I feel such disgust in my heart and life. I feel I am not worth this life God offers me sometimes, Why does the light come up the next morning when I am so lost in this darkness of hurt?Is It I have lied to myself and to God. Oh that I would hide from God and myself, Oh what a sinner am I.My worth is nothing in my eyes.I am worthless to others and seems I have lost the way, that first love with Jesus. I even question my unconditional love for Jesus now.I have no where to serve the Lord right now I pray for a place to live other then this small room i have.Through time I have suffered from back surgeries from a car accident and had prostrate cancer that I slipped through. How the enemy has tried to destroy my life since child birth with death. I know without Christ I am nothing. I feel so inadequate. I want that first Love Back with Jesus I want to ultimately serve Jesus 24/7.I have lost everything in this world of monetary value to others, they ripped me off or just lied to take advantage of my innocence. Being raised not in the civilian life i was nieve to the lies and tricks of this world. I am to honest and caring, i don't understand why people like to hurt others.God has always been there for me, this is why i wish I appreciated Him Like He does me.Yes I need prayer.I have never hurt someone else in this life or any relationship. But for Me I have lost my own wife to other friends or men.I have never stolen or went out of my way to hurt one soul, but I am a walking target for others,My kids don't come to see me or talk to me, they go to their mom who still lies to them even though she cheated on me took all i have, then left me when life was looking very good.Is it me who is weak or just hurt is controlling my conscience?I don't understand why this world is so devious. where is the consciousness of people heart's?When I received Jesus as my Savior then I lost the girl I married of 16 years to other men.If I could do this again, I would serve Jesus all the days of my life without a marriage or until i knew what Love truly was and not in the bed.When I share Jesus the "AGAPE" Life with other believers they attack me for this? What is wrong with Loving Jesus with your whole heart and Soul without any conditions? Unconditional Love is all i want for His way.I know I never knew what love was till Jesus came into my life, then I found attacks from some of the church members I started to fellowship with, charismatic fellowship doesn't blend with the fundamentalist. It is such a shame the way is so narrow and i find that so many feel they are on the way yet they lack true love or consideration for others cares and needs.Jesus washed the disciples feet. No Jewish person will allow another Jew servant to wash their own feel only a Gentile servant who was considered the dog or swine in life, they were allowed to wash the feet of the Jewish people feet.Oh that I can submit to you to wash your feet today because I can not go any lower then my own feelings right now and to make you feel better. Then It would make me happy to know I have meaning in this world and to give someone happiness or hold them up in prayer and see the revelation of the prayer.Oh that i would be worthy of your prayer for my life.Tom
_________________Tom
Psalm 138v2, '...for You have magnified Your word above all Your name.'God's word is above His name, and what a name God has.God's word is above our feelings and emotions, our trials and testings, our good times and our bad times.Thank God, that He is unchanging, as is His word.Why can we trust the words of men, and not the words of God? If God has said it, it is settled, Psalm 119v89.Regardless of our feelings, we should take God at His word.God has said, He will not leave us or forsake us Heb 13v5, so He won't.God's word tells us to draw near to God, and He will draw near to you, James 4v8. So, He will. It is not based on emotion, sight or sound, it is based on what God says.Yes, you have had some hard times, to say the least. But as long as your faith and trust in God remains, you have won.God bless.
