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billy1980
Member



Joined: 2016/3/9
Posts: 78
Tennesse

 A Longing for Jesus

I’ve read the commentaries of old and new. Piles and piles, for study after study. I’ve prayed in the mountains with tears of sorrow wanting to know Him better, with screams, with complete tiredness, in snow, and in heat. I threw everything away to get a deeper glimpse of Him who is our all, just a glimpse. I wrote down every sin I had ever done, repenting through His blood and threw it away. I spent years reading the biographies of Godly brethren throughout the centuries. Desiring to a burning fiery passion, “Send me Father send me.” To China to the Amazon, to Africa anywhere just send me! Yet, unlike those mighty brethren in our Lord, in their biographies, no answer ever came. Do you have this same inward desire burning from within you? Just to know Him closer?

I’ve read this precious Bible from front to back, and now I’m going from middle to back. I’ve said more times then I can fathom. Lord where do you want me, and where shall I go? What shall I do? Direct me Father that I may through Christ please you. Pastor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, apostle, Just let me do something through you! I wrote books pointing others to our Risen Savior. Look here, the Son of God risen from the grave, come see Him. He will give you life! He will change your ways. Follow Him and grow with Him. Look what I was, and look at what He has done! Come see the Lord for He is worthy! I’ve sought and I’ve sought. I’ve witnessed unsaved born anew through Jesus and His Spirit. I’ve battled the flesh many a time. I’ve wrestled with evil spirits through His precious blood. Yet here I am in tears, sobbing. Do you have this same inward desire burning from within you? Just to know Him closer?

Everything else I count as nothing. It seems like a spec of sand! I just want to know Him closer! I don’t look at the past works justified. I look with disdain. I want more of Him and less of me. So many callings, so many gifting’s. Where Father do you want me? Nothing else matters, let me know you closer Lord. All I surrender to you. I claim nothing. Break me that you can remake me. Lay me low as you did those of the past that I can know you. Prayers said a hundred times a hundred times, in many ways. Do you have this same inward desire burning from within you? Just to know Him closer?

I've heard of many receiving visions. The only vision I recall in all these years was while asleep. A few months after the new birth. I seen Christ, but we were in separate rooms. I still pray about this dream. I’ve never received an answer. It brings sadness to my heart. Will I some day see a vision that we are in the same room? If not I will wait to the day I see Him feet to face. Still I move forward. O, to be a fool for Christ! What better way to fight through this life! For what else can I do? He is my Savoir and I’m chasing after Him with a desire that I admit is from Him. No matter the cost! Does it matter what door He points me through? NO, for He is everything! Do you have this same inward desire burning from within you? Just to know Him closer?


_________________
William

 2020/10/23 16:54Profile
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Posts: 37633
"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11

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 Re: A Longing for Jesus

Quote:
Nothing else matters, let me know you closer Lord.



Amen brother. In a home meeting tonight with 3 other precious families we sung a few choruses and prayed at the end and Jesus alone was the focus. We need Him and to see Him more clearly.


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SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2020/10/23 19:58Profile
davidkeel
Member



Joined: 2006/5/11
Posts: 462
West Sussex, England

 Re: A Longing for Jesus


Hello Billy, how did you find Jesus ? how has he helped you ? It's always nice to hear peoples stories of finding Christ. I watch peoples testimonies on video..

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and desires to know Jesus more.


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David Keel

 2020/10/24 14:04Profile
billy1980
Member



Joined: 2016/3/9
Posts: 78
Tennesse

 Re:

Hello brother I will gladly share about Jesus! Thank you for your kind words!

How Did You Find Jesus?

Actually I believe He found me. Years before I had found a tract on Daniel in 1999 that someone had placed at work. "As for you, Daniel, conceal these words and seal up the book until the end of time; many will go back and forth, and knowledge will increase." It was very thought provoking to me. In 2002 while working at Dupont A friend and me were discussing the above verses and the end times. He told me his parents were missionaries and that I should go meet them. I went into a small office mall type area, and into a little room where they were having church. Sammie who has passed away now turned to me and asked if she could talk to me outside. So I went with her. She prayed over my ears and started telling me about the ten commandments. One at a time, and would ask if I had done this sin, and what does that make me in God's eyes. On ending that part I had to confess that I was a sinner in God's eyes deserving of hell. Then she told me about Christ. How He took my sins onto Himself and that through Him I could be forgiven by God! I agreed to pray with her. I did'nt feel anything that first day. When I woke up the next day though I was different. No cussing, no desire for habitual sins I had been a slave to for years and years. I had freedom, and peace.

As I sat here rereading this. A thought popped into my head. I did still have an urge to smoke after conversion. I used toothpicks and gum for awhile, it was not easy to quit unlike the inward behaviors.

How Has He Helped You.

Jesus has given me a new life, a renewed spirit, a clean conscience, and put His Holy Spirit within me so I can through Him attempt to live rightly! I even have a new standing With God the Father, and I'm adopted into God's family as a son! I also have a new road map to follow through His Word. A brother through Christ, comfort through hard times, and even encourgment! Christ has also given me a new family, scattered around the world! A new eternal destination when my spirit leaves this tent as well! So the more I think on how He has helped me. I have to answer, in every way possible.

Thank you brother for asking these questions, and allowing me to contemplate on our Lord even more!

Brother Greg if our Lord allows I will be following your example in that in His time.


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William

 2020/10/24 15:28Profile
davidkeel
Member



Joined: 2006/5/11
Posts: 462
West Sussex, England

 Re:


Thank you for sharing your precious testimony Billy.
It was really good to hear that story.

Yes amen. "Christ is a comfort through hard times."


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David Keel

 2020/10/24 17:31Profile
billy1980
Member



Joined: 2016/3/9
Posts: 78
Tennesse

 Re:

I would love to hear yours when time permits you. I believe our Lord handles us all a bit differently but I have not studied conversions deeply. It would be refreshing to hear your thoughts after looking into so many when you have the time.

Blessings in Christ brother David


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William

 2020/10/24 17:38Profile
billy1980
Member



Joined: 2016/3/9
Posts: 78
Tennesse

 Re:

Brother David I pray our Father gives me the humility I sense concerning you through your few words. I'm praying for you, but rather I sense I need you to pray for me. Bless you brother.


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William

 2020/10/24 23:30Profile
deogloria
Member



Joined: 2020/2/12
Posts: 54


 Re:

Billy
I'm so glad you are longing for Jesus !
You wrote: "Just let me do something through you..."
This sounds very good, but it could be part of the problem ! You see, HE might want to do something - through you.
Remember Moses, when Moses tried to do something in the beginning it didn't work out very well.
Then God prepared him for 40 years.
Then GOD called him and GOD wanted to something through Moses Big difference.
He is the potter, we are the clay.

"Have Thine own way, Lord, Have Thine own way..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCopCjder1I

 2020/10/24 23:54Profile
billy1980
Member



Joined: 2016/3/9
Posts: 78
Tennesse

 Re:

Thank you for this correction. It was certainly a foolish statement. Do you have the gift of teaching? It is certainly a good gift when it is soaked in Christ love. May our Father break me as he did Moses that His glory alone can be seen through me, and none of me. Bless you in Christ name. I will spend time with Father concerning this. My dependance has to be on Him.


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William

 2020/10/25 0:30Profile









 Re:

BeginQuote:

I’ve said more times then I can fathom. Lord where do you want me, and where shall I go? What shall I do? Direct me Father that I may through Christ please you. Pastor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, apostle, Just let me do something through you!

EndQuote:

Dear William

What you said (which Markus has corrected) is found in the small element above. And what you suffer from is a need for mature brothers to give you an example That is your weakness and not your desire to be a servant of Christ. Nor your desire to please the Father through Christ.

Your words William:

"My greatest battle besides being handed over to satan has been lack of godly older brethren."

Don't let your meekness lead you into always seeking for a teacher. This is not the same as being unteachable when you rest in Christ. Moses expressed his meekness when he responded to the Lord on the Mountain and the Lord told him that his brother was already on his way to him to be his prophet.

When Moses struck the Rock twice he rebelled against God yet for all that the Rock gave twice the portion of water. Israel was baptised into Moses.

When you walked in snow and shine in the mountains you did so to fill that gap and you found silence. Muhammed did the same thing and he found Satan. When Muhammed went to the Hira cave he did so because he needed God. When he left that cave he was so shaken that he could not find his way home fully. His need tormented him because in being equipped in a power that exceeded him he was afraid that he had become possessed by a soreceric spirit that had given him a supernatural utterance and in the end proved to be the beginning of Qur'an (The Recitation). His wife sent their servant to look for him and when he brought Muhammed back she covered her husband with a blanket because he was so shaken and distressed. That covering in Islam is the very meaning of being anointed and it is fully the basis for confirming Islam so that every man or woman that yields to that murderous spirit confirm Islam by receiving Muhammed and his recitation (Our'an). It is literally subjugation (الإِسْلاَمُ Islam) to submit.

The Pharisees called God their Father. And Islam says that God has no children. Yet in character (in spirit) they are the same spirit of murder. The Pharisees knew who their own fathers were because had they not they could not have been serving in the Temple. Muhammed did not know his father because he died when he was still in his mothers womb. As a child he went from his grandfather to his uncle and in the end he went to the Hira cave to find God and found a spirit of murder. Satan always tries to replicate the true workings of God and in Moses we have the true works of God. In Christ we have the fullness of God. In Muhammed we have Satan.

Whilst what Markus has said does infer a profound truth - it is only half the truth because the Lord does not remove our own upbringing when He finds us as He found you - what He does is bring us to the Father and the Father in Christ then sends us to labour in obedience in the power of the Holy Spirit. So by all means respect older men and show respect. But do not run after them because you have seen that the churches are filled with those who are living fleshy and vain lives yet say that they are the fathers who are leading - because you are disquieted by meekness. Rest in what you have brother.

Lastly, dear brother, your dream when you saw Christ in another room is the beneficial cause of your needs. When we see Christ in another room we are reasonably inclined to desire Him in our own chamber. So you must necessarily go to Him as in the Song of Solomon and always desire Him and so that you are with Him - And that mystery is not the same as Christ in you so that you become a living stream. Christ in you and Christ at the garden Gate. The Lord is jealous - we are to be His bride and in that mystery we will never be content unless we prepare ourselves for the feast of the Lamb. Neither will we be content until we are truly serving Him and that is why you say, 'Lord where do you want me, and where shall I go? What shall I do? Direct me Father that I may through Christ please you. Pastor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, apostle, Just let me do something through you!'

ܡܫܚܐ

 2020/10/25 3:50





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