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Perhaps I should share with you how I surrendered Regina to the LORD for his healing.
I was at her house when Dr. Field called telling me she will likely be dead in 4 weeks. Since she is pregnant, he wants to take the (30 week gestation)baby next week because he knows he can save it but knows he cannot save the mother. After taking the child by C-section he was going to remove the tumor in her brainstem which may prolong her life. Glioblastoma cells are very active, virulent, defy medical treatment - at least so it was back in 1995.
I cried hard, very hard. Every bit of two days. At the end of two days I saw I could not live like this, I am going to have to have it out with God. After putting my granddaughter, Carmen, to bed I took my Bible and I studied it about divine healing, having the faith as a grain of a mustard seed and prayed all the while I was in meditation - that is what meditation entails, praying and studying all at the same time.
At the end of this time spent with God, surrendering her to Him for his care and healing, He gave me the sense that I was to live life to the full each and every day and not worry about her dying because if she was going to, He would be there to comfort me when I need it. I did this. I finally learned to live. I lived life to the full, knew she will die unless God intervenes but also knew God would comfort me if He chose to take her. And He took her 10.5 months later.
Codek, there are worse things in life then dying - it is living in rebellion to the LORD. We have two prodigals and that grief far surpasses any we ever had in dealing with Regina's illness. I promise. I would a whole lot rather deal with cancer in the life of a Believer then deal with sin in the life of an unrepentant child. I find it very distracting when people wring their hands at a Believer's cancer who is ready to die. We are given the promise that we will die - someday. Since this is the case it is up to us to get ready for that event. Failure to do so will be the most foolish thing a body can do and there is no repentance for it after the event.
Hope this helps.
| 2012/12/30 20:08||Profile|
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One more issue: After Regina died, I was faced with the question, "how will I respond when or if I hear of a report of someone who was supernaturally healed of glioblastoma?" Think about that. Our only daughter died of it, I miss her, and now here is someone who the LORD healed, why did God not heal my daughter? God knows I loved her as did her husband and children. How am I going to react?
As I mulled this issue, I also knew the LORD was forcing me to face this question before it became an issue with me. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the LORD heard our prayers and those of others offered on her behalf. I knew that. Gina's dying did not take God by surprise. This is reality. He was in charge from the get go, from the day she was conceived. It was not like as though she suddenly appeared before the gates of heaven and God looked up in surprise and asked, "Oh! why are you here?"
NO! God does not act like this. He had decreed her mission on planet earth to be completed. To live beyond that would be counter-productive and cause more grief. She belonged to Him and when her job was completed God had the right to call her home. Simple. And it is in my best interest to cooperate with that decision.
Now if someone had glioblastoma and the LORD supernaturally healed them it meant they still had work to do in which He will be glorified. It is all in God's hands and knowing this removes all bitterness when God does not act according to our personal wishes.
These principles have far-reaching implications for all of life. They are fundamental to all issues when God does not act according to our own will or logic. We do well to allow God be God - he has no obligation to explain to us the reason for his decisions. None. I used to think one of the first questions I will ask God when I get heaven is why did he take her in the glory of her youth? But I have since decided knowing this is totally irrelevant. I do not have to know now or ever. I am just glad God allowed her to be born to me and grace our family for 25 years! Now that was a blessing, I promise!
You see, Codek, we can choose whether to trust God for the things he allows or we can get resentful and bitter. We will not change God's modus operanti so it is in our best interest to submit to Him. Doing so will enable us to get a glimpse of his wisdom which far surpasses ours.
Yes, God is good ALL the time.
EDIT: Can you find any incident in all of Scripture where a person fought against God and won? I do not know of any. And neither will anyone else. God always wins.
| 2012/12/31 3:09||Profile|
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Thank you for sharing that ginnyrose. I'm sure that event was a very real and painful one for you and your close ones.
I'm still trying to process all these things. Everything has gone wrong in my life when I sought God, I feel numb to it all. I will keep rereading your posts and try to get some understanding from it.
"EDIT: Can you find any incident in all of Scripture where a person fought against God and won? I do not know of any. And neither will anyone else. God always wins."
There is no proof that God is winning. In fact it's quiet the opposite. God is motivated by his glory and for his love for humankind but ultimately for his glory. He is a meglomaniac but you can argue that he deserves to be. Most people will end up in hell, which supposedly God doesn't want but he makes it impossible to follow him.
The only way to fight God is to do what Satan is supposedly doing. You can't hurt a being that you can't feel, see, or touch. You can only hurt his heart by sending all his people that he loves to hell. And you can also persecute these people or put them at war with each other until they give up and 99% of people are doing what Satan wants.
God is not winning the war of souls. It is the worst defeat in history. I'm not saying that to bash God. It's the truth. I don't know any real christians in my life and I've met thousands of church goers.
| 2013/1/7 1:51|
West Sussex, England
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Hi Codek, it is terrible being in that position of wondering where God is in your life. You said you have been seeking God all your life. Are you able to share how you have been seeking him? Have you ever experienced Jesus?
There is a way that God has made for us to come to know him. It is through faith in Jesus Christ. If you had God you might not be feeling so tormented and alone like this.
| 2013/1/7 11:59||Profile|
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Oh man, please believe I know just how you feel. While I havent had to experience a lot of misery first hand, I know the feeling of trying so hard and everything falling apart around you. I sought God for years and felt anything but the peace He promises. I saw a hurting world and a God who did nothing. I remembered the preachers telling me how horrible and sad and lost sinners were. I saw people having a good time and succeeding in things that I failed at. Nothing made sense.
Then I met Jesus. I mean really met Him and understood what He did for me. Upon that meeting I was able to look at the world in a completely different way. Yes, there was pain when I thought God should be taking care of it, but now I understood that God was not the cause of it all. Satan and ourselves were the cause of the pain and suffering in the world. God causes it to rain on the just and unjust, which means that good and bad things happen to good and bad people. Gods ways are not our ways. That means that they are not our ways at all. When we dont see the logic in what God is doing I think it means we are placing ourselves as equal with God. We get angry with loved ones and friends when they dont do something that we think is obviously the right choice. We do that because we feel as qualified, or more so, to make that judgment. We are NOT qualified to make that judgment with God. I dont say this to attack you, but instead to release you from that burden. Its not our job to understand the ways of God because we never will.
I would highly recommend listening to some of the better known Reformed preachers around right now. Im Wesleyan/arminian personally, but guys like John Piper, Matt Chandler and Tim Keller have really helped me recently understand the sovereignty of God. They have helped me let go of some of the things that were holding me back, namely, my ability to do any good. If Im incapable of doing good without the Holy Spirit then certainly Im incapable of knowing what God should be doing. On the website Monergism I found some Tim Keller sermons that really helped. I cant remember the exact name of them but there werent a whole lot by him. It was a series so it shouldnt be too hard to find if youre interested.
Like I said in a post to you in a different thread, please dont give up. God is teaching you even now and deepening your understanding, if you dont give up. You dont have to spend every waking minute reading the Bible or in focused prayer, but youve got to keep your heart on Him. Guard your heart, but let God take you through this time of doubt. If youve truly believed then God will not let you wander far if you choose to stay, and I dont doubt that you have truly believed. Not only that, but when He brings you out of this time you will have a testimony that He can use. It could be that He wants you to understand these questions so you can help others who are struggling. He will reveal Himself if you keep knocking and asking.
| 2013/1/7 15:33||Profile|
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Ginny Quote: "If God would have healed Regina I would never have experienced the comfort He gave me....Think about that! I would never have seen this side of God."
If more could understand what you experienced. This is possibly one of the greatest truths I have ever read since being saved. At the cost of even one of our own, God is revealed more clearly and that is treasured above all things. That is infinitely more valuable than this physical life. For what is life if it is not the opportunity to see something of Him revealed that was not know before and to feel His overwhelming presence and all that accompanies it. I believe your daughter would laud you when you join her at the feet of Christ, that is if she were not so awed by his presence which we know is something she will truely never recover from. Sounds like her Mom.
| 2013/1/7 20:14||Profile|
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lylewise Quote: "If more could understand what you experienced. This is possibly one of the greatest truths I have ever read since being saved. At the cost of even one of our own, God is revealed more clearly and that is treasured above all things. That is infinitely more valuable than this physical life. For what is life if it is not the opportunity to see something of Him revealed that was not know before and to feel His overwhelming presence and all that accompanies it. I believe your daughter would laud you when you join her at the feet of Christ, that is if she were not so awed by his presence which we know is something she will truely never recover from. Sounds like her Mom."
I respect ginnyrose's experience but that could be hogwash in many other cases. People can just say that as an excuse for God when he doesn't answer prayer. Obviously, he doesn't answer prayer because I don't know of anyone that has been healed.
You are led to believe if you read the bible, that God will heal. But in reality God never heals. If God did heal, John MacArthur's beliefs would be proved false.
So the bible is lying and creating false expectations. God should've been clear and have Jesus heal no one and tell them your gift is in the afterlife, but he didn't do that, did he? If God is not going to answer 99.999% of all our prayers here. He should've never answered prayer in any of the bible stories and told everyone that he will answer them in the afterlife. Then this would make sense.
There is no peace from God. Everyday, I wish that I get run over by a truck. If it wasn't against the rules, and the impact to my immediate family, I would've already ended my life(I'm not asking for sympathy by saying that, ending my life would be the only logical choice).
I need to also add that I'm no slouch either. I was at a decent income level(around 100k) and I had lots to look forward to in my life. I'm not saying that to boast, I just don't want you guys to think I'm some loser who is just blaming god because he is a loser. I'm not all that either. I gave it all up(401k, savings, social life, im in 32k credit card debt now) because God told me to do and I'm paying for it.
What if you never received blessings from God and only received curses. How am I suppose to trust Him? When all the evidence in my life is pointed against Him. Is this really about how great I am, how great my faith is? Isn't this about how great HE is?
Trusting Him with my experiences is utter stupidity. And you don't think I ever trusted him before? How do you think I end up this angry? By NEVER trusting him? Of course I trusted him, why would I give up so much, try so hard and be so angry if I never trusted him. THIS IS ALL BECAUSE I TRUSTED HIM.
If I could kill God right now, I would.
| 2013/1/7 20:35|
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codek it was satan you were trusting not god ,you have been decieved by satans spirit ,,,,wanting to kill god is the greatest sighn of that becasue that is what he wants ,,
| 2013/1/7 20:53||Profile|
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and guess who let me trust Satan thinking I was following God? WHO?
brothagary, I don't think you know enough about my situation.
| 2013/1/7 20:56|
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friend i do remeber reading your account of your church life and all fasle christans you expereneced ,you were decribing an apostate movment ,that has a fasle gosple ,with suducing spirits ,, you would never had herd the true saving gosple in that type of church
| 2013/1/7 21:02||Profile|