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Discussion Forum : General Topics : “I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”

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Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7511

 “I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”

This morning I saw where Earl Lear had posted a link on FB to this piece. I read it and was deeply moved by it. In turn, I sent it to a lot of people in my address book.

Perhaps one reason it deeply moved me is because we just recently had to deal with a similar situation in our church. The wife shared her feelings with the sisters and from her testimony, I am sure she can relate.

I do not know whether this piece will help anyone but do feel certain there will be many wives that can relate to it. My biggest dream would be for the males who are caught in the web of immoralty to repent. Immorality has its victims - always, even if the man thinks his wife does not know it. She may not know the details but I would guess most could say "I know something is wrong but cannot lay my finger on it." In any case God knows and woe is you unless you allow the Holy Spirit to clean you up good!

I was not sure which forum to post this on but thought it may get more views here on the 'General Topics' one.


“I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”

I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.

Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.

Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.

Who am I that you cannot make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.

Where are you?

Years pass
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else
Instead of making love to me?

I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…people like me
Tortured, humiliated, hated, used
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?

Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?

If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling.

Hands bound, mouth gagged.
Fisheye photo, contorting reality
Distorting the woman into exaggerated breasts.
The haunted eyes, windows of a tormented soul
Warped by the lens into the background,
Because souls don’t matter, only bodies do
To men who consume them.

Little boys
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual torture
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me.

An image burned into their brains.

Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?

I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of hatred
And come out of your locked room to love?

You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When hatred rules in your heart.
Your cruelty has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your rage?

That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.

I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.

Was it worth it?

Sandra Miller

 2012/5/8 17:48Profile

Joined: 2010/4/19
Posts: 447

 Re: “I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”

I read that and was so grieved by it, that it caused a deep weeping in my spirit. Still brings tears to my eyes just reading it and feeling the hurt in that woman.

90% of the people on my FB friends are sinners, the purpose of posting it was to open their eyes to the 'other' side of this deadly sin, beyond the self gratification. I hope that someone sees it and recognizes their need for Christ.

Much grace!

 2012/5/8 17:58Profile

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7511



90% of the people on my FB friends are sinners, the purpose of posting it was to open their eyes to the 'other' side of this deadly sin, beyond the self gratification. I hope that someone sees it and recognizes their need for Christ.

Same here...

Sandra Miller

 2012/5/8 18:01Profile

Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


This just made me cry. If I may just add to the men out there who may reading this and struggling in this sin, its not just wives you are harming. Its your children, my dad used pornography in my home growing up, my mom had such low self esteem that she allowed it. I saw the effects my dads lust full eye and wondering ways had on my mother over the years. The pain it caused her, the self loathing, the addictions to food, and gambling. As I grew up my own relationship with my dad grew further and further apart. I got to a point where I did not like him to touch me, even though there had been no abuse by him toward me. There was just always something, some part of me that did not even want to hold his hand or receive a hug. He used to "tease" my girlfriends with explicit speech, or worse try to tickle was so humiliating for me to watch and I can only imagine what they must have thought about his behavior. Then there were all those waitresses that he use to flirt with all while my mother sat there watching.When my mom would attempt to talk to him about these things he would belittle her, he would call her a prude and make fun of her. Pain and sadness became a common thing in her eyes. By the time I was in high school my dad would watch pornographic movies with my younger brother. It was sickening I became more and more uncomfortable around both my dad and brothers.I ended up having no real family relationship with either. Its no surprise that my parents marriage ended in divorce. The many affairs coming to light to cause my mother more heartache, more pain. The scars of generations of immoral living and addiction to pornography can be seen in the lives of all my brothers. All of them having broken marriages and other addictions in their lives. This is truly a sin that carries with it a weight and a destructive power unlike any other. I do hope many will read this poem and will feel a deep conviction to repent and to come to Christ.

Thank you for sharing this, it is very hard to read, it did bring back up to the surface some painful memories but it is also a very good reminder that the enemy is only a keyboard click away and we need to be on our guard always.

God Bless

 2012/5/8 20:05Profile

 Re: Pornography and its effects

Quote: the men out there who may reading this and struggling in this sin, its not just wives you are harming. Its your children...

As one of the men I would encourage my brothers to drink deeply of these words. We know as men that sexual ungodliness is a deep sin if we are truly saved. Yet our minds still tell us that its ok. We lord it over our wives and daughters, even their friends and complete strangers who are female. We think that its ok because we are taught of our bodies and a mind to satisfy our lusts. It is never too late to turn back and to cry out to God for mercy and deliverance. Do it. Do it now and you will weep tears of bitterness and then tears of Joy. Your wives will forgive you and your daughters with call you father. Their friends will look up to your godly manliness and see a better thing. Strangers will see it and be set free from your oppression. There is no excuse which will deliver you and there is no remedy but repentance. Do it brothers. Do it. In Christ name do it. Even as this man did by the power of God's forgiveness and the knowledge of suffering.

 2012/5/8 20:24

Joined: 2006/3/31
Posts: 115


Amen Armkelly! Amen!

Wijnand de Ridder

 2012/5/9 3:04Profile

Joined: 2010/11/24
Posts: 322


I was so blessed by this testimony of Ann Brubaker, on how she dealt with her husbands unfaithfullness.


J Kruger

 2012/5/9 8:01Profile

Joined: 2006/5/22
Posts: 2676
Nottingham, England

 Re: “I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”

This is a difficult and painful article to read.

Our sins do affect others, and have a domino effect on our loved ones.

God bless.

 2012/5/9 8:12Profile


How very powerful. The open honest words of one woman, but not one, millions. I was one of those boys that found one of the magazines, curse the day. Living in a violent childhood, this was the final nail in the coffin. This is an anti-christ that takes the place of love at the center of the heart. It is a fire that greedily demands more, a fire that is never satisfied. If we could see with spiritual eyes, how shocked we would be to see many men as they truly are, helpless hopeless slaves having thier very life-blood drained from them by some demonic vampire.

Some may think these words melo-dramtic, but they fail to convey the generational destruction of men and ever more so now, women. Only after coming to Jesus at the age of 27 and having been married for 9 years at that time did I see my wife as a person and not an object, not a possesion. If any man be a slave and read this I want you to know that there is freedom in Christ. He came to set the captives free. He came to restore the crushed and broken hearts. This is a link to an article that may be helpful to some, please feel free to pass it along..... bro Frank

 2012/5/9 17:49

Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


After writing my post to this thread I felt very convicted because I realized that some of my words may have come off harsh. I did not intend for that.I am sorry for that and have repented for my reaction and not waiting upon the LORD. This topic, this poem hit me in such a way that I found completely unexpected. As I read through it I went through such a range of emotions. I was crushed for this woman and her dear little ones and then I felt angry. Angry at my dad for all that he put my family through...As I shared my heart I can not say it was as it should have been, one filled with love from my LORD JESUS. I did share with you the great pain and harm but I neglected to share the great love that CHRIST was able to accomplish not only in my life but also in the life of my sister and mother. Before my dad died, JESUS did help me come to a place of being able to forgive my dad and to even love him. The last words I told him when he died were that I loved him and I meant it and that was not by my strength or understanding of love but rather that of JESUS! There is victory in overcoming this sin, the generational hurt and addiction can be broken by the blood of CHRIST and forgiveness and healing can and does take place so I pray that any who find themselves locked in this sin, seek JESUS and don't stop. Through CHRIST JESUS there is hope.

God bless

 2012/5/10 9:54Profile

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