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  FAMILY CLINIC 2
  by Gbile Akanni
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Summary: Gbile Akanni emphasizes that true marital bonding is a
progressive, intentional process rooted in spiritual unity, mutual
trust, and shared purpose, going beyond the wedding day to build a
lifelong one-flesh relationship.

Duration: 2:16:55 Topics: "Marriage", "Christian Living"
Scripture References: Genesis 2:18-25, Matthew 19:4-6, Ephesians 5:21-29, Matthew 18:19

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In 'Family Clinic 2,' Gbile Akanni teaches on the vital importance of
bonding in marriage, emphasizing that marriage is a lifelong,
progressive journey requiring deliberate spiritual, mental, and physical
unity. Drawing from Genesis and Ephesians, he explores practical steps
couples can take to build trust, align their callings, and protect their
relationship from external interference. This sermon offers deep
biblical insights and actionable advice for couples seeking to grow
together in faith and love.

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CONTENT
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Living Seed Media brings to you God's Word, which is his comprehensive
equipment for changing lives. May the Lord impact your heart as you
encounter his Word. For further enquiry or counsel, contact Peace House,
PO Box 971, Boko, Benue State, Nigeria.

Telephone numbers 0703 03636 59 0703 76811 98 Email address
lsmediaatlivingseed.org Or visit our website at www.livingseed.org Let
us sit back and listen as the servant of God brings forth the Word of
Life. Once more we want to thank you for this platform. Father, we ask
that you will address issues in our lives and in our families.

Because we want to go back home as people that have encountered you.
Please Lord, have your way in our lives. Have your way in our families.

We plead with you, O God, that you will have your way. Even in the
ministry that you have entrusted in our hands. Thank you Lord for
hearing us.

In Jesus' name we pray. I know that the Lord has been speaking to us.
And if you look at the issues that have been raised on the pulpit.

You will know that the self-life is actually the number one enemy to
marital bonding and togetherness. It's very obvious, it's very clear.
That if we deal with the self-life, all the other issues, we can easily
walk through them.

And I pray that this evening, again, as we listen to the different
inputs, that we will all be blessed. Thank you. Thank you very much.

We welcome you back to the clinic. Our thematic focus is bonding.
Bonding.

And togetherness. For raising disciples. Or for ministry.

And yesterday we said we wanted to lay down the necessity for bonding in
order to become one flesh. And then to now look at what are the areas in
which we need to work at bonding. And then we now said, when we come
back today, rather than rush, we will take time to discuss the practical
process and procedures of actually bonding to become one flesh.

And one notable thing that we noted was to discover that, whereas
wedding is an event, and many, many people actually spend so much time,
so much money, so much prayer preparing for wedding, which is just a one
day event that does not go beyond four hours. But they did not spend the
same amount of time and prayer preparing for marriage. So we said,
wedding is only an initiation onto marriage.

Marriage is the process that is progressive, that is cumulative, and
that is for life. So we want to note that, because marriage is a
process, is a cumulative, progressive experience, what it means is that
marriage grows, marriage develops, marriage progresses, and marriage is
cumulative, such that step by step you are arriving at the fullness of
what God wants to accomplish through your matrimony. So because of that,
that God brought to us again yesterday, it became very necessary that we
don't take it for granted.

You say, I'm married, what again is there? That's true, you are married,
but you are marrying, isn't it? You are married as an instance, as a
fact, but that marriage is present continuous, and is growing, and there
are different, different dimensions of it that we are discovering day
after day, in which we must continue to marry, must continue to bond,
and must continue to grow together. We're going to now highlight some of
the processes that is necessary for bonding. I know that some of it we
have put it as a, we'll use some terminology, and all of that, but the
way we want to progress is that we want to see it done, biblically
speaking, and as we grow together.

But let me remind you, areas in which we are praying that we can bond,
is that the bonding together of our lives and our destinies. How do we
bond together, and what does it entail to bond our spirits together? To
bond our mind together, and then to bond our body together. Three
dimensional level of joining or bonding that we don't want to take for
granted.

The bonding of our spirits, or the bonding of our hearts, how do we do
that? Then how do we bond our mind? My wife began to introduce that
yesterday, and we said, let's not rush at it, we will discuss it, and
see how the mind can be bonded, and then the bodily joining. That's one.
We're going to be looking at how do we bond our call together.

How does my wife bond with me in the call of God? In such a way that
both herself and myself, we're fulfilling that call, and we're being
fulfilled. Each one of us have a sense that yes, this call is our call.
And we're living in it together, because I am a partaker, and she is a
stakeholder in that call.

How do we bond our calls? To such a point that even in the area of
calling, the call does not come between us. For whatever God has joined
together, let not man, not even the call, separate to put us under. How
are we going to walk at it that my call is her call? Her call, her body,
has become my own.

And so when we stand together, we are bonded, even in the pursuit of the
call of God on our lives. We're going to take a few examples about that
by the grace of God. And you know the Bible talk about, if two of you
shall agree as touching anything you will ask.

And we know that, that basic two that God is talking about, would be
none else than husband and his wife, that can agree over any matter that
they would ask. Say, my God will do it. How can we engage the bonding of
our prayer life, of our prayer life, that will bring increase to the
ministry, that it doesn't matter what is going on in the general church,
if you and your wife shall agree as touching anything, God will do it.

How do we achieve that in terms of our growing together? By the grace of
God. I think the last bit is the bonding of our spiritual understanding
of our vision, of our doctrine, of our faith. How do we bond, so that
what I understood is what she has understood.

What she says is not different from what I will say. If I start to
preach, she can take over and complete it, and it will be the same. And
if she begins to say something, I can come in, and without changing
anything, I can complete it, because we are bonded, even in our
understanding of the doctrine that God has brought us into.

The last thing that we shall talk about is the bonding of our spending
and our finances. How do we make sure that even in money, we are bonded
to such a point that money cannot separate us, and it's not a problem,
and we can spend money together in agreement, to the point that nobody
is starved of funds, and there is nothing that I am doing secretly with
money that she does not know. And there's no reason for her to hide
anything, thinking that maybe something will happen, and she'll be
stranded.

These are things that we wish to deal with this afternoon. Praise the
Lord. Again, I would like us to start by taking our bearing from the
Word of God.

Now, and you know we read Matthew 19 yesterday, isn't it? And she
brought us back to Genesis chapter 2, where we read verse 22, 23, up to
25. Maybe I should now ask us to read that Genesis today again, before
we go to Ephesians. There are a few issues in Ephesians that we are
going to be talking in terms of this bonding.

Now, Genesis chapter 2, let's ask Sister Giatta to read Genesis 2 for
us, from verse 22 to 25. Yes. Genesis... Or maybe just read 18 to 25.

Genesis 18 to 25. Genesis chapter 2, verse 18. And the Lord God said, It
is not good that man should be alone.

I will make him a helper comparable to him. Out of the ground the Lord
God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and
brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam
called each living creature, that was its name.

So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every
beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable
to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he
slept.

And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then
the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman, and
he brought her to the man. And Adam said, This is now born of my bones
and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore a
man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and
they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his
wife, and were not ashamed.

Praise the Lord. Now, that's the passage in Genesis 2. But now I would
like us to go to the passage in Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter
5. There are key words that that passage is going to be helping us with.
And we will be taking them together.

Can you please begin with verse 21? 21. And you will read it up to verse
29 for us. Yeah.

We will read others, but let's pick that. Submitting to one another in
the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the
church and is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is
subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave
himself for her.

That he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the
word. That he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having
spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and
without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own
bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own
flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church.
Thank you very much.

These passages are very mouthful and they raise all the various issues
in which we shall be discussing bonding very critically today. The first
matter of bonding that I wanted to highlight is the deliberate action
that the husband must take in order to bond with his wife. Deliberate
step to bond with the wife.

Yesterday we came to talking about, for this course, shall a man live?
We say the word live is an active word. It is not passive and it is not
something you do in a dream. It is a conscious practical step in order
to bond with your wife.

But now I want to begin, before I ask Esther Sade and our coordinators
to make input, I want to begin by again examining that Exodus to look at
the practical step to bond. Oh my God, I am in Genesis. I wonder why I
am in Genesis and I am in Exodus at the same time.

I am in Genesis yet. So come with me to that Genesis. Genesis.

The first thing I noted is in that verse, first verse 18 and verse 23.
You know in verse 18, the Lord God said, it is not good that a man
should be alone. I will make for him a help meet.

Now I found very clearly that the first level of bonding is an
understanding that this woman is a help, not a problem, not a trouble.
Not a distraction. Not someone who comes to eat me up.

Not someone who is here to distract or trouble me. I want you to note
that even though it looks trivial, but do you know that many, many men,
even though they are married, even though they wanted a wife, there is
something else maybe they have been fed with. That says, even though you
marry a wife, don't open the hole of your stomach to a woman.

Women don't have, they don't have where to keep secrets. So our people
used to say they don't have, what is that? They don't have gogungo. That
is a local way.

That is to say that they don't have where to store words. I will be
talking about that later on when we come to the matter of communication.
How do we bond? But the first point is that bonding is going to be
difficult if you have a reason to think that connecting completely with
this woman, giving her space in everything that you are, including that
which is your private spiritual secret.

If you have any reason to think that this is a danger that you have to
relate to it cautiously, you will not bond. You will not bond. Or
sometimes you say, well, let's be watching her.

When she proves that she is trustworthy, then I will begin to show her
more things. Are you getting what I am saying? So sometimes you marry as
if you have kept your wife on probation. And your wife is saying, what
does this say? Not yet.

When you settle down and I know that you can handle issues, then I will
get you to know that, but not now. Now, if there are areas, reserved
areas, some GRAs, that your wife cannot get into right from the onset,
you know the matter now. The woman is saying, well, as for that, my
husband doesn't discuss that.

As far as he is concerned, that is his exclusive secret. I don't know
about it. They are the GRAs of his life.

Government reserved areas. And though we may be thinking, how can that
be? But you know it has been. It has been that sometime you are married
for five years and there are areas, there are issues that you have not
opened up yet.

Because you are afraid that if your wife gets to know all of that, you
are no more safe. So the first thing I saw was that there must be a
clear understanding that this woman is the one that the law says I will
make for him. What? A help.

Meet a help that is suitable, a help that fits, a help that can go with
you to everywhere in life and she will not do you damage. Now, that also
must happen to the woman. The wife also must come to believe that the
man to whom I am going to marry, there is no reservation.

There are no reserved areas that he must not know or get into. Bonding
must come with that complete understanding. Are we together? If that
does not happen, sometime you are praying.

And because there are areas that you don't want your wife to get into,
what do you do? When it comes to that kind of prayer, you say, And the
wife is in the cold. I say, what are you praying about? What is it all
about now? I say, don't worry, don't worry, there are some deeper things
in the spirit that I don't have the chance to handle yet. Can we
understand together that to bond well, you must accept.

There is this complete acceptance that this is the help that God has
decided to make and she is the one that fits me. I don't know whether
you get what I am saying. Now, may I say to you again that some of us
before we got married, before we got married, we have prayer partners,
isn't it? We have sisters that maybe were very precious in the
fellowship and we prayed with them.

Or brothers that we told them everything when we meet, we just pray and
pray. But when you now got married, you have not yet been able to
transfer the whole of that trust to her. To such a point that, do you
have marriage? Whenever that your friend, that brother comes, what
happens? You quietly tell your wife, excuse me, you know my wife, my
friend is Holland.

My friend is Holland and we have certain things to do. Continue, when we
finish we will talk to you. Let me ask you, what is that friend doing in
that marriage? He is cutting a thunder.

He is beginning to tear the weak link that had just been formed. This is
why practically speaking we like to say again that in order to grow this
relationship and to let it become congealed together, it must be
protected. Isn't it? Whenever you did a grafting, even between maybe a
tree, you brought something to graft and what do you do? You bind it,
you bind it, you bind it and protect it and make sure that nobody pulls
it.

May we say that look, your marriage as authentic as it is, is not yet
automatic. It needed to be protected. For the bonding of your spirits,
for the bonding of your heart together.

There is need for exclusive protection at the beginning of it.
Hallelujah. Which means the first few weeks, months and even years of
your marriage, you need not interference.

Even sometimes house girls are not necessary at the very beginning of
your marriage if you want to bond well. You see the trouble is that
there is this house girl that had been cooking for you before you
married. Now that madam has entered, the gay does not know that she is
no more in charge of that kitchen.

Isn't it? She doesn't know. And sometimes you yourself, husband, you
forgot. You have already called Cecilia.

Cecilia, go and boil that egg. When the madam has a different plan. And
the gay is running up and down the kitchen because she knows the nook
and cranny of everywhere.

And your wife comes around to the kitchen, the gay is in charge. And as
if she will quietly say, madam go and sit down. Or God said I should
boil egg for him, he wanted to eat egg this morning.

You know you are beginning to trouble. Am I complicating? So the first
issue is that the bonding has to begin from the spirit. And your spirit
is first and foremost to know, to agree that this is the help that God
has brought to me and is the one that feeds me.

No one else will feed me. God had to do that for me when I got, you
know, to relate with my wife. I realized that, you know, because I love
prayer and I love prayer warriors.

I feel that the work of God that God has given me to do requires serious
prayers. So I was always looking for those, oh God, those sisters and
brothers when we start praying, they say, oh God. Oh dear Lord, my
thunder, thunder, I say brother, I believe the Lord says I will be with
you.

I will not leave you, I will not forsake you. You know, I love that. And
I could not immediately see that all the prayer support that I needed is
located here.

I didn't see that. I was busy looking for those prayer warriors. And
occasionally I say, well, you know, going to hospital up and down like
this, that is not enough for the kind of ministry that I am carrying.

Though she is praying, but my eyes never saw it. As to be able to share
even the body of prayer so that we can pray it together. Until God
showed me, I said, sorry, all those ones, they are not your help mate.

They cannot fit into your life. They don't carry your body as she will
carry it. Go and settle down.

So you see, sometimes the mannerism of people you are used to before,
their drama, even in the way they handle things, may not allow you to
immediately bond with the woman that God has given you. Are you hearing
me? It is possible that anytime you stand up to preach as a preacher,
there is somebody, a sister that used to stand up to read Bible for you.
Such that even before you land, she has already known where you are
going to read.

And she is standing up always. The first time your wife tried to read
Bible for you, she seemed to be picking the sentence one word after the
other. Said, and the Lord God said, it is not good.

What is all this? Let Rhoda read. Rhoda, read please. What are you
doing? What are you doing? You are disbonding.

You are not able to carry along what appears as the sluggishness of the
one that God gave you. Unless you have this clear persuasion, this is
the help meet for me. The patience of bonding, of going together until
she can fit into everything, may always continue to slow your growth
down.

So the next thing I want to point before I ask Sister Shade in this
matter. Is that in verse 23, will anybody read verse 23 for us from ESV
or from any other version apart from the King James? ESV, English
Standard Version, who has that to help us read? At last, Adam exclaimed,
yes, this is part of my flesh and my own bones. She will be called
woman, because she was taken out of a man.

May I continue? Praise the Lord. What did I say? The man is cleaned at
last. Finally.

How I pray. Brothers, are you here? Have you come to your at last? Talk
to me, talk to me. Is your mind now settled? I am not yarning you.

You know that matter is matter. Sometimes you are married quite alright,
but your eyes have not calmed down. Such that, even in the church as you
are ministering, when you see a sister the way she is behaving, I wish
that is my wife.

And sometimes unconsciously you go and face your wife, why can't you be
like that sister? If you want me to really settle with you, go and meet
that sister and learn how to behave. Hi, man of God. Went too far.

The matter of bonding requires this clear understanding. That this
woman, by the grace of God, is your last such. Did you hear me? That
this sister that God has given you now, that is the end of your such.

And that by the grace of God, you will not have any need to look
anywhere. Because all that you needed, by the grace of God, where is it?
It's in her, it's located in her. That, to me, is a very important
principle for bonding.

If I now know that this is my last card, by the grace of God, what do I
do? I better settle down with her. And you know the Yoruba, the Yoruba
Bible, makes it very interesting for me. I'd like to read it in Yoruba
language.

I don't know how to interpret it in English, because it looks more
dramatic. It's dramatic. Do you understand the meaning of that? I know
you will not.

But you see, sometimes when the scripture becomes something, I have to
go back to the archive. You see, the word farama in Yoruba language is
not only that you will cleave, but that you will be contented. And you
will be settled.

And you will know that, that's the one God gives me. And I'm satisfied
with it. Do you understand? So the Yoruba word of cleave to his wife, is
much more than he will just hold.

It's more than hold. It's that he will be settled. He will be satisfied.

He will be contented. And he will say, this is my lot. Even if when you
open the package, you see something that you don't like later.

Do you understand what I'm talking about now? How many of you have
farama your wife now? If that Yoruba has settled, how many of you, you
are contented? You are happy. You are no longer looking anywhere else.
And you are reminding yourself that this is my own portion in life.

And by the grace of God, since God did not intend to punish me,
something good is inside her. If I did not see it yet, it's because I
have not discovered it. I would better keep looking until I get all that
God has put in me for her.

Did you understand me to that point? I decided to begin like that, so
that when you are now looking at the patience, the love, the attention,
the time to give to one another, to bond, you will now know that it is
because I have no other place to go. And it is because there is no other
better person that I will ever have. And that by the grace of God, what
she looks like today, that is not the issue.

She is the one that carries all that I will need to become what God
wants me to be in this life. So what will I do? I better settle down.
And do what? And bond.

If you have it in Igbo language, catch it. If it is in outside, help me
read it. Because you see the word, to cleave.

What is the meaning of Monday? To be glued. Thank you sir. So you see,
now I want you to bring it back to your local dialect.

Because it makes more sense to me there. Get glued Monday. Settle with
it.

This is my own portion. In life. If this is the portion that God has
given me in life, I better settle with it.

This understanding is very critical as a general basis for bonding. So
even if it will take me three hours to explain one point to my wife. And
it will have taken only 20 minutes for me to explain it to that other
sister and they have caught it.

You know there are some people that are easier to teach. Am I right?
Yes, yes, yes, I got it. Hallelujah.

And they brought it. But it may be that your own wife, when you have
finished talking for one hour, she said, uh-huh, I don't understand. Oh
God.

You mean you don't understand? How long, how long? When I was talking to
sister BC, in 10 minutes she got the vision. She understood the body.
When we started praying, she just caught it as if she was in my heart.

I'm talking to you two hours as if you don't understand. May God help
me. God just help me.

You see, because you have not understood that this woman, by God's
grace, is your portion in life. Is the best that you could ever get. And
is the one that heaven has positioned to help you.

What is the normal thing to do? Settle down. So all that we'll be
talking today, whether you will spend three hours to talk on one issue
before she will understand, or whether you will have to lie down for her
to follow you, it will no longer be a matter. And by the grace of God,
it will be the uniqueness of your own body.

The last thing, before I release this now, is that the man said, THIS
Can you all read your Bible in verse 23? And Adam said, THIS Did you see
that? THIS IS Do you know that there is a difference between THIS IS and
THAT IS? Am I right? When you want to say THAT, where is your finger?
Far away. There is no time you can say THIS IS without putting your
finger on your hand. Where? Brothers and sisters, I pray that you will
be able to say THIS is the bone of my bones.

Particularity. Personal acceptance. Deliberate identification.

THIS IS the bone of my bones. And the flesh of my flesh. And do you know
that when the husband stand up and put his hand and say THIS THIS is the
bone of my bones.

How does the wife feel? Very good. But you know sometimes some of us,
our doctrine makes us to feel that it is canality to be identified with
your wife in the public. So when you are going or to touch her you are
told as if you are not being spiritual when you are touching your wife.

And you put your hand around her and say THIS is my wife. THIS is the
bone of my bones. You see how some of us have been changed in those
days.

Madam, let's go. Please come along, come along. Did you see that? You
are seeing it.

That's your husband. That's what I used to be before. You see.

You see, you know we thought it is canality to be walking like this. To
come around like this. And then someone say THIS THIS is my wife.

The other side. Now, that as simple as it is is a very critical,
practical way of bonding. A woman that you did not identify with in
public is only when you put off lights in the room.

You understand? I love you. You are smiling in the dark. Who can see
your teeth that time? Such things don't mean anything to a wife.

Because when she needs public identification public acceptance and
public recognition you did not give it. Sometimes she is lost in the
crowd while they are carrying you as a man of God. So wherever your wife
is you say, that's my husband there.

Nobody knows me as his wife. So sometimes people are already discussing
they are talking with him as if she is not a rat. And some don't have
even the courtesy to introduce their wife.

The man said, THIS is what? The bone of my bones. The flesh of my flesh.
As simple as that is I don't know any woman that will not open up and
relax when her husband identifies her in the midst of the crowd.

So permit me to stop and ask. Now, I'm dealing with bonding. Bonding in
the spirit.

So yesterday you began to talk to us about bonding in the mind. If a man
has accepted and a wife has accepted Ecclesiastes again, I think
Ecclesiastes chapter 9 is it verse 10? It says, no, 9-9. It says, live
how? Joyfully.

Let's read it. Let's read Ecclesiastes 9-9 because there are these
things that the word of God continues to help us to see that we need to
pick up. Yes? Who reads Ecclesiastes 9-9? Have you seen it? 9-9, yes?
God has given you in these words.

The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. The
wife God gives you is your reward in all your earthly toil. Do you have
another version there, sir? New King James version.

New King James. Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days
of your vain life which he has given you under the sun all your days of
vanity. For that is your portion in life and in the level which you
perform under the sun.

Who is your portion in life? Your wife. That's your portion. Please
enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life
here because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you
toil under the sun.

Does anybody have a message and you want to read verse 9 for us? Is
there a message? No message. Relish life with the spouse you love each
and every day of your precarious life every day. Do what? Relish life.

Relish. Baba, God wants you to enjoy life with your wife. Whether you
are drinking gari, enjoy your wife every day.

Don't keep frowning as if you have another day to live. Yes, sir. Have
you finished? Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day of
your precarious life.

Each day is God's gift. It is all you get in exchange for the hard work
of staying alive. Make the most of each one.

Did you hear that? I wish it is possible for me to explain that. Look,
sir. Whatever you are running up and down doing, this woman that God has
given you, that is your portion in life, make the most of your life
together.

It is a pity that, as we read in Ephesians, no man ever yet ate himself.
If a man has a reason to love his wife, to hate his wife, who has he
hated? He is just punishing himself. How can you go, go, go, go and you
come home? Instead of relaxing and eating and enjoying your wife, you
just close up again.

What are you saying? I don't like that. Go away. How long will you do
that now? So, let me ask you to help us now.

So, we are now coming to the matter of the bonding of the mind that has
to do with communication. Can you give us a bit of insight into how the
mind, the mind of the man, the mind of the woman, how they can bond?
Because many issues are that the mind operates differently. The way a
woman sees things is different from the way the man sees.

And yet, he who made them in the beginning, how did he make them male
and female? So, can you help us? The communication, every aspect of
communication, including sexual communication, can you help us with
that? And then let's see how far we will go. Thank you. Just as just as
Jesus said in Matthew 9 and he quoted from Genesis chapter 1 verse 20,
27, Matthew 19 and Genesis chapter 1 verse 27, he said, So God created
man in his own image.

In the image of God he created him. Male and female, he created them.
The very crucial understanding that I see that we must also have in
order to bond, especially in the mind, is to understand that God who
created the man and his wife, he made them male and female.

He did not make them male and male. He didn't make them female and
female, but male and female. And the female is different from the male.

And as I was saying yesterday, the bone that was taken out is no longer
there. And because it's not there, that's why the difference. This bone
is inside the woman.

You don't have it. And for the woman, the remaining bones are inside the
man. You don't have those bones.

So there is a difference between the two. And in real life situations,
we will also discover that there is that difference between the male and
the female. And that's the reason why it's important to have this
understanding and to communicate with each other so that we will
understand.

The perspective of the male to issues of life is different from that of
the female. A study was carried out in the UK to find out those
differences. And so many things were discovered that normally, if we
understand, there shouldn't have been a misunderstanding between the
male and the female.

There are these differences that we must understand about the male and
the female. Even for us, generally, before I go into the result of that
study, the male, the way the male responds to hard situations is
different from that of the female. If something happens that touches a
woman that is very painful, the first way of expressing what is
happening inside is to weep.

Women can easily weep. But men, before they will shed tears, it will
take time. And if a man is shedding tears, then he has become a woman.

Yes, are you a woman? So as a man, we think it's a strength of
manliness. Even if something pains you, you're just right. You just
shake it off.

Even though it's paining him, it's paining him. But for a man, actually,
even if he wants to cry, he doesn't have the tears readily. That's how
God made men.

And I think in Jeremiah chapter 9, verse 17 to 20, God was also calling
the Israelites. He said, look, I have told you about your sins. You
never wept for your sins.

You have never felt anything for your sins. He said, call for the
wailing women. Let them take up a wailing for you so that your eyes will
gush out with tears.

Maybe when you see them weeping, then something will move you. You'll be
able to weep for your sins. And I see that as a recognition of that
difference.

Women weep for what touches them easily, more easily than men. Men's
tears are too deep inside. So we must understand this, that a man is a
man, and a woman is a woman.

If you understand that your husband is a male, you don't expect him to
weep because a child is conversing. But for us as women, when you are
running up and down carrying the baby, you are weeping at the same time.
But for a man, he may just be walking up and down.

He doesn't even care. He cares. It's just that his own care is not
expressed with weeping.

He has another way of expressing what pains him. We need to understand
this for one another. The male is different from the female.

And when your wife is weeping for everything that touches her, you say,
why are you weeping? Why are you weeping? What's wrong with you? You do
no more than weeping. Don't do that. He that made them at the beginning
makes them male and female.

We must understand the maleness in our husbands, and husbands should
understand the femaleness in their wives. Now, the result of that study,
the first thing that they discovered was that the way a woman looks at
the home, the home situation, the house, the home environment, is
different from the way a man looks at it. A woman's perspective of the
home and the environment at home is that the home is a place to develop
relationship, to relate together.

While she's at home, she wants to relate with her husband. Let's talk.
Let's gist.

Let's, you know, let's be together. But for a man, his perspective about
the home environment is that the home is meant as a place of rest. To
rest and relax.

That's the discovery. When you come back home, just to rest and relax.
So, when a man comes back from work, or from, you know, church service,
from prayer meeting, all that he is looking for is to either eat and
sleep, or to relax behind the television, or carry newspapers to read.

Whereas for the woman, say, ah, darling, oh, you are welcome. How was
the meeting? If you see what happened today, hmm, when Chinwe came back
from school, hey, if you see what happened. So, what is it? Look.

She wants to relate. She wants to build this relationship. She wants to
discuss.

She wants communication. Just to build this relationship. But for the
man, no.

Where is my food? Okay, okay, okay, you want to tell me something. Okay,
okay, let me eat. And then I will rest.

When I finish, then you can talk. And then summarize everything. When
she is talking, ah, I went out today.

Hey, if you see the man I met, the way that man behaved to me, say, hey,
hey, hey, talk, quick, quick, quick, talk. I don't have time for this.
Say, no, sit down.

Let me tell you something. He is painting me. I want to tell you.

You know I have prayer meeting at 4 p.m., and this is 2 p.m. I want to
eat and sleep. 2 minutes. And the woman says, oh, he has come again.

Okay, if you are not able to listen, just go away. And then there is
quarrel. The perspective of a male is different from that of the female.

The man wants to rest and relax. The woman wants to build relationship.
God made it so.

Now, instead of quarreling, let's first understand that he who made them
at the beginning made them male and female. And he that wants to rest
and relax, give him some time to rest and relax. And the woman who wants
to talk, when you have rested a bit, please give a listening ear.

Your wife is not a man. She wants to help you build this relationship.
The Bible says a wise woman builds her home.

Give her the space to help you build the relationship. We must develop
that listening ear. And I see that, you know, the Bible compares the
marriage relationship with the union between Christ and the church.

And when I look at Christ, I see that even when the bride was talking
foolish things, he had a listening ear. No matter how busy Jesus was, he
always had a listening ear to his bride, the disciples. And they said,
Lazarus, our friend is dead.

Thomas said, ah, if he's dead, let's go and die with him. What kind of
talk is that? So I'm saying, if he's sleeping, he will get well, but
they didn't understand. So sometimes you may think she doesn't
understand.

Give a listening ear. Let her build. Even by talking together, our
relationship will be built.

That's the first thing. The second thing now is that as far as a woman
is concerned, talking and sharing for her is a means of building
relationship. It doesn't matter what she's saying.

All she needs is for you to be aligned and be building and be talking
and be gisting. But for the husband, he does not think relationship is
to be built by words. He thinks that if there is something to say that
is important for hearing, that's when you talk.

You find that many brothers, husbands here, how many times do they talk?
The only way we speak if there's something, an instruction they want to
give. If you want to pass an instruction, then you will say it. So to
him, words is a means of passing knowledge.

That's the second thing that was discovered. That the way a woman uses
words is different from the way a man uses words. The male is different
from the female.

That men use words only to express facts. This is it. That is it.

This is it. Finish. Yes.

That's all now. But for a woman, words are used to build relationships.
And that's why you will discover that if there is a misunderstanding
between you and your husband, what bothers you as a woman is both what
he has said and how he said it.

And how he was looking when he was saying it. He's not building. He's
not concerned.

See the way you even said it. But for the man, he said, how did I say? I
just explained the facts. That's all.

And whether I look like this, I look like that, does it matter? Does it
change what I'm telling you? I told you that you didn't, that suit is
not good. So what is the matter? So we need to understand the two
differences. You understand also that that's why young girls fall easily
into the hands of men who know how to use words to build their wives.

When they come, they want to get a girl. They know how to get them. Not
even with money, but just with words.

Even if he's their grandfather, this girl may fall for that grandfather.
If he can just whisper, I love you. Do you know girls fall for that?
Just those three words.

I love you. Words for a woman must be used to build relationships. Words
are kept as treasures.

Whatever you say matters to a woman. Not even money. Words are very
important to a woman.

It is meant to build relationships. So they keep it as a treasure. They
keep words so easily.

Some of us, what our husbands said to us when we were courting, we still
have it. Because we kept it. It's so precious.

Very precious. If I ask the women that are here, some of them, the
letters that their husbands wrote when they were courting them, you are
the most beautiful thing. Does one sister want to confirm it? That
sister wearing red, please stand up and help us now.

What happened to those things that your husband used to write? Please
give her the microphone to help us. Sister, please, thank you. Because
you know, we need to hear it.

Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. The first time I met my husband, he looked
at me and said, my God, this is the red woman I have seen in my life.

and he said, in fact, I love you. And I can feel something burden has
lifted up on me. And, that day, I couldn't sleep the whole night.

Are you hearing? I was thinking about the words. He said, in fact, it
seems like we are coming alone for so many years. But the first time I
saw you, he said, I'm light.

And I can't express it. Do you know something? I love you. Wow.

How many years ago was that? 20 years ago. 24 years ago. And she still
remembers.

She can't forget. That's to tell you that words are precious to a woman.
And, as men, please, mind your words.

Mind your words. There was a man who also spoke something else to his
wife when they were first married in their honeymoon. Just because a
quarrel, you know, a misunderstanding, and he was trying to persuade his
wife over a matter and she couldn't just understand it.

And then he was so fed up and he said, we even beg God and God
understands. Are you Satan? Ah, that's the end. Me? Satan.

You call me Satan? Ah. And for the next 8 years, the marriage did not
work. If he says something, you want to sleep with Satan? He says, what
do you mean? Ah, you call me Satan now? So you now want to sleep with
Satan? Ah, okay.

And for 8 years, it was difficult for them to go on. Now, mind your
words as a man because you have married a woman. You have not married a
man.

Mind your words because your words can build that relationship like she
said. I love you. You are the best thing that has happened to me.

The load I've been carrying for years just disappeared as I saw you.
God, use your words to build. You can have a great home if you know how
to use your words.

Alright. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Before we come to our masters here, let me raise an issue. Because of
what we are hearing, women treasure words. It is like it is like a jewel
for them.

That's why all the letters you wrote when you were courting her, if you
ask, it's inside the box. They never lose one letter. But if you ask the
man, can you remember what you said? I can't remember when I said it.

Can't remember. Because to him, words is just to express something. And
that's all.

Just to say a fact or something and it goes. So words mean so much to a
woman and she keeps it. That's why every word that comes out of the
mouth of a husband to the wife is an evaluation for her.

She carries it as if it's a final verdict. So when the Bible says,
husbands, be gentle with your wife and do not use harsh words against
them. That's what you find in Colossians chapter 3. It was very
critical.

It's because when we use words even though we want to just tell a fact,
the woman doesn't just see the fact. She sees the complete words. How
you constructed it.

How you looked. How you emphasized. Whether you shouted or you spoke
softly.

That became a matter. Do you know that some of you sitting before me
here sometime in the days now that you send text. You send text.

All the text that you send to your wife when you are not at home. Go and
ask her. Has she deleted it? No.

It's there. The one you sent in 2013 is somewhere there. And this is
where we need to now look at communication in bonding.

Bonding. Now that we are knowing that husbands only uses words to
express an idea or to tell a fact or give an instruction. But when it
lands on the ears of your wife it is not the idea that matters.

It is that you spoke. Are you understanding? And it is the way you said
it. And it is how you put it across that means much to her.

It now becomes important in bonding that we will first of all remember
that everything else you need to bond with your wife must include words.
You must speak. Adam said this is now bone of my bones flesh of my
flesh.

Do you know that when your wife finished making her hair whether she
went to make the shuku or she went to the hairdresser and they did it
all even if she manages to cover it on the road when she comes to the
house what does she do? What is she waiting for? She is waiting for your
comment. Comment. But you see so many husband he will do as if he never
see.

And sometimes your wife say you don't even you have not even said
anything about my hair. And say what happened to your hair? Do you
understand what we are talking about now? The matter is that your wife
when she dress up are you hearing me? She is waiting for your comment to
say ah this is nice you look sweet. That gives her confidence to keep
going out.

Don't let it be another man outside that have eyes to see. And say oh
madam you look like sweet sixteen. You know the trouble now is that that
same word that that man has said will lodge in her heart.

Are you hearing me? But unfortunately it is not the voice of her
husband. Are you hearing me? So it is very important as a husband please
be sensitive. Even if you are happy with something say it.

Are we together? If her hairdo is good is beautiful do what? Say it. And
if you are able to touch it to say why this is nice this is nice you
will see that she will just do her hair like this. And I am telling you
when she meets the hairdresser she say what you did last week do it
again because my husband he likes this.

Sisters am I telling lies? Now but husbands communication requires that
your wife hears something. It pays a woman to have a husband who hardly
speaks. It is a punishment to a woman.

Don't be too occupied in your study that you are being with your wife
and she say my husband he doesn't talk he doesn't talk to me. Ha! The
husband say what do you mean by that? You may have not been talking to
him. He say you have not been talking no you don't talk.

Ha! But I told you what I told you that we are going to to to to the
village nursery. You say but you have not said anything. You see when
your husband say you have your wife say you have not said anything what
she says that what you have said you have not spoken enough.

You have not you have not related because her relationship is based on
the words. Communication for her is very strong. But now wives what do
we say so that we can bond? Number one never you forget that your
husband uses words not necessarily to hurt you.

He just express his feeling. Facts figures that's what he does. And he
always thinks that he has spoken.

You know there are many times I would think that I have told my wife
something. She says but you have not but I thought I mentioned it I
mentioned it. You see that mentality of a man that keeps the wife in the
dark does not help bonding.

So what do we recommend before I come over to them? I recommend number
one create deliberate time. To be home. Are we together? I said do what?
Create deliberate time to be home.

Don't only go home when you are tired to sleep. Someone has been waiting
for you. Every issue that has been happening your wife has been piling
it piling it on her mind and she is waiting that as soon as you come she
will download.

Am I communicating? The problem why you have many women becoming gossip
is that when they are piling up issues on their mind and there is nobody
to download to anybody that has ears they will start talking. And that
can be very dangerous. Please create a deliberate time to be home.

When I say to be home I want you to be home. I know some of you say you
are home but you are not home. Because as you are coming in you are on
computer.

Am I right? You say I am at home. You are not at home. Where are you?
You are in the net.

You are in the net. Don't let computer replace your marriage. Don't let
the answer are hearing me.

I know you are a man of God and sometimes I see some men of God. Some
are listening to the some But sometimes you. He's wondering who is that
You know many times she'll come and say, who are you talking with? It's
not that she's first suspecting you.

She wishes all this. Yes, yes, yes, you are doing. It was her that you
are talking with.

I know sometimes when you need to honestly spend you. Spend time with
your wife. When you are home, let it be that you are home.

If it were possible, anything you cannot do together at home with your
wife, keep it somewhere else. It would be wonderful, even if issues of
ministry becomes opportunity. For what? For discussion and relationship.

Do you know that your wife will be so happy that when you come back,
after you have listened to her about everything that she has piled up
and she is downloading for you and say, thank God, thank God. Wow, so
that's how you went through it. Thank you, thank you for holding the
family.

What would have happened if you were not here? I thank God for you. May
God bless you, may God bless you. And I was also looking forward to come
home and tell you what I've been facing.

Then she will gather the chairs and say, what is it? What is going on?
And then as you start talking, she will be drawing it, because not that
what you are saying is of major interest, but that you are saying it.
Are you getting what I'm saying? That you are telling her is very
important. And how beautiful it is that something is happening and
somebody is trying to talk out there and your wife says, my husband
actually told me everything.

We have been praying over it. You know she has confidence. But do you
know the problem with many pastors? It is on the pulpit that their wives
are getting to hear their plans.

As I was just praying yesterday, the Lord told me that we are going to
start an anointing service. And it is from Sunday, we are going to begin
it. And there is going to be a wonderful outburst of power of God in
this church.

Hallelujah. Hallelujah. And the wife is sitting there saying, So we are
going to start an anointing service next Sunday.

What of the family visits that we planned to go and see our children at
Federal Government School, Umunedi? My husband, has he forgotten? What
did he tell me? And if I don't join him now, they will think I am the
devil in the ministry. You see brothers, even your revelations, who is
the first person to share with? Is this woman. Because she is the one
that will stand with you and carry that burden with you.

Please sir, make even the issues of ministry a basis of relationship.
You see, my wife does not always understand. There will be no way she
will understand until you begin to carry her along.

Bonding. Yes sir. Yes sir.

Um, there is also another research that was conducted in the US which
shows that 40 to 60 percent of troubled marriages are attributed to
husbands who don't talk. You know when they say that he created them
male and female, there are peculiarities. And actually that research
also shows that women have capacity for 30,000 words per day.

Whereas for the man, at most 20,000. So there is a gap of 10,000. So
when you have exhausted your own 20,000, she still has an excess of
what? 10,000.

10,000. Can you see why if you go into a war of words with your wife,
you will never win? You will never win. But I think the point that was
made in the beginning as far as Genesis 2.18 is concerned, I think that
is the area that I pray that God will help us, the men, to know.

And actually, it comes by way of a revelation. Because when we started
with my wife, I had real problems with my wife. You know, even when
everybody is saying I'm doing well, she will find something to draw my
attention about.

I say, ah, but everybody is saying I'm doing well. And they're happy.
And they're happy with what I'm doing.

Where is she looking for problems? We will visit people. We will sit on
table. When I'm putting food, you know, she's observing the quantity.

And she will stretch her leg under the table to touch my leg like this.
So, I asked her, I said, why are you doing this? She said, why are you
doing as if you are coming from a refugee camp? Now, it was God himself
that revealed to me. In fact, the night that he told, look, I brought
her into your life to help you.

You know, I woke up. I said, darling, I'm sorry. Anything that you know
will help me to become a better man, please don't withhold it from me.

And keep doing it. Please continue to draw my attention to it. You know,
there are many men that are frustrated with their wives.

And they see them as talkatives. No. Actually, like it has been said,
God has packaged them.

All that they need to be of help to you, God has packaged it in them.
They may not say it nicely, but I want you to know that the aim is to
what? To help you. Even though to the sisters, I would say that, you
know, you need to really package your help in a way that your husband
can easily collect it from you.

Because, you know, the man is saying, ah, ah. Yes. Everybody is greeting
me, well done, sir.

Well done, sir. Well done, sir. You're the only one that always sees a
stone in my rice.

Eh? When I finish preaching, you're the one that's saying, but, you
know, the way you said something, and you didn't say it well. I was
looking at the eyes of the people, how they would feel when you were
talking the other time. But, you know, when the Lord impressed that,
even on the pulpit as I'm talking, I'll be looking at her direction.

I will know when to change gear. When I look at her face and it looks
one kind, then I know that I'm not striking the right course. And, you
know, the ministry kept improving and so on and so forth.

So, we need to come to an understanding that bonding is actually for our
good. There was a time also I was just collecting invitation, left,
right, and center. And, you know, they were just, I was becoming very
stressful.

And, you know, she tried to help me, but I wouldn't listen. For me, this
door has opened. Yes.

We must go. And, thank you, darling. Thank you.

God bless you. Thank you. You need to talk now.

I think since we are ministers of the gospel here, one of the problems
wives have with our minister husbands on communication is, first, the
jamming of invitations. And you have a local church you are supposed to
be taking care of. You know, the grumblings.

You may not hear it. They are saying, Baba, well done. We thank God.

We have never had it this good. But they are grumbling that you are
traveling everywhere. You are not settled.

Are we together? Yes. So, we need to, you need to, one of the
communications wives need, apart from the sweetness, the rightness of
it, it must be timely and factual. Give the relevant information.

And so that we can help to remind you, to draw your attention, so that
you are not jamming things and confusing the ministry. Thank God for
your life. God wants to use you.

But you need to allow us to help you. I remember one time he jammed some
programs. And when the thing became very tight for him and there was
noise under, he woke up one morning, he said, it's better for me to
retire now.

Since I've reached the time that I can voluntarily retire, if I leave
the church, it will be better. I said, where is this one coming from? I
said, this program, he said, no, we are going to cancel the program. And
it's outside the station.

I said, you can't do that. Those that wait on the Lord, he renews their
strength. And he jumped, that is the word for me.

And he jumped and strength was renewed. And by the time we went there,
there was battle over there, over the program. When we finished, they
knew that it was God.

What I'm saying is that part of the communication, give us timely
information. Once a woman has the correct, truthful information, you
will have a lot of rest. But when we don't know what you are about, you
are just moving like, like we are.

There is problem. So may God help our brothers. And also, sometimes you
think that we don't know how to package our own.

They package it this way, you don't know, you say the person doesn't
know how to talk. She tries to package it the nice one, you don't move.
Then the fight will come.

Because a normal wife has the interest of her husband. She doesn't want
you to fail. Are you hearing that? She is always saying a normal wife.

Yes. Look, before I ever met my husband, God said to me that he was
preparing me, that I was going to be a help in the ministry. Not a
trouble.

So since I'm going to be a help, you must be willing to be helped. If
you are not willing to be helped, there will be great problem. The wife
will be frustrated, and you yourself, you will fail.

May God help us. Thank you very much. I think, you know, we have entered
into something.

Let's ask. Are there some questions that we can take this evening?
Praise the living God. What I'm trying to find out is, there are certain
things that maybe some people, a wife will not be able to bear.

I don't know, is it wrong? If a husband discovers that, no, she cannot
handle this thing now. Not that he is keeping it secret, but he is
waiting for appropriate time. That's the first question.

Alright, thank you. Then, the second one. Is there a wrong choice in
marriage? Can we regard that also as the best thing to the man or the
woman? Alright, thank you, sir.

Then the next question, sir. Can you stop so that we can answer your
questions quickly? You know, you are not the only one. We have many
other questions.

So we take these two, and then maybe others will ask, and it will answer
what you have in mind. Sorry, sir. Let me drop one out of that one.

The last one is very important. Maybe you can ignore one of my
questions. The last one is, there are normal wives and there are
abnormal wives.

I think that's what our sister is telling us. And from all indications,
we know that women love to talk. Now, are you married? I am.

Is your wife normal? I don't really understand. I want to find out.
Because... Alright.

That's why I said you can ignore other questions, but this one should
be... Alright. I find myself in a situation where I will always be
telling my wife, what is in your mind? I want you to speak. I want you
to speak.

So, most of the times, she is quiet. I will discover that something is
wrong. What is in your mind? Just speak, even if it means insulting me.

Just speak. No problem. But you will be seeing problems.

So, in such situations, what do you do? Alright. Thank you. This is okay
now.

He has now asked the real question. So, we will take that real question
and leave all the other ones. Now, the Bible says, Husband, love your
own wives, even as Christ loves the church.

Dwell with your wife, according to knowledge. What it means is that,
your wife is honestly unique. And if you take time to know the
peculiarity of your wife, you will discover that there is a key that
opens her up.

And that's how you married her. And that's who she was when you were
married. So, the first thing I would like to say is that, I told you, I
said, Farama.

Did you hear the word I used? I said, settle down. Get contented. Be
satisfied.

And then, seek to know, where is the key that opens this package for me.
It's not that your wife doesn't talk. But, there are many, many times
that a woman had to had become withdrawn from talking.

Because the first time she talked, you shouted her down. You find so
much fault in what she said. To the point, I said, I don't know how to
talk.

The last time I talked, it was a problem. just anything you do, it's
okay. It's okay.

I will follow you. Anyhow. And, sometimes, a woman is looking for a
conducive atmosphere to express herself, to come out.

Please create that time. That woman that God gave you, is a treasure.
And I want you to know it's a treasure.

But, in order to quickly deal with, is there a wrong choice in marriage?
It's okay. It's okay. But once you are married, you are married.

And what the Bible says, Husband, do what? As Christ did, while we were
yet sinners. Even if she happened to have been wrong, were you not the
one who chose her? Were you not the one who went and proposed? Or she
jumped on your neck and said, you must marry me by force? Brother,
please settle down. Don't allow anybody to say, well, it's because you
missed it, that's why.

Don't let that enter your head. You are married. Lead your wife to God
and say, Lord, make her the help she should be in my life.

Even if you now openly discover that she is an unbeliever, then you now
have a matter of interceding until you bring her to Christ. May God help
us in the name of Jesus Christ. Praise God.

My question is on the side of counseling. There are situations where we
are asked to allow, to give counseling, allow our wives to be, while
giving counseling to others. But there are situations, people that are
seeking to be counseled, they will not be open when they see our wives.

In that situation, what do we do? I would like you to know that the
congregation has to be taught that you and your wife, you are one. Are
you hearing me? Particularly, if the counseling you are talking about is
a woman, run away. From a woman that is seeking your counsel and does
not want your wife to hear, run away.

Who is the best person to interpret the challenges of a woman than
another woman? I want you to train your church to accept your oneness.
In fact, if my wife is not there and you are talking to me, I'll tell
you, I say, thank you, I will share this with my wife so that we can
pray over it. Because I would like to be carrying a body in my heart for
you, that my wife is saying, what are you crying about? I say, no, it
doesn't concern you.

Imagine that we are praying, I say, oh, help, ah, Lord, help my God,
Jesus. And my wife says, help who? I say, don't worry, don't worry.
Don't you know that that will be the beginning of a crack in your own
body? What God has done together, let no counseling or canceling put us
on that.

Share together. Now, you may think, ah, my wife cannot bear it. When the
brother was painting that big picture, and Jesus Christ said there's
something that he wants to say and they cannot bear it now, did you hear
that Jesus said, I'll be it.

When the Spirit comes, it will teach you all things. It will show you
all things. I wish you are like Christ.

We say, what I want to say, I don't think I know how to say it for you
to understand, but I will be praying that the Holy Spirit, and you need
and say, Lord, what I need to tell my wife, I don't know whether she can
bear it, but Spirit of the Living God, can you package it and reveal it
to her? I wish you are like the Master. How can you keep a matter in
your heart for three years, for five years, say because my wife cannot
bear it now? And usually, I'm telling you, usually most of such things
that they are saying their wife cannot bear is a wrong thing. It's
either a sin, it's either maybe there is an outside girl somewhere, say
if my wife hears now, she will break down.

She has not grown enough. No. I want to tell you the truth is this, if
your wife discovers that she has trusted you for a number of years, only
to discover that they are the same matter, that you have been keeping,
and you are saying, because I know you won't be able to bear it, that's
the day she will lose her trust in you.

Don't let that be. Don't let it be like that. Let us make sure that
everything that is possible, even if it is the question of preparing
your wife to be able to understand and carry it, why don't you invest
that time so that there will be no reason.

I struggle with a marriage. We struggled with two marriages some time
ago. Here is a young man that got married, you know, and the wife.

They were together and were watching over them and they were growing.
And then we kept waiting for a baby. We prayed and prayed that God would
visit them.

No visitation. Any time we wanted her to go to hospital to go and check,
she said, no, can't we trust God? We trust God. The day they got to the
hospital and discovered that she had no womb, she has never menstruated
in her life and she never told.

That was a terrible story. We didn't know what to do now. We went to ask
for the parents.

Did you know? They said no. Why didn't you open your mouth and say it?
Another one married for 11 years. Before she got married, she had had
this pregnancy and aborted.

And during the abortion, when they were removing the uterus, but now got
married to this brother. She used to be a choir mistress singing and
everywhere. And every time they said, let's go for tests.

There's one who said, I'm going for tests to see whether there's no
problem. When it comes to the sisters, I say, praise the Lord. God will
answer our prayer.

It was far away in UK that they went and somehow they went for a
different test in the hospital. And you know, white man doesn't know how
to keep anything. When the man checked and found that there's no uterus,
she came out.

The man came out and was telling the husband, what are you doing with a
woman that has no uterus? He just said this casually like that. The
brother broke down. The biggest thing is not that we don't have a baby,
but that you did not tell me.

Falsehood. Don't let anybody tell you that she cannot be a it. Don't
spiritualize yourself.

You go to Jesus. When Jesus said, I have many things to say to you. He
was simply talking about the capacity of the veracity of what they need
to get to know, which only the Holy Spirit.

And when he said the Holy Spirit, when did the Holy Spirit come? 50 days
after. The Holy Ghost has already arrived. So what are you talking
about? Now you are keeping a secret for 5 years, 3 years, 4 years.

And you are not begging the Holy Spirit to reveal it. I wish you are the
one who went and said, Lord, this thing I cannot say to my wife. Holy
Ghost, wake her up in the middle of the night.

Tell her. I need the Holy Spirit to wake her up and show her in a
vision. How your life was scattered and how there was a boy growing in
the village.

And she woke up and said, I had a vision yesterday. The Holy Spirit told
me this. Will you be able to handle it? We need to take the questions
now for the lady.

Where is the lady that raised her hand? Yes, her sister. Please give her
the mic. The Bible says that if a man finds a wife, he has found a good
thing.

And that attracts the favor of the Lord. Often times we hear that
somebody didn't marry the right person. Or he married the wrong person.

So I want to ask, has God divinely purposed a particular woman for, a
particular man to marry? Or, any believing man after much prayers and
waiting can be led to a lady to marry? That's my question. Are you
married? Yes, please. Were you led to your husband? Yes.

So what is the problem? You know, at times certain things happen and we
hear that. Stop, stop hearing. We are talking about your own marriage.

This family clinic is about our own marriage. We are talking about our
own bonding. Because somebody may ask me when I'm doing counseling.

Don't worry. Don't let anybody ask you yet. We are here first.

Bond with your husband. When you are bonding and this thing we are
dealing with has grown. Whosoever brings that question, you will have
sufficient answers to help that man.

Do you know that most people that are asking such questions is because
their marriage has a problem. Am I right? Have you ever met anybody who
is enjoying his wife? That is not asking. I don't even know whether it's
the Lord that led me to marry you or not.

Have you ever met anybody like that? So which means what normally
brought such questions is a problem. And rather than face the problem,
they are now looking for excuses where to hang it. That's why that's not
a question to ask.

If a man is already married like Jesus, they came to Jesus and said is
it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? You know they
were trying to ask because they have challenges. Jesus said, have you
not read? Which means that if they have read or if they are willing to
sit down and be properly instructed, even that marriage will work well.
Now, don't let anybody quickly call your wife a demon because you are
having a problem.

Don't let anybody quickly rush and say your husband is a witch because
there are difficulties that you don't know how to resolve yet. That
usually is never the answer to the question of marriage. So that's why
we don't want you to be going back and say is there somebody like that?
Look, marriage, the Bible says, is honorable in all.

If you are not yet married, are you hearing me? We will give you all the
attention to make sure you marry correctly you marry a child of God, you
marry a believer and you understand the purpose of marriage. But if you
miss that and you are already married, you are married. The question is
not whether she was the correct one in the beginning.

If she is not the correct one, what do you want to do? You are married.
And God hates divorce. So that's not the question.

If we are to deal with that, we deal with it from a different
perspective. It's not the question. Anybody who is coming to you and
say, in fact, I regret that I married this woman.

You should tell him straight away that he should settle down. Don't
start saying, okay, how did God lead you? Did you see a vision? That's a
useless thing, that is medicine after death. Don't do that.

And don't get into such a useless counseling. It's useless. It has no
end.

And don't lend your voice to breaking a marriage. Don't say you are in
the spirit and as you are praying, the Lord actually showed you that
that woman is not the bone of his bones. You are a liar.

It's marriage. Please, honor their marriage and ask them to go forward.
That's what to do.

Thank you. God bless you. My question is on the issue that Daddy raised
about signalling a husband when things are going somehow.

What do I do as a woman that when you are signalling, your signal is
being exposed. It seems as if leave me alone. And before you know it,
people in the church have started understanding that something is wrong.

Mommy is signalling Daddy somehow. What do I do? Because there came a
time that I said, okay, if that is the situation, I'll just keep quiet
and just leave it. But I thought it's not good enough.

Sometimes when you are signalling, you say, what? What did you say? What
did you do? And my second question is on discipleship. Truly, when I,
most of the time I came in contact with Mommy Sade, she used to talk
about men. I see the boldness and the way she brings it out.

So sometimes it's very difficult for me to talk to other, like the other
opposite sex to disciple them. But for the female, it's very, very easy.
So I want to understand what what is the level that discipleship starts
also? Because sometimes you meet with those girls, like those of us that
our our homes are just close to the federal universities and all that.

You meet with girls. And for me, I start at any time. Does it mean that
once a girl comes closer under me that she should be a disciple? Because
sometimes they spend just a few years and they leave.

So I think discipleship starts from there. I don't know whether I am
wrong. And for the first question, sometimes it's like, allow me be
myself.

You know, I don't have a double life. So I don't know whether the new
creation man can live both like this and the other way. Thank you, sir.

All right. Thank you very much. You know, when we were talking, we said
husbands should please receive this help, isn't it? But then when my
wife was answering a question earlier, rebuke not an elder but entreat
him as a father.

Now, when a wife is going to honestly bring correction or something to
adjust to a husband, the manner in which you bring it matters a lot. It
must be packaged still in the spirit of submission. Are you
understanding? Sometimes that kind of signaling that they did here now
is wonderful.

But it's not every time she does that. There are other places where she
will look away and then she will when they get back home and say,
darling, there was something that happened that I thought I should
remind you. In the privacy of your room and you have packaged it in a
good atmosphere, you will not likely refuse it.

But if your signal is becoming public, that's a problem. This touching
his leg that he described, nobody saw it. Don't do it in the way that he
said, mommy is signaling that to you.

Once it has become so known, it becomes wrong. So, do it in a manner
that your husband's honor is still not jeopardized. Always.

To keep quiet is not the answer. But to find God's wisdom to do it. Some
other time, listen, you may need to send God to him.

You may need to go on your knees and say, father, speak to my husband
even before I will speak. And as you turn to him, before you come, the
Lord will have spoken. And you will be the ones, ah, the Lord death will
be over the case.

Ah, thank God, I would have told you, but the Lord said I should let him
talk to you. That's another way to pass it on. The greatest help a wife
would do to her husband, honestly speaking, is first of all, in the
place of prayer.

When you start praying for him, you will see that many of the issues, it
will be corrected by God's grace. That's important. Now, on the matter
of discipleship, let us say, again, like we started saying, even the
girls that you have more confidence to speak to, do you know that
sometimes those girls are coming to you for discipleship, their eyes is
on your husband.

Are you hearing me? Honestly speaking, some girls, it is your husband
that they want to hear. Because girls think that there is something. So
what to do in order to enhance your discipleship where even though if it
starts with you, bring your husband into it.

Sit together with those girls. And when it is now boys, it will not be a
problem to bring even boys into that discipleship because you and your
husband, you are working together over it. That is what it is.

Now we are not saying that you must wait for years before you begin to
disciple a soul. Honestly speaking, if a soul comes your way today, the
first thing we want you to ensure is that check if he is born again. If
he is not born again, that is the first thing to do.

Labor until he is born again because that which is born of God, is the
only one that can grow in discipleship. That which has not been born
again, there is nothing you do for a dog and it will grow and become a
goat. It is not possible.

So, even if they just come in, lead them to Christ. And if their hearts
are open, begin to pour your life into them. Any time, place is very
important.

Now, your boldness in ministering to opposite sisters will grow as you
labor together with your husband. Do you understand? Let your husband be
part of what you are doing. Don't just be on your own.

And let you be part of what he is doing and then you will see that you
will both grow together. And that correction that we are talking about,
God will bring it through in Jesus' name. Now, we have more questions
but we are going to keep them.

They will be our first response tomorrow by the grace of God. But, I
must ask, answer this question simply. Each time I come to Boko to
discover what will strengthen my marriage and make it better.

When I returned from Boko and wanted to make amends, my wife would be
saying, why have you not been doing this before? Why have you not been
doing this before? Can you imagine that that's a very simple question?
What is that question saying? Why have you not been doing this? I have
never known. If I had known, I would not have been like this. Now that I
know, my eyes just opened as we went to Boko.

Next time, I want you to follow me so that you can see how this thing
has been affecting my life. That is what it will be. So, please, that's
how to handle it.

She's not querying you. She's only saying, so, is it only now that your
eyes opened? And you say, actually, this is the time my eyes have just
opened and I thank God it's better late than never. Allow me to correct
this thing now that I've known and do it.

Sometimes, your wife is asking that question because she's suspecting
that maybe you are just changing in order to collect something. Eh,
Baba, you know now. So, she says, eh, I suspect this thing that you are
doing because I know you have never been doing this before but you are
looking for something else.

Can you please let your conviction, let it be clear. Let it be void of
any other private agenda so that your wife can develop trust in what God
is doing in your life now. Praise the Lord.

So, the questions that remain we will answer them by the grace of God
tomorrow. Eh, sir, do you permit us to end here? Alright, thank you. We
would like to stop here.

May the Lord eh, bring increase to the issues we are raising. Bonding is
because it is good for us. Communication as we are beginning to talk,
the mind of the wife, the mind of the husband is never at the same way.

But God made them male and female. Let us begin to create that space.
Wives, please, I beg you, don't keep, don't keep trash.

We cannot say your husband may not say something that is offensive. Do
what? Tear it out. Take it away.

Don't keep junks. You have a limited space in your heart. Don't fill it
with unwholesome things.

Only that which ministers grace is what we want you to treasure. Please
be quick to discharge wrong things that your husband may say. The reason
is because it blocks your own pipe.

The difference with your husband is that your husband can be here now.
If you raise four issues, he will treat it independently and behave as
if no one connected another. That's the way his mind operates.

He can be having a challenge with you now. Why you are crying and you
couldn't do anything because that matter is not yet solved. It's heavy
on your heart.

Your husband will just close it and he will pull out the next agenda
which is maybe to go and preach. And you will say, this man can go and
preach. That is because in his own mind, it is not a pipe.

His own mind is a shell. It's compartments. Some husbands have kept
their marriage in a compartment.

And it's only when they want to open it that they enter that
compartment. When they close that compartment, they open another
compartment and they can go on operating as if nothing is wrong. And it
baffles wives.

I say, how can my husband do like this? It's because we are not the
same. Are we not the same? Are we the same? Are we not the same? Are we
not the same? Are not we the same? How can we not be the same? Are we we
not that we cannot do without even a little help from the Lord Jesus
Christ, we are praying this day that you will grant unto us correction,
you will grant us a change of heart, you will heal us where we have been
wounded in the name of Jesus Christ. We pray oh God that from today
things will change for the better.

You set up this relationship as a unit to handle your work on earth.
When you wanted to delegate your work on the face of the earth, you
delegated it to a man and his wife, a dam and his wife, and you handed
over everything you created to that family. Lord, we know that's the
reason why you brought us into marriage because there is something you
want to hand over to us in your church and on the face of the earth.

We pray that our marriage will not hinder it in the name of Jesus
Christ. We ask oh Lord that rather our marriage will bring to completion
the work that you have committed into our hands in the name of Jesus
Christ. Lord please, we know we cannot probably finish everything about
marriage in these few times of meeting together.

We pray again that you will give increase to your word. Where we have
not touched, questions we have not answered, only God's divine. We pray
that you will meet with each of us and answer our questions in the name
of Jesus Christ.

We ask Lord that you will please bless our marriage. Lord, bless our
union that the work that you have put in our hands also will receive a
blessing from your hands in the name of Jesus Christ. We ask Lord that
our congregations will receive a boost as a result of what you are doing
in our relationships even in this place.

Thank you Father for hearing us. We commit our meeting tomorrow into
your hands that you will again give increase to what you have already
taught us. We pray that ministering together, serving you together, Lord
our ministries will receive an increase from your hands in Jesus name.

We ask you to please prepare us for what you have prepared for us. Help
us almighty Father. Thank you Lord for each one of us that have
contributed one thing or the other.

We pray that you will bless us all and let your name be exalted in our
marriages. Thank you Father for hearing us. For we have prayed in Jesus
name, Amen.

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Source: https://sermonindex.net/speakers/gbile-akanni/family-clinic-2/
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