Esther
You said [I can't seem to get the quote function to work for some reason]the following:
"The spiritual life is not a set of checklist (you've probably heard that). And yet there are certain things that indicate that you are becoming colder and colder - and if that doesn't stop death is the consequence! It is the same in medicine! Doctors measure blood pressure, heart rate, oxygenation - these are called vital parameters because they are essential for life. And if your blood pressure is 40/60 - we have a big problem! Life threathening problem!"
I know you are trying to be helpful, but I'm afraid it is having the the opposite effect. For 10 years I have wrestled almost daily with thoughts of "you're not born again, you don't have enough fruit, you're going to hell etc" You have added just one more voice to the crowd.
And tell me, what am I to do if the signs tell me I'm not born again? Which revivalist answer is correct?
Do I undertake a great period of spiritually flogging myself, counting my sins, doing as many religious activities as possible, and hope God will save me at the end of it, though he may not if he hasn't predesntined me? (Jonathan Edwards, the puritans)
Similarly, do I grovel before God, pray and wait for him to zap me with the witness of the Spirit? (John Wesley, Leonard Ravenhill)
Or do I just decide to start being a Christian, love God, and stop sinning by the mere act of my will?(Charles Finney)
Needless to say, I've done all these things in some form, and been through various rituals of repentance. I cry out to God often for faith, change of heart, and assurance etc.
I'm not going to say that there is no fruit that I can discern in my life - there is (and others would agree). However, I rountinely fail these wretched salvation tests, and checklists such as the one in the OP.
Am I saved? Does God even want to save me? Is he even good?
I wrestle with these questions, despite having (I think) an above average knowledge of scripture. |