This sermon emphasizes the importance of honoring God in marriage by addressing various ways individuals can unintentionally harm their marriages. It highlights the need for full reliance on God, the significance of understanding God's purposes in marriage, and the impact of marriage on reflecting the relationship between Christ and the church. The sermon also stresses the role of the Holy Spirit in maintaining a Christ-like composure and the necessity of living for the glory of God in marriage.

I would really appreciate your prayers for me in my spiritual walk with the Lord. It's so easy to become so familiar with the scripture, the promises of God. You know all the catch words to use to connect with the right people. And first thing you know, you're operating independently of God. You know, you have trust God anymore. You don't have to be absolutely completely relying upon him. And so you just start operating start just going with the flow and I don't want to be that way. I want to I want my life to be lived on. This is an American expression, but on the cutting edge of spiritual reality. I don't want to be content with a mediocre. I want so much more. You pray for me because it's just so easy, you know, just to go with the flow. And you know, you don't you don't have passion. You don't have the grace of passion anymore. And so, you know, somebody made the statement years ago that leaving your first love is losing your sense of needing God. You let that just soak in for a minute. It is so easy for us to just start operating independently of God. So we lose our need of him and we never admit it, you know, I mean if somebody said how much do you need him? Oh, I need him with all my heart. He's he's not just my lifeline. He's my life. He's not just my life support. He's he's everything to me. But yet it's so easy to drift into a state of of depending on yourself and not upon him. OK, so pray for me, you know, pray for me in that area. I really need that. And I need help, you know, regarding my marriage. You know, we I'm not content to creep across the finish line just to creep. I mean, whether it's my walk with God, my marriage, my ministry, I want to go out in a blaze. You know what I'm saying? You just don't ever want to be content with such things as you have. All right. If you would today, take your Bibles and turn with me to the book of Romans. Romans chapter number eight. Now, back some years ago, there was a book printed that to me, the content is just absolutely awesome. So God saturated the book and certainly ministered to countless thousands of people. As a matter of fact, my son, Nathan, my oldest boy, he will trace his conversion back to this book. And it's John Piper's book. Don't waste your life. It seemed like a lot of people picked up on that title. Don't waste your C.J. Mahaney had like a message on. Don't waste your humor, which was harmless. I mean, didn't read the spirit. But he was talking about just the joy of the Lord and how we need to not take ourselves very seriously. And and then, of course, there was a guy that leaned a little bit toward the charismatic movement. Just a good brother in the Lord, though, Paul Bilheimer, who wrote a book. Don't waste your sorrows. So there's been a lot of these books or pamphlets. Piper wrote one on don't waste your cancer. So I got to thinking years ago, you know, in the light of of Scripture and just my own need of grace and my marriage. And the Lord just gave me some thoughts one day that I wrote down and I've shared on occasion under the title. Don't waste your marriage. So I want to talk to you this afternoon about the importance of making your relationship once again count for eternity. Those of you that are married, those of you that one day you desire to be married, this is good preparation for you. OK, so let me begin by saying that Christian marriage is a terrible thing to waste. Terrible. Many husbands and wives refuse to live with eternal values in view. Consequently, their marriages have fallen short, I believe, of what God intended in that relationship. Now, think with me for a moment. Wasting your marriage will yield a harvest of regret at the judgment seat of Christ. Only eternity will reveal the opportunities that Christians have squandered in nurturing the spirit of their marriage and subsequently bringing glory to God. What often begins with such glorious promise, if neglected, can produce indescribable grief, if neglected. So you might ask the question, why such waste? And we could give perhaps a partial listing this afternoon, but let me just share with you maybe a couple major reasons why so many Christian couples today are wasting their marriage. First of all is neglect. They're just not taking the time to nurture the relationship. Listen, many understand that marriage, their marriage is important enough to need nurturing, but become so preoccupied with the cares of this life that they don't take the time to cultivate that relationship, to build that relationship. So it's just flat-out neglect, you know. It's just indifference because other things take precedence over their marriage. The second reason, major reason, is an ignorance of God's purposes in marriage. Often we miss, brethren listen now, often we miss the bigger picture because we're so preoccupied with only what brings us happiness and pleasure in the relationship that we overlook God's intentions in marriage, okay? So this afternoon what we want to do is we're going to take some things that I believe that if left unattended will literally absorb time and resources that we could be devoting toward the strengthening of our marriages, okay? So first of all, let me begin, and every one of these points will be prefaced with this phrase, you will waste your marriage if, okay? Number one, you will waste your marriage if you do not believe that it is ordained by God to conform you to the image of Jesus Christ. You will waste your marriage if you do not believe it is ordained of God to conform you to the image of Jesus Christ. Romans chapter 8, look at the text in verse number 28. And we know that all things work together for the best unto them that love God, even to them that are called of His purpose. For those which He knew before, He also predestinated to be made like to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Now, the Bible tells us in Ephesians chapter 1 verse 11 that God is working all things after the counsel of His will. And I might add, not ours, not our will. He's working all things after the counsel of His will. All things, everything, every time, every season where there's a lack of understanding in our marriage relationship, every crisis, every trial, all forms of declension, all trials and differences in marriage, affords us the opportunity to become more like Jesus Christ. Now, think with me for a moment. God makes no mistakes. If you're married, you're married to the one that God intended. I mean, some people have been married 10, 15, 20 years, and all of a sudden their expectations are not met anymore, and they say, maybe I just missed God's will, I made a mistake. No, if you're married, that one you're married to was the will of God for you in your life. No matter how difficult the circumstances, God raised that person up, and in providence allowed you to cross paths with them, and you are married by divine providence. Listen, as God's ordained instrument, this is God working to perfect the character of Christ in us in our relationship. We have what we call sandpaper in the United States. There's fine sandpaper, there's medium textured sandpaper, and then there's that coarse stuff. Did you ever think that God is using perhaps your mate as His heavenly sandpaper to make you more like His Son? This is astounding. Think about it for a moment. Marriage is God's crucible to purify us. It's what one minister called the chemistry of the cross. There is no likeness to Jesus without a willingness to bring in faith our rights, reputation, and flesh to the cross where self-will reveals itself in marriage. Here's what I found. When we accelerate in our relationship, my wife and I, when God seems to take us through a crisis, and as a result, the outcome is He strengthens our relationship, it always is very desperately painstaking. And when the issue comes up, and we talk, and perhaps there's wrangling and conflict involved, but yet we decide to take the position of death, death to our self, death to our rights, and we move on. As Alexander McLaren says, you look back and there's always a bloodbath of self-love. The minute you say no to your flesh and yes to God, the Spirit takes the cross of Christ, the influence, the power of the cross, and He works it in you affectionately just to deal a greater death blow to self-love. Roy Hessian said, we have no other recourse. Either it's the divorce court or the cross. That's it. One of two decisions. Divorce court or cross. I'm walking down a golf course with a pastor many, many years ago. Didn't have a wife at the time, but I noticed, I was looking. And young men ought to look. Young men ought to look for a wife. There's nothing wrong with that. The Bible says, he that findeth a wife finds a good thing. He that finds a virtuous woman. Proverbs 31, woman. Both texts presuppose that the man is looking. There's nothing wrong to look. But I was looking in those days, and I noticed that this pastor had come to speak at this camp. He and his wife were together, and I noticed they had just a wonderful relationship. There was just such a mutual respect. Just obvious grace. They deferred to one another, and complimented one another so beautifully. And so I'm walking down this golf course. I just asked him, I said, Dennis, I said, I noticed that you and your wife Cindy all have such a lovely marriage. I said, what's the secret? And he prefaced this remark by saying, well, Brother Don, to be honest with you, he said it wasn't always this way. He said, you don't realize this, but my wife and I, we were on the verge of a divorce years ago. Until he said, God allowed us in His grace to encounter the cross. A death to ourself. And he says, now it's a matter of when we have conflict, who can get to the cross first? We make a beeline to the cross. And he said, I can't tell you how God's helped us. Because you see, God always resists the proud. He gives grace to the humble. Walter Chantry said this, How soon would marriage counseling sessions cease if husbands and wives were competing in thoughtful self-denial? Think about that. In thoughtful self-denial. Now, here's a second way that you can waste your marriage. You'll waste it if you fail to see that it was designed by God to model the union of Christ and His church. You will waste... Listen, we're not just going to give you a lot of theological content this afternoon. It's going to be very, very practical, friends. So don't miss this, okay? It's very important. It was designed by God, your marriage, to model the relationship between Christ and His church. Ephesians 5 in verse 32, Paul says, This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. John MacArthur says, Marriage is a sacred reflection of the magnificent and beautiful mystery of union between Christ and His bride, His church. Think about it. When husbands live out their responsibility before God in relation to their wives, such as they take their responsibility of protecting her seriously in every aspect of her life. Ephesians 5 in verse 23, For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior. The word there means not just redemptive Savior, not just the one that's purchased us through His death, but the word Savior there it denotes a protection. He is the deliverer of the church. The deliverer of the body. Husbands, we're to emulate that. Also there is love, the love factor. Husbands, as we said in the previous session, love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. And then there's this principle. Man, do I see so many, especially young guys these days, just blow it in this area. I touched on it in the last session, but Ephesians 5, 31, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. There's so many men these days that never leave their father and their mother. Always dependent upon them for financial support. They never make a clean break. Every time there's a conflict, a problem in the marriage, call Dad, call Mom. Listen, men, by loving your wife sacrificially, teaching soul-soothing truth to her, adoring her with unceasing affection, and lavishing her with love and praise, you show Christ's love for His church to a watching world. And ladies, by submitting to your husband in all things, Ephesians 5, verse 24, we're not talking about abuse here. We're not talking about psychological abuse. I agree with my brother Paul Washer who said there's nothing that's any more soothing than a warm bath. But some husbands, they take the water of the Word and they use it like a tank of scalding water where they take their wives and they throw them in that scalding water. And here's the picture. They take the Word of God and say, listen, I'm the head of the home. You listen to me. You don't question anything I do, friend. That is wrong. It is not spiritual, and sometimes it's demonic. We're talking about loving leadership. We're talking about loving our wives as Christ of the church and leading them not with a rod of iron, but with a loving composure that resembles the Lord Jesus Christ. But ladies, in submitting to your husband in all things, to submit to him unconditionally, obeying him joyfully and yielding to his loving leadership with unwavering devotion, listen, you too show to a watching world the church's loyalty to her Lord. You see, think about it, friend. It ain't about you. God's called us as husbands and wives to reflect that model of Christ, how he treats his church and how the church properly should respond to Christ. All right? Number three. Another way you can waste your marriage is if you do not recognize that it is intended by God to bear witness to the gospel. You'll waste it if you do not realize that it's intended by God to bear witness to the gospel. 1 Peter chapter 2 and verse 9. But you're a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people that you should show forth the praises of him that has called you out of darkness into his marvelous lights. Your marriage, ladies and gentlemen, is a testimony to the power of God. The grace of God makes a husband and wife holy before God and honorable toward one another. Before a lost world where broken marriages abound these days, a Christian marriage makes a profound impact upon unregenerate people. Now listen carefully. The question to ask ourself in the light of this principle does our marriage are you with me? Does our marriage make the gospel believable to the world? There's a man, I don't know if you've met him, Kevin, you and Zoe, but his name is Waeler Dzubky and of course Charles Leiter and Mona and Bob Jennings and Terry and just a number of people. This is a very godly layman. He's a lay preacher. He just, every time he shares about Christ whether he's talking to you one-on-one or he preaches, I mean the tears are just flowing and he's a precious, precious brother, but one summer he hired a German man to come to his farm from Germany to come to his farm and work all summer to help him with all of his farming as well as the crop coming in for the harvest so their day would begin around 3 o'clock in the morning and they would go out and they would milk the cows and then they would get things ready for the day and then they would work in the morning very hard and then they would come in at lunchtime and Lorna would always Lorna, Valer's wife, would always have this feast. Every day was just a feast. I mean homemade bread, you know four or five different vegetables, a couple of meats, you know, and dessert and all that and this German guy, he would come in first and wash up and he would come and sit at the table and wait for Valer to come in and Valer, you know, would come in and Lorna's still doing a little work over around the stove and he would go over to the kitchen sink and wash his hands and here he was now, he was like in his mid-sixties Lorna was in her mid-sixties at the time and after he washed his hands he would come over behind his wife and hug her real tight and she'd turn around and she'd smile at him and then right there in front of this guy, this German, who was lost he's unregenerate, right there in front of him, every day they would kiss passionately in their sixties now and the guy knew they're not putting on a front there's a reality to what they're doing but they would kiss like that in front of this guy seemingly totally oblivious to what he thinks and she would just kind of cuddle up to Valer and then they'd sit down and have the meal there was such a profound testimony in that at the end of the summer the German guy goes back to Germany and it's interesting that not long after he gets back he becomes a Christian a follower of Christ a few years went by and Valer and Lorna Zipke celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary Bob Jennings gave me this email true account Valer would never pass this around but this is what somebody, some family member got a hold of this and sent it to Bob but I want you to listen to what that German man who became a Christian as a result of seeing the reality of grace in the life of this married couple what he said he said to Valer and Lorna I want to congratulate you on your fiftieth wedding anniversary I clearly remember the first time when I met you after working I came in and sat down at the table then you Valer came in and you hugged and kissed your wife I say the truth that I have never seen that before a couple being married for that many years still being in love I observed the same phenomenon then in other Christian families listen, and that was one of the strongest encouragements for me to seriously think about becoming a Christian I figured if I become married I want to enjoy love all the days of my life and not just a few years or months as I had observed in all other marriages that's good so I ask you the question before we move on this afternoon does your lost relative see the reality of Christ in your marriage if your children are lost have they witnessed anything in your marriage that attracts them to Jesus Christ number four another thing that we can do that waste our marriage is if you fail to see that your companion your companions character flaws and physical handicaps are God given ministry opportunities for you to develop a deeper love for him or her let me repeat that again it's very important you waste your marriage if you fail to see that your companions character flaws whether it's physical maladies or character flaws or whatever are God given ministry opportunities for you to develop a deeper and more enduring love for him or her I use the reference in 1st Corinthians chapter 7 verse 14 for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband and then Paul said else were your children unclean but now are they holy now listen you can't claim that as a promise of God that if I as a lady really live a sanctified holy life it's going to guarantee the salvation of my husband that's not what is intended in the text and vice versa here's a man that I mean he's totally dedicated I'm going to short my prayer life I'm going to be more committed more dedicated and loving her I want to live a sanctified life before her and God will honor me fulfilling a promise that I've claimed from this verse that God's going to save my wife that's not what he's saying but what it does convey is the idea that the way we live God may use to bring a tremendous impression and impact upon those that we live with I was so moved years ago when I heard the testimony of Robertson McQuilkin who was the president of Columbia Bible College and that school was thriving at the time I mean they were having students just come and I mean the school was filling up and I mean they had a great faculty there was just a real sense of God there and he was at the helm of this Bible school he was the president and in the midst of all that thriving flourishing in this Bible school suddenly began to notice signs of a loss of memory in the life of his wife of course it was diagnosed that she had Alzheimer's and her condition seemed to worsen daily it was very apparent it's interesting I've got this report here I want you to listen just a few segments here of just what God began to teach this man and imagine how you would feel if you had a very secure position as a president of a school with all the benefits with all the securities the financial package everything but yet his decision was should I leave that and honor my vows to take care of my wife or should I stay at the helm of this Bible school as his president and commit my wife to an institution here's what he said so begin years of struggle with a question of what should be sacrificed ministry or caring for Muriel that was his wife's name Muriel should I put the kingdom of God first and hate quote unquote my wife and for the sake of Christ and the kingdom arranged for her to be institutionalized trusted lifelong friends wise and godly urged me to do this Muriel would become accustomed to the new environment quickly or would she would anyone love her at all let alone love her as I do I had often seen the empty listless faces of those lined up in wheelchairs along the corridors of such places waiting waiting for the fleeting visit of some loved one in such an environment Muriel would be tamed only with drugs or bodily restraints of that I was confident people who do not know me well have said well you always said God first family second and ministry third but I never said that to put God first means that all other responsibilities he gives our first two so he's facing this decision not long after that among other things that he said in sharing this testimony he said when the time came the decision was firm it took no great calculation it was a matter of integrity listen now had I not promised 42 years before in sickness and in health till death do us part this was no grim duty to which I stoically resigned however it was only fair she had after all cared for me for almost four decades with marvelous devotion now it was my turn and such a partner she was listen to what he said if I took care of her for the next 40 years I would never be out of her debt and so what did he do he resigned his post he came home to take care of his mentally infirmed wife who for the next five to seven years somewhere around there he had to care for her and he cared for her with unwavering devotion now that's Christianity that's Christianity brothers and sisters don't overlook the character defects of your mate or things that they're struggling with mentally or physically because God in his providence will allow those things to occur just to give you the blessed privilege of ministering to that person in relation to that need that he might be glorified in the eyes of your children or eyes of those that are closest to you in the relationship number five you will waste your marriage if listen if you view yourself as a victim of wrong choice rather than the beneficiary of a glorious providence Ephesians one verse eleven which I've already quoted that God works all things after the counsel of his will that all things do as Thomas Watson says Romans eight twenty eight is God's divine cordial working all things after the after the council of his will but all things working together for good to them that love God now in a recent online poll conducted by Woman's Day magazine and America online they revealed that of three thousand married women surveyed now listen to this this is astounding three thousand women they asked a question if given a chance to do things over more than half were not sure they would marry their husband again more than a third would definitely not pick the same spouse more than three quarters of them said that they fantasized about another man other than their husband and thirty nine percent of these three thousand women admitted to constantly flirting with other men think about it if God works all things together for good to them that love God he works all things together for bad to those that don't the reason I read that statistic a moment ago friend is understand I don't care who you're married to and I don't care how much they have neglected you and not fulfilling your ambitions your aspirations in a relationship God makes no mistake again you're married to the person that God has chosen for you and God wants to take you deeper to develop not only a more intimate walk with him but also a greater relationship with your marriage partner God can take even the worst of marriages and make beauty out of ashes as Nancy says determined to avoid being allured into the greener grass syndrome ladies and refuse to reach for the forbidden fruit it's easy to say he's not meeting my needs she's not meeting my needs therefore it must not have been God's will for us to marry not so friend not so that's what you assume but that is not what the Bible says number six you'll also waste your brethren friend if you think that you can be more effective for Christ living and serving independently of your mate living or serving independently of your mate first Peter chapter 3 verse 7 tells us that we are heirs together of the grace of life our marriage partner can lessen the burdens of life safeguard us from moral disaster men calm the raging storm of our emotions give us a God perspective on things and be a refuge from the attacks of the evil one I think of the relationship between John and Polly Newton John Newton amazing grace author you know the kind of lifestyle he lived before he came to Christ and God transformed a very moral man like Augustine into a masterpiece of the grace of God and he found his greatest fulfillment sexually physically emotionally in his wife and not any other woman and here's what he said his testimony you have so refined my taste Polly that nothing short of yourself can thoroughly please me I years ago went through a and perhaps maybe it's almost sacrilege to say this but I called it a horror of great darkness like Abraham I've always been prone to melancholy and depression I don't mean to be funny by this but I mean sincerely I mean I used to say well Martin Luther and Charles Spurgeon they got depressed until one day I realized that's all we had in common but I I've battled depression my wife will tell you my children would tell you that at times I've battled depression and I read John Piper's account of William Cooper or Calper and then I got a book years ago and it had coordinated or correlated all the poems and hymns that Cooper wrote with the experiences of his life and so I used to judge people that went through depression say well they're full of unbelief if they're a Christian and all but more than likely they're probably not even a believer I don't believe that anymore there's some people that I mean will battle depression until God calls them home but it doesn't mean for a minute that they're not a Christian but I was going through a horror of great darkness I can't explain it I'm never going through this again it's never been this bad but my children I think we only had the three oldest kids at the time and they were little and three nights in a row as the sun would begin to set and go down I was gripped by this debilitating depression and friend I'll be honest with you I'd go out in my study my office and I cried to God God what is it Lord show me what is it I need to deal with is it a relationship that needs to be reconciled as a sin I need to confess and there's something I need to renounce Lord I take authority over the evil one you know maybe it's Satan just attacking here and take authority and I mean I did everything I could to try to get the darkness to lift but nothing availed and those three evenings you know what God used to get me through it to help me to give me some semblance of relief so I could sleep at night those three nights was the loving embrace of my wife I'm a big guy tall guy my wife she's about here on me but I would crawl up on the couch beside my wife and she put her arms around me and just pray with me and encourage me and quote to me the promises of God and that was the thing that God used to sustain me and get me through it that was my only refuge and so don't ever underestimate the great benefits of marriage if you have a good woman or a good man you thank God for that person I think of preaching on biblical manhood in Sweden back about a week and a half ago the illustration George Whitfield was facing the mob they had the sticks they had the stones they had no other intention but to kill this man and George Whitfield Whitfield's wife sent him a note to the front and in the note it says George play the man man up that's all he needed to reinforce him to go out there and lift up his voice like a trumpet and show the people their sin and preach the gospel thank God for women like that number seven you will waste your marriage if you fail to understand that answered prayer depends on the honor and reverence you show your companion answered prayer depends on the honor and reverence that you show your companion 1st Peter chapter 3 verse 7 likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge Christian knowledge biblical knowledge a knowledge that governs from the truth vantage point giving honor under the wife as under the weaker vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life why that your prayers be not hindered think about this when is the last time if you're a married man when's the last time that God supernaturally intervene and did nothing short of miraculous and answering a prayer of yours when's the last time I mean I mean you couldn't chalk it up to coincidence even though sovereign sovereignty people sometimes in the back of their mind said well I mean I can't really say that was an answer to prayer I mean I know God sovereign all but I mean probably was going to happen anyway but I'm talking about when's the last time in your life if you're a married man that you saw God supernaturally intervene nothing short of miraculous to answer your prayer could it be that the reason that he's not done that and he does not do it consistently is because of an existing contempt in your marriage Torrey said this if husbands and wives should seek diligently to find the cause of their unanswered prayers they would often find it in their relations to one another there is much of sin covered up under the holy name of marriage that is a cause of spiritual deadness and powerlessness in prayer any man or woman whose prayers seem to bring no answer should spread their whole married life out before God and ask him to put his finger upon anything in it that is displeasing in his sights this is huge this is huge unreconciled relationships it hinders prayer I don't know what's going on in the spiritual realm friend but God's told us that it does hamper impede God answering prayer so number eight an eighth way you can waste your marriage is if you squander your time in carnal indulgences rather than using it to build a more loving and enduring relationship you said now what do you mean by carnal indulgences we're so obsessed with toys I'm Paul these days get on the airplane I mean these not little boys these are fully grown men in their 30s and 40s and even 50s and they've got their cell phone there or they've got their iPad or computer out playing these little games on they get home you know and they put in a hard day work and they feel like it's justified you know to turn the TV on you know and just delve into all these different amusements and sitcoms and programs on television consuming their time when they could take that time and be cultivating their relationship now I gotta say this you know my wife and I we sit down in our living room we turn the TV on sometimes and we'll watch what we call I don't know if you got it over here Hallmark movies your pastor he'll watch you know Jimmy Stewart and you know it's a wonderful life I mean I can watch a Hallmark movie can't I huh there's nothing wrong with that but we're doing it together we need to ask ourselves the question how important are our worldly amusements our worldly pursuits men listen is your sports more important than listening to your wife is your hunting trips more vital to your welfare than her holiness is moving up the corporate ladder more of a significant issue in your life than her emotional welfare and spiritual growth ladies on the other hand are your children's needs more of a priority than affirming your husband by giving him your undivided attention and listening to his heart your friend's welfare than his companionship or your preoccupation with decor or fashion than his admiration these things need to be reckoned with Sammy Tippett to wrote a number of books one is the prayer factor he gets away once a month and Sammy don't make a lot of money but he gets away once a month he takes his wife and they spend the night away from home a few hours away from home and what they do is they spend the evening just going on prayer walks together when they come back and they talk about things they pray about it the next morning they get up and they go on another prayer walk and pray for specific areas of need in their lives and in their family and in their ministry number eight you'll also waste your marriage when you attempt to live out your role as a husband or a wife without the fullness of the Holy Spirit without the fullness of the Holy Spirit Ephesians chapter 5 verse 16 and be not drunk with wine when it's excess but be ye being filled with the Holy Spirit that's the Greek word be ye being filled with the Holy Spirit why do we need the fullness of the Holy Spirit so that we might be composed in our relationship with our mate even when they don't meet our needs we can still be Christ like before them Charles Spurgeon they said that when he would mount the pulpit there at Metropolitan in London oftentimes those that were nearby for him to cultivate a more conscious dependence upon the Holy Spirit with every pace from the time he left his seat until he mounted the pulpit you could hear him say in a prayerful whisper I need the Holy Ghost I need the Holy Ghost I need the Holy Ghost and here's the thing brethren you need to understand tonight the security of the believer is not a Baptist doctrine it is a Bible doctrine election is not a Calvinist doctrine it is a Bible doctrine and being filled with the Holy Spirit is not a Pentecostal or charismatic doctrine it is a Bible doctrine we desperately need the fullness of the Holy Spirit to keep our relationships in marriage savory and pleasing before the Lord by His Spirit I am able to demonstrate the grace of love one of the virtues of the Spirit I possess the capacity to love her in the face of rejection things that she says the way she's looking it's like she totally disapproves she rejects me completely and I can still maintain love in the face of rejection I can also maintain a composure of joy and rejoice in the midst of adversity in the relationship I still can have peace calm when my expectations are not met I am long suffering composed in the presence of turbulent emotions from my husband or my wife I can still project a lamb like disposition of gentleness before uncontrolled hostility I still bring testimony glory to God through goodness rewarding benevolence to my marriage partner for the bitterness that perhaps they are said on creating in our relationship I still can believe God and rest in the Lord exercising the grace of faith rather than manipulating my partner when things don't go my way you see friend this is why we need the fullness of the Holy Spirit it's not as the unknown Christian says it's not to pull down some stronghold of Satan it's not the attaining of some coveted object we need the Holy Ghost so that we might be Christ like before our mates that's the real purpose and you'll notice that those virtues of the Spirit filled life you know the nine fruit of the Spirit it denotes something that's relational God's glorified yes vertically but you see no matter whether it's an enemy at work or somebody I'm not getting along with the church or it's my marriage partner friend we need the fullness of the Holy Spirit to be able to project a Christ like composure even when they're not doing what they should do in our eyes or treating us with respect you see that and then number 10 you'll also waste your marriage if you fail to live it for the glory of God the glory of God Psalm 34 verses three and four the psalmist says magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt his name together you familiar with the verse friend let it sink down into your hearing this is a weighty verse it calls for our attention and our obedience whether you eat or drink or whatever you do do all to the glory of God think about it there are many issues in our relationships as husbands and wives that we face that the Bible does not address clearly you're going to find that to be the case if you've been married any length of time whatsoever or you're about to be married there comes issues in your life that you can't find a chapter and verse to give you clear direction therefore what's our recourse what's our alternative when we cannot find a passage to validate God's direction for our life ask yourself the question what will tend most to the glory of God what principle should govern our marriage when there is an absence of biblical answers always the glory of God so I ask you tonight are you living for yourself it's all about me it's all about my needs being met my expectations being fulfilled my sensual wants being met or am I living in such a way in my relationship with my mate my husband and my wife that people know that my agenda is the glory of God and the glory of God alone okay so ten ways that you can waste your marriage I told Kevin I'm thankful for expositional preaching and teaching for him but I'll tell you there are times when topical or textual preaching is God's order for the hour you take these things and you apply them in your life your marriage will bloom but if you neglect them the spirit of your marriage will die and I see this in some of the most sincere and seemingly dedicated reform people that believe reform theology but they neglect their marriage and it's costing them let's pray together Father I pray that you might use these thoughts to to bring about Lord the sweet smelling savor of obedience in the hearts of your men and women husbands and wives Lord I pray that we would not neglect our marriages Lord we're all so busy seems like that's a a respectable catch word these days that I'm busy yet Lord when we say that in passing and we earn the seeming respect of others when they hear that yet Lord it may be a reflection of the fact that not only are we too busy for our marriage but we're too busy for God so Lord I pray tonight that you would awaken us to what's most important for we know Lord Jesus that good is always the enemy of best and while Lord we may not be delving into anything that's evil and abominable in your sight yet Lord the neglect of these things can lead to that which is evil and destructive in our marriages not to mention the havoc that reeks in our own walk with you so Father teach us to walk humbly before our God to appropriate your truth and to be diligent Lord in cultivating the spirit of our marriages to the praise of the glory of your grace we pray Amen