I been kind of off and on as of late brothers and sisters in Christ. 2 weeks ago I missed church and instead of watching football I started reading the book of corinthians and I felt the Holy Spirit start speaking to me through the word. I honestly for 2 days was serving the Lord trying to keep a pure heart. But then after those 2 days I just felt so weak and in the flesh and all these evil thoughts towards others like jealousy and hatred started to fill me up, I just felt no stregth at all. 2 weeks later I am getting hard towardsthe Lord again, doubting in Christ again and desiring the things of the world again. I don't know if this is satan doing all of this, keeping from coming to saving faith in the Lord, but I feel as if it is the Lord at times. Because I have literally tried so hard to come to faith and in prayer, well my prayer life the past 6 months has become kind of non existant, i do pray in my car and when i am walking around, but not to much deep heartfelt prayers on my knees. I just feel so lost and feel asif i am going to be damned, can't come into faith if my life depended on it on my own. Can you pray for me that Christ woud over power my will and satan for my salvation. Pray for my wifes salvation, my church, my family and friends and my wifes families salvation. Thank you so much in Christ.
Bible4life/John,I've been following your journey and my heart breaks for you.Pls know that God will never abandon anyone who seeks Him earnestly. It says so in Isaiah 55,56. Start off with this belief that God will accept anyone that comes to Him earnestly. With that belief, be disciplined--set aside a specific time at least an hour everyday just for prayer and bible reading. Be stubborn about this belief and discipline.You ain't going to overcome this problem you have if you don't pray and bible read regularly. Praying for short spurts of time won't do it. K P Yohannan mentioned in one of his sermon recently that all godly men had one thing in common--a prayer and bible study life. Aim for that. That will let God work in you so that the hardening of heart, the no desire to read the bible, the desire of the tv etc will fade away. You cannot do it in your own strengh because this is the fruit of the spirit--its when God sits on the throne of your life that the problems of a hardening heart etc will disappear. Initially, you will/may feel as if 'you are doing it in your own strength' ie being disciplined, pushing through staying in prayer etc but over time it will get easier. But you need to persevere. You need to put in the effort too. Philippians 2:12-13 (Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose)You need to know that God is stronger, bigger and more powerful than anything that you yourself or satan might throw at Him/you and nothing can separate you from the love of God (John 10:28, Romans 8:38-39). You need to be stubborn about this belief. You need to believe in the bible because it is God's word. Be stubborn about it. Any time doubts surface, learn to erase about it, push it aside. Pray and praise God instead.God may very well be trying to instill discipline in you. You have written a few times about having periods where you feel stronger in the Lord, as if the Lord was teaching you only to later fall back again. Don't you think that you have a discipline issue? Doesn't that mean that you have to persevere and be stubborn in continuing to read the bible, pray even though you don't feel like it. Isn't it God giving you encouragement by you feeling that He's teaching you when you are serving Him?I remember when you mentioned about having very bad anxiety/panic attacks. But now I don't hear you mentioning them anymore, so I guess you don't have them. Isn't that progress. Isn't that a cause for rejoiciing.Remember God will refine us, He will mold us into the image of His son. As long as we do not want to learn/put in the effort, God will allow us to continue to stay in there until we learn it. Until we get so tired/fed up that we are willing to put in the effort. Think about it. Do it.