Dear Rdg,
Let your friend beware of over-spiritualizing this marriage business. It's obviously very important to her that her husband be very hands-on where children are concerned. it's equally obvious that her beau doesn't think so.

I think she already knows the answer but may be afraid to face it.

It was vital [interpret: non-negotiable] to me that my husband be able to cook and be a child-lover. There are millions of godly young men who can't boil water to save their own lives. Nothing wrong with them, that's just who they are. There are also millions of godly young women who are perfectly content with such. Nothing wrong with that either. As long as both parties are CLEAR and AGREED on expectations.

I would back off from marrying this man. He's not likely to change and neither is she. This is a recipe for an unhappy Christian marriage. I can't tell you how many couples i know where someone ignored the red flags just to marry 'God's will' and now they're in a mess. Some have since divorced. I think it's unfair and manipulative to marry someone with the hopes of changing them.

It is written, 'can two walk together except they be agreed' Amos 3:3

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Tolu

The longer I think about this issue, the more complex it becomes - in my eyes.

Married life is not all about me and my pleasures. The quicker a couple realizes this the less conflicts there will be. It is all about serving each other.

The woman is by nature the weakest physically; the male is the stronger. God made us such and for good reasons. The female's strength lies in her ability to birth children. If she works too hard physically, it impairs this function.

One poster suggested this lady check out the home where this gentleman comes from and observe how his mom and dad related to each other. This will give a clue on how he will relate to his wife. This does not mean that he will be locked into certain behaviors but it will mean this was his training.

My mind goes to our daughter. She had a loving husband who helped her. She got to the place where she was paralyzed from the waist down...and he assisted her. Know what that included (edit)? Think. How is a body going to expel its wastes, the solids? He did it by hand. And he never complained. Great guy. Life sometimes brings very difficult situations and how do we react to it? Too many husbands will divorce when their wives are disabled by accident..SHAME on them! And double shame if the guy professes to be a Christian!

(BTW, when I saw how our SIL cared for his disabled wife in such a sacrificial, loving way, my attitude towards him remarrying after his wife died was to go for it! In fact, I helped him find a wife!)

My two cents..

ginnyrose

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Sandra Miller

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Tolu

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Sandra Miller

Hey
Thanks for sharing what God has placed on your hearts. I do agree that its not wise to go into a marriage thinking I will be able to change this person and then everything will be great. Marriage is give and take partnership and the only way it will last is if both are seeking Jesus. I spoke with my friend for along time this afternoon and I think God is working some positive things out for the two of them. She spoke with some of the older sisters in her fellowship. After some council some of the older brothers in their fellowship sat down with her fiance and after much prayer and council they are delaying their wedding for 3 months and he is going to spend some time working in the nursery/day care at church a few extra hours a week on his own. This will give him a bit more understanding how much work little ones can really be. I see this as a really positive move for them.

I know that so many marriages end in divorce because so many Christians have the wrong view of what marriage and love really is...

rdg