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Discussion Forum : Miracles that follow the plow : I need help

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Joined: 2011/1/5
Posts: 2

 I need help

Im a 20 yr old university student in England. I got saved at the age of 16 (AUG 2007), it was the most glorious moment of my life. I had been going to church my whole life and embedded in sin but now, at long last I was able to get to know Jesus intimately. Unfortunately the joy of being with my First Love only lasted 3 months. I remember during these 3 months I would always fast 1 day of a week ethen it increased to a couple of days a week I didn’t really know why I was doing it..all I knew was that I wanted to get closer to God and fasting helped. Around Jan 2008 I started having thoughts about why I was fasting and what would happen if I stopped. I started thinking that it is wrong to use fasting to get closer to God, because I felt like it was the only reason I would pray in the morning and evening. This led me to stop fasting to prove to myself and those thoughts that I am able to pray without fasting once or a couple of days in the week. Slowly but surely I started loosing the desire to pray and read my Bible and I know I had backslidden.

I remember frimly that when I backslid my school grades the drop with it aswell. Before I stopped fasting and praying I would always make sure that I had spent time with God before I would start on my school assignments etc. But when I stopped spending time with God as much I couldn’t focus on my studies..I would be trying to study and be crying at the same because I knew I was supposed to be spending time with Jesus. In the end I didn’t get the grades I wanted at the end of High school (summer 2009) but I still managed to enter into a university.

There were a couple of times when I would cry out to God and plead with Him to show me what to do because I didn’t want to be far from Him. At one particular instance I used Jacobs example of struggling with the angel and made my mind up that I wouldn’t stop praying that day until I heard God speaking. However I only started playing at about 1pm and had till 3pm because I had to pick up my little brothers from school. At the last minute God came through and I cleatly heard the Holy Spirit saying Psalm 32, so I read it and I started weeping because it exactly answered my prayers. I got up to pick up my brothers and suddenly out of nowhere thoughts of resentments towards God for showing me that particular scripture stated creeping into my mind and got I angry because of verse 8. I felt rebuked by it.

Fast forward to summer 2009 where I started seeking God again and got the conviction of proclaiming my testimony about being delivered from a particular sin I struggled with (masturbation). I wrote a poem about it and sent it to friend of mine among other poems and she believed we should use it to proclaim the goodness of God but I didn’t because I was too ashamed.

Anyway with that poem at the back of my mind and knowing cley that I was supposed to testify of what God had done I entered into a relationship in sept 2009 knowing very well that I wasn’t supposed to be in one because I heard the Holy Spirit literally saying “Wait’’ one night before I was going to speak to the person. So I entered the relationship and even sent the boy my poems and seeing that he was encouraged by it because he struggled with it aswell, I used that to justify me being in the relationship. The relationship ended in November 2009 because I was under too much conviction, it was affecting my spiritual life and I was also disobeying my eartly father who also told me not to be in any relationship whilst I am at uni.

After with the guy I still talked to him a lot and that just aroused more sexually immoral thoughts in my mind which ended in me falling back into masturbation. With that came depression because it was one sin I told myself never to fall back into again. During this time I had backslidden again and was acting like I was a good Christian whilst I was naked before God. I used stuff like researching about the end times and knowing facts about the Bible to quench my inner thirst and hunger to be with God, and to fool myself that I was actually with God.
Mean while I was still in communication with the boy, though I knew I had to break up the communication with him as it increased my lustful desire. I would pray that God would take away any desire in my heart to talk to him but deep in my mind and heart I knew I didn’t want to. It came to point that I just cried out to call to cause something to happen that would make me stop talking to him and sure that same week the boy told me that he was in a different relationship. I knew God had answered my prayer because I stopped talking to him telling the boy that it would be unfair to his girlfriend. Everything was going well until one day he told me that he had broken up with her and thus we could talk again. Initially I knew it was wrong but again I started agaian..this went back and forth until sept 2010.

I started my 2nd yr of uni and I couldn’t concentrate, I was/am depressed with suicidal thoughts or sometimes thinking I shouls just live my life anyhow because I know I failed God by going after my desires. and I continue to fail him. I felt like I was bringing shame to His name infront of non-christians, because they would see me in my depressed state doing stuff as if I wasn’t thinking clearly. Again I cried out to God for many days until he gave me Isaiah 48:8-12. I Was glad God spoke to me but again I felt rebuked by the verse 8 of this scripture, but still I continued to seek God and every time it seemed I would get close to God than BAM I would fall into sin.

I struggle a lot with the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes & the pride of life (I get very prideful sometimes when I get closer to God or start knowing more things about Him). I don’t know what to do every time I want to get closer to God I end up sinning, I know I am not consistent and now I cant even study nor seek Gods face. The desire is not there. I feel like am slowly drowning.

Thank you for reading.


 2011/1/8 8:16Profile

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7494

 Re: I need help


You titled your post "I Need Help" but did not indicate such is the case when you concluded your post. Am not sure of the purpose of your post but am going to assume the title reveals your heart's desire.

You know what you should do, now go for it! Revelation 2:5 (NASB): "Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place—unless you repent."

There is hope. If you want to know more study the letters Jesus sent to the churches as recorded in Revelation 1-3. Then take lessons and make applications.

God bless.

Sandra Miller

 2011/1/8 8:40Profile

 Re: I need help

Someone forgot to tell you before you entered the race that you've entered the fight of your life, the good fight of faith.

Before you didn't have an enemy, now that you've stepped over into the light, your a threat that needs to be quelled.

For 3 months you were in the throes of your love for Jesus. Been there done that. Now you've entered the arena of being chastened. M*****bation doesn't help, neither is your choice of friends. Ditch these guys and hang around people that will do you some good, usually those that are older and more experienced in the faith. Pray that God gives you these kinds of people....and he will.

You say you have a pride when you get closer to God and when He shows you things, well this is a clear indication that God is working on you. He wants to strip you of that and replace it with Himself called, humility and meekness.

Now you and Paul have a similar problem with pride and having knowledge and a great many brethren, so your not alone.

2 Corinthians 12:7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, LEST I should be exalted above measure.

There is a measure of exaltation that we are allowed, but Paul was given this thorn so that he wouldn't exceed that measure.

No doubt your difficulties have come for that reason.

It's a fight brother. Sometimes you'll give into your flesh, other times you'll have great victories. Trusting in the Lord is a lot of work.

All your attempts to get close to the Lord end in failure because Christ has already bridged the gap, we simply come to the Father by faith and faith alone. We can't offer him our fastings, though fastings are good and proper, but we can't say, "Hey, look at me Lord, I am fasting". What attracts God to you is humility, like,

"Oh God, I've sinned again, please help me Lord, I am trusting you to bring about a work within me, Oh Lord, help me I pray. Father, I need you. Your my life, I can't do anything without you, change me, strengthen me. There is nothing I can do to bring about the righteousness of God. I need your Holy Spirit, fill me Father."

God loves you man. If you never had a problem, if you never go through what your going through now, I would question your conversion. Everyone goes through a type of hell. But, oh thank God for those 'buts', He said that He would be with us in Hell, and He was with the men that were in the fiery furnace. It was hot as hell and damnation, yet within that heat the Son of God was seen to have walked amongst them.

Get yourself a copy of the book by Watchman Nee entitled, "The Normal Christian life". This great man of faith and martyr will explain Romans 6, 7 and how it pertains to you and how the holy Spirit works in your life.

There are no quick fixes, your in this race for life. There will be up's and down's. There will be disappointments and failures, but there will be times of great joy.

 2011/1/8 9:33

Joined: 2008/7/24
Posts: 613

 Re: I need help

Hi Mennin,

Reading your post actually is very encouraging. Why? Because it is very obvious that God knows and loves you.

And He loves you so much that He actually gave you no desire to study. Until you go back to God (read His word, pray etc), I doubt that your desire to study (uni) will be there. I know, it happen to me but mine is work and not study.

So, pick up your bible and pray. We all will sin. Even David, a man after God's own heart sinned terribly. He committed adultery and killed someone to cover up his sin. But you know what--he knew that if he repented and asked God to forgive, he will be cleansed of his sins. He did and God forgave him. So, just go back to seeking God again. When you seek God, the desire--lust of the flesh etc will slowly disappear and the desire to be with God will come back. And you need to ditch that friend of yours and surround yourself with those that God will approve. Am going to pray for you right now.


 2011/1/8 11:40Profile

Joined: 2011/1/5
Posts: 2

 God Bless you all

God bless you all for the uplifting messages. You really shed some light on my situation. God Bless you.


 2011/1/8 15:13Profile

Joined: 2010/12/28
Posts: 20

 Re: God Bless you all

I can definitely understand what you are going through! Oh my goodness can I understand! Your struggles are not much different from mine... please believe me. I, myself, had to humble myself and put all of my shame aside, and reach out to my brothers and sisters in Christ here on this site, and bare all before them for wise counsel, and I THANK GOD so very much for giving me the courage to do so by HIS grace! Since doing so I have become more aware of the fight that I am in the midst of for my soul and the HOPE of eternal life. I want to encourage you with ALL OF MY HEART to PLEASE stick in there. The enemy (satan) wants nothing more for us to just give up and throw in the towel feeling like we are tackling a mountain that is either too big are not meant for us to climb. So, he throws our faults up in our face. He entices us with the things that we no longer want to be slaves to. He will send people our way (guys) who are speaking the right language, smelling good, looking good, to further entice those evil desires that God is still in the process of weaning us from.

Once you recognize satan's tricks concerning you, you will be better able to fight back with the help of God. I fight back through praying. I do mean that it is a fight! There are times when I feel that satan is whipping my butt, so much so that I don't even have the energy in any aspect to come before God and pray. The enemy will have me to believe that God is not going to hear me anyway so what's the point. But instead of listening to the biggest LIAR ever known to man... by God's grace I am still able to manage to come before Him in prayer with the HOPE that no matter how I may feel, He hears me and will honor my prayer as He knows what I am going through, and will honor me for pressing through my circumstances, struggles, problems, temptations, etc. I encourage you to press through. WE ARE NOT DEFEATED, BUT WE HAVE THE VICTORY THROUGH CHRIST JESUS!

Also, I want to share something that God blessed me with through a sister here on the forum.... I believe it will help you just as it has helped me. Be blessed and know that no matter what you, myself, or anyone finds ourselves in... GOD LOVES US NO MATTER WHAT JUST AS WE ARE! Read Romans 8:31-39.


I am nearly finished with a gift for my Sunday School class that may be of help to you. We have been studying Ephesians 6: 10-20 for the past 4 months. I trust you have no doubt that you are in a battle? A spiritual battle?

The gift is in response to someones question, “How do I tell the difference between the voice of the Holy Spirit and when Satan speaks to me?” I think you could use some help in this area. I am using material I received more than 20 years ago, along with principles discovered in this recent study. It is in a VERY CONDENSED form so as to fit on a tract-sized piece of paper. Meditating on the Bible verses is important for understanding. I know there are a lot.

As I think about this, most of these points need elaboration. For example #3 – The Holy Spirit speaks specifically SO WE CAN BE CLEANSED and it is a permanent work of Christ so any future accusation regarding that specific sin comes from the accuser. So its: “Yes and the Blood of Christ covered that. It is His righteousness (breastplate) I stand in, not my own.” Hope this helps and that it copies over in a readable form. i may have to edit to get two parallel columns.

HOLY SPIRIT ................. SATAN
1. Gives you a sense of God's holiness......................Gives you a sense of your own worthlessness.

2. Makes you God-conscious …................................Makes you self-conscious.
– through the Word of God – through your feelings

3. Speaks in clarity – specifics...................................Speaks in confusion – generalities

4. Deals with one thing at a time............................... “Throws the whole book at once” at you
– quiet, gentle voice (Ps. 119:29) – clamoring at us

5. Correcting................................................................Accusing

6. Convicting................................................................Condemning

7. Deals with you about un-confessed sin....................Brings up confessed sins already under the
blood of Christ.

8. Encourages you to obedience, entreats....................Discourages you to despair, torments.
– “There's hope.” – “You're helpless.”

9. Brings peace – issue is conformed............................Brings pressure – leaves you frustrated

10. Leads to a life of balance..........................................Leads to a life of bondage.

11. Speaks in sincerity....................................................Speaks in subtlety – “Angel of light”

Holy Spirit brings Life.................Romans 8:1.................Satan brings death


HOW DOES SATAN WORK? (John 8:44): When Satan speaks condemnation, he isolates (“you're the ONLY one”), he depresses (“how can you possibly ... stand in that congregation, present the truth of the Bible when you are so morally weak? You're sunk.”), he accuses (“no excuse... can't blame others), and he suggests un-biblical actions (“leave before others discover…, might as well go whole hog.”).

HOW DOES THE HOLY SPIRIT WORK? (John 14:17, 15:26, 16:8-11): Conviction by the Holy Spirit occurs before we come to judgment. This work of the Holy Spirit causes us to agree with God (confess the Truth of His Word) about our specific sin so that we may be cleansed. It is a blessed thing to know conviction of sin. David prayed for it (Psalm 139: 23-24). We are thoroughly cleansed when we confess it (1John 1:7-10).

HOW DO WE “WORK”? (James 2:17; John 15:4): We stand abiding in Christ. Girded in the Truth of His Word, pointing to His righteousness, having been prepared with New peace with God, we stand firm and pray, fully shielded by faith against long-distance attacks, fixed on the end of
salvation that is in sight (James 1:12), and armed with the sword of the spirit as the battle gets hot and close. -------------- [Oswald Chambers: “Prayer is not the preparation for work; it is the work.”]


HOLY SPIRIT: John 16:13; James 3:17; 2 Tim. 1:7; Romans 8:9

SATAN: 1 Tim. 4:1; James 3:15-16; Zac. 3:1; 1 Tim. 3:6

BELIEVERS IN CHRIST: Jer. 17:9; Ps. 139:23-24; Romans 8:26-27; 1 Cor. 2:12; Romans 8:1; Luke 10:17

07/26/08: "The closest thing to God in Revival is the intimacy with Him in the prayer that precedes it."
01/21/10: "He is touched by our infirmities."
07/04/10: Oh that we ... and all men might discern the Body of Christ ... 07/15/10 the handiwork of God.

 2011/1/8 15:55Profile

 Re: I need help

Hello sisters,

If you can pray in tongues, this is a great way to connect with the power of God by His Spirit, and to receive strength when you feel weak.

Singing Bible verses is also a powerful way to connect with the whole truth of God and change the subject. When I was in dire straights, I used to sing a simple song of three verses from the Old Testament. There are others though, and there are the Psalms.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

I am the Lord that healeth thee. Exodus 15:26

In Thee, O Lord, do I put my trust. Psalm 7:1


 2011/1/8 16:19

Joined: 2003/7/31
Posts: 2769
Phoenix, Arizona USA


Get yourself a copy of the book by Watchman Nee entitled, "The Normal Christian life". This great man of faith and martyr will explain Romans 6, 7 and how it pertains to you and how the holy Spirit works in your life.

I would second this recommendation, in particular the following outtake from this book will be helpful...

Our crucifixion can never be made effective by will or by effort, but only be accepting what the Lord Jesus did on the Cross. Our eyes must be opened to see the finished work of Calvary. Some of you, prior to your salvation, may have tried to save yourselves. You read the Bible, prayed, went to Church, gave alms. Then one day your eyes were opened and you saw that a full salvation had already been provided for you on the Cross. You just accepted that and thanked God, and peace and joy flowed into your heart. Now salvation and sanctification are on exactly the same basis. You receive deliverance from sin in the same way as you receive forgiveness of sins.

For God’s way of deliverance is altogether different from man’s way. Man’s way is to try to suppress sin by seeking to overcome it; God’s way is to remove the sinner. Many Christians mourn over their weakness, thinking that if only they were stronger all would be well. The idea that, because failure to lead a holy life is due to our impotence, something more is therefore demanded of us, leads naturally to this false conception of the way of deliverance. If we are preoccupied with the power of sin and with our inability to meet it, then we naturally conclude that to gain the victory over sin we must have more power. ‘If only I were stronger’, we say, ‘I could overcome my violent outbursts of temper’, and so we plead with the Lord to strengthen us that we may exercise more self-control.

But this is altogether wrong; this is not Christianity. God’s means of delivering us from sin is not by making us stronger and stronger, but by making us weaker and weaker. That is surely rather a peculiar way of victory, you say; but it is the Divine way. God sets us free from the dominion of sin, not by strengthening our old man but by crucifying him; not by helping him to do anything but by removing him from the scene of action.

For years, maybe, you have tried fruitlessly to exercise control over yourself, and perhaps this is still your experience; but when once you see the truth you will recognize that you are indeed powerless to do anything, but that in setting you aside altogether God has done it all. Such a revelation brings human self-effort to an end.

In Christ,


Ron Halverson

 2011/1/8 17:05Profile

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