Back in the 90's I had 6 babies in 7 years and became frustrated with my churches herding approach to the child situation. I started listening
(and buying)Vision Forum material and quickly felt like I wasn't able to rise up to the standards set out by them. My children had learning issues and one had Down Syndrome and I beat myself up pretty good because I wasn't good enough. This is a very painful situation for many people, but also liberating because the truth is healing and necessary!
Not sure what I am trying to express except sorrow for all who were effected including the Phillips family.

I don't have kids but I find more and more that in the Christian realm of anything there tends to be this 'set up' to fall teaching. You hear of the ideal things you should strive for and how to get there in your Christian life but there is hardly any pointers on dealing with the major bumps in the road. Hence I find so many who get disillusioned and fall away because the quest for 'perfection' seems to just run away from them.

I think this also applies to what you have posted. Somehow the ideal cannot get translated to reality and often the only answers a person gets is 'Well, just trust Jesus'.

It is a major reason why I post the questions I do on this forum because I want to cut through the nonsense that Christian mainstream gives out as the impression and cut to the chase.

I empathize with you.

John

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John

I am ignorant of the philosophy you are talking about, but I am aware of the books that can be bought detailing how one is to bring up children: that if you do thus and thus the children will automatically do as you please. Well! Surprise! many parents have found out that children are not robots but people with a will of their own. While I believe there is room for guidance in raising children, too many times the idea is left that their salvation is totally dependent on you doing the right thing at all times. In this process a parent neglects to realize that while we do work to teach morals and God's way for life, salvation is still ultimately His work. If it would not be, no child from an ungodly home would ever be saved.

BTW, our SIL, who remarried after his first wife - our daughter - died, fathered a Downs child. He goes to school but cannot talk like some Downs children. He communicates but I cannot understand him. They love him and I know this love comes from the LORD.

God bless.

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Sandra Miller

Thanks for acknowledgement and affirmation. The vision forum ideals seemed godly enough but I knew if I showed up at their group gathering I wouldn't have been worthy. I had neither the education, money, or clothing, and my children weren't interested in devouring all the books the forum sold and I bought. When I read that Doug's children loved to read all the books they sold I assumed I was doing something wrong because my children didn't even want to learn the alphabet. Homeschooling can be pretty competitive and I was in last place. I was from a completely broken home and I just didn't know how to be 'wonder mom' so I withdrew in embarrassment. When I heard about the recent events I couldn't help but cry for everyone hurt, then I realized I was free from the bondage of believing what I had concluded about myself.
Appearance isn't everything!
My daughter is nonverbal still at 12 year old!

Your words demonstrate the flaw in some Christian ministries. The cookie cutter syndrome. Just because someone's kids love to do certain things doesn't mean other kids love to do those same things. It is better to get verbal input on matter than to spend on cookie cutter stuff.

I would think that you would have to understand your kids interests and go in that direction of support while also having that fine line of discipline and not as the 'experts' want to suggest. If they like to read then pursue those interests in whatever books they are. Same if they like movies or like to be active in doing something. Yet, it seems to me that in whatever your kids have interest in it is your responsible to teach them accordingly and support them in their efforts. Going after Christian cookie cutter outfits only serve to put money in the pockets of those people while causing you to go backwards in your own life.

Wisdom is the right use of knowledge
Something I strive to live by every day.

John

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John

Pernvic,

You said yo are not a wonder mom...am not sure very many are. If any ever get close it is because of God. And even so, it is a process in the making.

Perhaps your feelings of inadequacy is rooted in having few role models that could inspire you. From this perspective in 2013, what could help you? Got an idea?

ginnyrose

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Sandra Miller

I am very happy that you have been set free from performance orientation in your walk, pernvic. Our kids need humility and love and sadly, many parents have superimposed their own performance orientation walk on their kids and their kids don't want anything to do with that type of Christianity. Many then think that their kids have rejected the Lord but they have really rejected a crooked and perverted Christianity.

Rest in the Lord, love the Lord and love your kids. Show them what Jesus looks like by resting in His love.

I appreciate everyone's comments and I am still pondering your question ginnyrose. I tried answering it a few times but somehow it has pricked my heart as I pondered who I would proclaim as a good role model. I realized I was searching the internet for a role model when I discovered vision forum and other ministries to families.
In 2013 I think real people who don't have all the answers but know how to be genuine would inspire me.
I am still raising 7 children which means I have tons of stuff to do at home therefore, I am not looking to escape to some woman's seminar or meeting where I can't bring my daughter but would love a visit from other women who weren't afraid to hug my daughter with down syndrome and maybe show me what I may not see in my own situation.
I am not young, I am 54, have been married 37 years my oldest is 35 and I have 9 grandchildren.
Sermonindex has replaced friends in a sense because I can listen to encouraging people preach as clean and cook. My husband is a pastor of a small church also.

Well said John not to mention how the cookie cutter stifles creativity! I was wondering why my sons weren't readingand it turned out one had hearing loss and the other son's IQ is considered pretty low at 55. They needed a more creative approach.