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 Church is a lot like Football

Most everyone here knows I am a football coach. (If you dont... I'm a football coach) Anyway, I saw this and saw some humor and conviction in this. Hope everyone gets something out of this... Krispy

[b]Benchwarmer:[/b] Show up on Sunday eleven o’clock sharp and leave twelve o’clock dull. They do not sing, pray, work, and apparently do nothing but take up pew space.

[b]Sidelines:[/b] where lukewarm Christians always are.

[b]Running back:[/b] one who is unafraid to meet the opponent head on by faithfully proclaiming the truth of God’s Word.

[b]Linebacker:[/b] one who defends the faith against all attacks.

[b]Back Judge:[/b] one who only criticizes and never gets in the game.

[b]Nose tackle:[/b] method the pastor's wife uses to try and keep church gossip to a minimum.

[b]Assistant coach:[/b] an associate pastor.

[b]Stiff Arm:[/b] do not lay hands on anyone quickly.

[b]Off-season:[/b] summer vacation when church attendance falls off.

[b]Overtime:[/b] sermon continues past noon.

[b]Coin toss:[/b] taking up an offering.

[b]Pigskin:[/b] smoked ham at the church potluck dinner.

[b]Punt:[/b] point in the sermon where due to lack of response from the congregation, the pastor veers off-course from his sermon in desperation to regain the attention of the people.

[b]Punt return:[/b] congregation's response to pastor's punt.

[b]Defensive holding:[/b] gripping the back of the pew in front of you when under conviction.

[b]Delay of game:[/b] method special singers employ when their performance track is not cued to correct song.

[b]Offensive guard:[/b] persons who are constantly looking for something to be offended by.

[b]Quick count:[/b] estimate of Sunday attendance.

[b]Dead ball:[/b] awkward silence during the sermon in which pastor is pausing for an amen, which he never receives.

[b]Roster:[/b] official list of church members whether they are currently attending or not attending.

[b]Excessive timeouts:[/b] crying babies interrupting the service numerous times.

[b]Eligible receiver:[/b] a faithful servant of the Lord who can be trusted to do the work of the ministry.

[b]Unnecessary roughness:[/b] where gossiping has become a spiritual gift.

[b]Formation:[/b] with whom we gather with in the foyer after the service has ended.

[b]Signals:[/b] silent communication between the worship leader and the guy manning the sound board.

[b]20 Second Time Out:[/b] pastor hasn’t prepared effectively to preach the Word of God on Sunday. Therefore, he extends a time of corporate prayer and singing that he claims is led by the Spirit, so that only ten minutes is left in the actual service time. He then uses remaining moments for congregational testimonials as an expression of “encouraging one another.” He concludes by saying, “I guess we’re out of time today, we’ll have to pick up the text again next week… but hasn’t the fellowship been sweet this morning?”

[b]Field Goal:[/b] getting at least something out of a poorly prepared sermon.

[b]Safety:[/b] proof that no one on the elder board had your pastor's "back."

[b]Touchdown:[/b] preaching the gospel in all its truth and seeing a non-Christian come to Christ for salvation, or a believer repent of their waywardness in sanctification.

[b]Special teams:[/b] church committees and home fellowship groups.

[b]Scrimmage:[/b] informal meeting of a "special team."

[b]Extra Point:[/b] when you thought that the pastor said, “now in conclusion” at least twenty minutes ago.

[b]Fumble:[/b] when the minister mispronounces a key word or O.T. name in his message, quotes the wrong verse, or theologically misspeaks and everyone notices.

[b]Penalty Flag:[/b] when a member of the church acts like a faithful Berean in confronting the pastor(s) when something unbiblical was preached and affirmed.

[b]Game ball:[/b] the Bible.

[b]Home-field advantage:[/b] where long-time attendees think they are entitled to sit when newcomers show up.

[b]Dime back:[/b] giving a tenth of your income.

[b]Huddle:[/b] Meeting of the elders and pastoral staff.

[b]Head coach:[/b] the pastor.

[b]Reverse:[/b] a former Arminian who is now Reformed.

[b]Too many men on the field:[/b] congregational rule.

[b]Interference:[/b] when pragmatics captures the hearts of some of the members absent of sound doctrine—methods vs. message.

[b]Incompletion:[/b] John Mark.

[b]Unsportsmanlike conduct:[/b] when tolerated undisciplined sin manifests itself.

[b]Winning percentage:[/b] sanctification is daily occurring.

[b]Quarterback Sneak:[/b] when the pastor makes a move that the elders and deacons weren’t prepared for.

[b]Draw Play:[/b] what children do with the church bulletin during worship.

[b]Half-time:[/b] the period between Sunday School and the main worship service where many choose to leave.

[b]Backfield-in-Motion/Man in Motion:[/b] too many restroom or water fountain runs during the service.

[b]Staying in the Pocket:[/b] what happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.

[b]Two-minute Warning:[/b] the point at which you realize the sermon is almost over, but it somehow goes on for another half an hour.

[b]Instant Replay:[/b] the minister forgets his notes and falls back on last week's sermon.

[b]Sudden Death:[/b] what happens to a church where sin is tolerated.

[b]Trap:[/b] you're called on to pray the benediction and sleep through your cue.

[b]End Run:[/b] taking the long way around a difficult situation.

[b]Flex Defense:[/b] the ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

[b]Halfback Option:[/b] the decision of 75% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

[b]Screen Play:[/b] using video and PowerPoint as part of your Sunday morning worship.

[b]Blitz:[/b] the rush to the parking lot to get to the restaurant first following the closing prayer.

 2006/1/24 12:37

Joined: 2005/12/28
Posts: 27
Southern New Jersey

 Re: Church is a lot like Football


-Thanks for giving us this glossary of terms. I'm grateful that my congregation hasn't penalized me for repeatedly going into "overtime".. :-)

-Keep reaching for the "goal," brother...


 2006/1/24 13:23Profile

Joined: 2005/11/5
Posts: 123

 Re: Church is a lot like Football

I was told there was a hymn written in the 70s about football/jesus to continue the football analogy. I've never heard this. Have you?
I like the first line of the chorus and the last line of V3. :) -j

The song is called 'Dropkick me Jesus'
by Paul Craft (copywrite 1976 Screen Gems-Emi Music INC.)

Drop-kick me Jesus through the goalpoles of life,
end over end, neither left or right
straight on through those righteous uprights
Drop-kick me Jesus through the goalpoles of life.

Verse 1
A lowly bench warmer i'm willing to be
until the time when you have need for me
to flash on your scoreboard that shines from on high the big superbowl way up there in the sky.

Verse 2
Bring on my brothers who've gone on before
and all of my sisters who've knocked on your door
and all of the departed dear loved ones of mine
stick 'em up front in the offensive line

Verse 3
Make me, O make me, Lord, more that I am.
Make me a piece of your master game plan.
Free from the tempest far down below
I've got the will, Lord, You've got the toe.

james thorpe

 2006/1/24 18:56Profile

Joined: 2004/10/13
Posts: 2132

 Re: Church is a lot like Football

That's cute :-) I like it! :-) I think I'll add it to my collection of note worthy notes.


 2006/1/24 22:47Profile

Joined: 2003/10/30
Posts: 1554


Something more about football...

"One hundred religious persons knit into a unity by careful organization do no constitute a church any more than eleven dead men make a football team. The first requisite is life, always."
-A. W. Tozer

 2006/1/25 4:18Profile

Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 3311


Superbowl - One who has played the game right and gets the crown in glory. :-)


 2006/1/25 12:44Profile

Joined: 2005/1/14
Posts: 2164


I'm just wondering who is the waterboy?

Josh Parsley

 2006/1/25 12:50Profile


I'm just wondering who is the waterboy?

Robert "Bobby" Boucher Jr. (pronounced Boo-shay)


 2006/1/25 13:08

 Re: Church is a lot like Football


Thanks for posting the similarities between football and church. I enjoyed it and passed it on to my brother who wants to post it on his blog. :-)

It was good to see that you can get some spiritual insight out of football. :-P

 2006/1/27 17:31

Joined: 2003/7/18
Posts: 6566
Reading, UK


There's a cynical definition of English football which might translate to the American?

15000 people desperately in need of exercise watching 11 people desperately in need of a rest.

Ron Bailey

 2006/1/27 17:48Profile

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