's coming home, dad's coming home when Christ is in the middle of a house, there's joy. When truth is there, there's joy. If you're just a man who wants to use your family as a boasting mark at some conference. Because you can make them all walk just to like. Be very careful of your pride and your idolatry, be very careful. So it's it's the children now. I didn't get to anything that I wanted to say that was actually the introduction, but let me say this. The most neglected aspects on the mission field are this systematic theology. Hermeneutics and expository preaching. Biblical counseling, I mean, biblical, not. Psychobabble, biblical counseling, but in the middle of these, I can't judge which one's most important. It is the family. There is almost no teaching on the family, and if there is teaching, it's more psychology than Christianity. Also, missionaries, many of them the finest people you'll ever meet, but many of them wrong in the way they look at their own families and they cannot use their families as an example of what Christ can do in the life of a people. It is to demonstrate to the world who Christ is within the context of our closest relationships. That someone walks into my home and sees the love I have for my wife. Not just morality, not just a set of rules. But love. Love, they look at the children, are they in order? Yes, but I discipline my children for rebellion, I don't discipline them for being children, but there's not just order. There's joy. Is there peace? Yes. But is there also a wildness? Of course, there needs to be. Christianity does not domesticate a man. It makes him wild in all the right ways. I want my home. To not just be right. I want it to be filled with love and joy, and I want it to be in such a way that when someone walks in, they go, I want this. I really want this, I really want this. Our missionaries, we have a rule. I teach this to all of them. I tell them, here's the scenario. I'm the international director and founder of HeartCry, so I travel. Eight thousand miles or whatever it is, and I appear at your door because I need to talk to you, you're one of our missionaries, you're supported by us, and I really need to talk to you urgently. But for the last week, you didn't know I was coming. And for the last week, you've been promising your wife and your children that you were going to take them to the park all day on Saturday. But I show up at eight o'clock in the morning as you're walking out the door to go on that all day picnic and hike in the park, and I say, brother, I've come from all the way from the US, I'm the director and I really need to talk to you. And I tell those missionaries, if you look at me and say, OK, and then you look at your wife and children and say, brother, Paul has showed up, I'm sorry, we just can't do this today. You're fired. You're fired. But if you say to me, brother, Paul, I would do anything for you, I'll change my schedule any day, anything, anything I can do. But but this is my family and I gave them my word. And unless someone has died or Jesus is returning right now, we're going to the park. Men, I want you to look at your wife someday. I just want you to imagine this. One day when you're holding her in your arms. You look down at her and maybe she's 20, maybe she's 30, 40, 50, whatever. I want you to try to imagine that it's the last moment that she's passing on to the other world and in your arms is a frail. Bodybroken, 89 year old woman with gray hair, and I want you to look down there and say, do I really want to reach that moment with all sorts of regrets or do I want to send her on joyfully? Men, I want you to realize this, I have never met a corporate. Leader, I have never met an important preacher who regretted spending too much time with his children, but I've met many of them who would trade both ministries and corporations if they could only go back and spend more time with their children. If you're not doing this, don't go over there overseas and teach the ruin that's working in your life. If you're not going to be biblical with regard to your wife and your children, then please do not become a missionary. We don't need you. We got enough problems without you. The Peruvians, the Russians, everywhere we must go, the Chinese, they need to see what it looks like when a man filled with the spirit loves a woman, when a man filled with the spirit loves his children. This is so incomplete. There's so much that I should have said. Maybe even in the things I've said, I've created some misunderstanding. But what I'm trying to show you is this missions is about advancing the kingdom. About bringing all things into submission to God's will, but if your own personal life and your relationship with your family. Isn't a major part of that. And you have nothing. You have nothing, let's pray. Father, I pray. That you would use this time, though, so incomplete and. So unordered, please use what was said here to move me and to move men like myself, so frail. To representing Christ among the nations, but in the simple obedience and the simple context of the family, help us to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, for her sanctification, for her blessing, for her promotion. Help us to give our lives to our children. That they may go. And be more than we ever dreamed of being, that the grace given to them would far exceed the grace that we have now. In Jesus name, amen. For more messages, articles and videos on the subject of conforming the church and the family to the word of God, and for more information about the National Center for Family Integrated Churches, where you can search our online network to find family integrated churches in your area. Log on to our website and see FIC or.