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Discussion Forum : Miracles that follow the plow : My life is in pieces but I want to bless everyone with every broken piece

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Joined: 2005/1/6
Posts: 1838
Hemel Hempstead

 My life is in pieces but I want to bless everyone with every broken piece

With jumping out of the window everything in my life is broken including my foot. I need to know, that where I go is right and I need to know what god wants me to do whether it is hard or easy!!
At university I have got to face alot of flac and pressure I am worried about finances, my own sanity and so is the university, they are not going to let me near any windows. I have been thinking do I go or do not go? I want an answer of the Lord even if it hurt, I have so much repenting and forgiveness to do.
I am scared at making those leaps of faith that I need to make, I do not know my future but I trust in god. My finances I am not sure about but I trust god. I am in a dire way in every way.
Jesus gave my life for me, I do not want to be selfish with what he has given me, I want to use every cell in my body to praise and be faithful to him, yet I am unfaithful.
I have a court case coming up with the guy who stole my money I want to somehow get jesus into that and lay that down at his feet.
I am worried about tution fees and accomidation.
In any way I want to give my whole life if I never go to university again or I want to give my life to him. I want to use everything, all of the things that god has given me for him like David Livingstone used his medical skils, even if I have to lay it down.
My heart is to not only bless as many people as possible and bring as many christians to Jesus and to know Jesus through every means possible
I am confused and a mess as I normally say I am a mess but I need Jesus I cannot handle things now, how am I going to handle things in the future.

Dominic Shiells

Dominic Shiells

 2006/2/11 18:35Profile

Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 2732

 Re: My life is in pieces but I want to bless everyone with every broken piece


Your honest but distressed posts cause those who read them to wonder if you are part of a Christian fellowship. The description of your struggles hardly seems to mention the support of a local body of believers. I mention this only because people within an internet fellowship like this one, can only walk so far with you.

We can pray for you...but it sounds like you could benifit from proximity with a stronger more experienced brother in the Lord.

I commend your honesty in expressing your confusion and struggles. Yet, at the same I would suggest that their is more to honesty then honest speaking...there is also honest living. If we find that we are never gaining traction in our spiritual life then perhaps we need to face some deficiencies in our own character and seek to deal with these things with the help of a trusted mentor. It may be a virtue to admit defeat...but it is not a virtue to stay defeated.

If I am speaking out of turn or in ignorance of your situation then count this as an example of the limitations of an internet fellowship. Those of us who are reading your desperate messages are compelled to respond to you...but we are extememly limited. I don't believe Christianity is only a "spiritual" relationship to is also continued physical fellowship and accountability to other believers.

Bless you brother and we'll keep you and the issues you shared in our prayers.


Mike Compton

 2006/2/11 19:15Profile


Mat 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30 [u]For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.[/u]

Dom, this verse came in my head as I was almost at the end of your post.

I read Compton's post, and felt the pathos/heart feelings in it.
He said so well what needs to be said and in much love and deep felt concern because of Christ our mutual Savior, reaching out from him to you.

I usually post to every one of your threads my friend ... but I notice you seldom if ever post back to us.

You don't come back to the threads you start normally.

That is not good.
You need "dialog" with the brothers and sisters here ... not just dumping thoughts and moving on.

MC is so right.... It does and always has sounded as if you don't have the 'one on one' mentorship of a Godly Stable Brother.

I've asked you that in the past, but is that the case ?

A Biblical Counselor would not hurt neither. Some are actually Licensed Counselors, as long as you're sure they're Biblical Counselors.
That would be a great idea. You're not the only one who's had their head scrambled like eggs, at some point in their lives.
I think you already know, that not a few of us on here have, at one time or another.

Anyhow ... your FIRST STEP is to 'STAY FOCUSED'.

Come back to this thread and 'stay with it' for the remainder, and let's talk.
Do you know what I'm saying ?

Let's dialog here Brother And not stop until we see something happen for you.
You're not the worst egg in the batch, [u]Believe me.[/u]
So let's kick this all around together as a Family O.K. ?

The guys and gals here are pretty smart cookies and some of them have been through [b]Hades[/b] too, in their lifetimes.

Make the most of this avenue, while it's still available. O.K. ?

We Love you Dom.
Annie too

 2006/2/11 19:37


I can only think of 2 things that you need.

1. Rest in the Love of Jesus.
2. Local fellowship.

Simple response for your broken heart, I pray that you may follow through.

 2006/2/11 21:01

Joined: 2003/11/23
Posts: 4529

 "Let not your heart be troubled..."

Hi Deltadom...

When I often read your posts, I am reminded of the desperation that I have read from such men as Charles Finney and John Bunyan during the struggles as they sought to know and fellowship with God.

Have you read the autobiography of either men?

Finney's autobiography was published appropriately as "[i]An Autobiography[/i]." However, it was titled [i]Memoirs of Revivals and Religion[/i]." It is available online [url=]here[/url].

John Bunyan's autobiography was entitled, "[i]Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners[/i]." It is also available online in several locations, including [url=]here[/url].

Both of these books are wonderful editions to your spiritual library -- and they have helped me tremendously in my walk with the Lord. Brother, you are not alone in your feelings of desperation. But remember, there is a peace that surpasses all understanding -- one that is full of joy unspeakable and full of glofy. This comes only from resting quietly in the arms of God.

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me." John 14:1



 2006/2/12 0:34Profile

 Re: My life is in pieces but I want to bless everyone with every broken piece

Dear Dom,

Yous said:

I am scared at making those leaps of faith that I need to make, I do not know my future but I trust in god.

First I want to reassure you that [i]none[/i] of us know our future. Whatever we see, whatever God has put in our hearts, it waits there to be developed and unfolded as our years of cleaving unto Him continue. The more important thing than 'knowing' the future, is walking with Him today. Knowing the Lord today, is all that is required.

This brings me on to the other point I've quoted from you ........ the idea of 'leaps of faith'.

I think perhaps you are misunderstanding what that means..... because people make is sound as if, because it is a 'leap', it is a very [i]long[/i] way, or, a very [i]high[/i] jump. This is not what they mean AT ALL. It might be only a millimetre, or a centimetre, but [i][b]to the person[/b] [/i] it LOOKS like 'a leap', or it FEELS like 'a leap' ....... when actually, it is not even a whole step..... but, it [u]tries[/u] the faith of the person who has to take it. (Another way to say that is it [i]proves[/i] the faith of the person who has to take it.

In other words, as you [u]walk by faith[/u] every day, you [u]are making[/u] those so-called 'leaps', simply by [u]continuing to walk[/u] with God honestly.

Please think about this, and be encouraged. Concentrate on being faithful to all the small things you can do easily, as well as trying to [i]win[/i] in some things which previously you [i]lost[/i].

By the way, are you in Canterbury right now, or have you gone home with the broken foot?

 2006/2/12 6:52

Joined: 2005/7/3
Posts: 233
Lancashire, England

 Re: My life is in pieces but I want to bless everyone with every broken piece

Hey Dom,

I recently heard this poem by Carter Conlon, as i read it thought of you,

What shall become of the hand full of crumbs?
Gathered from the Masters table,
A strong hand has embraced them,
Alas some have fallen on the floor,
with the lowly, their calling,
Yet what shall become of the these crumbs?

Unworthy, unlovely, fallen, despised,
Says one filled with hate, feigning surpirise,
Their pitiful condition is just plain to see,
These crumbs everyone are for me.
The dogs start to gather,
lips smacking with glee,
When a woman of faith says, 'These crumbs are for me'.

With Tender compassion the Lord says 'You may'.
The devourer once more slinks away in dismay,
Yet what shall become of these crumbs?
Though feeble and faultered they all start to see,
Through them healing flows meeting deepest of need,
A mother, a daughter, a family set free,
Through things once discarded like you, and like me.

Though often we've wandered from where we should be,
The mercy of God continues to lead,
Forever the blind, the maimed and the dumb,
Find new life in Christ,
Through a hand full of crumbs.



 2006/2/12 7:56Profile

Joined: 2005/10/18
Posts: 490


One of the things the Lord is after is my self-sufficiency Dom. I know He is after this in every follower of His.

That means that He must meet my family's needs as He orders our steps. No more flesh deals....

I pray that you wholeheartedly seek the Lord and lay out everything before Him. Although your honesty is refreshing in this age when most of the time we're patting ourselves on the back saying how great we are, my spirit is distressed to some degree as well.

The Christian life is about brokenness but it's also about victories (e.g. his victories over sin, his victories to provide). I just pray brother that you begin to have victories as he leads you into repentance and through barrenness. Know that Jesus is enough to meet every need, to heal every wound, to restore. I pray you will fully submit to Him and allow this work of grace to happen.

Blessings to you in the name of Jesus...

Ed Pugh

 2006/2/12 11:58Profile

Joined: 2005/5/2
Posts: 3777

 A further breaking

Dom, I must admit that I don't know you very well, but, as I read this post, something seems to come to the surface:
It is the inconsistency between your desire, and your experience. You desire great faith that God will provide, but you express the opposite - anxiety.

You desire to bless EVERYONE with EVERY broken piece. Yet, I do not see a truly broken person yet.

You really want to live a victorious life and be a good testimony, but this is not happening, right?

Let me share from personal expereince: YOU CAN'T LIVE THE CHRISTIAN LIFE, so perhaps the challenge is for you to accept that. Accept your own broken condition, and also invite God to do a far greater breaking in your life - that is, a breaking of all that resists his grace.

While you wish to "redeem" your flawed self, God wishes to utterly crucify it, and give you a new life.
Will you take it? What might be standing in the way?

You are sharing here, and that is awesome, because sharing is a vulnerable thing to do. I trust that you will glean from our various comments what pertains to you.

Remember that God specializes in people just like you!


 2006/2/12 17:35Profile

Joined: 2005/1/6
Posts: 1838
Hemel Hempstead

 Re: A further breaking

A struggle to accept myself. I have read all your posts and they are loving and good.
The issue that I am dealing with at the moment is my future I need guidance and how to accept jumping out a window of 18ft this is what I am struggling with.
I am hard to comprehend it let alone with my mind and my heart is still in shock and i need prayer for my uni work.


Dominic Shiells

 2006/2/27 21:37Profile

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