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DEADn
Member



Joined: 2011/1/12
Posts: 1395
Lakeland FL

 Walking away from the Church

I read some blogs of a few people who were involved in the church and were Christians and then something happened to cause them to walk away from it. I read to find out what exactly happened and dialog with them about it. One blogger talked about her family, church and Thanksigiving Day and I thought it gave a glimpse into an average Church in America today. Maybe I should call it the average 'Mega church'. I asked the person for permission to repost their posting. They agreed and actually said I could post a link to their blog. I will not do that part unless you would like to read it from her own blog.
Here is what this person said:

Quote:

On Wealth and Finding a Godly Husband
I spent Thanksgiving weekend at my parents' house, a place where the ghosts of my past come back to temporarily haunt me. This has caused me to reflect on my Christian upbringing, especially my high school years. I wasn't raised in a Fundamentalist household, and the church of my childhood can best be described as a moderate Baptist mega-church. Recently my parents went on a church-sponsored Caribbean cruise. It was a typical cruise, but with a large group of people from the church and nightly devotions thrown into the mix. I mention the cruise because it is a great example of life at this church. It was a combination of conspicuous consumption, evangelical trendiness, and a bit of Bible thrown in for good measure.

There were a lot of wealthy people in my church, and it was one of three churches where most of the popular kids at school regularly attended. My family wasn't particularly wealthy, and due to the nature of my father's mental illness, we were upper-working class during my high school years. I didn't fit in with the popular kids at school because I preferred to stay home and read than go to the cotillion classes (Yes, cotillion classes!) and the parties required to fit in with the popular crowd.

Throughout junior high and high school I became aware of the class divide between myself and the popular kids at school and church. I read Thorstein Veblen and developed my love for sociology. I took my Sunday School lessons seriously in part because I wanted to have wealth and fit in with the popular crowd. At the same time, I noticed that very few of the kids in my class knew why they believed what they did. As a reader, I couldn't simply follow the lessons without trying to put the Bible in context and work out my theology. This is why I latched on to Calvinism. It was the first systematic theology I encountered, and at 17, it helped me make sense of the Bible.

When I started my senior year of high school I made a promise to myself to buckle-down and become the best Christian I could be. Before that time, I was horrible at keeping the recommended 15 minute morning devotional time, and I only had a vague sense of my church's teachings. The promise sounds noble, but looking back at this I see a somewhat embarrassing motivation behind it...

My youth group divided its classes between the sexes for Sunday School, and the girls classes were about how to attract a godly man and why we all should marry a godly man. As a hormonal teenager, I naturally wanted to attract a good Christian boy. Seeing the wealth in my church led me to believe that having a Christian husband was the gateway to financial security.

I hate to admit that there were "daddy issues" associated with this idea. My dad didn't go to church because he had experienced spiritual abuse during his mental illness. (This is worthy of its own blogpost.) The same mental illness caused him to loose his job and made finding another job more difficult. Many of the wealthy kids in my church had fathers in leadership positions, and this observation, compared with my own home-life experience, led me to think that Christian men were wealthy and provided security--a security that I lacked.

I buckled down in my Christianity because I wanted to find a godly husband. As a planner, I made a game-plan after a Sunday School class titled "Finding Your Boaz," after the Boaz in the book of Ruth. In this class I learned that I needed to possess the qualities I wanted my future husband to have. I wanted my future husband to be a strong Christian, intelligent, and in-shape.

As someone in the top of my high school class, I decided that I had the intelligence quality and needed to work on the other two--strong Christian and physically fit. I developed a game-plan for cultivating these qualities and started studying theology and working out 5 times a week. This was how I prepared for college, where I wanted to find my godly husband.

Reflecting on this period in my life, I can see the harm done by these lessons on finding a godly husband. Not only did my studies lead me into spiritual fanaticism and struggle with an eating disorder, they also completely destroyed my own sense of self-worth. I wasn't studying theology for me, I was doing it for a man--a fantasy man, of my church's creation.

Looking through photos from my high school days, I wonder why I took these Sunday School lessons as seriously as I did. After all, most of the people who attended church with me did not become overly religiously scrupulous or become super-focused on finding a "Boaz." For me, the combination of middle-class aspirations with a meticulous and focused personality created an unhealthy obsession with religion and physical health. I trusted the religious lessons taught to me by those coming from a position of wealth and privilege, and I bought into the gendered-thinking that went along with it.




Now, when I read this I found ALOT of little nuggets that become very large, when put together, that shows us why the Church is anemic because I think this scenerio she puts out is a microcoism of the Church in America. When I read this I could have highlighted alot of little things, dare I say subtle, that tells me something is wrong. Something is false. Where is God here? Are we running off of Human ambition in the name of God here? Then the question becomes how did the Church arrive at this point?

What are your thoughts?


_________________
John

 2012/11/28 14:56Profile









 Re: Walking away from the Church

If someone is truly saved they may turn their back on a church... but never on God. I know in my own spiritual growth and God-seeking I have walked away from several churches. I either out grew them and needed something deeper eventually, or when I was young in the faith I came to the realization that the church we were in was waaaay off track doctrinally. (this is why I have a particular sensitivity about the whole Word of Faith cult)

We also will not walk away from true believers if we are truly saved either. Why do you think I keep coming back to this forum? lol

We will walk away from believers (and in come cases non-believers posing as believers) who drag us down spiritually... but never the true fellowship of believers.

No organized church is perfect. We all know this. They are not "sinful" if they are preaching the Word. Problem is many "churches" today are not preaching the Word. If they are not... it's not a church anyway.

We were heavily involved in the house church movement for a long time. We left it! Why? Because there is a prevailing attitude among house churchers... almost snobbish attitude, and a great amount of self righteousness. And along with that throw in a fair amount of rebelliousness.

So the key is... be sensitive to the Spirit of God. He will lead one to the correct fellowship, or cause one to plant a fellowship.

When we allow circumstances to dictate our union with the church... the Body of Christ... then our focus isnt on Christ, it's on ourselves.

Krispy

 2012/11/28 16:53
DEADn
Member



Joined: 2011/1/12
Posts: 1395
Lakeland FL

 Re:

KK

I remember when I died inside. I walked away from the church and Christian radio/tv and then stopped reading my bible. I was intensely angry with anyone who said they were Christian. So much so my uncle, upon hearing this, came over to plead with me to 'forgive'. I told him that this kind of anger doesn't forgive anything at the snap of fingers. It takes time and right then was not the time. What I knew then was not to cross that line as so many do. The line meaning getting into drugs and alcohol and to the excess. Not to go whoring around because of my angry. Wisdom guided my steps through this transition of life.

These days I have let alot of my anger go away I am vary wary of many who call themselves Christians. I usually just watch and if I find something genuine there then I let my guard down otherwise I just keep on walking.


_________________
John

 2012/11/28 17:03Profile









 Re:

Quote:
I am vary wary of many who call themselves Christians. I usually just watch and if I find something genuine there then I let my guard down otherwise I just keep on walking.

I know what you mean brother. I am almost certain that if you met me, you'd keep on walking.

I'd rather be real than to appear something else.

 2012/11/28 17:14
DEADn
Member



Joined: 2011/1/12
Posts: 1395
Lakeland FL

 Re:

Approved

seems that from your words you are telling me that I wouldn't find anything genuine in you if I met you want just 'watched' you? Is that correct?


_________________
John

 2012/11/28 17:21Profile









 Re:

God Bless you brother, yes, that is exactly what I mean. "By their fruit you shall know them". If you find any let me know. :-)

 2012/11/28 17:24
DEADn
Member



Joined: 2011/1/12
Posts: 1395
Lakeland FL

 Re:

Approved

If you are the person in which I would avoid because I would deem you are not genuine then what is the reason in which you surf through Sermonindex?

Would you consider your like the person whose blog article I posted? I know that I was at the point at one time in my life but I never crossed that imaginary heart line to which could lead to my own physical destruction. I suppose you can say Wisdom called out and guided my heart in this midst of my deep anger.


_________________
John

 2012/11/29 17:44Profile









 Re:

Quote:
what is the reason in which you surf through Sermonindex?

Pure 100% fellowship and interaction and a sermon from time to time.

Everyone should say if anyone can find fruit in us, let us know. Many believers do not know if they have any. All we see is failure, our short comings, never seem to quite hit the mark, and we criticize every action we make. It seems that every time we meet up with other believers we shine, but when we are alone with our own thoughts, we think we are the worst sinners that ever lived.


 2012/11/29 18:15
jimp
Member



Joined: 2005/6/18
Posts: 1481


 Re:

hi, thank God that our life once delivered to Christ is not in our hands.you can sin in the flesh and be miserable all your life and in torment for it is very true that your sins will find you out. it is also true that the joy of the Lord is our strength... joy is the result of truly knowing the love of God in your heart...it is your choice... i would ask the Lord to restore the joy of your salvation to you and have...it seem you are neither hot nor cold and that is dangerous ...it is time you stopped the trying to be good and just come and worship at the foot of the cross and realize while He was dying your name was in His heart.jimp

 2012/11/30 1:08Profile









 Re:

The genuine Christian will not appear as perfect, or try to. Any of us who have been here for any length of time have seen the warts and scars of other believers. Most of you here have seen warts on me. If we were perfect we wouldnt need to be saved...

I stopped trying to be perfect, and stopped pretending to be perfect, a few years ago. After I joined this forum. Much after, actually. Now I'm just who I am, and by His grace I am being molded into his image... but it's hard to sculpt something out of an old knotty pine stump like me. But He can do it.

Krispy

 2012/11/30 8:14





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