| My walk/struggle... Counsel please|
Hello. My name is Felicia. I am 29 years young, African American, divorced mother of 4. I started going to a Pentecostal Church in the 5th grade which is where I first repeated the salvation prayer, was baptized, song in the choir, and was in church every time the doors opened. I was frustrated in it, however, because I felt as if something was wrong with me considering all of my peers would be filled with the holy ghost all the while I never felt a thing other than anger, and resentment towards God for making me feel as if I was not as good as everyone else since they would cry, scream, run, faint, and all the other stuff. I did believe in God none the less.
I graduated high school; moved away, and stopped going to church as often to not at all. I got caught up in the world even more with the sex, drinking, and a little partying. I got married at 20, and had my twins by 21. My ex-husband committed adultery a week after we were married which marked the beginning of my adulterous, promiscuous life. We had another child and tried to make our marriage work until it ended in July 2006. He packed his car with all of his belongings, left and has not looked back to this very date. He is now remarried with 3 other kids of his own, including 3 step children. I tried to find refuge in the arms of another man who is now the father of my youngest child who is now 3 years old.
His father and I were no more than just friends who were committing the sin of adultery due to me being separated, but not yet divorced. I knew that it was wrong and for the first time extremely convicted to the point that I cried out to God to deliver me from the lustful desires I had for him, but it didn't happen for me and we had a child. Obviously, I went through an extreme depression because neither of us wanted it. However, he was able to pick up and leave me to deal by myself with a mother who rebuked me every opportunity she got.
My mother and I relationship is something that I am praying to God to date to make clear to me. For, since I was in middle school, my mother and I relationship has been strained. I don't know how, nor why, but it caused me a lot of pain as a child to the point that I contemplated suicide, and it still pains me to date especially since she and my younger sister are nothing short of best friends who have gotten plastic surgery together, shop together, eat out, have sleep overs... etc. So, during my pregnancy I was (I thought) at my lowest with NO ONE to comfort me and be there for me in any way.
I had my son. He's healthy and 3 years old. His father and I had no contact until this past May 2010. When he left me alone in my pregnancy he moved to Houston where he reunited with a past girlfriend, whom he had 2 children with. Things didn't work out and he ended up moving back in with his parents 15 minutes from me. Because my son's father had such a stronghold on me, even though he put me through one of the hardest times I had experienced during the time of knowing him, I still had a love for him that would cause me to do almost anything for him. He knew this which is why when his parents kicked him out of their house in Sept 2010 he came to me.
I allowed him to stay in my home mainly because I thought that we were becoming the seemingly best friends that we were before the pregnancy. He led me to believe this with all of the fluffy talks about how when he gets himself together financially, and career wise that I was going to be right by his side. That quickly went away what seemed like overnight. He went from being an angel to something I can't even describe right now. Out of nowhere he started abusing me mentally, emotionally, physically (though he never hit me), and he became a threat to me spiritually.
My son's father went from telling me how he admires my strength due to being a single mother, my looks, and so forth, to telling me how I was beneath him, how I was ugly, my skin color was not appealing to him, my hair, my home, my car, my job, my entire life was a complete disgust to him. He made it a point to break down every aspect of my life and being so that I could know just how worthless and useless I was to myself, kids, and definitely a man. I had NEVER been made to feel so low in my life! This continued for some while and I just endured it for whatever reasons (I guess I thought that if I just showed how tough I was, he would stop).
All the while he was breaking me down, he was abusing my body by making me feel like some sort of sex slave that was no good for anything else other than that. In the midst of all of it, I was allowing him to pump me with drugs (marijuana) to be exact. Don't get me wrong. I was no victim because I allowed everything that he did to me to happen. He was in my home around my children doing these things and I allowed him. As I stated, he had an unnatural hold on me because in my right mind, I would NEVER had allowed someone to do and say the things to me that I allowed him to do and say.
As if all of that was not enough, he started introducing me to spiritual things, like cults, and societies like the Illuminati, masonry, and greek fraternity beliefs since he is in the greek fraternity Alpha phi Alpha. We would watch countless you-tube videos denouncing God, and Satan stating that they are fictitious characters created by the Illuminati. I was hearing about the Alpha belief system in a God named, Kemet and how everything originated out of Egypt. In the midst of all of this scary things were happening to me. I became so very fearful, and overwhelmed with all that I was seeing and hearing that I stopped functioning as a normal human being. Everything scared me. My turning point was a day when he had me listen to a lecture speaking against the validity of Jesus and Satan. I felt that whatever was going on had to stop right then and there.
I told myself that I know that God is real and it didn't matter how many more videos, or websites he showed me... MY GOD WAS REAL, and even though I was engulfed in a life of sin, I KNEW IT! I voiced this to him, and his demeanor towards me became even more nasty. He got even more vicious with his opinions of me until one Friday night, we were smoking on my patio and he started telling me about how when he gets the house, cars, money, and women, no one from his past including his parents could enjoy any of it. For whatever reason, as high as I was on the drugs, when he stated that I became so fearful that my heart started racing as if it was going to burst and all that I could tell myself is that if I didn't get out of my home, I would die.
I grabbed my keys, and cell phone and made up an excuse to leave and went to my car and called my ex-boyfriend in a panic to come and get me right away because I was extremely scared. He didn't hesitate to head my way. I was too impaired to get on the road so I stayed in my car and all I could think to do was call on the name of Jesus. I was high, didn't feel worthy to call on Him, and didn't really think that He was listening, but I did it anyway. As I waited on my ex, I got the nerve to go back into my apt, but as I started up the stairs and neared my door, I got hot all over, and froze as if I could not take another step. Suddenly, I heard something say that I couldn't trust my ex, and needed to call my sister, but before calling my sis, I needed to run as far away as possible and hide. Now, I was under the influence of a drug so I know that had a lot to do with it, so I called my sister, and because of the fright in my voice, she hurried my way.
As she neared to where I was at, all I could say to myself is "My salvation is near, my salvation is near" over and over. She picked me up, and I broke down and told her everything from the smoking, to the researching cult and secret society evilness. She took me to her home and started ministering to me along with her best friend because they had once been where I was. I had lost so much weight within a month. I couldn't eat AT all, I was barely sleeping, I would shake all the time especially while I was in my home and especially while I was with my son's father.
As a result of my sister and her best friend ministering to me and telling me how God loves me, and is pouring out His grace upon me and that I should be thanking Him for giving me another chance, I broke down with shame, sorrow, and at the same time gratefulness for God loving me enough to give me another chance to repent and get things right with Him. At that moment, I no longer had a taste for the drugs, alcohol, and sex. I left my sister's home with a new mindset, and a heart for God, and wanting to live a life dedicated to pleasing Him.
From that night to this very moment that I am typing to you, I have not smoked, had a drink even though on new years eve I got pressure from my own mother and father to indulge in alcohol with everyone else, nor committed any sexual acts.
I have had a desire to live and please God unlike any desire I have had in my life. I have had a hunger and thirst for His word, and to just live a life pleasing to him out of my thankfulness towards Him for loving me and saving me from my mess. It has not been easy since making the decision to love and live for God. Even though I am not struggling with the external sins, I battle daily internally to the point that I end up feeling physically drained, and sometimes, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually drained.
There are times that I don't even feel like getting on my knees to mutter a word due to just feeling beat up, but I press my way through anyway. I daily have to keep telling myself that "God didn't bring me this far to leave me now, and He'll never leave me, nor forsake me."
As of today, I am battling feelings of doubt and unbelief whereas at first, I was on fire. I become overwhelmed and discouraged at times feeling as though maybe I have deceived myself, and maybe God really was not in all of this, and this is yet another trick of the enemy. I have lost a lot due to my sin. I lost my home, and my children and I stay in a one bedroom at the Budget suites. I am not complaining because I am thankful for us having a roof over our heads even though it is not what were used to. I believe God's promises to me, which is why I am not allowing myself to sink into a pit of despair over my circumstances, but just like today, I had all kinds of doubt and unbelief rearing its ugly head in me.
I have been doubting my salvation, and that God is really with me, and has a bigger purpose for me despite all that I've been through and am going through. I have to believe that God has something better for me than the life that I have lived. I know that I am filthy in His sight, and I feel like the worse kind of sinner. I'm assuring myself in my belief by the fact that my knowledge of Him (though I don't know, nor will I know everything) has increased. I know things that I NEVER knew and in all of my years sitting under preaching don't think I've heard. I tell myself that I am not coming across books, such as those of K.P. Kohannan by accident, and websites, and the fact that songs have taken on a whole new meaning whereas I used to sing them just because not really paying attention to the words. Scripture is more personal to me and I actually desire to pray, although like I said previously, sometimes it is hard.
Can someone please assure me that I have not come this far for nothing? I had a couple of dreams about a month ago that I want to share and I will end this. I want to share them because they scared hell out of me!
#1 This particular dream was VERY perverse in nature. In short, I was sitting in a room witnessing all kinds of immoral, and impure sexual acts take place. There was a homosexual couple (which was something I got caught up in briefly in the last year or so of my life), there was a married couple performing acts, a girl who was being bossed around to do all kinds of impure things by a guy, and another couple. I woke up from this dream sweating and terrified not understanding why I would dream something like this when I am trying to live a life pleasing to God.
#2 In this dream, I was with a mixed group of people (white, black, asian), and we were traveling somewhere. We stopped for rest at a hotel, and as we were settling into the hotel, one by one I witnessed Satan trying to suck the souls out of everyone. As he was going from person to person he would say, "I see your ancestors, Abraham, Jacob, and Isaac in you" then he would proceed to try to pull their souls out. As he was trying to do so, even though he was attacking someone else, I felt the sucking or the pull of life from their bodies. The more people he went through the more pain I endured. It felt as if my throat was swelling shut as if I was being choked. When he finished going through everyone w/o succeeding at taking anyone's soul, one of the guys that was with us approached me and stated that it was my turn. He then proceeded to hand me a glass of water and a white pill urging me to take it so that when satan was done at trying to expel my soul I would be able to sleep. I then woke up. As I was waking it was if I could feel the strain on my throat lessening as if the pain I felt in my dream was taking place to my physical body. All I could do was call on the name of Jesus, and prayed a hedge of protection over me and my children and I then went back to sleep. I woke up feeling drained and went all through out the day just feeling wiped out and defeated which made it difficult for me to even want to pray.
#3 I dreamed that my son's father and I were standing before a rock climbing wall, and I went up the wall two times with ease along with my son's father. However, the third time I went up the wall I was very shaky, and scared of falling, so it took me a while to get up. I couldn't keep a grip with my hands because they were sweaty and couldn't find a spot for my feet. I finally made it to the top, but on the way down, I was still terrified of falling, and ended up getting stuck in one spot. As I was contemplating on how to get down all the while fearing falling, my son's father climbed up next to me with ease, I looked over at him without saying anything and climbed down the wall. Once my feet touched the floor all I remember is feeling safe and at peace. I then woke.
As those of you who are taking the time to read my book can see... I have a lot going on in my life, and walk with God, and a lot that I have gone through. Any encouragement, advice, rebuke, or otherwise is much needed and will be appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story.
God Bless you
| 2011/1/4 23:17||Profile|
| Re: My walk/struggle... Counsel please|
Dear Sister, I thank GOD that you had the courage to type this out.
This is a very sad story about a very sad young girl. Not having your mother's love and not mentioning a father - you, like so many of us were seeking love in all the wrong places.
BUT - GOD knew you Sister, before the foundation of the earth and Satan got the hint that you were called to be His while you attended church as a young girl.
There are those two factors going on here - your search for love and Satan hating you because he knew you'd be loving GOD.
A third thing is - you were so use to abuse and not love that you Accepted abuse as just a natural part of 'your' life. You wouldn't want anyone else you love to be so abused but for you - you just let it happen, because you felt that was natural. The people who were supposed to love you as a child abused you - so that somehow gets ingrained and love & abuse go hand in hand somewhere in our minds, from childhood.
I know without a doubt that you are called and you are saved as saved can be but you have been exposed to much and it won't go away over night. You have to keep your mind clean and free of all doubts and secular things to reclaim that ground (you mind) as pure unto GOD. The occultic things that the man exposed you too and all the etcs need to be seen as a dark liquid in a glass .... that you place under a faucet and let the water run, at a steady flow. GRADUALLY that dark liquid will become lighter and lighter until you'll have a glass of clear water. In other words, you need to have mercy on yourself and realize that you've been through an awful lot of brain hurts.
I know you feel this guilt for straying so far, but your heart has not left GOD and His Heart has not left you. You are in His Heart and only a lie from hell will tell you otherwise.
I wouldn't post to any thread as deep as this unless I felt with all of my heart that you are heading in the right direction and just don't let ANYTHING knock you off the path. It will be worth it all - when we see Jesus.
Return to the happiest memories you have of Jesus and you and start back out from there. Completely FORGIVEN !
Keep on - Keep on!
GOD has plans on using you to HIS GLORY.
Hang in there and we'll shake hands in His Presence some day soon.
With my prayers,
your Sister in our mutual Savior
P.S. - and keep singing those gospel songs Sis. :)
The songs that lift you up. "You've come a mighty long way"
GOD Bless you!!!
| 2011/1/5 0:45|
| Re: My walk/struggle... Counsel please|
Praise God for His work in your life!
You wrote: "I know that I am filthy in His sight, and I feel like the worse kind of sinner."
I want to encourage you that God's word says otherwise:
"And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Corinthians 6:11)
"But the voice answered me again from heaven, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common." (Acts 11:9)
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
"If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." (John 8:36)
On life now:
"As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving." (Colossians 2:6-7)
"He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him." (John 14:21)
"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand." (John 10:27-29)
"Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:14-16)
"But this man, because he continueth ever, hath an unchangeable priesthood. Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them." (Hebrews 7:24-25)
This is all scripture because I believe that is the most useful/helpful thing for you, or really for anyone. Become as familiar with the word of God as possible. That is your sword to do battle with the devil when he tempts you. Study how Jesus resisted the devil in Matthew 4 and Luke 4 with the word of God. Also, especially remember Hebrews 4:14-16 & 7:24-25 quoted above. Knowing Jesus is at the right hand of God ready and able to help you ALWAYS IS SO IMPORTANT. Memorizing and believing those verses can give you faith to lean on Jesus in the hard moments when it's easy to feel discouraged and give up. Praise God that we never have to give up! Christ can be our strength always!
I also have found these two articles by Zac Poonen very helpful and I think you will also. May the Lord bless you much!
| 2011/1/5 4:10|
| Re: My walk/struggle... Counsel please|
Wow what a beautiful story of God's faithfulness, I praise the Lord for your life and testimony!
What I find interesting is this, Your story and my story though varying in details has the same basic structure and content. I too looked for Love and found the World, fell in love with the World and was torn to shreds by it. Then The Loving Saviour came along and took my destroyed body and with His Precious blood began to redeem me in my death. I still feel the weight of my past at times but ultimately God has taken care of it. I think we as people have a hard time understand that we ARE Redeemed however God allows us to feel the consequences of our choices to help us learn from the mistakes we have made, or simply to make us stronger.
I have had preverse dreams as well as your first one, its quite strange really. I believe God uses dreams to show us what is going on the inside of us which is how I now interpret these dreams. Preverseness is in me and so when I have the dreams and I wake, I ask God ask for mercy to understand this dream and then freedom from whatever caused such a dream. We still have our sickness in mind from the many years of sin which is why We are called to renew our minds with the Word of God (Romans 12:2).
Keep seeking Him and if your conscious is clear of the testimony you have typed out I would say let God's Word be the Judge of your Salvation and work it out with Fear and Trembling (Philipians 2:12) as we are all called to do. We will have our doubts but we can stand on Christ Jesus the Rock that Never Moves. His calling is for all Come all who are heavy laden for I will give you rest!(Matthew 11:28) He Loves YOU and He Loves ME AWESOME!
| 2011/1/5 5:31||Profile|
This world is not my home anymore.
| Re: My walk/struggle... Counsel please|
Be encouraged!! You can't help what you dream and thank God that dreams do not dictate our spiritual life. Seek the Lord for any interpretations (if there are any), to your dreams. There are some Christians who almost worship their dreams, DO NOT do that but keep them in their proper perspective... They might mean something but then again, they might not!!
Trust the Lord, the one who died for you... if He gave you a dream that you don't understand, trust Him to speak to you or show you in another way that you will understand. He loves you and will not confuse you.
The enemy of our soul is the confuser and so if something causes you to doubt God and/or your salvation, tell the enemy, "Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men." Matt 16.23
And I've quoted this many times as well to the enemy, 'Even though I don't understand devil, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him..."' Job 13.15
Sometimes, that's all we do is quote the Word back to him!
God bless you,
| 2011/1/5 6:50||Profile|
| Re: My walk/struggle... Counsel please|
I am nearly finished with a gift for my Sunday School class that may be of help to you. We have been studying Ephesians 6: 10-20 for the past 4 months. I trust you have no doubt that you are in a battle? A spiritual battle?
The gift is in response to someones question, How do I tell the difference between the voice of the Holy Spirit and when Satan speaks to me? I think you could use some help in this area. I am using material I received more than 20 years ago, along with principles discovered in this recent study. It is in a VERY CONDENSED form so as to fit on a tract-sized piece of paper. Meditating on the Bible verses is important for understanding. I know there are a lot.
As I think about this, most of these points need elaboration. For example #3 The Holy Spirit speaks specifically SO WE CAN BE CLEANSED and it is a permanent work of Christ so any future accusation regarding that specific sin comes from the accuser. So its: Yes and the Blood of Christ covered that. It is His righteousness (breastplate) I stand in, not my own. Hope this helps and that it copies over in a readable form. i may have to edit to get two parallel columns.
HOLY SPIRIT ................. SATAN
1. Gives you a sense of God's holiness......................Gives you a sense of your own worthlessness.
2. Makes you God-conscious
................................Makes you self-conscious.
through the Word of God through your feelings
3. Speaks in clarity specifics...................................Speaks in confusion generalities
4. Deals with one thing at a time............................... Throws the whole book at once at you
quiet, gentle voice (Ps. 119:29) clamoring at us
7. Deals with you about un-confessed sin....................Brings up confessed sins already under the
blood of Christ.
8. Encourages you to obedience, entreats....................Discourages you to despair, torments.
There's hope. You're helpless.
9. Brings peace issue is conformed............................Brings pressure leaves you frustrated
10. Leads to a life of balance..........................................Leads to a life of bondage.
11. Speaks in sincerity....................................................Speaks in subtlety Angel of light
Holy Spirit brings Life.................Romans 8:1.................Satan brings death
HOW DOES SATAN WORK? (John 8:44): When Satan speaks condemnation, he isolates (you're the ONLY one), he depresses (how can you possibly ... stand in that congregation, present the truth of the Bible when you are so morally weak? You're sunk.), he accuses (no excuse... can't blame others), and he suggests un-biblical actions (leave before others discover
, might as well go whole hog.).
HOW DOES THE HOLY SPIRIT WORK? (John 14:17, 15:26, 16:8-11): Conviction by the Holy Spirit occurs before we come to judgment. This work of the Holy Spirit causes us to agree with God (confess the Truth of His Word) about our specific sin so that we may be cleansed. It is a blessed thing to know conviction of sin. David prayed for it (Psalm 139: 23-24). We are thoroughly cleansed when we confess it (1John 1:7-10).
HOW DO WE WORK? (James 2:17; John 15:4): We stand abiding in Christ. Girded in the Truth of His Word, pointing to His righteousness, having been prepared with New peace with God, we stand firm and pray, fully shielded by faith against long-distance attacks, fixed on the end of
salvation that is in sight (James 1:12), and armed with the sword of the spirit as the battle gets hot and close. -------------- [Oswald Chambers: Prayer is not the preparation for work; it is the work.]
HOLY SPIRIT: John 16:13; James 3:17; 2 Tim. 1:7; Romans 8:9
SATAN: 1 Tim. 4:1; James 3:15-16; Zac. 3:1; 1 Tim. 3:6
BELIEVERS IN CHRIST: Jer. 17:9; Ps. 139:23-24; Romans 8:26-27; 1 Cor. 2:12; Romans 8:1; Luke 10:17
| 2011/1/5 11:25||Profile|
Whittier CA USA
| Re: My walk/struggle... Counsel please|
Thank you for sharing you testimony. I too have had many perverse dreams since knowing the Lord, especially at first as a new believer. This is a common thing for many true believers I'm sure.
A few Scriptures came to mind...
"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."(Philippians 1:6)
"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit."(2Corinthians 3:18)
| 2011/1/5 12:45||Profile|
| Re: |
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART for taking your time to read my story/testimony! I pray that God shows you all just how much I appreciate it, and the He blesses you all for giving of yourselves to enrich my life in Him. Everyone of you have truly done that for me. Today, after I finished reading all of the responses, I started taking action by speaking the word into my situation, and trusting that Jesus does love me no matter my faults and that He will finish the work that He has begun in me! I have told the devil to get thee behind me a few times today. So, I hope that encourages you all in knowing that your counsel, wisdom, and advice was not in vain.
***JOANM**** I am jealous to NOT be a part of your Sunday School class, because EVERYTHING that you have stated was on point for me. I am already aware that I am in the midst of a spiritual battle. Sometimes, it would be so intense that physically I would be exhausted by the end of the day. I sometimes feel as if I am standing smack dead in the center of the battle, and suffering wounds from the fierceness of the battle. I thank you and praise God for using you as well as everyone else to minister unto my soul. I feel refreshed as a result of the spiritual food that I have been fed from your responses. My goal is to commit myself to memorizing scripture instead of just reading it, so that I can be ready at all times with my sword, to join in the fight! THANK YOU ALL, AND GOD BLESS YOU TRULY!!!!
| 2011/1/5 22:52||Profile|
| Re: |
Bless GOD. Oh Happy Day.
I Praise GOD for Joan's Sunday School class getting this blessing she's posted here as well. Amen!
So refreshing to our souls to hear back from you Sister.
This hymn came to mind - GOD Bless you Felicia!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches oer His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth, watcheth oer them from the throne!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best!
Tis an ocean full of blessing, tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!
| 2011/1/6 0:25|
| Re: My walk/struggle... Counsel please|
God has brought you to the end of yourself...While reaping the consequences of sin is painful, at the least, it is not nearly as painful as rejecting God and spending eternity in hell. I am gratified to hear of how God did not give up on you...
About dreams. I, too, have had bad ones and this has concerned me much. I became convicted that some of them are the result of what is residing in my heart, that there is a problem that needs attention. I made this a matter of prayer and asked the LORD for cleansing. As a result these dreams have become history. This is not referring to crazy dreams but those that involve sinful activity. Based on my experience, I would encourage you to make this a matter of prayer that you bring to the LORD for cleansing/repentance. If it bothers you, you can know God is displeased with it as well. He wants us to be pure and holy and this path is not without its distractions, many of which are painful.
God bless you, my dear.
| 2011/1/6 7:18||Profile|