In this sermon, the speaker shares a personal experience of feeling disconnected from God and contemplating suicide. After three days of despair, the speaker encounters a powerful spiritual experience. They describe seeing bands of fire and words of forgiveness in a circle around them. This encounter brings a sense of peace and assurance that their rebellion has been forgiven. The speaker also mentions the struggles and hardships that people go through, emphasizing the need for God's help and guidance in difficult situations.

Now, last evening, I was talking with you about the ways of the Lord, and indicated that we're continuing with that, which I'm doing this morning, and I think this afternoon, or this evening rather, not this afternoon. And I have some things in mind for tomorrow, but I want to keep my options open there. Especially tomorrow morning, I expect to take us into some of the, hmm, super-delicious ways of the Lord, and the spiritual life. Now, we used last night Moses' prayer simply to begin, Show me now thy way, that I may know thee. I've also mentioned that God, in his word, complains on repeated occasions. In Jeremiah, for instance, he says, They have not known my ways. And last night, we talked about the ways of the Lord in the time of adversity. Now, I realize that a subject like the ways of the Lord in adversity is not likely to appeal to the young as well as would appeal to the older. But you can be sure that they will come when you'll be older. And when the days of adversity will come your way more than they are likely to do now. Just this morning, I picked up the Washington Post, which is not my favorite paper, but the only one I can get this evening. And I have in there a story of an old couple, I think. She is seventy-six, I think he is eighty-something. A pathetic story of an old, lonely couple in a trailer, atherotics, both of them, one needing the other. Spending more money for doctors and medicines than for food. Worried about the future. You can read it for yourself. Sitting in their little trailer all day Sunday alone, sitting in the dark by night to save electric. Children, apparently, who do not particularly bother, though not too far away. You don't know what might come your way. The other day I was watching a news program on TV and they were talking about the failure of the government's effort to get people to cut down or quit smoking. You have seen the effort the government has made on TV for some time. And now that their statistics are in, smoking has increased by five percent. And they found that the younger people just don't give a hoot. And they got to look into the reason for it and find that the government can say all they like. Cigarettes kill or give more sorts of warnings than the youngsters fear. Oh, that's far away. Oh, that's for the older. We're not, oh, we're young, we're living now, we're not living in the future. And found that the youngsters just pay no attention. It's too far away. Now they're trying a different act. But you can be sure that thousands of those youngsters in the decades to come will lie in hospitals writhing with pain. They say that's one of the most painful deaths, lung death. Writhing with pain and listening to the doctors' verdict as to its cause. Day after day will come. Now they'll laugh at the government's efforts, laugh at the risks. Won't they're fun, they're living now. But the years have a way of marching on inexorably. And all of the young eventually will get there. You recognize that, of course, but we are so apt to ignore it. I would suggest to you folks, I'm speaking to the younger now, quite a few here, even though subjects like adversity or darkness, which likely is on the menu tonight, likely I keep my options open, or the wilderness, which is on the menu this morning, you might feel, oh, that's tough. Oh, how long has, why doesn't he go? One day I must be unthirsty for love. Well, there are going to be other times coming. They have a way of arriving, sometimes very unexpected, far earlier than we had ever thought. And we need a fortification of the right road in our hearts, the knowledge of His ways, the knowledge of God in those situations, so we do not fall by the wayside, faint and quit the faith, but go through with God. This morning we're coming to the way of the Lord in the wilderness. The wilderness. Oh, in the wilderness nobody, but a lot of things are unwanted and come just the same. We start reality. You know, I've been in Bible school many years, and of all the situations, some of those students had gone through when they came to Bible school. One girl I remember, just before she came, her father shot her mother. Then himself she was left alone. She must have been about 18 or something like that. All of a sudden. Well, anyhow, that's on the menu. Now, we have quite a bit to cover. I'll try to do my best to give you the best part of it. We're going to turn to the book of Numbers. You know, folks, it's amazing what situations people go through. I was over at, where was I, Brother Manzano, just recently? The Rock Church. An old, old lady came up to me right after the morning service. That poor soul wept. She said, Brother Buechler, you were talking about me. What she meant was you talked about a very thing, a very situation in which I needed help at this very time. And she said there are dozens of others right in this church in a similar situation. Aye. All right, now, Numbers 10 and 12. And the children of Israel took their journeys out of the wilderness of Sinai, and the cloud rested in the wilderness of Paran. Now, will you recognize that here you have the leading of the glory of God, the cloud that was the manifest presence of God. You have the leading of the manifest presence of God, leading his people from one wilderness into another. And sometimes we are barely out of one situation and breathe a sigh of relief and give a testimony in church and tell the neighbors all about it when lo and behold, here comes another one. And you say, well, well, when it rains, it pours. Now, what do I mean by a wilderness? Now, that's difficult to define. In fact, I cannot define it, not in our sense, but for a general descriptive statement. There are times when we get into a situation of whatever nature, through whatever apparent cause, a situation in which you don't know where you're at, whether you're coming or going, whether you're growing or shrinking, where you don't know what it is all about, confused, lost as to direction, and a loss to know what to do. In fact, you can be in a situation where you must act, must make a decision, and don't know which way to decide. Now, that's a predicament. You can't understand what God is doing, why He's doing it, or why isn't He doing what you think He should be doing, and you say, I just can't understand this. I don't know where I'm at. I don't even know where it is. You don't know what to do. And you go to the phone, if you're foolish enough, and call up Aunt Susie, see what she thinks. She'll tell you. She might even tell you, you're a hypocrite. You take a chance when you ask people what they think. Have you examined yourself? Are you sure you're in the faith? Is there a monkey in the woodpile or something? What do you think, sister? Oh, yeah, really, huh? I'm hearing. Well, if you shop around by way of telephone for the answer you're looking for, which in most cases people want to hear what they like to believe, whether it's right or wrong, sooner or later you're going to find somebody, if for no other reason, that one fool will always find the bigger one to admire him. I have found that there is nothing like going to God. We're going to go to God this morning. We're going to go to His Word and learn some things about experiences and situations which on the surface might appear to be the very negation of His promises, utterly contrary to what we had expected or what others expect, where you're dumbfounded and puzzled and discombobulated and just don't know what on earth to do. Now, let's see what God has to say. Do you mean, Brother Buder, that God leads us through things like that? Well, yeah, yeah. But what for? We'll find out from the book. Let's see. First of all, the wilderness is a place full of perils. We're using here Paul's words in 2 Corinthians, the idea being when we go through these places, there are dangers, perils, pitfalls we need to avoid. 2 Corinthians 11.26 In journeyings often, some of us know something about that, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by my own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness. Did you catch it? There are perils in the wilderness. In perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren. I'm afraid of the last one the most. There is one thing which Paul forgot, not forgot really. If Paul were writing today, he would add something, I'm sure. He would add, in perils of the air. And those of us that have done a lot of high mileage flying are quite aware of some of the perils associated with air travel. How would you like to be on a TWA jet 707 coming from Los Angeles to New York at some 30,000 feet or so up, flying in the clouds, heavy clouds, coming out of the clouds, and to your utter amazement have a United Airlines jet right next to you, almost wingtip to wingtip, same altitude, where only a few weeks before the very same thing happened and the TWA jet and the United Airlines jets kissed each other and all the passengers were buried in a mass grave in the area. That's a few years ago now. Now, do you like to sit there by the window and come out of the cloud and here is this fellow next to you? Apparently neither of the pilots knew where the other one was. Nothing happened, but it sure was a peril. Other things. Now, in our wildernesses, wilderness experiences, there are perils, and I'll touch on them. The wilderness also is a, or can be, a place of defeat. There are Christians who sing and shout, play their tambourines and any other reeds they have, and have a glorious time in some kind of a convention. And before the week is up, things have happened and they're overthrown in the wilderness. Notice 10.5.1 Corinthians. With many of them God was not well pleased, for they were overthrown in the wilderness. Well, something happens. They get the quits. You will find, folks, that when we really go through the hard way with the Lord, through hard situations, and they will come. Our emotional exuberance is not going to help us much, and I'm not belittling that in its place. But in such situations, that exuberance dies very quickly, okay? And unless we have inside in our hearts and minds the substance of the Word of God, the knowledge of His ways and the confidence can be overthrown. People just call it quits, like this. We had a girl in school, that's years ago, in the conservative days now, and when dresses above the knees were absolutely taboo, they just weren't tolerated. And we had this girl in school and her dresses were way up. And we just didn't tolerate it. If you were a teacher in Bible school and sat before student girls every day in place and saw the way they sit, the sights you are forced to behold, because there they are. You too, I think, would see something absolutely wrong in that looseness of our day. I have reason to believe that some of these girls in school were out to see whether they really could get their teacher discombobulated. But the way they sat in front of them, they were a disgrace. Now, that's why some had to go home. I'm thinking of one, and she just would not conform. We had a meeting with her, and finally she said, Well, gentlemen, I'm going to tell you something. She could do it. She had the machinery for it. She said, If you don't like the length of my dresses, we only objected because she appeared so, so, what word would you use here? Most improper. Most improper. So unladylike. Who wants to look like a streetwalker? A thing of a Christian. If you don't like it, I'm going to go right back home. I'll wear what I like. I'll go back to the dance floor where I came from. You can go on with your conservativeness. I'll go back to the dance floor. And to the dance floor she went. That was the end of her experience. Surprising, but throws people, it causes them to throw in the sponge. Well, they were overthrown in the wilderness. Now then, I want to take a little time with the parrots. And because of the time element, I'm going to give you a scripture reference, as I see some of you are writing, but without reading them, that will save us quite a bit of time. I want to finish this this morning. In Hebrews 3, 10, 12, you'll find that there God complains about the unbelief of the people of Israel in the wilderness. And here is one parable, namely, that we cast away our faith, that we do not believe God when we are going through difficult situations, wilderness experiences, happenings that we cannot understand, that seem to be incompatible with what we know of good. And often they are incompatible because of our inadequate knowledge of what God is. The lack of the knowledge of His ways, and consequently, we are prone to misinterpret God, question the promises, question God, and in some instances, discard the faith. That's why Paul wrote to the Hebrews, Beloved, cast not away your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. I've gone through a tough thing for the last weeks or even months. I even need Mrs. Peter to help me get dressed, sometimes help me get out of bed. Oh, I don't look at when I sit here, but you just don't know. Day, night, and day, I'm not complaining, not questioning God. One thing I know, you know I have notes, printed notes, some of you have them. Oh, I have six sets with me, in case somebody wants them. In there you find a chapter on Job, part one. Here and there and elsewhere, people have asked me when I'm going to do part two. Well, I have known long ago, before you really get the message of Job, you've got to be in Job's place. And apparently, that's where God put me so I can make the notes. Ah, yes. You can't preach the cross unless you're hanging on it. Oh, you can talk about it. Oh, you can talk about it. Anybody can do that. But to really preach the meaning of the cross, you can't do it until you're on it, or have been on it, know what it's all about. So with Job, God is the same no matter what we're going through. So let's keep confidence. In Ezekiel 20, 13, they rebelled. Rebellion. They rebelled against God in the wilderness. Rebellion is rising up against the sovereignty of God. Rebellion is a terrible thing. I know what it is. Some of you find me relate when I rebelled against the Lord some years ago in a camp meeting because the Lord wanted me to spend my evenings in prayer. In fact, I prayed. The Lord drew me to pray every day. I would say from 14 to 16 hours in fasting and prayer for days. And this evening, I wanted to hear the evangelist speak, and the Lord nixed it. And I argued with him for some 15 minutes. And then I got defiant, and I said to him, but I'll go anyhow. And when I did, the spirit lifted, and I was free to go. I drove down to the tent in my Chevy, very happy that the Lord finally could see my point. When I got to the meeting, I noticed something was wrong. I couldn't pray. I couldn't sing. I had no presence. I was alarmed. Went back to my room in the farmhouse to see what was wrong. God had nothing to do with me. He didn't wake me up the next morning early to wait on Him. He didn't give me a message for the morning service. I had no consciousness of His presence whatsoever, and no anointing. I'm leaving a lot out. And that lasted for three days. All right, if I take my jacket off, I'm heating up too much. For three days, God had nothing to do with me. I was in such despair that I thought I'm going to commit suicide. And I was the tent speaker teacher. And I thought I'll take my Chevy down the road that I knew where it made a curve over against a stone wall, and I'll hit that wall with all the speed I can get up, and then that finishes it. And I was close to it, and I was the camp meeting speaker. I was the loneliest man in all the world. Nobody knew anything. Nobody could help me. I was in trouble with God. The third day, I walked toward the tent in the morning. Had no message, no nothing, but my Bible, my notebook, but nothing from God. When I stepped on the campground, a terrible fear came over me. I stood still, and I literally shook with fear. I looked toward that tent somehow, and I saw... I'm only giving you a description. I cannot explain it. Perhaps I could, but that would be quite involved. Just let it go. I looked at that tent, and that tent changed into a terribly angry face. I still can see the wrinkles of a terribly angry forehead, and I knew that I beheld the anger of an angry God. No wonder I shook. And I saw that face. I couldn't tell you what the face looked like, but there was a face. But the wrinkles of that forehead were so deep, I knew that was God's anger. I am the man who saw the anger of an angry God on His forehead as clear as I see your foreheads in the front. No wonder I shook. I looked at it frightened, and it changed. And there was the tent with the people sitting there waiting for me. I walked toward the tent. It was already getting late, and I stood outside, scared. I knew the presence of God was in that tent, especially on that platform. We had terrific moving of the Spirit of God every day. And I stood there at the edge of the tent, afraid to go in. I thought, What will happen to me? What will happen to me if I go into that tent and up to that platform? I didn't know. I thought, Now look here, Hitler. The Lord is terribly angry with you. But His Son, God's Son, died for all your sins two thousand years ago. All of them, past, present, future. Therefore He already punished me on the cross in His Son. God already killed me dead for this sin of rebellion when His Son was crucified. He took that on the cross with Him. Therefore I thought, I don't think God can kill me even though He feels like it. He's already done it. You don't kill a person twice. You see, I kept my faith in the Atonement. So I thought, I think I'm safe. Eventually I walked in, you know, not top sure, but I thought, I hope my theology is right. Got up to the platform. Nothing happened. Yes, theology was okay. We had an extra service that afternoon. I'm leaving a lot out. I could perhaps mention that whenever I stepped into the pulpit to start my work, the Spirit came back and I had all the anointing and equipment of the Spirit needed for the service. But as soon as I pronounced the benediction, God lifted His Spirit, took it away again. He only loaned me His Spirit because He had taken His Spirit from me in anger, but loaned it for the sake of the people. And as soon as I pronounced the benediction, I could feel the Spirit leave again. With me, God had nothing to do. That's why sometimes God will use a preacher long after His usefulness is ended, or long after the man has already failed. God feels sorry for the people and for their sake He may use a preacher for a long time in spite of his being no longer right. Or, because God sees in time, He's going to mend His ways and come back. But with me, God had absolutely nothing to do, yet nobody in the audience would have suspected it. The healing of spirits, my discernment was so sharp, right down through that audience, I knew what was what, good to this, good to that. God had nothing to do with me. He did it for the sake of His Spirit. After the third morning service, the leader of the camp said, Brother Buechler, we have a lot of visitors here today, Saturday this afternoon. We feel that we ought to give them an extra service. They come distances. They had come from as far as Chicago, and this was New York. He said, We don't know of anyone whom we would trust with meetings like these because we are the great move of God, except you. Would you be willing to come out this afternoon and take the meeting for us? We have no one else. I thought, Man, if you knew the trouble I'm in. You'd never say that. We have nobody else that we would trust with meetings like this. But I didn't say anything. I said, I'll come out. Whatever gave me the nerve, I'll never know, but I came out. That afternoon, God, for the first time in three days, began to deal with me in a remarkable way. It takes too much time to tell you. Really? I may have to continue with this tonight. You never heard anything like it. I don't think you did. You tell me if you did, but I don't think you did. You'll have it hard to believe. And I have never seen the thing before or since. I stepped into the pulpit, got nothing to do with me. The anointing came back. Oh, did we have a service. That afternoon, the Lord even took us into the throne room of heaven, in the Spirit, to let us behold the Lamb of God engaged in intercession before the Father. And yet, God was on the outs with me. That was just His work. Usually it was just an instrument, but He had nothing to do with it. That's a terrible thing. We were sitting there, hallelujah, worshiping the Lord. I was quiet, because I knew I was in trouble, but oh, what lovely worship. Everything got still. There was a Presbyterian pastor there who had received the baptism with the Spirit, I think at the events of this meeting in the evening. And he stood up. He was a singer, or could sing. He stood up and said, The Lord gave me a song to sing for Brother Buechner. That was my name. God was now approaching me, trying to, but I was, by that time, harped, bitter, angry. I was angry at God. I'm just telling you the truth. I felt like giving God a piece of my mind. And it would have been a German mind at that. The idea would be I didn't thank God. I know that doesn't bring me glory from you. But we're not after glory, we're after truth, after knowing God. And it just shows you what can get into us, given the right circumstances, or what is in us. We have potentialities we are not aware of. We have propensities that lie latent, unsuspected, until the right circumstances bring them into manifestation. Lo and behold, something develops that you never thought was in you. That man stood and sang a song for Brother Buechner. I knew what the Lord wanted. He wanted me to bethink myself and change my attitude. And I wouldn't do it. The song did not touch me. I was as hard as a rock. You know, that's dangerous to be hard. He that hardened his neck, it is written in Proverbs, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy. Did you know that even God runs out of remedies for His people? In Israel in the Old Testament it is written that God did thus and so until there was no remedy. God had exhausted with Israel all His available remedies to get them to turn back to God. God ran out of remedies, so He let them be scattered throughout all the world. He had nothing more in His medicine closet, so He rejected them. God runs out when there is this persistence self-will, disobedience, rebellion, God runs out of remedies. The man sat down. In a very few seconds, very few, I don't think there were five or six, or not more, he stood up a second time. He stood up a second time, he said, I have another song from the Lord for Brother Buechner. And the man stood up and sang a second solo, all verses, whatever number they were, second solo. I knew what God wanted me. I wouldn't butch. The man sat down. In a few seconds he stood up a third time. The Lord just gave me another song for Brother Buechner, mentioning my name. Never heard the like, didn't I tell you? He sang, I don't remember what the songs were except the last one. I knew what God wanted. No. You're mad at me? Mad at you. It was terrible. The man sat down, finished his song and sat down. In a few seconds he was on his feet a fourth time. The Lord gave me another song for Brother Buechner. Talk about a long suffering of God. And I was as hard as a rock. Adamant. I knew what God wanted, but I didn't want. Song did not touch me. He sat down, and here was a camp meeting, I mean, a large congregation of people. I would know just how many, but a large tent, relatively speaking. He was up a fifth time. The Lord gave me another song for Brother Buechner. And he went through several stanzas of singing and sat down. How the people ever took it or what they thought, I never know. But nobody raised an objection that I could tell. I wasn't going to budge. That song rolled off me like a pebble on the slate roof. Water on a duck's back. In a few seconds he was on his feet a sixth time, if you please. The Lord gave me another song to sing for Brother Buechner. This time he sang the song. It's in one of the song books. Oh, the glory of his presence. He sang of the glory of his presence. And there's an area there of the Lord's presence. And I remembered how I used to enjoy the presence of the Lord. The awareness of his presence during the hours of the night. You heard me speak here then. The companionship of his presence. I thought of all of it while he was singing. The songs of the night that I had enjoyed. And we sat together, he and I, encompassed with songs of deliverance. How I used to revel in that presence that would awaken me out of my sleep. That presence, and I'm not exaggerating, that would walk past my bed and break my sleep by the rustling sound of his garments. I'm not overstating it now. The Lord walking past in garments that made a rustling sound like the poplar leaves of the trees blowing in the wind, or the palm trees in the sod made this little scrappy rustling sound. The girls used to wear dresses like that. I think they were made of silk many years ago. And they made the sound. Does that sound right, ladies? Doesn't silk make a swishy sound like? And the girls in those days, they just loved to walk down the sidewalk with that swish, swish, swish. Well, something like that. And that awakened me. And I remember that. And I remember being awakened by the touch of his hand. Once by singing for me in the night, I told you that's a musical. I remembered all of that. He was finished with his song. And now I broke. I wept. I went to pieces. At the thought of the lost presence. And in it, all of a sudden, he spoke. And sat right in here. Ask what I shall give thee, and it shall be done unto thee. For the first time in three full days, he approached me. I said, Lord, there is only one thing that I would ask. Give me back your spirit. And with that, the service went on. Wonderful meeting. But I knew his spirit hadn't come back. Still, it was there alone. And we went home late afternoon. I had heard from him. The rebel's rebellion now was broken. Melted. Not broken, melted. But far melted. The stone rebellion of a rebellious man. I spent all evening in the farmhouse where I stayed. Waiting on the Lord. Waiting for his spirit. But it didn't come. The Lord still had nothing to do with me. Even though he had said that, still, he had nothing to do with me. As far as I knew, I waited till midnight. Then went to bed. I'll probably close with this for the morning. We'll have to go on with the rest this evening. That night, I was awakened. Now I'm measuring my words. I'm choosing them carefully. Now this is difficult to explain. I was awakened at 2.30 that night. By the Lord standing at the foot of my bed. About this far away from the bed at the end. His garment was here about this far away. There he stood. I saw him as clear as I see you. Just a little closer at the foot of the bed. His white robe went right down to the floor. He was looking my way. Now this is hard to explain. Around him at a diameter of perhaps, perhaps, to the tip of my fingers here. That would be about right. That diameter. There were two bands of fire separated. Say, a band here and a band about there. This is about the correct distance. The band seemed to be about this wide, made of fire. All around him, in a circle, that diameter. Just about. Between these two bands by the same width. There were words also in fire. The words were forgiven. Here was a word forgiven between the two bands of fire. Here was another. Here was another. And so on, all around. But these words of fire, looked like fire. They moved up and down this way. And at the same time, they moved around in the circle between those two bands. So they went forgiven, forgiven, forgiven, forgiven, forgiven, forgiven. These words were about this far apart all around the circle. So there were these words. Going around, forgiven, forgiven, forgiven, forgiven, forgiven. And I sat bowed upright in bed and watched those words with him standing in the middle. Not alone. I have no sense of time. Suddenly the whole thing was gone. And I knew. He had come that night. That let me know. My rebellion. Was forgiven. I stayed up the rest of the night. Waiting for the Spirit after all he had said, ask what I shall give thee. For the Spirit hadn't come yet and I knew it. I was still alone. Terribly alone. About seven o'clock in the morning. I stayed up all night waiting. I thought now if I am forgiven. There is nothing to stand in the way between the fulfillment of his promise. Myself. Just waited. About seven o'clock. The Lord asked me to do something. Which was very, very, very, very, very, very hard for me to do. I almost did not do it. You see it was disobedience that lost the presence. Now came a test of obedience to regain it. But I did it. And as soon as my decision was made. There were angelic beings. At the ceiling of my room. And with them the Spirit of God came back. I do not know what they had to do. With the return of the Spirit. But it is written in the book. That they are ministering spirits. Who are ministering unto the heirs of salvation. Now the Holy Ghost is part of our inheritance. And they seem to have something to do. With bringing my lost inheritance back to me. But I cannot tell you anymore except that they were at the ceiling and were active. And that with that the Spirit came back. I have no more light in it. And from that time on the Spirit has been back and has never left. But I knew. I knew. What Paul meant when he said. Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord. We persuade men. I am the man. Who rebelled against God. Who spoke defiantly to his spirit. Saying I'll go anyhow. I am the man from whom God took his spirit. For three days. During which time I was the loneliest man. In all the world. How did it happen? Rebellion. There are perils in the wilderness. Where men might rebel against his word. Rebel at the doings of divine providence. Rebel against the sovereignty of God. And as you know from your Bible. That rebellion in the sight of God. Is as the sin of witchcraft. They rebelled against God. In the wilderness. We need to know the ways of the Lord in the wilderness. In part. In part. To keep us from rebelling. And thereby missing. Purpose of God. For our lives. Perils. In the wilderness. The cloud rested. In Tyrone. And who knows how soon some of us. Will get into a wilderness experience. In which we need to know. The way of the Lord. In the wilderness.