SermonIndex Audio Sermons
SermonIndex - Promoting Revival to this Generation
Give To SermonIndex
Discussion Forum : Scriptures and Doctrine : god

Print Thread (PDF)

Goto page ( Previous Page 1 | 2 | 3 )
PosterThread









 Re:

Thank you for the advice. Even though I don't trust the internet, I know your posts are solid.

That is the problem, I've been looking for fellowships all over L.A. and now I'm burnt out. When I said God doesn't answer my prayers or respond, I wasn't joking. If I had real christians in my life, there is no way I would post this much especially with the desperation shown in my posts.

I'm exhausted, and I've probably met some of the fakest christians ever.

I've had a guy who was supposedly so on fire after reading crazy love by Francis Chan. We started to look for a church together in Irvine when he moved there. Long story short, he uses his holy image to pick up girls, he had me fooled. I told him, "listen I understand if you're gonna pick up girls and stuff but do it outside of church but don't use Jesus and your fake holiness to pick up girls at church." He aspires to go to seminary and wants become a relationship counselor. His god is his popularity.
I asked him once, have you ever sacrifice your popularity for Jesus? He said no and continued to explain how Jesus was popular and many friends and that he would never sacrifice his popularity
This guy was the best passive aggressive manipulator I've ever known. He turned all this against me and became Mr.Popular and made everyone turn on me. This is easy to do because no one at that church really wanted to seek God because it was all about popularity in the first place.

Another guy fooled me to. I thought he was really into Christ because he would go to church all the time and never talk about girls. He used to go street evangelizing and try to heal all the people. But the problem was the healing was feeding his ego. Think Bill Johnson and those guys. He is still a good guy but he later admitted that he wanted to see the healing and feel the power for himself because of pride, I was pretty pissed off because I spent many hours helping this guy out. I told him, listen none of these healings really worked, they might felt like we healed them in the street but we have no proof, no documentation, this is like
Todd Bentley stuff. This isn't about loving God and his people, this is to boost our ego and make us feel like we're super xians. He still attends healing conferences to this day but this guys is not a bad guy though, but this healing stuff has taken over.

I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means and I mess up a lot and all the time but I apologize, admit my sin and try to repent somehow but these guys just don't care.

I've met some crazies too and everything in between. And these guys will quote Piper and say all the right things to. It's amazing how deceptive these people are. The best manipulation skills I've seen.

 2011/9/16 8:34
Leeza
Member



Joined: 2011/8/13
Posts: 122


 Re:

hey again Codek,
could you tell the story of what you were thinking when you were in the process of giving away your worldly possessions and what you expected to be the outcome?

 2011/9/16 9:12Profile









 Re:

Leeza

I have to clarify. It's not like I sold everything I had one day and had a big event where I gave out thousands of dollars everywhere. I'm not a superhero. I'm just an average joe. I didn't give out tens of thousands either. I didn't have that much to give. I did what I could. that's all.

Also it wasn't only money, it was also my time, my vulnerability, my effort, my tears, EVERYTHING. It was embarassing at times, I had to kill my pride.

So everything was crumbling down in my life, health, wealth and relationships. I'd found out I had 168/118 blood pressure in my late twenties, most of my friends abandoned God and me, family situation was really really cold like we weren't a family anymore, went through over 5 rounds of layoffs and was eventually let go.

I received a decent severence and had some saved up money in the bank along with a 401k I was willing to liquidate if I needed to. I was going to start a business and had my own plan of doing things. I have a good skillset in this area.
The problem was that it was MY PLAN. If it worked, God would not get any glory from it. I would just say I did it with my skillset and hardwork.

Since everything was falling apart, I began to think maybe this was God. Prior to this, I left church because of the hypocrisy in 2004. But since I began to realize how closely these times resembled the end times, I started to come back to God.

I was reading passages I referred to in this post about "discipleship will cost everything", "whoever desires to save his life, will lose it" etc. And really began to question myself. Do I trust God enough to give up everything for him? Can I love others like myself because of him?
Of course, I can be like a non christian and get a job and not really rely on him, everyone does that but I wanted to really show God I trusted him. (If you look at the bible, especially the old testament, everybody would do extremely illogical things to prove their faith in him) So I prayed, read the word, listened to a lot of Francis Chan sermons (over a hundred something) I also read the verse about seeking his kingdom first and all these things shall be added.

At some point I felt God was asking me "Do you trust me? Do you really trust me? Are you willing to not trust in yourself(not look for a job) and wait on me. Do you trust that I will provide for you?


I wasn't really secure with that decision but I said ok. During this time, thinking God will do something miraculous. I would seek His kingdom first by spending a thousand dollars on christian books, commentaries, bibles, etc. I wanted to find God so I spent money on a trip to Kansas City for IHOP'S annual conference. If there was a brother in need who couldn't pay for his meal, I paid for it(thinking about Jesus's 1st and 2nd commandment). Mind you, I didn't feed every homeless people and I didn't buy everyone lunch. I just lost my job, I didn't have that much money to give out. But I would buy homeless people tacos here, gave a homeless guy $5 when I was witnessing to him saying God loved him and fed numerous people here and there. I bought christian books for a lot of people. I think I gave away 5 copies of Francis Chan's books and other books. We bought a bible for a brother who just graduated, I paid for other people's share because they didn't. I gave rides to people. I did what people needed, whatever that was. One time, I gave a ride to this brother everyone was annoyed with. No one else wanted to do it. I realized it was a good time to have a talk with him because he was the outcast. I took him out to eat and taught him some very much needed social skills in love. He was so greatful that someone reached out to him, he had tears in his eyes. And everyone said, wow, I can't believe you did that, etc. They eventually accepted him because he wasn't annoying anymore. I gave him advice on getting a job, writing a resume, whatever he needed

I had a servant attitude, I provided dinner for our whole bible study group. Pretty much when someone was in need, I wanted to do something for that person. I almost gave some $1000 because he asked me for money saying he couldn't pay his phone bill. He was always broke and I wanted to do something for him. But luckily, I really prayed about it because this guy was kinda shady and a moocher. Using some kind of discernment, I realized it wasn't the right move.

Having no money, I tried to love my mother by buying Crazy Love in Korean for her because her english is no good. I even bought her a nice tv for her birthday with the help of my sister. My mom treated us poorly but I wanted to follow that commandment of honoring your parents.

I also would try to mentor brothers and really love them as myself. One brother would not come to church. The people at the church I was going to were really mean. It was like high school. People would straight up not even say hi to you. Even though he went to that church for years, he would not come to church because of these guys. I started a small bible study with this brother and another brother. Met them up every week, and really tried to love this brother. He eventually ended up coming back to church. We even wept together on the phone because I was determined to bring him back to church. That was embarrassing. My neighbor heard me weeping and probably thinks I'm crazy.

Even though I didn't agree with my healer friends doctrine, I would always support a brother by being the only guy to go with him to evangelize. Everyone would flake on him, I did what I could to support him in Christ.

I was trying to display a servant and loving heart to everyone like Jesus.

There are other things but you get my drift.


Then money ran out. I began to become more frustrated. God wasn't showing me love. No one really showed me love. God was very silent with maybe a couple of whispers here and there but I couldn't rely on those whispers. I spent some money on myself to make myself feel better sometimes.

I did all of this so I can know God. I wanted to know what it means to really believe and mean this phrase "All that I need is you" I wanted to say this is how much I wanted to seek you and find you.

I expected to have a close relationship with God. Testimonies of answered prayer, not riches and crazy material blessing, a means to make a living.

there is a part two i left out but I did find a job eventually a temp one. I had the worst boss known to man who made my coworkers work 24 hour shifts at times and he would fire you if you didn't brownnose like crazy and work his stupid crazy shifts. I was let go less than two months into the job. The politics I went through at that job were like no other. I couldn't God let me get into a job like that. I thought he would provide me with something stable with better conditions and people.

Show me love, any kind of love. Show me you care, God. cause right now I think you're out to get me and just torture me until I die and suffer forever and ever worse that I ever suffered here.

 2011/9/16 9:55
Leeza
Member



Joined: 2011/8/13
Posts: 122


 Re:

thanks for sharing this Codek, I am sort of new here and did not know your whole story. I am thinking about it and praying, and understand quite a bit of what you are sharing. We are in a similar place, interestingly, one of my friends came by yesterday, she needed about 500 dollars, but mu hubby was laid off in June, and I had to say no. She went away a bit tiffed with me. We have helped her quite a bit in the past. It does hurt, I know. But, I am growing to understand that some relationships, ones based on you helping quite a bit, are not the relationships you will get encouragement from when you are in need. This does not happen because of God, or what the bible teaches. In fact, the new testament model for the church was really designed to develop a mutual one another approach. So, you may have been involved in a church that did not follow God's model, but had an imbalance in how they approached scripture.
We too are feeling a bit isolated in our church since Hubby's lay off. so, what do we do with that?
I do believe that God is working in us right now. He wants to use this time to form in us a firm foundation, a wiser understanding of His word. A love that is His love for other people, not based on their response to us, but based on His mercy towards us and them. I do believe that sometimes isolation it the place where He forms in us that settled longing for Him alone.
I know you are seeking God, and I would suggest you do a bible study on His nature, His attributes. It is when we embrace (in faith that He alone bestows) the God who revealed Himself in the word, that we find our hiding place in Him. I agree, if you have spent many years in a church that has misrepresented God, then the verses you have read about giving all you own, etc, will be seen through these lenses. It sounds like your church was teaching its own unique form of legalism.
I dont mean to equate my situation with you, and I claim no prophetic understanding, but I do know God has an answer for you. Wait on Him.

 2011/9/16 10:54Profile





©2002-2024 SermonIndex.net
Promoting Revival to this Generation.
Privacy Policy