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"I would like to be of strong faith and brave courage- full of hope. I've asked and asked God to help me with this, I thought I was getting stronger- then a scare comes along and I'm reduced to a trembling heap of tears - trying to be brave and strong. Am I letting the Lord down?"

I had this problem for a while when I couldn't sleep. I sometimes get really bad insomnia when I don't sleep very much for sometimes weeks. I was going through one of these phases and worrying about a lot of stuff and I found myself lying in bed talking myself into some kind of faith. I found myself pretending to myself and God that I wasn't really worried and that I had great faith that the whole thing would be sorted out but, in reality, I was really scared. In the end i just came to God and said Lord I don't have much faith and I feel really weak and scared and just let myself go to Him as I was without any bravado and He really moved and comforted me. I guess I would say that I had hope that He could do something for me and hope that He could move in spite of me and my little faith. Anyway I discovered that the 'faith' I thought I had before was not really 'faith' at all as I was trying to work it up in my own strength but that 'in my weakness He was strong' and i had to come to Him honestly with all my fears and worries and I think that maybe there is actually more faith in that as I was abandoning any of my own strength and relying on Him.

 2005/1/29 18:45

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