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 OUR CHILDREN by CATHERINE BOOTH

IT is a great pleasure for me to write a Foreword to this book, which has been long waited for. It is to be the first of a series; "Love and Courtship," "Marriage and Motherhood" will follow.
I have known the Marechale for many years, both before and since her marriage, and have been closely associated with her in her public and private life. I have thus had many opportunities of observing her singular success in training her own children, who have all been mightily influenced by their father's and mother's example and teaching. From their early years they have truly loved and served the Lord, and they are now blessedly owned in His service.

After a life-time's acquaintance I may be permitted to say how much I am personally indebted to her for the revelation she has ever been to me of "the love that never faileth." I have seen her in suffering and sorrow and loneliness, as well as in joy. Her faith and walk with God have made her victorious. She truly represents Him, and all who come into contact with her realise that He is the One only worth living for.

How often have I wished that I could have had her counsel in the upbringing of my own children! Every reader of this wise and tender book will enjoy that privilege, and I rejoice to think how much good, by the blessing of God, it is certain to do.

J. LIVINGSTONE LEARMONTH.



I CHILDREN

II. ATMOSPHERE

III. LOVE

IV. DISCIPLINE

V. EDUCATION

VI. SCHOOL LIFE

VII. PUNISHMENT

VIII. FRIENDSHIPS

IX. HAVE FAITH FOR YOUR CHILDREN MINISTERING CHILDREN

XI. RECREATION AND PLEASURE

XlI. EXAMPLE

XIII. WHAT THE CHILDREN TEACH US!

XIV. BRING THEM TO THE LORD JESUS

INTRODUCTION
FATHERHOOD and Motherhood have been placed on a very high pinnacle, for our God, when speaking of His own attributes, has compared Himself to a human father and mother. "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him" (Psalm ciii. 13) "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you" (Isaiah lxvi. 13).

In calling this book of friendly and earnest counsel "Our Children," I mean "yours and mine," associating myself with all my readers whom the Lord has blessed with little children.

I well remember one of my father's (the late General Booth's) visits to Paris, during my fifteen years of blessed life and work in that dear city. His great heart loved children, and he was so struck by their conduct that he said to me, on observing the conduct of the children, "Katie, you should write a book on training children." Many others have expressed the same wish, but I always felt a great reluctance to writing anything until the children should grow up. Now, however, that our five sons and five daughters are all of age, I feel constrained to indicate and to illustrate the principles which have guided me in training them for their life-work of service in Christ's Kingdom.

I write as a mother, not of two, three, four or six, but of ten children, all living. I did not write while they were small, and I was without experience. I write when they are grown up and after having been the confidante of each one of them.

Again and again, after delivering lectures on love, courtship and marriage, motherhood and children, I have been asked to publish them. So I will now take one, perhaps the most fascinating of all these themes--the training of children.

I remember my father saying to me one day, when I was but a young girl, "You must come and speak at a Mothers' Meeting this afternoon." I replied, "But what do I know about it? I cannot."

Yet my father was not to be disobeyed, so I went, a trembling heart. I sat next to a dear woman until the first speaker, a young man, had concluded. When he sat down, the woman startled me by turning to me and saying, "And a lot he knows about it."

I felt profound sympathy with her, and trembled a little more as I realised how little I knew about it."

To-day I can speak from a varied and wide experience. My one and only object in writing is to help young mothers who have to face the same difficulties and problems as I have faced. If nearly all my children are already engaged in the Lord's service, in one field or another, I do not take any credit, but praise Him who has helped me and their dear father to keep true to the first principles of Christianity, and to guide their feet from their tenderest years in paths of righteousness.

A lady once met me at Keswick when three of my sons, each over six feet, were with me.

"Are you not proud of them?" she said.

How strange the words sounded! "Proud!" I answered, "I only praise Him who has enabled me to bring them up for His glory."

Let not the reader think that I have never had my hours of depression, conflict and anguish with regard to the children. I remember serious illnesses, I can recall eight times when one or another child was given up for death. And good children as well as bad children can cause deep anxiety of heart and mind. But I have struggled, in all that concerned them, to keep the Kingdom first. This fact has brought me Divine comfort, when sometimes friends as well as foes have criticised and misjudged me.

If this little book brings any real help to young fathers and mothers, it will more than repay me for writing it, in the midst of much work and many pressing claims.

Artists all confess that the loveliest picture in the world is Raphael's "Madonna with the Divine Child." All the wonder, mystery and tenderness of mother-love are there, caught from the expression on faces the master genius had seen and loved. There is a prophet's question with which we are all familiar, "Can a woman forget the child she bare?" He answers, "They may forget," but the real mother-heart always rises up and protests, "Never!"


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CHAPTER I
Children

CHILDREN! Who can estimate the value of a child? Not gold, houses, or lands, possessions or honours, art, science, or fame, but a child! A living, breathing, throbbing thing; a brain to think, a heart to love; a being endowed with marvellous capacities, gifts and possibilities which may later lead and move multitudes. A child who may become a Voice for righteousness, justice and purity, and, inspired from above, shall impress cold, selfish men and women, and make them run to follow the Christ as rivers rush to seas.

What capital! How many there are who would give all they possess for a child! Among the Hebrews childlessness was a disgrace, an unspeakable sorrow; children were then indeed considered "a heritage from the Lord."

The Greek poets and artists have left many touching proofs of the mutual affection of parents and children. "Love your mother," said Euripides, "for there is no sweeter love than this."

The strength of the old Roman Republic lay just in its reverence for mothers and children. Of aged Cato it is recorded that "he was as careful not to utter an indecent word before his son, as he would have been in the presence of the Vestal Virgins." In the best and strictest Roman families, at all periods, the younger children were in the care of the mother, and the reverent modesty of boys and girls was one of the best features of true Roman home life. The Roman matron who said of her sons and daughters, "These are my jewels," came close to the Christian thought that "Little children, who love their Redeemer, are His jewels, precious jewels, His loved and His own."

Modern nations have lost the sense of the worth of the child. Mothers delegate their responsibilities to others--the child is looked upon as an encumbrance, not to be personally borne. In the eyes of the selfish, pleasure-seeking woman, who wants what she calls "a good time," they are to be avoided, and they are avoided!

Not long ago, when I was travelling, a dear little girl was playing about, sitting on some officers' knees, and by her sweet artlessness gaining the admiration of all. The mother turned to me with a gloomy face and said, "If it was not for her I should be earning £5 a week." She only expressed what thousands feel. The callousness and the appalling neglect of training alike come from the utter failure to estimate the children's worth. Seeing they do not value them, they have no adequate sense of responsibility. Law Courts, Reformatory Schools, High Schools, and the homes of tens of thousands, serve to demonstrate this fact--that the children go astray through want of home influence and control!

Surely motherhood is pre-eminently the vocation of woman. This is her sphere, a world almost hermetically sealed from others. God has made it so from the beginning. She has duties and responsibilities. She is called to self-denial and continual devotion; she must travel the road of suffering, endurance, and often veritable agony; but also she has rights, privileges, joys and Divine consolations which others cannot know, and cannot share.

Someone has said that "Woman joins hands with God in becoming a Mother!" and it is true.

If animals, vegetables and flowers need training, how much more do children! They are potential men and women, future citizens, fathers and mothers, forces, powers, which will live either to bless or curse the world. How impossible, then, to exaggerate the importance of "bringing up a child in the way it should go!"

During the last twenty-five years woman has been emancipated; every door has been opened to her. In the theatrical world she is the chief asset! We have women who are perfect actresses, singers, dancers by the thousand competing with Pavlova! We have to-day women who are musicians, artists, painters, scientists. The business world is run by women as much as men--typists, accountants, shop-keepers, telegraphists and telephonists. Women also enter the Bar; they become doctors; and even Parliament is not refused to them. Woman can be and do everything but train children; that is to a large extent a lost art among us!

The first question we have to settle in treating this most important subject is:

TO WHOM DOES THE CHILD BELONG?
Until this is clearly defined, we cannot proceed. To be undecided here is to be undecided everywhere and lose the battle. It is fatal. The answer to this question affects the whole destiny of the child; it goes into the whole manner of dealing with him, his entire education, his friendships, what he shall learn and not learn; it determines our aims and aspirations respecting his future--even in eating and drinking. To whom does this child belong?

It was a custom of mine to consecrate babies on the Continent. I remember on one occasion a lady driving up in her carriage to ask me to consecrate her infant daughter. I consented, but on reflection, my conscience forbade me, and I wrote her, declining.

The lady returned to ask why I refused.

I said, "Dear Madam, I cannot be any party to the lies which will be told on that infant's head; you do not renounce the world, its pomps and vanities; you wish her to shine and have all the advantages the world can give."

She retorted, "You consecrated So-and-So's child." I replied, "Yes, and if he had a hundred children I would do the same. I know their one ambition for all their children is first and foremost to see them become disciples of Christ."

Does the child belong to the world? To myself? Or to God? For whom am I to nurse and train him? This question should be settled before the child is born, but thousands of Christian parents allow the children to come to the age of twenty-one before there is any decision, and then it is too late to train them. They would say in theory, "They belong to God," but their conduct and practice belie their words. Christian parents--and I am writing chiefly for them--know that the child belongs to God.

They recognise as fully as Hannah of old, that the child is a most sacred trust, for which they must render an account of their stewardship. Others will have a more or less important part in influencing their child, but they, the parents, are above all others responsible for what he becomes!

It is impossible to find in literature a more beautiful record of the desire, the advent, and the consecration of a child, than in the case of Hannah. She had asked her child from God; she had vowed a vow that if God granted her request she would "give him unto the Lord for all the days of his life." She chose the name "Samuel" because she had "asked him of the Lord." She kept her vow and brought him to the Temple to abide there for ever.

Now my reader will exclaim, "We cannot give our children up in the same way." No, but we must, if we are Christians, realise that they should be given to God and trained for Him as truly as Samuel was. Oh! think of it! I am to nurse, train, form, my children for God and His Glory!

After God, the mother has the first right on earth to the child. The mother comes even before the father. Not that I would minimise the influence of a good father; far from it. I had one, and my children have had one, to whom we owe much invaluable teaching. But somehow the mother is the most important factor in the bringing up of a child. There is a more intimate relation, and often a greater confidence and understanding, between the mother and her child than any one else. God has made it so. The mother has the first chance. Before any Governments of this world can reach him; before any of the different schools of thought, ancient or modern, can affect him; before any vain sophistries or criticisms of God and His word can touch him; even before the Arch Enemy of our souls in a sense can injure him, or the world with its thousand voices can reach his ear and its soul-ensnaring delusions seduce him; before sordid worldly pleasures, and false empty joys can allure him; before either friends or foes can influence him--the mother has the first chance. This priceless treasure fresh from the hands of the Creator comes to her arms--Angels and Archangels must envy her--and on that mind, like a piece of clean, pure paper, she writes first. God help her if she fails to write upon it the true, the beautiful and the good. Many will write after her, but none will have the power to efface what she has written.

The mother has the first claim. Oh! how culpable she is when she so easily delegates her wonderful and God-given opportunity to others!

How amazing it is to me to see Christians and well-to-do parents hand over their children to servants, governesses, masters and schools, without even having taken the precaution to find out under what influences these children are to be brought, at this, the most critical time of their lives. Surely testimonials as to teaching and conduct are not enough for us! As parents have the making of their children to a large extent in their own hands, what care should be taken as to who shall have the charge of them!

Lately I have been asked to join an association of women preachers, married and unmarried. The main object is to encourage and increase the ministry of women. That this ministry can be reconciled with motherhood has been abundantly proved. But I have a real conscientious concern on this question where children are involved. If they are to be neglected for the preaching, I answer, "You are mistaken in your conception of God's will. The children should come first, for they are the first souls God will ask of you in the resurrection morning."

While all Christian women, mothers or not, are called to witness to the power of the Lord Jesus to save, and to work in different ways for His glory, few are called to the Ministry. How many men and women have an adequate realisation of the tremendous responsibility involved toward God and man, in the following of this Divine calling. Certificates, diplomas, perfect knowledge of the Bible are not sufficient proof for such a calling. Far more is needed for this vocation, and God never asks us to do something or go somewhere if it involves the neglect or sacrifice of a first pressing duty.

One will naturally ask how did I manage during my Evangelical Tours on the Continent? It is impossible here to give a complete answer to that question, but I would emphasise two points in connection with leaving my children; and no tongue can describe what it cost me to do so when they were young. First, to know that I was in God's will made it possible for me to BELIEVE for them.

Then, too, from time to time I had precious help from young women yielded to His service. One especially I name, Adale Coulon, a French convert, who has long been an invaluable aid, and on whom I could absolutely rely. She was an ideal nurse, and has remained in the family thirty-two years. Not only is she a true Christian, but she is devotedly attached to the children, whom she has seen grow up to follow the Master.


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CHAPTER II
ATMOSPHERE

AFTER this question, To whom does the child belong? has been answered, the atmosphere into which it is brought is the next consideration.

We all know how sensitive flowers are to atmosphere. That is why we have greenhouses. But are not children a hundred times more sensitive?

In France I had an orphanage of illegitimate children. I would rather say with Lady Henry Somerset, when speaking of this class, "children of illegitimate parents," for we have nothing to do with the circumstances of our birth, and it is an unwarrantable insult to cast that stigma on any child. The fathers of some of the children I speak of were doing penal servitude; some of the mothers were actresses, and others were of a questionable character. Several of the little ones were thieves and liars.

One child of six years old I got away from immoral surroundings and adopted her myself. Two of my comrades almost despaired of her. "Shame on us all," I said, "if the grace of God is not strong enough in us to cast the devil out of a child of six."

After a week of special care, during which I dedicated one hour each day to teaching her, she gave her little heart to God, and grew up a Christian girl. Like many such children she was very intelligent, and soon acquired German, French and English. Later on I got her into a governess's situation, not revealing her secret. When she left, the children having gone to Boarding School, their father wrote me for a maid, adding, "My wife says she does not think you can have another like her! She was an angel in our home!"

Some years later, she married a Christian in Finland. I sent her, from Scotland, a little bag and a clock which were acknowledged in a letter blotted with tears, praising God for the way in which she had been saved. During the War their faith was severely tested, for they lost their comfortable little home, valued papers and the little clock, yet she wrote, "Our only hope is in Him who changes not." She returned to her native land (France), and was chosen to be head of an Orphanage, from where she now writes, "I do for these little boys what you did for me when naughty--I pray with them."

Another little girl in Lyons was sent to me. She was nine years old. Her little back was all covered with scars, and her wrists were marked. Her mother had done this. My helpers wrote me, "We really cannot keep her, as she contaminates the others."

I wrote, "Wait till I come." When she came before me she said, "I am too bad to stay here, I am going to walk the Boulevards."

I said, "Annette, I feel very tired, come and take tea with me."

"Me! alone with you," she said.

"Yes, Annette, and what would you like for tea?"

"Sausages," she replied. "Anything else?" "Jam!"

"Good, you shall have them."

When tea was over we had a heart to heart talk, and prayers and tears followed that tea.

I changed her diet, and ordered long walks and baths every day. I took a doll which closed its eyes, to a friend who, for a few shillings, dressed it in long clothes like a baby (the great joy of my childhood), and when bed-time came I brought this doll to her.

"Oh, how beautiful!" she exclaimed, lifting the dress and admiring its feet. "Look, she shuts her eyes."

"And it is for you," I said.

"For me alone? Oh, how beautiful!"

"Yes," I said, "but you can only have it at night; you can never see this doll in the day-time. Now what will you call it?" "After you," she said.

Oh, I thought, there shall be no reformatory school for you. "My name is Catherine," I said; so we christened the baby Catherine.

Leaving the room, I waited on the staircase, and on returning in a few minutes I found her fast asleep with the doll in her arms.

A few years later a lady wrote me for a girl to help her in her house, but the Matron said, "Send anyone but Annette! If I ever have a difficult case she helps me so!"

This is what atmosphere had done! The Spirit of Jesus Christ, love, and patience had driven out of this child all dirty ways, bad words, thieving and lying, and changed her utterly.

A child is extremely sensitive. When mother and father are quarrelling like cat and dog at the table, long before their child is three years old and can express himself, he notices and is influenced by their behaviour. When mother promises toys and never keeps her word, the child puts her down as a liar long before it says so. When hard words and hard looks are in evidence, children, although they may be silent, are deeply impressed.

How many children are being silently moulded into the likeness of father and mother! Father and mother swear, they will swear. Father and mother lie, they will lie. Father and mother are unkind, even cruel; they will be unkind and cruel. Father and mother worship money; they will worship money. Father and mother drink, they will drink. But let them come into another atmosphere, the atmosphere which the blessed Christ always creates, wherever He appears in flesh and blood. And the children will open and respond like flowers to the sun.

Home should be a little heaven; once the door is open, the atmosphere of love, peace and rest should greet one. Thousands have been saved for time and eternity through the blessed influence of home, and the woman makes the home, be she mother, sister or aunt.

Let me sound a note of warning here. Beware of making a god of order and tidiness! I have been in houses where everything was spick and span, but the principles of mercy and kindness were forgotten. Prescribed rules came first, and the rigid atmosphere struck at one's very heart! One felt that inanimate things were valued before human beings and their happiness. The comfort of a tired husband or friend, the supplying of a sudden call or need, are sacrificed to this home-destroying order. It was not the time, the cup of tea and kindly sympathy were not offered. Remember, oh! remember that the dear tired men and women, the suffering and lonely ones who break in on your prescribed order and rule to-day may be gone to-morrow, never to trouble you again.

Home, with its atmosphere of love, where "hearts are of each other sure," is the dearest place on earth. But how narrow and self-centred even a Christian home would become without the open door and the warm welcoming heart! "The stranger that is within thy gates" is a refrain running through the whole of the Old Testament, and in the Gospel story home-love is glorified when we read how the dying Saviour said to His disciple, "Behold thy Mother," and "from that hour that disciple took her to his own home."


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CHAPTER III
LOVE

IT almost seems superfluous to say that in order to train children one must love them. To succeed in any business, science or art, you must love it. If painting, music, literature, the sciences of astronomy, botany, and medicine demand time, trouble and self-denial, how much more does the science of training children!

It cannot be done from a mere sense of duty. And further, to possess this supreme gift does not necessarily mean that one must be married or have children of one's own. You and I, my reader, have known blessed women who had the great Mother heart, though they have never been mothers. They have been the truest and deepest lovers!

In the first letter I received from my mother, on the birth of my firstborn, I remember these words: "You will never have another hour to yourself." In a sense it has been true, and only love can supply the demands made on motherhood. Love toils. Love perseveres.

Love watches.

Love holds on in the dark.

Love waits through long, long years. Love hopes on, banishing fear. Love begets love. Love is its own reward. Love never fails.

One must not only love, but win love in return. There is an obedience from fear. Thousands of homes have proved this, and have also proved its failure. Commandments kept from motives of love are alone satisfactory to both parents and children. Children, who are the keenest judges in the world, know when worldly ambition, fame, money, or pleasures govern the home, and they equally know if love and the principles of Jesus Christ are the ruling power. The child who is won by love may wander from the way for a time, but when he is older he shall surely return to it.

During the war a young man known to me was tempted by his comrades to yield to a terrible sin. They laughed at his scruples, and made light of fears. He was in the greatest danger, when all of a sudden his mother's face rose before him, and he was saved. Another young man told me that he also was on the verge of yielding to temptation when he thought of his angel aunt who had brought him up: this was sufficient. Now what was it really that saved those young men? It was the memories which those faces recalled, the early training, the Sunday School, the Christian principles, the devotion, self-sacrifice and love lavished upon them, priceless love! They could not break away from that love!

The greatest of all picture galleries is memory. Take heed what kind of pictures you hang up in the children's minds! The manner in which you corrected that fault, your grief, your little talk, your tender kiss--all will come back again. Your sympathy when John or Mary failed in an examination, and your encouragement to try again. The glorious Christmas times--the home-coming of father or mother, the gaily lighted tree, the sweet songs of Christ's birth, the presents for all--are never-to-be-forgotten pictures. The strenuous times when there was little or no money, the self-denial, the gifts for others in still greater need, the prayers and the answered prayers. The boy or girl leaving home, the hidden grief of those whose love can never be repaid. The sorrow, it may be, because of the error or sin of some member of the family, and the generous forgiveness. And underneath all the outstanding, dominating, passionate thing, Love--a Love which turns earth into Heaven!


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CHAPTER IV
Discipline

God stands for order; the Bible teaches this. No country, no community, and no home can be well governed without order. Order is in the highest interests of rulers and ruled. A disorderly home is an unhappy home, and there is nothing more injurious to children than disorderly habits and ways.

But to have order one will must be supreme. If the children are allowed to govern, then the parents lose their authority, and this is ruinous to the child and the home. Government from below is not of God. Yet how often do we see children veritable little tyrants! It is their wills that are consulted, not those of the parents, even to the choice of clothing, food, the hours for going to bed, and so forth, and if their wills are crossed what scenes and storms! How much misery could be saved to both parents and children, what tears and conflicts, heart-burning and regrets avoided, if it was understood from the start that father and mother were to rule. Have a few rules, but have them obeyed; for instance, an hour for rising, an hour for going to bed, an hour for meals; simple rules about outings, Sundays, property, money, friendships. Let your No be No, and your Yes, Yes.

"I want to go into the garden," said a little girl to her mother, as I was preparing to leave a house in which I had been a guest. "No," replied the mother, "it is too wet, and you must do your home work." "Good-bye, Marachale," said the hostess to me in the hall, as the luggage was going into the taxi. "Come again--Good-bye." "Mother, I want to go into the garden." "No, dear, not now." "Goodbye, dear friend," I said. "Mother," the child persisted, tugging at her dress, "I want to go into the garden." "All right, go!" that is ruination, yet how often we all see it enacted!

Children will rapidly fall into line if well trained. Let me give a few instances.

I was coming over on one of the great liners from New York, and in the cabin opposite mine was a lady who was going to see her widowed mother, who had lost four sons in the War. She had one little boy with her--a beautiful child of five summers, with a face like a little Samuel--but what a life he led his poor mother and us all! Do you think he would let the stewardess put him to bed? Not he! Although the mother was sick and ill and could hardly move, he would cry for her to undress him. He would cry for candy and cake at all hours; nor would he take his food from the stewardess. This went on for two or three days and nights, until one day I said, "Will you hand him over to me for an hour? Will you trust me with him?"

"She knew who I was, and said, "Oh, yes, take him." We were on deck then, and he was crying and whining. I took him by the hand to lead him downstairs. He began howling. I took no notice, simply led him along to my state-room, and shutting the door, said, "I am not going to give you cake and candy. You are a selfish, ugly little boy. I am going to do something."

I laid him on the bed and gave him a smart little whipping, as I would one of my own children, and left the cabin for a moment or two. Then, returning, I sat by his side and told him about a little boy I knew, thoughtful, kind, unselfish; what a joy he was in the home to Mamma and to everyone who knew him.

"What is the name of that little boy," he asked. Turning and looking into his blue eyes, I said, "You don't love your Mamma." "I do love Mamma," he replied. "No, I love your Mamma but you do not. Would you like to be like that little boy?"

The great tears welled up in his eyes, and he answered "Yes." Then I said, "You must get a new heart," and knelt down and prayed with him.

After washing his little face and hands and combing his hair, I brought him to his mother. What a change! The next morning I had a deputation of American and English ladies to thank me for a peaceful night, and his mother told me the first thing he said in the morning was," I want to see the lady."

Often he was on my knees during the voyage, listening to stories and never gave one bit of trouble during the rest of the journey.

When we were leaving the great liner many came forward to thank me for the meeting I had held on board and say farewell, but that little chap in the arms of his mother, throwing me kisses, touched me more than all else!

Think of the possibilities in a child like that, and what splendid ground to work upon! There are thousands like him who are simply neglected like a garden of weeds.

Here is another illustration. I was out walking in the country. On the opposite side of the road was a little boy about three or four years old. His mother was laden with parcels after shopping, and looked particularly tired. "Cawwy me, cawwy me, cawwy me," he said, tugging at her dress all the time.

"I can't, Harry, I have too many parcels to carry."

"Cawwy me, cawwy me," he continued, until I could stand it no longer. Crossing the road, I said:

"No! you walk up the hill yourself, with those beautiful little legs God has given you. Go on! Not another word."

Off he started, went straight along, looking back at me, with wide open eyes.

"Ah!" sighed the mother, "I have never seen him obey like that in his life."

"But, my dear friend, this is your fault," I replied.

When he got to the top I talked with him a few minutes. And now he wanted to help mother!

I had four little boys following each other, two of them with only sixteen months between, exceedingly different in character. In fact, there is such variety in the temperaments of the children that many have remarked that one would never have said they belonged to the same family! Two of these little boys began to quarrel. This occurred again and again, until I called them up and said, "Who clothes you?"

"You, mother," was the answer. "Who feeds you?" "You, mother."

"In whose house are you?" "In yours."

"Well, if that is so, I am not going to have my peace disturbed by quarrelsome children, and if I find any more quarrelling, I shall be obliged to put you in separate rooms upstairs upon bread and water for the day."

The quarrelling recurred. It was a beautiful day, and it cost me a great heart struggle to undress the little boys and put them to bed, but I had said it and must keep my word. When the afternoon came, a lady in the home and my secretary said, "You are not going to keep those little fellows upstairs this afternoon?" I answered in the affirmative.

"It is absolute cruelty," they observed.

Wearily the hours passed. I confess I could not keep my mind on my work.

Two little letters were brought to me. Here is one which I kept:

"Darling Mamma,

"I regret my haughtiness to-day and have asked God to forgive me, and I am so happy to tell you he has pardoned me. Now I come to you and ask your pardon. From to-day I will try to be really good. Pardon me for I have been very selfish. I do love my little brother, and I will not tease him any more or answer back.

"Your own son, who regrets so much,--

I went upstairs about four o'clock, not being able to resist longer, and the two little boys flew out of bed into my arms, asking me to kiss them. We knelt down together and had a blessed little prayer meeting, and I can assure you it made a mark upon their future conduct.

"Take this child away and nurse it for me," said Pharaoh's daughter to one who proved to be the child's own mother. The mother did something far finer than nursing the child for a princess; she nursed and trained him for God, so that "he chose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season." He became great, very great, as a leader of the people of God. But who first led the little child?


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CHAPTER V
Education

THE mind is a wonderful possession, and words are poor vehicles to express the tremendous importance of the education of the child.

Some people hold the extraordinary view that children should not be influenced towards Christianity, but left without religious training. Hence we have not only schools for infidels' and socialists' children, where the story of God's love, shown in the life and death of His Son are studiously avoided, but Protestant schools where the Bible is entirely omitted. The argument is that children should be left unbiassed until they reach years of discretion.

"I have a friend," writes Coleridge, "who holds these views, and I asked him to come and admire my garden."

"How can I," he replied, "for I see that it is all overgrown with weeds."

"That," I answered, "is because it has not yet come to years of discretion, and I did not think it right to prejudice it in favour of strawberries and roses."

Many people think education merely refers to school life and lesson books, but education has a much deeper and wider meaning. It takes in the whole of life, it includes the formation of character and covers the entire moral training. It is far greater and more important than school instruction and book learning, for it is conduct which shows what we are, and conduct which decides our destiny. A child may not be able to read or write, and yet scorn to tell a lie, cheat or steal. Let us first treat the subject of our relationship towards others, beginning with father and mother, brothers and sisters.

Is not the conduct towards mothers and fathers a marked indication of the times in which we live? Think of the children you know, who treat their parents scandalously. I have felt the blood rush all over me to hear a boy of sixteen or twenty speak to father or mother at the breakfast table as if he was some lord, and they were inferior. On one such occasion, in a beautiful home, I asked the boy to come to my room to do something to my trunk. "Most willingly," he replied.

Once there, standing with my back to the door, I talked to that young man as he had never been talked to in his life.

"Who are you," I asked, "and where did you come from that you dare to speak to your mother as I heard you speak at lunch." He turned white.

"You are making a whip for your own back! One day you will put that dear face in a coffin, and have to think all your life how you treated her. And your father, who clothed and fed you, he sent you to that college, and you come back as if it was something you had gained by your own right, and you talk to your father as if he was a back number and knew nothing compared to you."

He was much impressed, and later we prayed together.

A gentleman and lady in an American city invited me to dinner with my secretary and my son. The father and mother seemed overjoyed at having us under their roof. All went well until, in the course of conversation, the grownup son began to tell a story. The father added a detail which had been forgotten, when the son turned on him saying, "Are you going to tell the story or I?" A horrid pause followed! Needless to say my meal was spoiled, and in the middle of the night again I heard the brutal tones of that voice, and saw the faces of father and mother.

Parents, do not allow your children to treat you disrespectfully. You can be on sweet loving terms with them, but never allow them to be disrespectful; it is a wrong to them.

Many a sad weary mother has come to me with bitterness in her soul because of the callous, impudent, heartless attitude of children, for whom she has sacrificed all her life. Now they treat her as a door-mat, taking all as their due, and making all their arrangements independently of her. Remember, you are their mother, or perhaps elder sister, or aunt, in charge, and remember your position. When you break down that wall of respect, or allow them to do so, your authority is at an end. They will never do it if you do not allow the beginning. The habit of treating father and mother with reverence will last a life-time, and will bring precious guidance to them, and joy to you. You have no right to be unselfish at the expense of their selfishness.

Education also includes the treatment of other children; and let us begin with sisters and brothers, where they are fortunate enough to have any. What an opportunity to develop unselfishness, generosity, thoughtfulness and courage!

How sweet to see brothers and sisters helping each other--true comrades in childhood--respecting each other's individuality and property, not taking so much as a toy without asking.

Education includes habits, and habits formed in childhood stick to us through life. How many grown-up persons have had a bitter fight because of bad habits allowed to form when no one thought them serious enough to correct. Habits make character, clean habits, tidy habits, beautiful habits, habits of the body, habits of the mind, habits at night, habits by day, habits of thoughtfulness for others, habits of truthfulness, of keeping the Lord's day and of prayer--all this is included in the word Education!

Again, what a valuable source of instruction for children are the great families of animal and bird life! How much cruelty do we find among even the very young towards helpless animals. I once stayed in a Baron's house outside Paris when a young girl. Green lawns, stately trees, beautiful flowers and lovely woods surrounded the home. I loved to rise early and go out alone. One morning I was arrested by the cries and squeals of something in pain. Going on a little further, I heard the cries repeated. What can it be? I thought. On searching, I found a little frog or lizard with its claws caught in a trap. A little further on I found a bird in the same position. I looked round to see who was doing this, and spied my young lord, a boy of about twelve. This was his business. I got hold of him and knocked him down. Not being strong enough to hold him, I sat on him, and then pulled his hair and his ears, pinched his legs and his cheeks, till he cried out: "I shall tell my mother."

"Go and tell her," I replied, "you little monster! With everything that money can buy, you yet find your amusement by causing pain to these innocent creatures!" Later I had a quiet opportunity of speaking to him, and he responded.

I remember so well a mother telling me that her child picked flies from the window and pulled their wings and legs off, before he was three years of age. Poor children! born with such instincts, they are not alone responsible. I know now what I did not know then. Teach your children early the beauty of animal life. Teach them about the birds. Instill a love for all creation into them. How true are the words of an American scholar, E. S. Buchanan, whom I number among my dearest friends:

He that hates the lowliest thing

Is deaf to the song the Angels sing;

The soul that loves not, knows not rest,

And only the soul that loves is blest.


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CHAPTER VI
School Life

I HAD a prejudice against schools, perhaps unwarranted. I do not think I have ever met a mother who has kept her boys so long with her, on account of the horror of schools. And what I suffered with the noise and inconvenience! But schools are good in many respects. Children find their level there, and discipline is good, and, above all, they have an opportunity of taking their stand for Jesus Christ. Children should not be sent away from home too young. A public school is a new world, and to send them there before their early principles are formed is courting disaster. It is no use crying out when your hand is burnt, if you put it into the fire. Take care what school you choose. I personally visited two or three before I put my lads in. In the course of conversation, one master said:

"On Sunday afternoons we discuss different characters, Shakespeare one day, Browning another, Confucius another, and Jesus Christ."

That ended the school for me. I was not going to put the children where Jesus Christ was placed on a par with Browning, Shakespeare or anyone else. Judge for yourself.

Daily schools are very good because the children do not lose the home influence; they can ask, "Is that true, Father?" and they have got mother to speak to. One of my boys said one day:

"I could not tell any lady what a boy did to me, and you are a lady, mother, I cannot tell you."

"You must tell mother," I replied. The result was a private letter to the master of the school, which brought one in return thanking me for having written. A watch was set, and a lad discovered who was corrupting the children.

In a day school you have a chance to correct what is wrong, you can put right in the child's mind what is puzzling him. There are good conscientious masters and mistresses, and I think if you took courage to go and see them when there is anything wrong, not only in the interests of your own child, but for the sake of the whole school--for the master has often no idea what is going on--they would not betray your confidence; on the contrary, they would be grateful and thank you.

A dear son of a friend of mine walked and ran five miles from school to his home because another boy acted in an impure way towards him. He grew up to be a fine man.

One can instill into children at a very early age a horror, a disgust, for the unclean in every form. One of my birthdays was approaching in Paris, and two of our little boys started out with their pennies to procure their little gifts. Knowing my admiration for pictures they decided on getting me some pretty post-cards. Upon entering the shop the woman behind the counter drew them aside and said, "I know what will please you," and opening a drawer she handed them some very suggestive and impure cards. The boy Augustine, who was twelve years old, took the packet in his hand, and after glancing at them threw them at her, saying "Comment ose tu nous montrer de tels saletes?" (" How dare you show us such dirty things?").

Before children go to school (I am not speaking of very young ones), you ought yourself to give them the clean water about the most sacred relationship in life, or someone else will give them the dirty water. You do it; it is far sweeter and more wholesome for your darlings to get the truth from you than from another source. It is a heartbreaking fact that thousands of beautiful boys and girls would have been morally saved if father or mother had spoken sooner. I know by experience the natural reticence we feel in approaching this subject. Begin with the birds and flowers, and remember there is nothing unclean in God's creation. When He made man, a perfect man, not a mutilated one, He pronounced him good. It was sin and selfishness that has marred His crowning work, MAN.

Speak, oh, speak, for your children's souls' sake; speak! As my beautiful mother used to say, "Be beforehand with the devil"; warn them, tell them what they do not know about their bodies; and tell them that thoughts, words and acts produce eternal consequences!

We said at the beginning of this book, that the decision "to whom the child belongs" settles the question of how it is to be trained. It settles the question also of what it shall learn and not learn.

My children had to suffer much in the schools on the Continent, where the standard of conduct was sometimes very low. Often I have witnessed their bitter tears, and prayed with them that they might hold out for the right. My little Vicky was once working for an examination, and had nearly succeeded, when she was accused by another girl of copying. Although she denied it she was not believed, and the teacher reproved her. She did not pass, and I felt it keenly and had counted on this distinction for her encouragement. All of a sudden she said to me, "Mother, would it not be much worse if I had to confess to you that I had copied?" That changed the whole aspect.

If you are sincere in the desire that your children should be disciples of the Lord Jesus before anything else, you will not send them to a school, college, or University where the authority of the Bible is disputed, or where the standards of conduct contained therein are questioned. St. Paul wrote in his day, that "the natural man" cannot understand "the things of the Spirit of God"; neither can he to-day. It is not difficult but impossible, as impossible as for a tiger to sing like a canary, or a thistle to bear grapes, because his reason is fallen as well as his heart. No man can rightly read or understand the Bible without the Holy Spirit. While a hearty tribute is due to many patient and hard-working teachers both in schools and colleges, to whom parents entrust their loved ones, numbers of those teachers having the highest moral and spiritual interests of their pupils at heart, yet when we come to the "unsearchable riches," spiritual life, divine power, and qualifications for service, how low are our colleges to-day! How many of our Professors have received the Holy Spirit as their Guide? how many have been really born again? If not, can they help to form the young Christian? On the contrary, hundreds who go under their tuition with hearts aglow, and lives consecrated, come away all "at sea," and with no Gospel to take to the heathen or anywhere else. Some Professors even give themselves trouble to destroy "the faith that was once delivered unto the saints," and have nothing to give in its place.

Do you want your children to be powers for God in this sin-blighted world? Shun these places, as you would the cholera. I am hearing every day of the deadly fruit of these institutions. A young lady who had recently finished her College course, was asked, "What do you speak about when visiting the poor?" She said, "Indeed, we do not know what to say, so we tell them to keep the house clean and wash themselves, etc." All for this world, nothing for the next.

Do you wonder that I have often been scandalised at the way Christian parents have looked upon education? The importance they have attached to it and their children's position in this life has far outweighed every other consideration. They have put "much learning" before the spiritual welfare of their children, and the Holy Spirit has been grieved thousands of times by this choice. Practically they have said, "Our children shall be educated even if they are lost." They have their desire, but leanness has been sent into their souls, and truly they are "very lean."

There is something very cruel in sending fresh young minds and earnest believers to a hot-bed of doubt and destructive criticism and expecting them to stand!

Personally, I would rather my children should learn to pray than to read, for there is the road which leads to the very best education and the highest of all sciences--the knowledge of God, the walk with God, the Love of God to a lost world, which no merely intellectual system can ever produce.


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CHAPTER VII
Punishment

Do you ever punish? asks my reader. Yes, God punishes and God rewards, but if children are brought up on right lines from their earliest years they will need very little punishment.

The other day I heard of a dear little fellow who, having been naughty, was reproved, and told that he could not have any chocolates that day. It happened that that very afternoon a lady offered him a box and, opening it, said "Take one." He replied "Not to-day," and when she pressed him, he took the box home to his mother, saying, "I have not taken one!" That was a sense of honour in a child of seven years. And it was indeed a compliment to the mother's training.

I have whipped my children sometimes for serious faults, but never without following it up by prayer. On my re-entering the room on one occasion for our little private talk, E-- said, "Mother, did you hurt your hand very much?" On another occasion A-- said in his prayers, "Thank you, Jesus, for giving me such a good mamma, and let me die sooner than grieve her again."

One can be cruel in punishment without knowing it, chiefly because one does not enter into child life. Dark rooms and cupboards have a horror for children. Hasty blows on the head and ears are injurious to health, and it is very wrong to punish in any way that gives shocks to the nervous system. Thousands of boys and girls have been made hysterical, morbid and nervous for life through the insane treatment of parents, teachers and servants! No punishment should be given in haste or temper, for instinctively the child will know that it was far more an explosion of your temper than a chastisement administered for his good.

To my dying day shall I suffer at the memory of an incident that happened again and again in a day school, which I attended when about eight or ten years of age. A woman teacher used to call a boy of about fourteen years into the middle of the room and box his ears right and left because he did not know his lessons. I see that red face and those burning tears even now. In my outraged sense of justice I could have stamped on her!

My sister Emma--now in heaven--was treated by a governess in the same fashion again and again. One day I flew at the tormentor, pulled her hair down and smacked her face with all my might, and rushed away to my room. There was not a word of remonstrance on her part! At tea-time, there were chocolates on all our plates!

A minister of the Gospel, handicapped all his life by abnormal fear, told me that when he was a child, the nurse who put him to bed would say, to keep him quiet, that if he made a noise, a black man would come down the chimney and carry him off! He used to lay in terror hour after hour.

A child of good family was often whipped with a riding whip by her own mother, who came in and heard complaints against her. Three times the child tried to drown herself in the hand-basin. Later, with what devotion she worked for me in return for such love as she had never known!

Oh! how many have told me the same kind of thing! Study the child, and study the nature of the offence. To punish for forgetfulness or accident is wrong, but untruthfulness, wilful disobedience, laziness, cruelty to brother or sister or animals: these things should never be passed over.

Often a serious talk is quite sufficient, the tone of your voice, the earnestness of your manner, revealing how serious you think the offence, and above all, your prayer and the little one's prayer which follows are quite enough!

Upon one occasion, after an address to women on the training of children, a mother came to me about her little girl of ten, who, she said, was so disobedient and impudent.

"Do you ever pray with her?" I asked. She stared at me. "No."

I said, "If you are a Christian, that is the first thing you ought to do, and never punish without following it up by prayer--that is so important."

There was a recurrence of the child's naughty spirit, and she took her by the hand to her bedroom, where she knelt and prayed with tears. The little girl soon threw her arm round the mother's neck.

"Don't cry, Mother, I am a bad, bad girl, I will be good and no more make you cry."

A fortnight later the mother visited me again and said, "I have a different child now, I cannot thank you enough."

A very good plan for correcting children is, when they are in bed, to read a short story bringing out one fault or quality at a time. How often I have been amused to hear, from one bed after another, ejaculations--" Oh, Mother! how selfish! how cruel!" showing how the message was going home. Then follow it up by a few words of prayer and a good-night kiss. Never forget the kiss!


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CHAPTER VIII
Friendships

UP to a certain age you can control the friendships of your children. You are the true God appointed shepherds who can, with wisdom from on high and real tact, guide them, and often stop those mad infatuations which seize us all, especially at a certain age!

Hold before their eyes the traits of character which form true and lasting friendships, and they will soon judge for themselves.

Be young with your children, show sympathy with their feelings, desires and griefs. Do not act as a mother did the other day, when her little daughter came in from school weeping, to tell her of one of those sorrows which go so deep with some children. "Oh! go away, I cannot be bothered with you now." Next time, she will not bother you, but will go to Bill Smith or Mary Brown. What is a dinner, or the finishing of a dress or the ironing of clothes, compared to keeping the heart and confidence of your child? I know too well how trying interruptions are in the midst of work, but keep first things first. If that mother had simply said, "Oh, I am sorry, darling, after dinner you shall tell me all; do not cry!" that would have been enough.

How many lives have been ruined, hearts broken, and wretched marriages contracted, which oversight, sympathy and loving firm control in this matter would have prevented. Keep the confidence of your children at all costs; everything is included in that!

In all simplicity let me say: I have not met a person busier than myself, or one on whom have hung more varied duties and claims in so many directions, and yet I always tried to make time for the children. When I was at home, not only did I have their intimate prayer meeting where they prayed, but also superintended their going to bed. I made a law to have about twenty minutes alone with each child every week-end, and thus I could nip in the bud what might have come to flower.

How pained I have often been at my very heart to hear words like these, "I will tell you if you promise not to tell mother," "I would blow my brains out sooner than father should know," etc. And I have been obliged to make the promise of secrecy in order to bring help to both parties.

If you are really the friend of your children, they will make it a rule to tell you everything and ask your advice, not only in little things but in great things such as career and marriage. As they will grow older you will be their chief confidant. Many mothers who have brought up their children splendidly will agree with what I say.

Enough has been written of the romantic friendships which spring up between utter strangers, but not enough of the intimate lifelong attachments between parents and children. "Dad," wrote many a son from the trenches during the awful war, "I never knew till now what chums you and I had been." And what reward can a mother have like tributes such as these from the letters of her sons: "My soul is knit to your soul, your love to me is wonderful." "You have taught me more than all the Bible Schools on earth could do." "I am your companion, and no one can ever take your place." "I can never have any friend like you."


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CHAPTER IX
Have Faith for Your Children

The habit of scolding is fatal, it grows on one until it becomes second nature. It is exceedingly trying to have to correct the same fault again and again, but instead of saying, "That is just like you, you always do it," and nagging all the time, how much better it is to say, "Surely that was a mistake," "You were not thinking," "You will not do it again," or, "Supposing you were mother and I was your little girl, what would you do?"

When there is an effort, however small, to please you, encourage it, notice it. Lift your child in his own esteem, and let him see how pleased you are.

Have faith also for the backward, timid ones! Some time ago, I was entertained in a fine home. At supper time, when the children were all round the table, talking of the day's events, I noticed one child of about twelve sitting very silent and dull.

"Oh!" said the mother to her, "I suppose your lessons were not learned again."

The meal being over, I got hold of the child, and said:

"Bring your lessons to my room." She flushed with pleasure. She was very backward, but oh! the joy of that little face when she came home the next day to tell mother of good marks gained! In the evening I said:

"Bring me up my hot water, angel!" Then we had a few more words together, and I told her how prayer had helped me with my lessons. "Good night, angel; sleep well!" I cried.

When the mother went in to tuck them up that night, she said, "Oh, mother, she called me angel."

Before I left the house the mother came to me, saying:

"I have noticed a great difference in Florrie in every way since you have been here; you know she cannot get over your calling her 'angel. '"

"Oh," I replied, "that is a habit I have with all my children; but take my advice and try a little of my medicine!"

Again I repeat. Have faith for your children. Expect the best from them.

I remember when my third son was born, among the hills above the Lake of Geneva, I naturally wanted to have one of my boys called after my father, and at the same time, as was my custom, I wished to add a second name, and, on thinking of it, again and again "Immanuel" came back to me. When I mentioned this to one or two of my friends, they were rather shocked at the idea, which made me hesitate. Then I wrote to Dean Farrar and asked him what he thought about it. He answered in a beautiful and emphatic letter: "My dear Marechale, If I had a baby to-day I would call him Immanuel. Go on, do it, but do it in faith." So in faith I called my baby-boy William Immanuel. He is now thirty. Ask about him among the "down-and-outs" in and around San Francisco, and learn how faith is justified.

I have never understood why so many Christian parents choose for their children mere pagan names or names of pretty flowers! Give them the names of true heroes and heroines, names which will be ideals to live up to, names which will inspire them to take part in the greatest warfare and share the victories of the greatest Conqueror this world has ever seen.


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