In this sermon, the preacher discusses the importance of finding balance in various aspects of life. He emphasizes the need to balance being open and sharing with being kind in all things, using the example of whether or not to tell one's wife about seeing an attractive person. The preacher also talks about the balance between living by faith and taking care of one's family, cautioning against being consumed by work and neglecting family responsibilities. Additionally, he mentions the importance of balancing work and evangelism with recreation and enjoying life. Overall, the sermon encourages listeners to strive for balance in order to have a fulfilling and harmonious life.

So let's just speak about some of these areas of balance. The balance, first of all, between having respect in the family, and especially from our children, with humility in our own lives. This is an area where I have found it actually very difficult, because there are certain things that children will say, especially as they get older. And if you take the line, the hard discipline line, you know, respect your parents at all times, very easily your own pride gets locked into that. And your discipline isn't really something that comes from God, it's your own pride reacting, and you want your children to be all they should be, especially what will other people say. And there's nothing more difficult in some ways than rearing children, especially as they get older, and especially because there's ten different voices telling you ten different ways to do it. I have read many books, I've listened to many tapes, and I've also been in many homes, and seen where they put these things into practice. And I tell you, I come to you with less answers than ever. But I know one thing, your heart needs to be right with God, and there needs to be that humility, and yet you have to demand some degree of respect from your children. There will have to be the times in which a firm word is given. I'm not going to dwell on that because I know you covered some of that yesterday. The second area where I have to wrestle for balance is the balance between discipline and love and freedom. Again, in the home, we want discipline, and yet as much as discipline, we want love and freedom. A third area which especially hits us in OM, the balance between forsaking all and the spiritual warfare, all that kind of thing, and maintaining a home, an attractive home. And what is an attractive home? What some people would call attractive, other people would probably not classify it as being attractive. How much money do you spend for that? When millions of people in the world don't even have a home, and are living in the gutters, how much do we spend to make our home attractive? If you have an easy answer to that, maybe you could share it with me. Because I know what Edith Schaefer says to some degree, and what some other people say, and basically within OM we do, among our families, practice having attractive homes. We are hardly living, most people, in sort of an ugly home with the old concept that I referred to before. I was married of one box for a table, another box for a chair, and a few other things that people in the early days thought all the families in OM would be practicing. I tried it for a while, and it didn't go over too well with other members in the family. There were other practical problems, and of course it was tagged as extremism. So I can only say to you it's an area where we have to work for balance, and the husband must consider the opinion and the thoughts of the wife. It's not right before God for the husband to bulldoze his viewpoints into the family if the wife is not really happy about it. And I think one of the things that helped me to survive, because our family was at a point at times of just struggling for survival over some of these issues where we so wanted to please God, and we could barely stand, at least myself, spending any money for the home except the barest essentials. I saw that some of this area really was the decision of my wife. I would approve it, but it wasn't for me to make the final decision. When we moved into that flat where we are right now, when it came to the things in the kitchen, I said, you know, that's up to you, work it out, because that's not my area, I've got too many other things to do anyway. And I think this is where the husband and the wife have to talk things out. This is where love must come in. And what will all these principles of discipleship mean if we don't have love? And of course, this is where God really broke me, because I saw that sometimes my principles, my desire to see all the finance go out to the regions beyond, was stronger at times than my love. So work toward this, and beware of the pitfalls. Number four, the balance between living by faith and taking proper care of the family. And number one, we live in a society where we are totally brainwashed, I don't care what anybody says, into a security mania. There is no end, there is no end. And people are now getting salaries of $50,000, $60,000 a year in the states. This is no longer a big salary. And they are more insecure than I'm sure most of you. They don't have enough. How are they going to make this payment? And once you're into this rat race, the bigger home, the bigger car, more insurance, more everything, you know, where do you end? And so I think that today, more than ever, the only way to survive is to take a more radical stand and to determine, to hold to that stand. I think it's very important to understand when you come into OM, OM is not dictating your future lifestyle. If you're just with us for a year, there will be some things you may have to do for that year, but when you leave OM, you will be free. There's no one forcing you to sell your home or to drain your bank account. This is between you and God. And something you have to wrestle out. Can families live by faith? Years ago, people used to say OM was a movement for single people. With 160 families, and with most of the major positions of leadership in OM carried by families, and with these families, some of them now having lived by faith for 15 and 20 years, my older son is 19, I don't think too many can say that any longer. There's no question that a family can live by faith just as much as a single person. Because living by faith does not mean asceticism. It does not mean you don't provide for your children. It does not mean that. We not only, as we live by faith, can provide for our children, but because we have direct access to God, we can see God provide for them. And it's amazing to see what the Lord is already doing. About 14 years ago, I started on a book, The Revolutionary Home. The Lord convicted me that instead of writing a book, I should just have a home. So I dropped the book. About that time, anyway, everyone was writing a book on marriage. A number of them were already divorced. So I decided not to go that way. Number five, getting things organized in comparison or kept in balance with learning, patience, and long-suffering. How do we keep those two things together? Every father must be an administrator. Some of you may tell your leader, as he's looking for someone to take on an administrative job, you say, I'm not an administrator. If you're a father, you've got to be an administrator. Or you jeopardize your family, you'll probably end up in a divorce court, because your wife eventually will go crazy. Unless she is just such an excellent administrator and she's willing to organize you as well. And that is a possibility. It has some interesting pressures, but no doubt it has saved a few men from jumping out windows. Keep in mind also, when you're in OM, we cannot teach you everything about marriage. OM has strong points and OM has weak points. And one of the weak points is that often for families in OM, some things are very easy. The money is generally there. The housing is generally there. People are usually around that are willing to help out. Vehicles are generally there. Most families in OM have their own vehicle, but we like to cut down on that. You just try. People get used to things. And we've had a number of leaders, when they left OM, say it was much more difficult when they got out of the fellowship. And some were having trouble getting food on the table. Now, of course, some of you from the super affluent countries, generally speaking, you probably won't have much trouble financially. There's a lot of unemployment today, however, and it's not as easy to get a job in places, some places as it used to be. But in quite a few countries, when people leave OM, they will sometimes find it harder. They will have to learn how to budget. They will learn something that sometimes is hard to learn on OM. You can't spend what you don't have. Because in OM you can have it build and your vehicle is supplied and the mechanics are taking care of it. And sometimes people get a new vehicle on the basis of one letter to Belgium. You think, I could have another vehicle. And that's all he has to do. Believe me, when you get married and you're out on your own, if you buy a brand new vehicle and you go out and blow the engine, you're going to weep. And your wife is probably going to weep. And you may be without transport for a while. So, in a movement like OM, there are strong points, there are weak points. Something that's been very important to me is to realize I can't learn the lessons this year that God has for me next year. There are some lessons you're going to learn only when you leave OM. You say, well, then should I leave to get out with these lessons? No, there are other lessons you'll learn if you stay in. So, that isn't the determining factor whether you stay or whether you leave. But I think it's important. And Jonathan tomorrow probably will be dealing more with the financial side of marriage within OM. And I would just say this. It's always greener on the other side of the fence. As a family, you are going to see some of the weak areas within OM. Some of the problems of finance. For example, if you get a tough treasurer and your wife has to go to that treasurer to get our money, to get the money, sometimes that can lead to unpleasant situations. But remember this. When you're out of OM, there will be other unpleasant situations. Every set of circumstances has its blessings and its problems. And I feel the thing that has really helped my wife and I is to realize this is the way life is. Some of the circumstances now when you're in OM, of course, they are going to be OM-ish circumstances. Little fluky things. Like you're going in for money and that morning they're out of cash. Even though you're convinced that probably in that drawer somewhere there's probably some money for something. And that if the main leader walked in an hour later and asked for money, surely he would get it. May not be so, I'll tell you. So every set of circumstances has its positive and negative things. When my wife and I at times were looking at some negative circumstances in our environment, we realized that if we were out in a totally secular situation, maybe with some things more according to what we would like, there would surely be other things that would be worse. Why do I say this? Because I have more contact with non-OM families than with OM families. Remember, I'm on the road six months a year. I'm living with other families, not with OM people. They are pouring out their burdens. As I said in the beginning, I could be full-time now just teaching seminars on marriage and counseling people on marriage. It's an unlimited field. And in some of the European countries, when I've shared some of these things, the response has been even greater because people have come to me, even Christian leaders, and they've said, no one is speaking about these things. Especially when you get into the area of sex and you get into the area of discipleship, sharing, walking in the light, being honest with your children, all that kind of thing. So each environment has its problems. Don't let OM be your excuse for your marital troubles. OM may play their part, but if OM is not there, some other problem will be. And so don't use OM or other people as an excuse for your marital problems, but try to face them squarely and realize that when you leave OM, things may be rougher. We've had a few unfortunate cases of people whose marriages went quite well when they were in OM, even though, in fact, problems were there. But the fellowship, the community, the walking in the light, the emphasis on discipline, the emphasis on dying to self, all this kind of thing helped. Within two or three years after leaving the work, the marriage ripped apart. Two or three cases of that happening. All cases in which the person was married before they came. There are almost no cases of any marital breakdown of people that have met within OM, gone through this kind of training, then married. We only know of one marital breakup in 21 years. There may be one we don't know about. I think that's encouraging. I think it's indicative that the way of discipline, the way of the cross, this kind of thing we emphasize, like last night, this is what's going to hold marriages together. The enemies that we talked about of fellowship and community, if you took the notes last night, they're the same enemies of the home, the family, and unity with the children. Number six, the balance between being open and sharing on the one side and being kind in all things on the other side. Do you tell your wife everything? You're walking through the streets that afternoon, you saw this really beautiful chick, your mind blew, your circuits shorted out, you managed to get back to the house, is that the first thing you tell her? Wow, you should have seen this beautiful girl I saw in the streets. Man, turned me on more than I've been turned on for five years. I'm sure that will encourage her. Where do you find the balance? When to share, when to be quiet. What about this thing of honesty? You mean to tell me I'm supposed to tell my wife I love her when I don't feel it? I've counseled some cases where poor wives have hardly heard that word, I love you, from one week to the next. Maybe that was Joe Honesty. He just felt, well, I don't really feel it the way I used to when I was engaged or the night of the honeymoon, so, you know, I gotta be really honest. I believe honesty without love is a curse. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. It's only half the picture. And love must always go together with honesty. And my commitment to Jesus Christ is one in which I move by faith. I don't always feel my love to Jesus Christ, but I am committed to Him. I love Him. It's an act of the will. And to me, dedication and commitment to one another is the heart of marriage, more than emotional love. The emotional love is there one minute and gone the next. If you have it all the time, great! I hope somehow you can get some work done in the midst of it. But generally it fluctuates. And I'm convinced that we are committed to one another and that we must constantly reaffirm our love for one another. We must constantly turn away from the subtle lies of the devil that we love someone else. We may be lusting after someone else, but we don't love them. Not the kind of love we know from God. And then, because we want to move on, I could get going for an hour on some of these subjects. Having convictions and letting love cover. You know the problem with many of us? This is probably one of the biggest problems I've had in my life. Too many convictions and not enough reality. And I think we as Christian men in a movement like OM, reading all the books we read, we get too many convictions. Strong convictions. This is why we are often critical of other people, of other marriages, and the devil really uses that because it gets around and people are hurt by it. And one of the most difficult things you will face in OM is when people criticize your children. But I can assure you that doesn't only happen in OM. What if you're living with all of your relatives? To me, this is one of the blessings of OM. Now, I don't know where this tape is going, but somehow, with all the work that I have to do, the fact that I don't have all my relatives around me and all their opinions and all their evaluations of my children, this is helpful. Now, I've got other problems in OM. Some of you may feel after a year, OM is a hard place. You decide you prefer to go home. And mommy and daddy, grandpa and grandma, uncle and auntie, all the other friends, you may find a whole new set of problems because I tell you, in family relationships, things can get more intense and more upsetting than generally it can with your OM leader, especially in some cultures. In fact, I think this is where we as foreigners need patience to understand there are certain difficulties that an Indian family would face living next to his relatives that we would not understand, especially if we're going to put pressure on them to live the OM lifestyle. I think of Thomas Samuel in the early days in India and how some foreigners were so critical of him, especially some of the more naive types. No idea what this brother was living with, with his father just a few hundred miles away and relatives, asking things like, don't you get a salary? What happens if you get thrown out of the movement? And don't you have a house? And don't you own anything? Things that are very hard to explain in many cultures, sometimes even in our own culture. One of the problems that comes when we have too many convictions is we become opinionated. I happen to know that some OM leaders are really turning people off because they are opinionated. They have comments to make about everything and about everybody and about everybody's marriage. And of course it tends to be negative. And they don't realize that sometimes as they're sharing, the brother who's listening, he also may have too many convictions. And so he becomes convicted that this guy is, and he has a few names that he puts on him. So the judgment you give is the judgment you get. If you are harsh on other people's children, don't be surprised if the Lord allows you to have some special lessons when you're own grow up. And the very things you criticized in other people, then you've got them in your own children. That will make you so uptight, you probably will therefore be unable to resolve the problem because your own pride and guilt will be so involved in these situations. Let's have convictions, but let's have priorities. This has so revolutionized my life. I still have some of my convictions that I had 20 years ago, but some of them now are low priority. So if my wife doesn't want to go along with me on something, it doesn't matter. I still have a little conviction there, but it's low priority. Let her make the decision. And I think that, I don't know how you can function in the home if you don't do this. Those of you who have strong convictions about a lot of areas, and you know that your wife is not totally in agreement with you. We're not asking you to throw your conviction out, especially in regard to your own personal life, but get it in its right priority. And the first thing in the list of priorities is love, peace, joy. Don't you want your children to be reared in an atmosphere of peace, joy, reality? Of course you do. So, having convictions and letting love cover. I'm afraid almost to say some of these things because they're so basic. They're so basic. But I think in marriage, some of the mistakes we make are in the basics. And I think one of the most basic things I want to ask of you, are you really accepting your marriage partner as she is? You're accepting her as she is. With her weaknesses, with her strong points, with the things you like, the things you don't like. You have not put her on Operation Carrot. You know Operation Carrot. You're always holding a carrot out in front of your wife and, you know, keep her pressing on. And then eventually she'll be rewarded. Of course, some women use the carrot approach with their husband. I counseled a situation years ago on OM. A couple that's now divorced. They were married before they ever got to us. They had incredible problems. But she used the carrot, the sex carrot. She basically told him, you do what I want during the day and you get what you want at 9 o'clock. And, of course, eventually he was forced to leave OM because she said, if you want any more carrots, you got to get out of OM because she couldn't stand OM anymore. And, of course, they thought if they got out of OM it would be the land of bliss. And, of course, it divorced and broke down. So I believe total acceptance is so basic. And work from that foundation in all that you do. We constantly need to be affirming one another, communicating that we believe in one another. Now, I wish really I could have you men alone because then I could really hit you between the teeth. Because, really, a lot of men when it comes to affirming their wives and all that kind of thing, they really score low. And then I wish I could have the women alone and say 12 things you should never say to your husband because most husbands are more sensitive than you think and they need the affirmation of the wife. They need the confidence. They need to know the wife believes in them. I can tell you a lot of people could learn a lot from my wife on this. She's here. I better be careful what I say. But I've never once, never once picked up a ripple of communication that my wife was not my strongest supporter and absolutely believed in me and was behind me anywhere, anytime. Even when we were arguing about something and disagreeing, she always had the gift to be able to communicate that there was no question she didn't believe in me 100%. Now, husbands, don't start complaining if your wife isn't as gifted in that area. There are all kinds of women. Your wife may have some gifts and strong points that my wife doesn't have. In fact, my wife tends to feel inferior to all the other women. I've never hardly found a woman my wife didn't feel inferior to. You think, what a crazy thing. The wife of the director of Operation Mobilization. That doesn't mean a thing because these emotions and these things go back to our childhood. They go back to our relationship with our father and our mother. Let us not be so naive that with these young people we see them converted, we bring them into the meeting, they rededicate their life for Christ, we ground them in the word of God, and then they go out as soldiers and disciples happily ever after. It takes 10 to 15 years to bring the average young person into spiritual health. And some of us still know how far we have to go because we can make, we can teach the most beautiful teachings, but for them to get that into their emotional life takes many years. My wife knows the teachings. I know the teachings. But to get that into our emotional life so that it hangs on when we're depressed or discouraged or upset or panicking, that takes spiritual growth usually over a long period of time. Number eight. Having a healthy diet and not wasting or living extravagantly. Now in the states today, every time I return, I find more and more people into this really intensive health thing. And this, I'm sure, is even keeping people from launching out to the mission field because they cannot get the diet that they want. Just the thought of not having their special special water machine. A lot of homes now, they teach, certain books teach, unless you, what do they do to your water? Unless you distill your water, you'll never be healthy. This whole chart showing all the pollutions in your water. You study this, man, you'll never drink a glass of water again. And so people, the people selling these water distillers are making millions. And of course, in most of this thing in connection with health food, there are elements of truth. There are elements of truth. And you know, I think it's an area where we as Christians are the only ones that have the real answer. That ultimately, we've got to trust God. This isn't just the states. One of the young men that I was involved in leading to Christ in Vienna many years ago, he didn't believe in eating carrots that were planted within 100 yards of any major highway. I mean, you can imagine the pollution that can get onto anything growing near a major highway. There are people that will not eat eggs unless the eggs are laid by chickens that are running free. Well, what's that term in England they use for this? Free range, free eggs. I was so naive the other day in the countryside, I saw the sign, free eggs. And I almost went, I almost went to the door and I thought, these people have probably got too many chickens, too many eggs, and they're giving them away to local people. But this means that the eggs are laid by chickens that are running free. And when you think of, you know, getting in a movement like O.M., you know, in O.M. we're praying for any eggs. We don't care if they're laid by the local rabbits. So I would say that the way to find balance in your desire for a healthy diet is number one, trust the Lord. Number two, do the best you can. Do what you can with the money you've got. When you get to India, you can find tomatoes, you can find fresh fruit. You're going to have to die to your pride with your leader who may want you put on a total rice diet and say, brother, I want to drive the truck, I want to work, but, you know, I'm from the west, if I don't get some of this fruit and other stuff, I'll be finished. And I tell you, there's many a foreigner in India because he didn't make the extra effort and die to his pride and he wanted to sort of totally identify within six months he's finished. I believe this is one of the reasons we don't have more long-term people in our work. Foolishness. And we've got to get the food we need. A person reared on a low diet, all of his life, is not going to generally need the same food as you do, but, you may discover he also gets sick. And this is an area where I don't have any easy answer when sometimes you hardly have any money. And I think pride gets in the way on some of our teams who are afraid to tell other people our needs. OM does not teach this. We believe in sharing the needs within the family. We are the family. You may want to do it on your own. You may want to get the testimony of the fruit rolling down the hill. But God may want to give you the testimony of learning your dependence on other brothers and sisters. Sharing your need. Maybe the headquarters could send you out some money if you die to your pride and let them know that your team has not been eating lately. If you feel you're going to trust the Lord for all the money, all right, try it for a couple of days and if you don't see the victory, just acknowledge you're failing and get some communication out and get some money that you need for a proper diet. One of the miracles in OM is the sharing of our possessions, things we don't need. We need to do more of this. Why don't we even interchange lists among ourselves as families? If you don't feel happy about putting some bigger thing in Charlie, why not duplicate a list, send it out to five, ten headquarters and say, these are some things we have around that we don't really need or we'd like to see distributed if someone else has a real need. If they don't, well, we'll make use of it. And I think through more sharing of ideas, of things that we no longer need, it could be a real blessing. And it's the concept of it's better to give than receive. I find it very easy to be concerned about the needs of my own home and there's nothing wrong with that. I have to care for my children. But to be also concerned about one another's needs. I heard Alfie Franks wanted a cricket bat and to me little things are important. I think of the lack of toys sometimes out in some fields compared to all the stuff dumped on us in the West. Within a week or two or I think it was just before that someone of all things gave me a cricket bat. Well, my children are not into cricket. We play baseball. We go around teaching the English how to play baseball. It's the funniest thing you've ever seen. We had this summer some great time with our baseball bat. So we sent the cricket bat out to India. And then the ninth thing under this finding the balance, work and evangelism and church versus play recreation and the home life. You're never going to find the total answer. Now some of you if you were in a secular job you might have a 9 to 5 job. You know the phlegmatics the family types 9 to 5 job you don't want to go up the social ladder you're not that interested in a bigger house. You might have a relatively quiet life. In some of your countries some of you you would get locked into a big multiple national corporation. Yours wouldn't be 9 to 5. Yours would be 24 hours a day. When I see the demands made on some businessman it's unbelievable much more than it's made on me. And I just feel that in O.M. we have plenty of scope for having a good family life. If we don't have a good family life it's our own fault. And I'm convinced that we've got to work toward balance in this area. You've got to learn to play with your children. People that have not specialized in playing with their children taking time with their children they are disobeying major principle about it. Because I was teaching what I'm teaching you now 15 years ago when I was working on this book was saying very, very similar things. I didn't have it in my own life as much as I do today. But there's got to be time to play. And as your children get older you're going to discover it's not a matter of you just snapping your finger they drop everything they're doing to go with you. You know I have more influence over many people than I'll ever in some ways than my own children. They're quicker to go tell me to fly my kite than any of you. You're very gentle. And I'm going home now late tonight specifically to be with the children tomorrow. And tomorrow night I have had to book in advance not a matter of me here I am God's gift to the family. They're already booked. Daniel has his girlfriend. Benji's going to his car club. Christa she's younger. She's used a little more co-op. So we phoned ahead you know any chance you know that we can have some time you know. Daniel says can I bring my girlfriend? Christa wants to go do this. Benjamin I don't know I guess he'll have to miss his hot rod club for Friday night or something else. So it's not like when they're five you just drag them off to any crazy O.M. event. Here sit in the back of the meeting. Have a great time. I tell you my kids got meetingitis five years ago. They're not interested in going to O.M. meetings. They know O.M. backward and forward. So you're going to have to use a little bit of sanctified imagination. And husbands you may want to get a little of that for your wife as well. She's tired of the same special treat. The same special treat for the last ten years. You know you can think of something new. The big thing in the last three years in England ever special treat? McDonald's. McDonald's has been there three years now. This was a big thing for my kids when McDonald's first came. The other day we said hey McDonald's what about Indian food? That stuff is really expensive. Some of you might want to learn how to cook. You know that's another interesting area that we discovered. That making food interesting can help you survive. Boy this is probably something you don't know about me. I don't need to eat much. And when it's unappetizing I don't need to eat at all. Really. I can go for a long time with just biscuits, a few apples. And my wife has learned how to make the food a little bit attractive. Because I have a lot of things on my mind. Food is not a high priority. Until it's appetizing. Until I land in New Jersey and there's my mother lurking with rare roast beef, corn on the cob. Oh man. My sanctification down the tube. And I don't believe it's wrong. I don't believe it's At least a couple times a week to spend even a few more pence to make that food a little more appetizing. Especially if you've been in the dull food battle for 20 years. As far as I'm concerned there's certain food in O.M. I want to never look at again. Of course the new recruits, I'm sure they're just spellbound with some of the best food that they get. So, the balance is needed. And I hope you will find it. Some other things I wanted to share about marriage very quickly if I can find my notes, are some things that I feel we tend to do too much and some things that we don't really do enough. I gave this message on the ship some years ago and it made quite an impact. Let me give these first. Basic complaints we find in O.M. In fact, this is the message I was thinking of. I changed the title. Called it basic complaints or the not enough and not too much. This comes from many, many, many husbands sharing privately with me. And it comes from many, many wives sharing privately generally with my wife and I together. So, this is wrong. This is really getting down to the nerve of survival in marriage. First of all, I have listed seven not enough. There's not enough of this. You know, when I made a stew in Boy Scouts, I made a mistake. I was getting cooking merit badge. I thought I was one of the greatest cooks ever. I specialized in stew, Irish stew. And I put ten times as much flour as you're supposed to put. It was the final ingredient, the stew was made, just a little flour to make it thicker. You can imagine the team as they tried to digest a recipe that became known as Verwer's glue. So, sometimes in your cooking, you put too much. And I just want to let you know how carnal I get. Some of you think I'm spiritual, those of you who've only been around one or two days. Sometimes I get upset if my food isn't cooked properly. Now, that something isn't for the international coordinator. Joe brokenness, hardship, the ends of the earth, suffering for Christ, prison for Christ, anything. Here I am, having a meal and just because it's not cooked right. In fact, my wife and I have had major, major controversies, especially over steak. Now, see, you only get steak when you really come into a whole liberty experience, you know. And some extra money has come in and you finally go down and you buy some steak, you bring it home praying and you entrust it to your wife. I cannot stand steak unless it's rare. To me, if you're going to cook it through, you might as well have hamburger, might as well have liver. So, as my wife is cooking the steak, I become very intense. I make at least three trips into the kitchen and I make comments like, you know, you can always put it back again, but you can't make it rare once you've burned it. This makes her more nervous. She's usually trying to cook three or four other things. Also, I don't agree with this thing of serving everything at once. To me, we just cook it and serve it as it comes. And when my wife was in hospital, we had a hallelujah party. One person at the stove, one person at the table. This is ready, over to the table, back to the stove. My wife likes everything perfectly organized. For a long time, I could not wait for her to sit down and pray. I used to be sitting, she's diddly dallying around with a salad and salt. I'd just pray. Thank you, Lord, for this food. She would get upset. Can't you wait for me? I'd shout back, you're too slow. Don't you realize I've got a meeting tonight? Now, it's all very funny here, but not so funny in the house. This is why, over the years, I have become more convinced that it is good for families to live privately, away from the team, or at least one of your meals, away from the team, because oftentimes, the meal time is an intensive time. All right, here are the things the wives are saying they don't get enough of. They don't get wives don't get enough. Number one, they don't get enough time. Number one complaint in O.M., they don't get enough time. You know, your husband, you think your time was worth, you know, $500 an hour. Give your wife some time. Not begrudgingly. You don't put a sign-up sheet outside your office. My wife used to give me a jab once in a while by going to my secretary and saying, you think you could book in some time. But believe me, you've got to give that time. By the way, I've had just the opposite, where husbands felt their wife wasn't giving them enough time. There's a small number of very active types. These more aggressive, choleric, outgoing, charging down. You know, they used to be team leaders in O.M., carrying the banner. Now they're married to Joe Phlegmatic. I tell you, if I had married one of those types, it would be an explosion. So there are some cases where the woman is not giving enough time for the men. And in the area of sex, we'll get to that later, to tell your husband you don't have enough time, then you need to go back to first grade. I don't know where you learned about married life, but you shouldn't tell your husband, at least not more than once in a while, you know, oh, you don't have any time for that, because you may discover if he's not a good, dedicated, totally committed, spirit-filled O.M. that he may find someone else that does have time. And that is happening far too much among Christians. Now, I don't believe a man ever has an excuse for immorality. I don't care if his wife kicks him out of bed seven days a week. He must stand before God. That's what Shelly Taylor also says in his book. But I don't think we want to get to that point. Number two, not enough information. Let your wife know what's going on. I have the problem, and this has brought great tension in our home, all day I'm communicating to people. I feel like, you know, sometimes a phonograph player, a record player, all day I'm telling people why we do this, what O.M.'s doing, what are the principles. When I come home at night, I don't want to say anything. The last thing I want my wife is to ask me what the strategy is, or, you know, what's happening here. And I've had to really repent, because she has been in the dark what was going on. And so the wives want more information. Number three, number three, more money. Give her a little more money. Don't be like me. Here, darling, is a dollar. Spend it completely free. Don't account for it. What is a dollar today? Costs that much to get the bus up to the shop where she wants to buy something. So be sure to give her a little money that she can do what she wants with it. And you have to protect your wife, husbands, from the team treasurers. Now, I don't know what Steve Hart is teaching, but if you have a prickly team treasurer, then you've got to run interference. You talk to her about your situation. You can even be honest and say, look, if I don't see victory in this area, my situation is such that I will probably have to leave OM because I can't put this pressure on my wife, where she feels like she's accounting to a Gestapo agency for her expenditures. And to some degree, a treasurer has to be almost neutral and turn a blind eye to wastage because single girl and male treasurers do not understand the expenditures a family has. I can imagine my team treasurer recently, because I account for everything, and I, in turn, I believe we ought to die to our pride and not worry if some people are criticizing because I don't know how you can survive otherwise. But I can imagine when the team treasurer looked down last week and saw that I gave 65 pounds, personal money, to my son Danny. What? Spoiling the kid. But you see, that's 65 pounds, and I decided to put a little explanatory note just for her encouragement. That was a reward for four years' study for his O levels. I believe it's good to give incentives to our children. You don't have to believe that. There's no fixed policy. My other son only got two or three O levels, and that was a fight to the finish. So I didn't know much about all this business. My son Daniel, I told him I'd give him a bonus for every top grade, so he goes off with nine O levels and three top grades, and of course cleaned me out of 65 quid. Of course, I won't do it again. I don't have any more sons. But you see, often single people, and sometimes even married people, they don't understand. We are wrestling for those teenagers. I'm not going to lose the souls of my kids for the sake of some spiritual movement. That's gone extreme. And my children mean more to me than those two ships, and since I'm the one that started it, I'll sell one of them to keep my kids going. I don't deny your children things that are basic, within reason, of course. And we're all going to be different. We're all going to be different. It's of no help to me if you come back to me ten years from now and say, I've kept all the OM principles, I'm forsaking all, and your three kids are down the tube, one on drugs, one on liquor, and one being arrested. And if you don't think Christian kids get into these things, you really must be naive. If you think it's just a matter of putting your hands on the promise in the book of Proverbs, rear up the children in the way they shall go, first of all, I would challenge even your interpretation of that scripture. So, there needs to be enough money. This is why I don't see how a family can function in OM unless they have support. I just don't see how it will work, because we want the freedom to spend money. The freedom to spend money means you've got to have money. There is no big machine in Jonathan's office printing the money. Now, those of you on a one-year program, we're not worried if sometimes your support is a little bit short. You're just learning about us. You've got reservations about us. So do I. But once you move, you've got to see your support come in. I say more important than minimum support or maximum support, their good goals is what is it really costing you to live, including your furlough, including all travel, including everything, including things that look like they come free, like the vehicle. That should be your goal. And then, number four, not enough sex. Not enough sex. This, of course, comes more from the men than the women. I don't know whether it's Christian men or women feel that sex is carnal? My wife and I have counseled people who felt that sex was sort of a carnal thing and if you were really spiritual, you certainly wouldn't have to indulge very often. This is completely ridiculous from what I see in the Bible. We're not to lay aside this discipline and often it is a discipline, at least to get started. Once you're started, it's usually not such a discipline to finish, but when you have so many things in your mind and this, that, to get started. When I've spoken at length about sex within marriage, I've had more feedback of encouragement than almost any message I've ever given. It seems that not many people want to talk about this. And the last thing we'll often do as people who are susceptible to pride, the last thing we'll do as Christians is go for counseling about our sex life. That's a no-no. What if they find out? First of all, you can go to someone totally outside of O.M. Someone you know has a balanced, happy, marital life and a positive view towards sex. You can even write people. You can write people. I have seen some people's sex life totally change through even one little sentence of advice. Getting people, for example, convinced that you can have sex in the daylight. You've had people we've counseled, you can't have sex except in the night, with the lights out. And this is crazy. You can have sex anytime your heart desires. I could give you a list, 25 ways, where, when, how, what kind of signs to produce, and all the rest. And in O.M., you've got to have signs. Private, keep out, explosives, anything. We sometimes presume that we can neglect our sex life. As long as we're having our Bible study, as long as we're praying, God will hold us. But if God has told you in His Word not to neglect this aspect of life, then maybe you ought to put the Bible aside. I've had a number of times, I've studied the Word of God, some of these passages, I just thought, well, I know what I'm going to do now, and I chased my wife and we had some special study. I am not asking you to be like me, God have mercy on you, but it's a big area. And we've had a number, a number of wives have come very cautiously to my wife and I and say, is there anything you can do to get my husband to have more sex? They're very shy about this. Then I go quietly to the husband and say, well, I it's very difficult. So, you know, how's this aspect of life going? Oh, well, I'm busy in the work, brother. I'm preaching a lot, really getting in the Word, and I'm so tired at night. And the wife is suffering. Some women need far more ministry and communication in this area than other women. Get to know your wife. If she, in a sense, is making bigger demands on you than you feel you can give, well, rejoice because most of the men are in the other category. Oh, we better move on. You may get offended. Number five, more affection. Now, if the men sometimes would like a little more activity in and around the bedroom, then the women would like a little more general affection. And this is where I have to repent. I can be in a bad mood and problems, phone calls, no loving words to my wife, no caresses in the kitchen, no kisses and no I love you. But somehow around seven o'clock at night, the volcano starts to come and within 20 minutes, I've got her, she's very cooperative. Ten minutes later, I want to go back to work. This is not right. I'm not sure it's even normal, but it's not right. Women need to understand that with a man, his sex valve turns on very quickly. Very quickly. I mean, some women, they don't want to have sex, and yet they purposely without knowing it, are always undressing in front of their husbands. And then they get upset because the guy, you know, starts on the move. I mean, you know, you need to get things organized. Put a curtain up or get some rules and regulations. Because as men are triggered, our triggers go off easy. Not all men, not I'm the first one to tell you, we're all different. But most women prefer a little more affection throughout the day. A little I love you on the phone. Bring some flowers. We had some growing right in our back garden recently. There's little yellow ones I picked and brought some. The impact wasn't too great. Number six, this is a big one. Not enough water. Not enough water. We're not talking about baptism. We're talking about washing. We had a wife quietly come share. Anything you could do to encourage my husband. It took her about half an hour to get to this point. But we don't have that time now. Anything you could do to encourage my husband to wash. Imagine, here's a married man. He's jumping in bed smelling like he just came out of a cow barn. And he wonders why she moves to the other end of the bed and grabs a bottle of perfume. Women are very sensitive. Now, this is where I tell you I'm so thankful to God for my wife because this is one of my problems. Washing for me is a pain in the neck. Fortunately, I don't sweat much. But when I preach, it starts to come. And I have really sinned against the Lord and my wife in the not enough water. Much less other things like bad breath and other things that we think are a demonstration of our manliness. Do you know there have been divorces over these things? I'm not kidding you. Divorces over these things. And women need tender, loving care. And I feel if we men go an extra mile, we might find that our wife is willing to go a few extra miles. And sex and the wonders of sex life does not decrease in the thirties. And by the forties, if you're learning the secrets, you know the volcano, the roof is going to blow right off. So greater things are ahead for those of you who are balanced. For those of you who are extremists, what road lies ahead of you, I'd hate to know. And then, more prayer. Not enough prayer and devotions. Here's also where I have totally failed. We're all aware of this. Don't give up. Try again. Try again. Get back in your family devotions again. Then very quickly, too much. We've had not enough, now too much. Number one, too much looking at other women. Men, we need to control our eyes. It hurts our wives when they find out that we've got an eye for other women. We may make a joke of it and she may make a joke of it, but it's not right. It's sin against the Lord. Doesn't mean we can't look at women as they pass, but you know what I mean. Number two, too much work. Too much work. Too much work and not enough praying makes John a dull boy. Something like that, isn't it? Or Jack. Learn something in O.M., the work is never caught up. Forget it. It's never caught up. And it's more important to emphasize your wife and your family and those basic realities than just be working 15 hours a day. I believe in O.M. some families need more holidays, three and four day holidays. Why? Because when they're in a conference like this, it's a 16-hour day and the wife and the family therefore deserve a greater period of holiday when they can get totally out of it. Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes I've made is not do that more often, especially since when I take a holiday, I can still usually squeeze in eight hours of dictation without much problem. But I believe too much work is a hindrance. Number three, too many people. I overran my wife with hospitality. I had people over every day. I used to have people breakfast, lunch and supper, sometimes without asking. Now I'm sure some people criticize that the Verwers don't exercise as much hospitality as they used to do. You know one thing we learned? To one degree, we don't give a blank about criticism because we have decided we are going to survive. And we know in this kind of fellowship, you're always going to be criticized. We try to communicate. We try to give answers. We don't give up. We have single people, we communicate. Our life's an open book. But I'm not going to have people in all the time, every meal, when I got three teenagers, when this puts too much pressure on my wife, and especially when she feels, and this, every woman is different, but my wife feels if she has someone in, she has to really do something right. The meal really must be right. I wouldn't care. Really, we've had big fights over this. Serve them noodles, burn them, let's have operation brokenness. But you can't expect a woman to go along with this kind of philosophy. Women like to do things right. Now, of course, to bring the balance in, woman, if you want to survive, you may be a little bit more watchful of your pride in this area. Household pride, kitchen pride, cooking pride, there's an element of it that's allowed in the good sense. But it can be deadly because it plays on your nervous system. And I think it's an area where we need balance. Too many people, we all love people, but you can overdo dose your wife. You can overdose your wife. And physically, you need to know where your wife is. You need to know where your husband is. Some of your wives, you're going to protect your husband from a nervous breakdown because he does not know his limits. And you need to trip him. My wife knows how to trip me. She's got a little fancy uniform up in her bedroom that we only see every once in a while. And I can be totally paranoid. World evangelism, my leaders are bugging me. Phone calls, telexes, she knows how to stop me cold. Turn me over, flip me upside down, and deliver me from all fears and worries. Now, for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, we can have a private session. It'll cost you $100 field credit. Too much working pressure. Too many people. Too many pressures. Wives, protect your husbands. There are many other ways to do it. His favorite meal. He comes home all blue. The leaders had given him a hard time. Give him his favorite meal. Boy, that's a way that my wife ministers to me. And there are many other ways. We need to protect one another. We need to protect one another. And then, too much, hang on, safety belts ready, too much fat. Fat. Now, you don't want to rub this in. You want to get rid of it. Now, I want to just tell you, first of all, I feel my wife is just right. I don't feel my wife is too fat. But one of the mistakes I made in my early marriage was overemphasizing this. So, really, I shouldn't mention it. But I used to give this weekly. Stay thin, keep the curves, you know, because I'm one of these lustful persons. Now, if your husband doesn't have any trouble with lust and, you know, he doesn't care whether you roll home or walk home, just let yourself go. I can feel free here because I think all of you really are doing well. Some wives are here right now and might have a little trouble. And ultimately, of course, I know all of this has to be kept in balance. This is the trouble, of course, that the scales don't stay in balance. But I believe women should try to be attractive within balance, within control, not become neurotic about it. Husbands, in turn, need to battle their wife, loving her, no matter what happens. I really believe that. I've told my wife many times, no matter what happens. What if she has cancer of the breast? The fear of many women. Before God, even though that's the last thing perhaps many men would like, my loyalty to her goes far deeper than anything that we can ever talk about physically. But most of us are not in that situation. And I have seen how Christian women sometimes neglect themselves, the husbands pretending it doesn't matter. It's easy for husbands to pretend in this way, pretending it doesn't matter, and soon he's chasing other women. The same thing can happen in reverse. The man who neglects himself and these other practical things, the wife can begin being attracted to other men. Then, next, just three points to go. Too much complaining. Too much complaining. The wife who's always complaining to the husband. The house is never big enough. There's never enough money. Always complaining. One minute it's O.M., next minute it's him, next minute it's the neighbors, next minute it's his mother. You may think complaining about the in-laws is not important, but generally somebody gets hurt. They try to smile, they get hurt. And so, the revolution will be brought into the home through more of a positive attitude. Bringing things into balance. Then, too much children. Too much children. Appropriate moment. Don't worry about that in this session. The more harassing we can have, the better the orientation. But, believe me, there are times when you need to get away from your children. Isn't it better to see your wife go the long run? And if she is, then she needs a break once in a while. There are times when you need to take care of the children. Let her go out with the girls, if that's something she wants to do. What a wonderful thing in a fellowship like this. Some of you helped married women when you were single. You should not feel ashamed to ask a little help from the single people. It's pride that keeps us from seeking help from those who can help us. You say, what if they criticize? You say, you can't live any life without criticism. Talk it out with them. See what the problem is. The problem may not have been that they didn't want to help. The problem may have been that they felt they were being presumed on because no one thanked them or a little gift or you helped them. Once we were going out with a family, we took a single woman out with us for something special. Take single men out with us, do something special, bring them into your family. They get blessed, in turn, they bless you. Pride is at the bottom of many of our problems. We want to be the independent family, the self-dependent family. When you get sick, you go to the hospital without any pride. I believe this is an area where as a fellowship, we need wisdom. I had to write a three-page letter to one brother who was criticizing my older son in connection with his use of a vehicle. I just made it clear that my older son, part of his life is missing because of OM. If there's anyone that has suffered in this work, for the last 10 years, I just to rid of them. I want to get rid of them. I want get many disadvantages. So the fact that within OM he will get some advantages, it just balances out. But many young people, even other families, if they're new, they never had much teaching, they will not understand this. And it's an area where we need wisdom. And then lastly, too many demands. Too many demands. I have told my wife, she does not have to preach at meetings, she does not have to give her testimony. We've had suggestions through the suggestions box, can Drina Brewer have a question and answer session? I feel there are already enough demands on my wife because I am, by my very ministry, somewhat demanding. I'm not interested in putting more demands on her. And it doesn't bother me if someone thinks she's not the spiritual woman she should be. I don't want one of these spiritual women. I've seen too many of them go cuckoo. I want a down-to-earth wife that can minister and love and help me survive. Now all women are different. If your wife can have a public ministry, praise God, we need this in OM. We really do. And if she feels free, let her go. But don't make too many other demands. And I think the reason there are many nervous breakdowns and depressions among Christians and more in Christian work outside of OM than within it, especially pastors-wise, is because too many demands. She's got to be Mrs. Hospitality, Mrs., of course, wife, good partner in the marital suite, and she's got to be a good cook. She's got to be ready at all times to the smile of those people who drop in in the house. And then, of course, in OM, there's about seven other things she's supposed to be doing. Too many demands. And sometimes it's true also of the husband. Too many things coming upon one man. If you find that's the case, you need to go back and have a good, loving talk with your leader and cut down on what you're doing. I don't have any easy answer to some of these things, but I know there are some answers. And I know that if we'll learn some of these principles, and we've touched a lot of things this morning, we will definitely, we will definitely see some great breakthroughs in our marriages. Don't hesitate to seek counsel. It doesn't have to be with someone whose marriage is perfect. Sharing between married couples, we have done this in Bromley with a number of people, and it's been a great blessing. No one's asking you to reveal the secrets of your marriage, and perhaps I say too much about mine because of the ministry God has given me, but I can assure you there's some things that I'm about to talk about. But God's not asking you to do that. And there'll be things that, what I've said, that you don't agree with. That's okay, because there's plenty of scope for all of us. But at least be willing to learn, willing to talk it over, and make your marriage better for His glory. Thank you. Ten minutes of questions, and that's it. Yes, thank you. I don't tend to think of that problem too much, but it's true, absolutely. I did mention that just taking care of yourself as a man is very important. But I've noticed around OM an increase of the bulge, and I never want to put people into a guilt trip, but I'd rather put a brother into a guilt trip and see him live longer because the more weight you put on, the more strain on your old heart. And I think we need to be careful at the same time not judge people. Some people have thyroid problems and other problems in which they put on weight very, very quickly. So people like myself, we better just keep our mouth shut because for me to put on weight no matter what I eat is just about impossible. The doctor told me whatever I push in, within three hours it's all burned up. This morning, just trying to walk after yesterday, I almost fell flat on my face. So the reserve is not there, a very big quantity. Someone else, anything at all. Anything at all. I don't know what opinions are, but the policy. The policy is that all money is to go through the OM bookkeeping system. And personally, I feel very strongly that when we don't do this, we are to a degree operating in the dark. And if we don't put the brakes on it, there's no great problem now, it will go completely wild eventually. So we've always said, look, all you have to do is enter that money into the books. Why sit on it for months anyway if you don't need it? Turn it in with the agreement that you'll give them a week's notice when you need it back. Or if you just can't do that, at least register it, even after you spend it. How do you do that? You send a slip to the treasurer, 50 pound received for family personal expenses, 50 pound spent for family personal expenses. I mean, if that is a hard thing to do, then I think we are in need of some other help because this is good stewardship. And remember, in God's work, the greatest abuse has been the misuse of personal money. I recently had a gift of $32,000, check made out to my name, that I could have said, this is personal. And in Christian work, there is no end of confusion, endless confusion. What is personal? What belongs to the movement? In OM, it's all God's. It's all God's. And if someone gives you a $1,000 love offering because you're a great preacher, you have to account for it. So with the women, we give that freedom, even to account for it after they spend it. We prefer they turn it in, get it, producing for God immediately, then draw it back out. If you think, of course, it's something you're going to get within one or two weeks, like a birthday present, keep it and account for it at the end. I can tell you, my wife has been very faithful in this, though she didn't find it easy originally and receives many personal gifts, even gifts, do not give this to OM. You're not giving it to OM, you're just being open about it so it's accounted for. And I think it's important in this kind of work. I often have to spend book sale money before I get back to headquarters. I go out of some meetings with money in every pocket. People somehow give, and I get confused about it, and I can publicly confess that I have totally misplaced some money this year, small amounts. But as much as within me, I account for every pound. Even though sometimes I spend it before I get back to my bookkeeper. And if I know I have a big expense for the family, I'll sometimes hold it for a week or two and then account for it. Does that answer your question? Well, I think this is where OM must mature. And if you are seeing that money come in, the bookkeeper is knowing also that you're seeing money come in. Plus, what I've just said, no bookkeeper is going to generally worry if it says, you know, this was given as a personal gift to our family, and we used it for that. And then you can even tell them, this is what I said in this room. Because it does take time for bookkeepers to understand these things. And I think we need to just thank the Lord for these people. Their job is very hard. And I think here's another problem we're having. People are having personal money come in that they are using for personal things, and their support is not coming in. This is where the complication comes. So this is why in my own mind, I feel it's all one. I personally feel when you have a personal gift and you use it for a birthday present, that's included within the support. Now, if you know that actually all your support is being blown because you're living in a high rent and a high expenditure area, then of course you may want to pray a little extra. But I think that will help you in that situation. Actually, I think maybe before you came in, the husband must act on this. Now, what you may do is just do something to help your wife. And my wife is faced with a lot of extra expenditure that's very linked with the ministry and linked with the crazy way that I operate. And so I ask that apart from her, because we have a housekeeping weekly system in Bromley, different fields of different systems. And I ask that on top of that, my wife be given a float. And she accounts for every penny of that. On the other hand, some of these things will never be totally easy. But just compare your financial struggles with the struggle of most people in the third world. And personally, when I've got hassled about some of these things, I've just thought of some of the problems other people are having. And I've realized the greater danger is really unreality in this area. That we just get so much, our parents send us money, they buy us clothes. And we need to just praise the Lord. Not that this isn't a problem, it is a problem. Keep working on it, praise the Lord, and just accept this as part of life. And one of the things you need to learn about. Because the financial hassles of the average family just living on their own are enormous. And you know what some of your own relatives and friends have been into. When these days in many countries, within one month they can give you notice that you're fired. After putting 10, 15 years into one job. And you know what?