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Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860

 So lost and thirsty.

I was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this kind of season, What did you do in this time to draw to God though He felt far? What did you do when your soul was thirsty for a drink?

My Soul longs for you, Lord, in a dry and weary land.

This is what I feel, but I find the more I seek God the more my flesh cries out against it. I don't believe I have come to the place of death and though I know to take up my cross I don't know how or what that looks like. If the Lord leads you to pray for me I would appreciate it. My hearts desire is to not conjure up emotion but to connect with Christ in reality that my praises are no longer clanging cymbols or resounding gongs but to worship in Spirit and Truth and Love for Christ Jesus.

Matthew Guldner

 2011/3/6 4:35Profile

Joined: 2010/1/9
Posts: 248

 Re: So lost and thirsty.

Not speaking as one who has "arrived" here.

Fasting and prayer to me is absolutely a must. It is a powerful expression of humbling ourselves before the Lord.
The unruly flesh will find out in a hurry who is in charge in your life! It is one way of denying ourselves. We can then cry out with a greater focus and intensity. The power of the cross will become more real. Before long your flesh will be crying out for the living God. Ps 63

Breakthrough is not always immediate when fasting, but it will come.

I remember one season, late one the night saying " I will bless You and not curse You" There was no way out, no light at the end of the tunnel. I determined that "my lips will bless the Lord". If the Lord comes by to see me He will hear blessing, no matter what. That determination didn't end the trial but it changed my heart.

Be encouraged my friend, I think it is God's grace to cause such a hunger in us, so that we run after Him.



 2011/3/6 6:11Profile

Joined: 2010/11/20
Posts: 1404

 Re: So lost and thirsty.

I will pray.....we've all been there....

 2011/3/6 13:55Profile

Joined: 2006/9/13
Posts: 3165

 Re: So lost and thirsty.

When my heart is drawn away, I have found that if I cast all things not pertaining to HIM aside, and center my heart upon HIM - and all that He is - His greatness, His power, His majesty, His beauty, His Son, His Spirit, His love, His faithfulness, His mercy, His light, His sweetness, His warmth, His fullness, His perfection, His purity . . .

 2011/3/6 14:05Profile

Joined: 2004/4/5
Posts: 952

 Re: So lost and thirsty.

God will answer you at His appointed time.
He will fill our cup to over-flowing.
Only He can take what's wrong and make it right.
May God minister to you, His way.
He knows your heart.
God Bless

 2011/3/6 21:29Profile

Joined: 2008/2/25
Posts: 1
New York


I agree. Once God changes the heart, it is all all "up hill" from there. A "hunger" to Honor Him in every aspect of our lives!


Kerr St. Fleur

 2011/3/6 22:47Profile

 Re: So lost and thirsty.

Hi Matthew,

It sounds as if you're going deeper in the Spirit, as you have testified several times recently.

There are three verses in Hebrews which sustained me over many years.

Hebrews 4:11
Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief.

Hebrews 7:25
Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them.

Hebrews 10:14
For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.

When I read your post first, I was reminded of the words of an elderly lady who had seen the revival in Argentina (more than half a century ago, now), who shared elegantly about the seasons, and how it is needful to have winter, because this is when the tree puts its roots down deeper into the Lord as it searches for sustenance; and this too is how the tree is strengthened to withstand the frosts and storms of winter, and to become ready to bear more fruit in the following summer. I was greatly affected by this.

Since then I have heard similar things said of 'desert' or 'wilderness' experiences, (in which we don't necessarily think of those as cold, but they are, bitterly, during the nights.

With regard to 'flesh', there is a verse which I can never find, which names one of the gods which came out of Egypt with the children of Israel, which is the biblial proof that they took their idols with them - which explains the sharply contrasting commitment God asked them to make at Sinai. Understandably (thunders, lightnings, smoke on top of the mountain), they agreed at the time, but not really having any idea what would be involved to make good their word. At the same time, their instinct was to put a bit of distance between this God and themselves (by asking for Moses to speak on their behalf), but which was a big mistake - which we should try not to make.

The wilderness was a time when God tried to get Egypt out of their hearts, but like Shem (while the Ark was a-building), it was only some of those born outside Egypt (apart from Moses and Caleb), who entered the promised land - again, through a gigantic move of faith by stepping down into the deep bed of Jordan whose waters God had dried up completely. Some believe it was a pathway as wide as the Red Sea's had been, because it was in flood at that harvest time. So many pictures in there, as the priests went first, and last, speaking of Christ.

Hebrews 10:5 Wherefore when he cometh into the world, he saith, Sacrifice and offering thou wouldest not, but a body hast thou prepared me: 6 In burnt offerings and [sacrifices] for sin thou hast had no pleasure. 7 Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God... 10 By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once [for all]. 11 And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins: 12 But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God; 13 From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool.

I have found it easiest to reckon myself dead through Heb 10:14 and Rom 6:4, while keeping the purpose of that death - to free us from sin (Rom 6:6) - in mind. But God does want us to LIVE, to attach our hearts to things above - to become 'from above' rather than 'from beneath', and there is a lifetime of choices lying ahead for every one of us.

As I was rifling through to reply to Endzone in Articles, I came across 'Continuous Conversion' by Oswald Chambers, which describes this process very clearly. It's on SI in a number of places.) He also, in another entry, talks of becoming like Christ through attending to the things nearest at hand - the little duties of life - however mundane. This is soooo true. It forges character into us, while our minds are on what we think are 'higher' things.

Here is another biting truth in OC's words:

Never discard a conviction. If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to have brought it to your mind, it is that thing He is detecting. You were looking for a great thing to give up. God is telling you of some tiny thing; but at the back of it there lies the central citadel of obstinacy: I will not give up my right to myself - the thing God intends you to give up if ever you are going to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.

(Last paragraph from The "Go" of Preparation)

Young's translation of 'DISOWN', for 'lose' as in 'one's life', is helpful.

At the same time, the Christian life is not only about what we give up, but about what we gain. There are many different ways to make Bible study interesting. For instance, if you had ONLY ten verses by which to explain as much of the gospel as possible, which would you choose? Of course, there is no right answer, and it may depend on your audience, but as an exercise of heart to look at how God has developed the great themes embedded in scripture, it offers rich pickings. You can find them in the narrative, in a single book - and so on. Let the Spirit lead you, whatever you do, and if this season is about 'pray! until you pray!' then offer yourself to God as wholeheartedly as possible and worship Him unceasingly in every task.

 2011/3/9 8:14

Joined: 2009/12/4
Posts: 1860


Thank you all for your words of encouragement and prayers, I really do appreciate them greatly. I believe I am in a battle of my old self (Religious) and the new one in Christ (reliant on God alone) I know God is faithful and worthy but I constantly feel the resistance from that old tendency. At times if I feel I am doing something with a mask on or an acting manner I simply stop doing it and think about what I am doing and if I feel I can continue without acting or putting on a show then I continue. The strange thing is, is I am not putting on a show for anyone but myself, like this is what I was trained and told to do and to do less or more is a flaw in my character. I know that is a silly notion because the Love of Christ is unconditional. I want to fully experience that Love and know it in Reality, because "its better than wine." Again thank you for your prayers, I will continue to wait patiently for the Lord being content in my wilderness.

Matthew Guldner

 2011/3/9 8:29Profile

 Re: So lost and thirsty.

Hi Matthew,

At times if I feel I am doing something with a mask on or an acting manner I simply stop doing it and think about what I am doing and if I feel I can continue without acting or putting on a show then I continue. The strange thing is, is I am not putting on a show for anyone but myself, like this is what I was trained and told to do

I think this is a really useful observation, and I know exactly what you mean. I think the fact that you are so self-aware is actually the Holy Spirit at work - something to do with putting off the old man and putting on the new man.

I've tried to write about this before, using Paul's phrase in Eph 3:2 '... the dispensation of the grace of God...'. Taking the word 'grace' to have come from the root 'charis', it is about something being added to us by God, associated with acting completely outside of our old character. (We could talk about gifts, but this is not about that.) The word 'dispensation' often attracts adverse thoughts to do with 'dispensationalism', but I don't think that's what Paul meant. He simply meant that God had dispensed (as we do with medicine) His grace as a cure for his old attitudes, and as an enabling agent to act different from them.

Viewed in this light, 'grace' is not merely about God's benevolence towards those who seek Him, (viz Noah) but about a spiritually material gift which we can receive by which we demonstrate the relationship in which we received it (ie sonship - likeness to our Creator).

Paul went from ranting at Christians and keeping every Jewish/Pharisaic law against mixing with Gentiles, to a completely different mindset. This is what God is looking for. Within it, we become servants totally dedicated to living as children who have nothing to lose by obeying God. Indeed 'then are the children free'.

 2011/3/9 9:23

Joined: 2007/8/8
Posts: 123


I pray this for you Matthew;

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith-that you being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.Ephesians 3:14-18

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think,according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen

We know that if we ask anything according to His will He will answer.

God's timing is always on time.

Psalm 40:1-3

 2011/3/9 9:28Profile

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