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Discussion Forum : Miracles that follow the plow : prayer

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bible4life
Member



Joined: 2009/1/21
Posts: 1564
Locport, Illinois

 prayer

The last time i posted in here for prayer was i think about a little over two weeks ago. As you know already for over a year i have been telling you about what i thought was demonic attacks on my back area and my body that i was having constantly, i still hold to that being what was happening. I have wondered if i at anytime received a false spirit or something in the past that is causing my torment. I am still having those attacks on my back, but i also about 3 weeks ago started having panic attacks on my mind and other attacks of great fear on me. I then posted here on prayer about that. I don't know 100 percent why that started to happen but it was terrifying. The sameweek i begin to have a great fear that all this was happening because the Lord had left me for good which again goes back to a couple years ago with where i started posting for prayer on here because i thought i lost my salvation and i began to be heavily tormented by that which is why i began post on here for prayer a lot. I had heard the voice of the Holy Spirit for probably the first 3 and a half years of being a professing christian, but after i got married to an unbeliever it seemed everything started getting a lot worse for me and has only continuued to get worse through all my efforts of seeking God and in prayer and reading scripture. The reason i was led to the internet was mostly because i was seeking God about my various problems, but it seemed He no longer was hearing me and it really scared me so i wanted to find someone to help me and i began to look on the internet and i had been on a site for a forum before this and then this is eventually the site i went to after that and stayed on. Look i wouldn't be the way i am on this site if it wasn't for the helplessness i feel many times and for the very reason i hope people could pray for me and possibly give me hope in my hopelessness. Also i wanted to know if anyone had gone through similar things to encourage me. Sometimes i put prayer requests up here and seem to not explain perfectly what is going on and that is my fault i sometimes just try to express things with the main point of what i think is going on and also because i am not doing so good. Plus i am not the best at writing around. But, i want to make this clear besides one name change in the past and maybe i have not taken everyones advice and seemed to not take any that is not true i have taken some, and also the seemed contradictions my story. i was told by a dear brother in the Lord one time that what i was saying was contradictory from what i had said months before, basically i had one said that the Lord was working in my life and then in my other conversation i basically said that i didnt think the Lord was doing in my life. It sounded contradictory, but it wasnt i should have said i felt like that maybe he wasn't working all this time when i thought he was or something, but this happens a lot with me and i dont intend to. Also the past year and a half i have been being tormented by demonic spirits and sometimes these spirits try to confuse me a lot making me feel guilty if i am not trusting God alone and other things. But anyways back to my prayer request. I was saying that a few weeks ago a great fear came on me that i lost my salvation again and that the Lord had left and that is why all this was happening. Since then i tried staying off of here besides one other post on general topics about a hardened heart and also a prayer or two for others on this one. I have tried surrendering my life to Christ through this torment and it first it seemed to get a little better. I wasn't on the computer barely at all anymore except later on in the day most of the time and i was trying to separate from any filth. Things were going good, but it seemed everytime i slipped up and watched something i shouldnt or fell into somekind of sin like gossiping or anger or hatred or spending too much time on the things of the world like computer or tv etc. that i got worse again. My heart has really seemed to get worse. I have been getting angry at God, losing desire for the things of God, overcome by many sins like anger, hatred, jealousy, lust, terrible thoughts towards others. I don't know what to do i have sought God so much but i am just getting worse and i am so fearful right now. Please pray for me i really need to be lifted up right now.


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John Beechy

 2012/9/14 11:30Profile
MPS
Member



Joined: 2012/7/19
Posts: 26


 Re: prayer

My friend, I'm the least qualified person on this forum to respond, but I have found great comfort in the writings of Andrew Murray, as of late.
His commentary on surrender, have helped me in more ways than I can even express.


I hope they do the same for you and God bless you.

https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=article&aid=1800

 2012/9/14 12:30Profile
bible4life
Member



Joined: 2009/1/21
Posts: 1564
Locport, Illinois

 Re:

thank you brother, i actually have his book at my house absolute surrender. His are very good read.


_________________
John Beechy

 2012/9/14 12:43Profile
MPS
Member



Joined: 2012/7/19
Posts: 26


 Re:

My life has been a disaster the past few years. Left my wife for a "martially separated", alcoholic woman a few years ago.
Drugs, alcohol, adultery and a transient life style ruled my world for the better part of 3 years.
Returned home to my wonderful wife last Feb, but have been plagued by doubts, guilt, shame, and a sickening love of the world, which I'm only recently beginning to overcome, by His Spirit.

Was brought to the absolute end of myself. After wallowing in self pity for a good bit, I realized that God was trying to kill me!! That is, my flesh life and I was hanging on with all that was in me. I'm just letting go and letting God do with me as He sees fit. God has allowed me to see there really is "no good thing in me".

My story may or may not apply to your situation, but I'm starting to see now that the flesh MUST be brought to The Cross and turned over for death and I'm so excited at this prospect that I just want thank and praise Him!


 2012/9/14 13:00Profile
bible4life
Member



Joined: 2009/1/21
Posts: 1564
Locport, Illinois

 Re:

praise god brother for your testimony. The one thing you said that stuck out was death to self and that God was trying to put the self life to death. The one thing with me is that i had a questionable conversion experience. I didnt come to the cross or have repentance. I sought God for healing and one day i turned on the 700 club and they said to believe on Jesus and i did and i was healed 3 days later. But, after that i had a desire to read Gods word and i began to obey his word and love following him and i was hearing the Holy Spirit speak to me and convict me to. But within 2 months i met a girl that i am now married to but i fell into sexual sin with her and for about 3 and a half years i lived unrepentant. I did not know at first what i was doing was wrong, but when i first started going to church then the pastor said it was wrong and then i began to be convicted. I tried stopping, but in the end i gave in which it all led to me living in apartment one day and be so overwhelmed with fear that i got married to her. That was 5 years ago. But your story does give me hope to think that God might bringing me to my end i dont know.


_________________
John Beechy

 2012/9/14 13:43Profile
MPS
Member



Joined: 2012/7/19
Posts: 26


 Re:

Want to hear something silly?

I came back home, as I said, and was as dead and as dry as I could be. I had to literally drag myself back home, doubting, kicking and pouting.
I prayed...."God, I want, to want, to love You."
"I know my love for You has grown cold as ice, but I want, to want, to love You." He did the rest. I found that He would honor a prayer that was honest, helpless and silly as that.
When I came to the end of myself, I felt God could finally start working with me.

We can't crucify ourselves. It's the work of precious Holy Spirit. It's a comfort and refreshment to me that it's up to Him to do the Divine work of ridding us of our flesh.

It dawned on me finally that it never was about us and always was and is about Him.

Of course, if you have Brother Murray's book, you can read it yourself. He can state it much more eloquently than I.

 2012/9/14 15:02Profile





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