I feel like today possibly in a sense revealed to me the issue probably for my back issues, before i got hurt i began to struggle with flirting with the girls at work and began to imagine the wrong things in my heart and then out of nowhere i began to have severe back problems. Well since my back was doing better i was pretty sure my back issue has been demonic or the chastizement of the lord, i am completely sure about that. But since i came back to work their was a young christian girl who was 20 and a very nice and seemed well understood christian. She gave my wife and i a 60 gift card for olive garden as a gift, she said she wanted to try to cheer me up after seeing me struggle for so long to give me something to make me feel better. We were really shocked and very happy. My wife was shocked about this too and suprised somebody would be so nice. Me and her also exchanged many christian books and cds as gifts to i guess to be nice to one another. She was someone who i really wanted my wife to meet and possibly become friends with knowing my wife is not born again. So to the point i began to talk to her about hanging out with my wife and stuff and i started pushing it to much not realizing i was lusting in my heart towards this girl. She then invited me and Allyce to go to six flags with her and even paid the tickets for us because we didn't have the money, she said she was going to buy them even if we said no. Now my wife was like i want to meet this girl and be friends with her. She actually is known for being kind to others at work too, she was homeschooled and everything.But, the problem came with me pushing to hangout with her and i mean i would only do it with my wife and everything, so i thought everything was cool with me and the Lord. Well i started get the feeling that i began having a lust issue with this girl and i mean she was not flirting with me or anything, but i knew i began to struggle again with this and i should have not been trying to get to hangout with her,, and i started praying to the Lord if this was okay even if my wife was with us. I didn't get an answer for almost 2 days until i believe tonight when my wife wanted to meet her so when i got off of work, so we went and met up with her and her 2 little brothers. I began to start getting attacked again in my back on the ride their until while we were their until we left and got worse and worse and i could barely move my neck and i was struggling with feeling in my body, and i just knew i had made a mistake, not that she did anything wrong or even my wife, but i pursued this out of my own lust in my heart. I wanted to be friends with her, but i started to be attracted to her and i think that gave me more desire to have her hang with my wife, but i didn't recognize it at first i also want christian friends and acceptance for my wife and i and i think that pushed me. I at first was going to pray about this and let God work if he desired my wife to be friends with her, but i began to push it my way and this is what happened. I actually came home and had to text her and tell her that though i appreciate everything she has done and her kindness, but that i could no longer hang out with her or go to six flags, anymore until i overcome this problem or the Lord told me it was okay.It was really hard to tell her this, but i am very concerned that something worse could happen to me, so i had to. My wife and her seemed to get along good, but i really screwed this up, doing things my way again. I think what also attracted me was that her church and pastor our very biblical too and i need to grow more, but i still think that lust is the cause of the evil pursuit. I just had no peace when i prayed about it if it was okay. My wife thinks i need to stop this stuff, but i told her my struggle, she really wants to hang out with her, but i feel still that i will be putting myself in a situation which might hurt me again. i know this might sound crazy and everything, but this is my struggle. If you could please pray for my deliverance frommy lust and for my wife and i in this situation, and the girl tooo, i felt terrible having to tell her this, i wish i didn't have this lust issue but i do. Any wisdom too.

Excuse me, I'm sorry but I must ask you some questions. Attraction to this girl, which isn't good since you are married, also isn't lust. Lust would be wanting to be sexual with this girl, is what I think lust is. If I get around a female that I would most likely be attracted to, I will keep my distance as to keep from opening the door to lust. Are you sure it is lust?

Physical Pain directly from ones sin of lust? I've never heard of such a thing. Not saying it isn't so, just new to me.

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Bryan Reed

Brother, we do get ourselves into messes, don't we! But why, WHY do you have this girl's phone number in your phone? Kind or not, homeschooled or not, she should have NEVER given a married male her number and you should have never taken it.

Ok, about this lust problem... When was the last time you fasted, without food, over this condition. You want God's attention and help, not ours.

God bless you, brother,
Lisa

Fasting - abstaining from food for spiritual purposes.

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Lisa

What you need to do is establish baselines for yourself. Get yourself grounded and then make those invisible lines of how close you know you can get to any girl before it is considered crossing the line for you. When you do this God will give you that check mark. I established this shortly after I became a disciple when I was 20. It wasn't always perfect but I can tell you that when those series of temptations came my way and I was able to walk away from them by literal faith- my emotions and hormones would be raging- I felt an inner strength rise up against me and those urges seemed to melt away and my heart seemed to rise in strength. It felt like I had just grown up and matured.

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John

Bible4Life,

My heart goes out to you. Thank you for your honesty. Please be encouraged and remember that God disciplines those He loves (Hebrews 12:6).

Let's look at this biblically:

Is it wrong to have lustful thoughts even if I do not do anything physically? Yes. Matthew 5:28 - "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman "with lustful intent" (literally: to desire) has ALREADY committed adultery with her in his heart." I think it's pretty clear that the Holy Spirit has convicted you concerning the true intentions of your heart. Praise God, you are His child! (Hebrews 12:6-8)

Can I get physically chastised because of my sin? Yes. 1 Corinthians 11:30 - "That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died." (Also read verses 31-32 for important truths)

Should I break up this relationship if I find that it is leading me down the path of destruction? YES! The Bible doesn't say, "Resist sexual immorality", it says, "FLEE FROM SEXUAL IMMORALITY!" (1 Corinthians 6:18). (Conversely, read James 1:14-16 whenever Satan tries to trip you up with lies.)

Is there hope for you? Yes! 1 Corinthians 10:13 - "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 John 1:9 - "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to CLEANSE US from all unrighteousness." Hold on to those promises, because your life depends on it.

I personally prefer being judged as "cold", rather than being "too warm" (but really, flirtatious). The Holy Spirit clearly speaks to me on this matter. I know when it is time to back off; God has taught me not to care what men (or women) think. (Being modest in our behavior is counter-cultural, yes, even the "American Christian culture") I suspect that the Holy Spirit has also been trying to tell you that, but you have been quenching His voice. Hebrews 3:15 - "As it is said, "TODAY, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion."

Okay, one final thought. Revelation 18:3-5 - "For all nations have drunk the wine of the passion of her sexual immorality, and the kings of the earth have committed immorality with her, and the merchants of the earth have grown rich from the power of her luxurious living." Then I heard another voice from heaven saying, "Come out of her, my people, lest you take part in her sins, lest you share in her plagues; for her sins are heaped high as heaven, and God has remembered her iniquities." This isn't a game. Remember that the earth has been corrupted by her adultery. You must COME OUT OF HER (let the reader discern), lest you take part in her sins! I know it's hard, but you must not take the broad evangelical way that leads to destruction! If you are God's child, the Holy Spirit will stir you up through these words and give you the strength and faith to follow the narrow path (Matthew 7:13-14; Philippians 2:12-13).

In Christ,
Renoncer

thanks for all the comments i appreciate them, do you think it is a bad idea for my wife alone to hang out with her, knowing i work with this girl.

Bible4Life,
You'll have to pray about that and see how the Spirit leads you. It could go one way or the other. I'm sure God will let you know.

In Christ,
Renoncer

you know if i just did not have this lust in my heart the whole situation wouldn't be bad, but yah i just give this up to the Lord and let him.

Bible4Life,
There are some places I just don't go to, because it would be like shooting myself in the foot. In the same way, I don't run into the fire and I don't play with snakes.

If I come across a snake, I'll deal with it by God's grace. If I am engulfed in the fire, I'll deal with it, again, by God's grace. But, I won't ask for trouble, especially when God tells me to watch out about these things.

The Bible lays out certain principles to guide our daily lives and keep us out of trouble. The Bible also gives us tactics to use when confronted by the enemy (whether sin, or Satan, or the world). Not the other way around. We often stumble on that.

The Number One issue is that your Wife is Not Saved.

The LORD could use this woman's friendship with your wife to help lead her to a saving Knowledge of Christ.

Could you not just let your wife be friends with her and for them to stay in contact and go places together and you stay home, or whatever?

I'm wondering, what is your wife seeing of Christianity?

Maybe this girl, being a strong Christian and attending a good Church, could be the answer to your wife finding Christ, and a good Church to attend, that you don't have to go to with her, because - the Number One issue is, to do all and anything to see your wife get into the fold.

To see what real Christianity is, maybe for the first time in her life.

Praying for your wife and her salvation.
Praying she can have a good Christian Friend, a Good Witness & a Good Church and will continue to pray against any thing that wants to stop that from happening, in Jesus Name.