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Joined: 2011/5/24
Posts: 138

 Please can I have more advice regarding child rearing...

Hi there,

Many of you have been praying for our daughter (5 years old and know that we have been doing the best by going back to Scripture and training her up in the ways of the Lord).

I have hit a brick wall.

Our daughter still does not want to genuinely love or seek the Lord.

I teach her the ways of the Lord in wherever and whatever we are doing.

She still will not pray on her own accord. When we do Bible you can see she puts up with it. Everyday she still is not obedient or honouring.

Last night, we spoke to her gently about being serious about God and following the narrow way, not the wide way which leads to hell. It is like talking to a blank wall.
She cried last night (worldy sorrow) and said she wanted to get right with the Lord. Then this morning I asked her how her prayer with the Lord went when we left her alone...and she told me thaty she forgot to pray.

I was meant to homeschool this morning. But I feel gutted!

I just cannot pretend and act like nothing is happening and just move on with life...laughing and pretending about other things that aren't of eternal significance.

How can I pretend when I know my daughter is choosing the way to hell and not wanting to please the Lord?

I just can't imagine godly people like Charles Spurgeon pretending that this is not super, super important.

I feel like telling her that we cannot do anything else in our lives until she gets right genuinely with the Lord.

- I just feel desperate.

We have prayed the prayer with her so many times we have lost count. She is purposively going against the Lord, and not taaking any of this seriously and I just can't live life with her pretending and laughing about trivial things.

Does anyone have any advice...I am desperate.

Through Him only

Mrs Carter

 2011/8/15 17:34Profile

 Re: Please can I have more advice regarding child rearing...

Sister, no one can be 'forced' to "love" - most especially children who can't understand an invisible "God".
GOD is proved to children by the lives of their parents, not by force feeding Him to anyone.
Love and the proper adequate discipline is what we're told to give our children and to talk about His goodness in front of her, with your husband. It's more of living a life of His Love and goodness before them then making Him "mandatory". You may get a false confession of faith from that type of pressure and especially seeing that she's under the age of accountability - that would be severely dangerous for her.
As long as her parents are living a life of His love for one another and for her and that's what she sees that this invisible God and Jesus are being lived out in her parents and you're planting the seeds into her - I see this age is not good for any form of 'forcing' of Him.
Prayer from Mommy & Daddy and others for her is the greatest gift you can give her.
Many great men of GOD had Godly parents, but didn't turn to The LORD themselves until later in life - as adults.
Forcing even adults is not Scriptural.

Obedience to her parents must be seen as just necessary - but not to use "the fear of God" at her, if she doesn't obey you both.
I witnessed parents telling their young children that "God told us to use the rod - so we must whip you." In the mind of a child, how does that make them visualize God?

Children must obey their parents even if they don't understand who GOD is yet.

She's a very young child - even in Jesus' eyes.

Love her - live the life in front of her - speak of Him with your husband in front of her, in a way that would make a child desire Him, not fear Him and pray with all of your hearts.

GOD have mercy on you all.

 2011/8/15 17:59

Joined: 2011/5/24
Posts: 138


Thank you,

What you said is right. Sometimes I need just re-focusing on the right perspective, getting things right back to the Lord.

Your words have helped me see things in a better light.

Through Him only

Mrs Carter

 2011/8/15 19:06Profile

Joined: 2010/2/3
Posts: 144

 Re: Please can I have more advice regarding child rearing...

I know I am not a parent, but I feel compelled to speak out.

We have prayed the prayer with her so many times we have lost count. She is purposively going against the Lord, and not taking any of this seriously

Is "the prayer" you are talking about the Sinner's Prayer? Because if it is, stop that right now. That is not Scriptural. She needs to repent and believe, not pray a specific prayer.
Of course she is going against the Lord. She's born a God hater. She hates God and His laws and she will not repent until GOD opens her eyes and she sees her rebellion against a holy God and how wicked she is.
Which leads me to my next suggestion. Stop trying to get her saved. You cannot save her. She cannot save herself. "Salvation comes from the Lord." And from Him alone. He alone can save your daughter. Which means you need to stop reasoning with her and get on your knees and cry out to God to save her. And you need to pray for yourself. Pray that God changes your heart. Don't just shove rules and regulations on her, show her Christ. His love and mercy as well. Live a Christ-like life. Don't just have religion, walk in the Spirit!

Really, she is 5. Is she really going to understand repentance at this age? Maybe a little. But probably not. But pray for her.

I agree with what Jesus-is-GOD said. Especially this: "Love her - live the life in front of her - speak of Him with your husband in front of her, in a way that would make a child desire Him, not fear Him and pray with all of your hearts."
Definitely talk about the Lord and what He's teaching you WITH your husband IN FRONT of her. But perhaps not necessarily discussing it with her. Talking about your love for Christ will affect her, whether she shows it or not. Your definitely in my prayers.
In Christ,

I apologize if this sounds harsh. I don't mean for it to sound that way. I'm just not sure how to write that in a different way. So I humbly ask you to take my words in a spirit of love. I am not a parent, but I have worked with youth and I understand your frustration. All I can say over and over is seek God in prayer for salvation.


 2011/8/15 19:16Profile

Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860

 Re: Please can I have more advice regarding child rearing...

Oh how Children test our patience :) I know mine do. The Lord loves children and that is why there is grace for their ignorance. I wouldn't get to uptight about your 5 year old, just be a Christian and she will come around.

One of my greatest fears as a parent is forcing Christ on my children just enough to teach them all the right language but never have a relationship with the Lord, why do I fear this? Because that is what happened to me. I lead to my eventual rebellion and war against God, ofcourse warring against God eventually lead to my submission to Him however this likely could have been avoided had I had a relationship based on Grace.

I would also state, your childs Salvation is not based on a prayer, just because she forgot to pray doesn't make her apostate and a heathen, it simply means she is 5 and forgetful ;).

I am no expert but I would also advise against telling her about heaven and hell but rather talk about the Glory of Christ and the life without him ie your personal testimony because surely you weren't a super saint out of your mothers womb? I found as a youth pastor large groups of teens taken to events that "scared them" into a decision, you show someone heaven and protray it to be a nice airconditioned place and its all wonderful(and it is) and then show them hell and how aweful it is (and it is) then their decision isn't Do I want glorify God but do I want live in AC wonderland OR a hot humid room for all eternity, this decision will fade as they find their comfort in the world is just as good as the protrayal while never getting an actual glimpse of the Heavenly.

Its the equilent of asking Do you want to be happy or sad? Who in their right mind would say OH I want to be sad all the time and mope around. NO we all want to be happy, but heaven isn't about happiness and hell isn't about Sadness its more of DO YOU WANT JESUS for ALL ETERNITY? This is the question. But one must come to this conclusion on their own, so many worried parents with good intention push their kids into a life of rebellion or a life of religion neither one has Saving Grace in Christ nor a relationship with the Saviour.

I will pray for you sister (apologize for previous posts where I called you brother) that the Lord will give you patient and long suffering in this time of decision in your dear child's life. And I pray for you child that the Lord will keep her in His hands and protect her and that He would open her heart to His love.

Matthew Guldner

 2011/8/15 20:10Profile

Joined: 2004/4/27
Posts: 431
New York


by Jesus-is-GOD on 2011/8/15 14:59:14 wrote.

"Sister, no one can be 'forced' to "love" - most especially children who can't understand an invisible "God". ... etc.

And I thank you too 'Jesus-is-God', for a most excellent reply and guidance. Very wise advice.

Arthur Biele

 2011/8/15 20:12Profile

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7494

 Re: Please can I have more advice regarding child rearing...


I am sorry I did not get back to you sooner about this question - one that you PM's me I'll try to answer to the best of my knowledge.

First off, a five year old is too young [as a rule] to understand salvation. What you need to do is teach her, tell her the Bible stories. Discuss them when you lie down, when you walk by the way (OT advice given by God found in the law). Talk about them like you do anything else. Make a discussion of Bible things common, normal, usual like anything you else you talk about. The goal is to get her to admire God, to see his majesty.

You can begin by teaching her about God's creation. When you go outside at night you can look at the stars and talk about them, how God made them. Or, how about birds or any other creature in nature. Emphasize to her how God made these and teach her some important amazing scientific fact about it. Talk about it - many times, whet her curiosity - children usually have plenty but do not force it.

Did you read my post on "Bill of Rights" for children? Read it. Check out John Rosemond's website - he has a lot of excellent advice for parents.

Rosemond teaches how a parent must take control, you must set the pace, not allow the child to set the tone and pace in the home. And you must not tolerate any challenges to your authority. Challenging your authority is normal in parenting but your parenting must not be characterized by begging, pleading, asking your child to obey you. You tell the child what you want in a matter-of-fact way where he/she will know exactly what you mean and know that you expect prompt obedience. If have to tell the child three times the child should know punishment is forthcoming. The second time can be justified because she may not have understood it the first time. But with the second time there should be no doubt in her mind what you want and if willful disobedience follows, a spanking will be in order, not a beating but her behind has plenty of padding and that is where punishment needs to be administered. (I spanked and so do our children to theirs.)

A child also needs plenty of playtime, time spent in imaginative play. Play encourages creativity.

(We had four boys and they had toy tractors, wagons, dump trucks, etc. They used to play in the sandbox until the cats started burying their deposits in it. So they used the back yard. They built roads, long roads - messed up the yard royally. But they grew up and when this play became history, I repaired it. I believed this creative play was of much more importance then having a beautiful back yard. Today these boys speak fondly of how much fun they had building these roads. We also had lots of trees and each one built a tree house in them...Today our boys are all gainfully employed, have insights on how things work and can be fixed.)

You said your daughter is an only child. I was one for five years and I promise you being an only child means she likely is lonely. I was so my playmates became the animals we had on the farm. They consisted of a lamb, a pigeon, cats, dogs, New Zealand white rabbits, ducks....I have fond memories of playing with these animals. Because of my experience with them, our children tamed animals as well, including calves, pigs, a horse, raccoon, dogs, cats....I prohibited snakes. They even tried to tame an opossum and a squirrel but they did not cooperate well.

I would encourage you to quit pressuring her to do something which she does not understand. The incidences of five-year-olds understanding salvation is rare. Just back off and concentrate on teaching obedience, telling her Bible stories and allow plenty of play time.

This is all I can think of now. Later I will see if I can find an article written by John Rosemond that I read in church paper last week and if I find it I will post the link here. AND if I think of something else, I will post more.

If you have any questions, just ask....

Wishing you the best...


Sandra Miller

 2011/8/15 20:40Profile

Joined: 2010/1/9
Posts: 247

 Re: Please can I have more advice regarding child rearing...

Lighten up sis. This child is 5 years old. She will fall in love with the Jesus her parents are in love with as they model a joyful relationship with Him.

I have 5 children age 6-20. All in love with Jesus, thankfully through the grace God.



 2011/8/16 0:10Profile

Joined: 2005/11/2
Posts: 3707


I tried forcing the word down my sister, she would not hear and thought I was a jesus nut. After 10 years she got cancer and I had kept my mouth shut about God, I just loved her and helped her all I could. She came to me asking questions and wanting answers about God. God knew when she would be ready to receive and believe. Don't force the child, God knows when she will be ready to receive Jesus Christ and believe. He will do it. My sister died three years later, but she was in love with Christ and was very peacful when she went to be with Him. He will do it, we must trust Him, she is His child and He will come to her even before we or she knows and prepare her to receive the love of Christ into her heart. I told my sister she would not go home to the Fathers House alone, I and the family were there when she closed her eyes and Jesus was there too.

Praise God, He will do it.

In Christ: Phillip


 2011/8/16 3:36Profile

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