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Joined: 2008/9/14
Posts: 801

 How am I supposed to find a Wife?

So I am a single man--almost 30. I have been praying for a wife ever since I was 17, all the while trying to submit myself to the Lord so He can prep me for marriage.

Maybe it's not God's will that I ever get married, but He hasn't told me that.

I have asked my friends and they all agree that if I would change my way of thinking and date girls and sift through them to find "the one" that I would be more successful. I hate the idea of dating. Maybe I am wrong about it, but I don't care for it.

So, my question is this: How, Biblically, can I find a wife? I have no earthly father to guide me and my mother is an unbeliever, so she doesn't help either. There are no woman who are believers at work that are not already married, and the same goes for my church.

 2016/2/24 12:56Profile

Joined: 2011/8/23
Posts: 1632

 Re: How am I supposed to find a Wife?

I wish I knew. My close brother in the Lord and close friend is a retired widower. (Recently retired, widower for 10 years.) Successful, smart, Holy Ghost filled man of God. He feels like you do. We talk about it a lot. I listen a lot, let me say it that way. I'll pray for you like I do for him.

I know it isn't easy. I've been married for almost 28 years. Valentine's Day was 30 years to the day since my wife and I had a first real date (we were buddies in high school). So, I don't walk in your shoes. I don't dismiss the long term wearing of a life unmarried. Praying for you, brother.


 2016/2/24 13:30Profile

 Re: How am I supposed to find a Wife?

He that finds a wife finds a good thing. I have always felt the key to that verse is "finds". How can one find anything unless they go looking for it? I know of many successful and happily married christian brothers who "found" their wives on e-harmony. Just a thought.

 2016/2/24 13:37

Joined: 2005/11/10
Posts: 530

 Re: How am I supposed to find a Wife?

I don't recommend dating. It isn't going to help anyway, because you need to find a godly woman to date.

Start to identify single women who have the characteristics you desire. If you can't think of any or don't know any, you will need to expand your circle of acquaintances, which could include less time at home alone (including SermonIndex). Visit more churches and Christian events that are in line with your interests. Don't be afraid to go to other churches in your area. This practice is not dating; it is putting yourself in the place where God can show you the woman who could be your wife, if there is one. By the way, it probably won't happen right away, so set your expectations to put in a lot of visiting and considering along with your praying before you even find a woman who could be a good match for yourself. Also, this issue will be less difficult if you stay busy for the Lord, so while you are praying about a wife, also pray about what God would have you do for now. If you can't lead a ministry, can you support one or get involved in some type of Christian activity?

Once you find a woman and sense you have a Christ-centered interest in her, you will need to get to know her to explore the possibility of relationship, so either talk to her or her parents as appropriate.

 2016/2/24 13:51Profile

Joined: 2012/2/8
Posts: 5585


i would not rule out an online dating service. I met my wife online- though not through a dating service. We chatted online and by phone for months before we ever actually met. By the time we actually met we knew pretty much everything we could know about each other and were 90% of the way to being in love; meeting just sealed the deal.

I know of one other very strong christian couple who also met online(edit- two- i forgot our really good friends!).

I think the advantage is that you can really get to know someone's personality. Now of course when I did this there was no video chatting etc, it was strictly online chatting, regular mail(many many letters which we still have) and phone calls (but not til much later). A month or so in we exchanged pictures. She didn't run so that was a good sign.


 2016/2/24 14:15Profile

Joined: 2010/8/1
Posts: 92


Brother though I was a little younger I remember the extreme frustration I had concerning finding a wife. I too hated the idea of dating. I had some bad relationships prior to salvation that really effected my self esteem. After salvation I went several years without a relationship then began to date a non beliver. It goes without saying that was a disaster. So I really began to think about this subject. I don't know if I have the answer you are looking for but here are my thoughts. I don't by all of the "the one" hype. That's puts an unrealistic expectation on the person you're dating that they will not be able to live up to. I use to think that God's will for my life was he had one job and one girl for me and if I couldn't figure out what they were I was gonna be miserable. Thank God he has opened my eye! I believe that God's will isn't a list of things for you to do but a person he wants you to become. I don't think he is so much concerned with who you marry as much as he is about the character of the person you marry and how you treat that person. I know my wife could be just as happy or happier married to another man. But I know she's "the one" because I'm married to her. I don't really have a model to use to avoid the dating thing. I read a lot of dating books and they all have their own opinions. I got tired of it honestly. My wife and I were really good friends and we would meet up with people and hang out. Never had any intention to date her. She was like my sister. Then all of our friends moved away and our group got smaller and smaller and it was just us two hanging out and we began to fall in love and later we married. I would just advise that you use wisdom. Don't put your self in a situation you will regret later. Use the guidelines that are found in scripture. Obviously you should marry a woman and a believer. While waiting for your wife get your own self in order. Marriage brings responsibilities and burdens that a lot of men neglect. If you find yourself interested in someone pursue it. Get to know them see what happens. I don't agree with the idea of going out with a different girl every weekend to see if there are feelings. That can cause a lot of emotional pain and destruction. I'm sure there are other men who can give you better wisdom but this is just some of my feelings toward the subject. Hope it is some help. Much love!

Joshua Herndon

 2016/2/24 14:25Profile

Joined: 2011/10/21
Posts: 1436
Dothan, Alabama


To what brother Herndon wrote:)

While I'm possibly the least qualified on SI to give relationship advice, I have received some really good advice so I'll offer you that;)

Don't spend your time looking for "mrs right", spend your time becoming "mr right" and she'll find you-

Relationships aren't for getting things, they're for giving things. Don't fall in love to make yourself happy, fall in love to make the person you fall in love with happy.

I know these are clichè but they're solid in my experience.

Prayers for you brother~


 2016/2/24 18:03Profile


Brother being single myself I understand where you are at. Actualky I am the oldest bachelor on SI having never narried at 64. Not for lack of trying mind you. But for reasons known only to the Lord no help mate has come my way yet.

I understand, far more than our married friends, the loneliness of coming back to a dark house on a winter's night. Loonging for the sounds of a help mate to talk to. To hear how her day went. To share with her how my day went. Onky to be greeted by a nuked TV dinner and four bkank walls. I understand, far more than our married friends, the desire for a help mate to do ministry with. Yet only to realuze you go alone in the Lord.

I understand far more than our married friends the cry for a wife. But for reasons known onky to Him the prayer goes unanswered. Believe me brothet I understsnd where you are at. Far more than our married friends.

But brother I still pray what a sister taught ne to pray....Dear Lord in your will please bring my ntended wife to me....Them do the what may be the hardest thing and wait on Him.

But brother be active in your waiting on God. A brother who used to work as a server shared this. He said a good waiter was alwsys attentive to his guest. He would see if they needed more water, coffee, if the neal was all right. If they wanted desert. Of course the intention was for a good tip.

As you are waiting on His provision for a wife. Exploit your singleness. You cam do things narried nen are not free to do. Do a short term mission trip. Go take Jesus to the lost. Go even to the restricted nations. Do monustry for Jesus. Paul says those who are unmarried are able to do more for Christ them those who are married with family responsibilities.

And then in the course of ministering as unto Christ you may meet your intended. This is what happened with Adam in the garden. This is what offsets the loneliness. To fill your mind with Jesus and His kingdom. If you seek first His kingdom and righteousness I believe He will bring you a wife.

Brother assuming you are looking for a godly woman. Them be that godly man to attract her.

In my singleness God has raised up a ministry of prayer for me. A ministry that I do not think that would be possible if I were married. Yet I still cry out...Lord in your will please bring my intended wife to me.

Brother hope this helps. Will be praying for you.


 2016/2/24 18:34

Joined: 2009/11/7
Posts: 1479

 Re: How am I supposed to find a Wife?

Blaine, that's beautiful and so true. Havok20x, I commend relocating near one of the Charity Ministries related fellowships, the ones connected with Brother Denny Kenaston. In my short exposure with a fellowship in Cheyanne, WY, I observed some of the mostly godly young women I have ever met. I would also recommend contacting some of our dear elder sisters here on SI, Lysa and ginnyrose.

 2016/2/24 19:01Profile


Jeremy are there any of the godly Anabaptist sisters close to my age range 64 who are single? Have an interest in missions, and may want to go to the restricted nations?


 2016/2/24 20:33

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