| Poster | Thread | TakeUptheCross
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Joined: 2016/8/10
Posts: 242
Germany
| | Wrong expectations on church? | | Dear Brothers and Sisters,
I am just wondering, whether I could possibly have wrong expectations on what the church should be in my life, or what my relationship to the people in the church should be.
Is it wrong to expect that the church should be like your second home or family?
I really think that the only real friends I can ever have, will be people who love and follow the Lord wholeheartedly. But... is it too much if I expect people to get involved in my life outside of the church service?
I decided to be part of a local church that's about 30-40km away from the town where I live. Because here, I could not find 'a place of rest', a church that I could visit without having fight within myself...
And the godly people in the church are like probably the only Christian people that I interact with live most of the time (I mean in person and not online etc. ) So could it be that I have wrong expectations on church to be my home, family and on Christians in this church to be my friends? |
|  2017/7/10 9:36 | Profile | MrBillPro
Member
Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 3422
Texas
| | Re: Wrong expectations on church? | | Jesus sure had a lot of followers inside and outside the church, but then again, it's very hard for any of us while still in this flesh to be like Jesus.
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Bill
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| | 2017/7/10 10:12 | Profile | TMK
Member
Joined: 2012/2/8
Posts: 6650
NC, USA
| | Re: | | Esther-
You are not wrong in your thinking. Unfortunately the majority of evangelicals have the idea of "going to church" where you are with other believers for a couple of hours and then go home. In many cases you don't see anyone again until next Sunday unless you run into someone at the store.
Some churches do try to address this problem with "cell groups" that might meet with varying frequency.
The way our society is arranged it is difficult to live in community with other believers.
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Todd
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| | 2017/7/10 10:36 | Profile | Sree
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Joined: 2011/8/20
Posts: 1953
| | Re: Wrong expectations on church? | | Quote:
Is it wrong to expect that the church should be like your second home or family?
Yes it is wrong. Church is not our second home. It should be our first home. Even above our home if our home is made of unbelievers. When I was unmarried and still connected to my parents who were unbelievers, my church was my first family not my unbelieving parents. Jesus too lived like that ....
- Matt 12:48 - “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, “Behold My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.”
So in my Church in Dallas TX, we meet on Friday and Sundays. On Fridays we meet in the evening and stay in fellowship as late as 11PM! We encourage everyone to talk from what the Lord has been doing in their life. Even on Sundays we start our meeting at 10:30 AM and stay together till 4PM. Again the focus is on fellowship. After our formal meeting which runs for an hour and half, we have lunch together and then discuss in groups. It is these informal discussions in which we encourage everyone to openup from their lives.
Again based on my observation, even in a Church like ours, not everyone is interested in this deeper fellowship. There are still people who meet with us over an year and still leave immediately after lunch. But I am thankful that God has brought about people from different culture and nationalities who meet with us and stay late to fellowship and encourage one another.
Quote:
But... is it too much if I expect people to get involved in my life outside of the church service?
It is not too much as long as you treat others the way you want them to treat you (Matt 7:12). The problem comes when you do not want to bind with others but expect them to bind with us. I think many who are loners and not part of local church fall under this category. They never learn to give for the Church but always expecting something out of the Church. That is why they are loners.
I am not saying you are like this, but examine yourself honestly. If you want to share your life with others, are you willing to listen to them and share their life with you? Are you willing to invest time in fellowship with them? Are you praying for them with a burdened heart? Often the mistake will be on our side.
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Sreeram
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| | 2017/7/10 12:28 | Profile | MrBillPro
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Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 3422
Texas
| | Re: | | Quote:
Sree said: The problem comes when you do not want to bind with others but expect them to bind with us. I think many who are loners and not part of local church fall under this category. They never learn to give for the Church but always expecting something out of the Church. That is why they are loners.
I don't agree with this statement at all, I don't belong to a local church, the Lord is my shepherd, and he shepherds me right at home, where he and I are gathered that's makes two. I have never asked any church I ever belonged to for anything, or any church I have never belonged to for anything. If I need anything, I ask my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for it, why? because he knows what I need better than I do, and will give it to me if I ask and if it's according to his will. And by the way, I'm probably one of the most generous and happy givers on earth, I just like to give outside the Church, and let God direct me to where to give.
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Bill
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| | 2017/7/10 13:07 | Profile | Sree
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Joined: 2011/8/20
Posts: 1953
| | Re: | | Quote:
And by the way, I'm probably one of the most generous and happy givers on earth, I just like to give outside the Church, and let God direct me to where to give.
I never meant giving as giving money, in fact we never ask from money from anyone in our local Church. Giving your time to fellowship with other needy people in the Church, is what I meant. Anyone can give his money for Lords work. But only a humble believer in Jesus will be willing to give his time to build up other believers in their locality.
What I said is truth. If any loner who is not a part of local Church examines himself honestly, he will agree with me. Honest self examination is the problem here.A person who already thinks he is perfect will never examine himself honestly and will not have any desire to meet with fellow believers in his locality as a Church.
In Revelation, Jesus writes his letters addressing to Churches not individual loners. It is by the love that the disciples show for one another in a Church, that people know that Jesus is God and we are his disciples. God's plan in new covenant is not to have individual perfect believers, but a group of imperfect believers who grow in perfection together as a Church. Anyone who is not coordinating with this plan of God is not doing God's will, period. It is their proud thought that they are already perfect, makes them impossible to meet with other imperfect believers.
The reason the nations in west are so degraded in morality is because of the failure of Christian believers to build local Churches that are true representation of Christ's body.
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Sreeram
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| | 2017/7/10 13:25 | Profile | TakeUptheCross
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Joined: 2016/8/10
Posts: 242
Germany
| | Re: | | Thank you all for the responses!
@MrBill - I am not sure that I undestand you. What do you mean by "being like Jesus" in that context?
@TMK - We do not have cell groups but we have a prayer meeting, Bible study and a youth meeting during the week. I cannot be there every time but I am thankful to God that there are some people in the church with whom I can fellowship freely... and when somebody asks me "How are you doing?" - I would be able to share joy or burden, or some new lesson God taught me through this week. I think one of my errors earlier was that I thought the pastor should be the person on whom I can put all my burden. But it's not so! It's Jesus! And when I lean on Him, then having fellowship with other children of God is such joy!
@Sree - you made me laugh :) Indeed you are right. I've grown up in a Christian home, although not all of my relatives are Christians yet... that's why I said second home.
Quote:
It is not too much as long as you treat others the way you want them to treat you (Matt 7:12). The problem comes when you do not want to bind with others but expect them to bind with us. I think many who are loners and not part of local church fall under this category. They never learn to give for the Church but always expecting something out of the Church. That is why they are loners.
To be honest, I think I would gladly be part of their lives also. But I think I am afraid....
*of being an intruder - because most of them have their own families (with kids etc.) and I am not sure in which sense I could really be part of their lives... I know that some of the children really love me and kind of don't want to let me go after church. We've had several times like spontaneous "Sunday school" - we sit on the grass and talk about the Bible ... and the idea came actually from them! Thank God!
*of being too hasty or emotional in my relationship with the church
*of disappointment
I think I had a period in my life, where I did expect that the church should do things for me. But I think, that's history for me now. I hate when somebody says: "Oh, you are all alone!" It pierces my heart. Then I try to correct them saying that God is with me. I do not want to fall into "self-pity", mourning my (humanly speaking) loneliness. But rather I want to flourish, I want to share and with the freedom that I have to serve others by the grace of God. |
| | 2017/7/10 13:36 | Profile | MrBillPro
Member
Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 3422
Texas
| | Re: | | Many people today understand the church as a building. This is not a biblical understanding of the church. The word “church” comes from the Greek word ekklesia which is defined as “an assembly” or “called-out ones.” The root meaning of “church” is not that of a building, but of people. It is ironic that when you ask people what church they attend, they usually identify a building. Romans 16:5 says “greet the church that is in their house.” Paul refers to the church in their house—not a church building, but a body of believers.
The church is the body of Christ, of which He is the head. Ephesians 1:22-23 says, “And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” The body of Christ is made up of all believers in Jesus Christ from the day of Pentecost (Acts chapter 2) until Christ’s return.
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Bill
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| | 2017/7/10 13:45 | Profile | TMK
Member
Joined: 2012/2/8
Posts: 6650
NC, USA
| | Re: | | //afraid of disappointment//
Sort of chuckled at that one. If you attend a fellowship regularly you will be disappointed; it's okay to be disappointed; the key is to avoid being offended.
My wife and I have recently moved from disappointment in the church have been attending to disillusionment. When that happens it is time to move on, which we are in process of doing.
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Todd
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| | 2017/7/10 13:46 | Profile | Sree
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Joined: 2011/8/20
Posts: 1953
| | Re: | | Quote:
To be honest, I think I would gladly be part of their lives also. But I think I am afraid....
*of being an intruder - because most of them have their own families (with kids etc.) and I am not sure in which sense I could really be part of their lives...
I can totally relate with you. In my case, now that I have a family with me, I invite people to our home. When I sense that there are people around me in my locality with need, I invite them to home, share my family life with them, give them the Gospel and invite them to Church etc. Even so called Christians today have deviated so much from the Gospel, hence it is very important to discuss what Jesus has done for them.
Similarly when people just come to meet with us in Church, if I find them getting committed to Church, then I invite them also. Inviting families to our home is a great way to start a fellowship. We will soon find that there are many needy people around us, only when they open up about what is happening in their lives.
We definitely need wisdom in inviting people as we cannot invite everyone without having some confidence about them. Allow God to guide you in this.
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Sreeram
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| | 2017/7/10 14:07 | Profile |
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