Hello brothers and sisters,

I have been a Christian for almost 7 years now. For years I have struggled with anxieties. This is a sin, I know. But I also know I am flesh and that nothing has seized me except that which is common to man. Right after Christ saved I struggled with assurance, simple thoughts would turn into days of tormented anxious doubting. God finally resolved the issue in a simple way of me just trusting Him and through time He has shown me the validity of His Salvation 7 years ago.

I am writing now because I am in a relationship with a dear daughter of Christ. She is very precious to me, and more so to Him. I am struggling greatly with anxieties again over this relationship. One day I feel as though I could marry her that instance, and the next I am drowning in the same world of anxious thoughts of "Do I really love her? Is this Gods will? Did I jump the gun and not pray enough?" etc. Years ago God showed me I had to be content with being single if He wanted me to out of Matthew 19 and I was acceptant of it. However, I did pray about it, a lot and let my request known to God that I would like to be married. I waited and several opportunities came my way to date women that anyone else would have said I am crazy for passing up, and then I met the girl I am dating now. I prayed over the relationship, and was anxious over if this was the direction I needed to go. I decided that sometimes it may just take faith in the darkness. I have been anxious on and off through out about this. I listed to a sermon on anxiety yesterday that helped A TON. But I find myself still struggling with this anxiety. The questions and doubts continue just with new forms and attacks. I care for this girl very much, she is a very precious and dear sister in Christ and the ABSOLUTE LAST THING I want to do is lead her on, and hurt her. I care for her too much to do that to her. So I suppose I am asking opinions and insight on this, also I am asking for prayer. I am not making a move in or out of this until God shows me.

Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear back from folks soon.

Christ must come first and be the center
of the relationship and you must be led
of the Spirit into marriage. Marriage
is a sacred covenant before GOD and HE
takes it very seriously.
Do you love this woman as Christ loved
the church??
Would you lay down your life for her??

_________________
Martin G. Smith

Matthew 19 (NIV)

At the time I was in college and was constantly wanting to pursue a relationship. And at that time I was not ready to pursue a relationship, I had the wrong idea of what that meant. At the time I wanted to pursue one just to cure my loneliness. Christ gave me that word in time to grow me over the next few years. As I prayed about a wife I was still acceptant that He may not have a wife for me and that would be fine but made my request known. I pursued a relationship outside of His will one year and it ended very quickly, and in the midst of my being distraught over this He began to teach me about a relationship that honors Him, and where I went wrong. I was driving home at the time and He just kinda started layin it out there through the Spirit. From then on He began to change my prayers for my wife, to pray for her if He had one to grow her in His word and to protect her and do a work in her. He also burdened me with a realization that I need to ask for a helpmate, not just a wife. I believe He is drawing me to the mission field and I thought about that scripture in Matthew 19, and how God gave Adam a HELPMATE. She worked with him, she was beside him, not being drug behind him. So the prayer changed, the idea of what I would look for in a wife changed and I prayed. When this opportunity came around to date this girl I made myself take it easy and not get caught up in "feelings" and pray and wait, I even got anxious over this because the "feel goodies" weren't always there. But I prayed, I asked her dads permission to date her, and have done my best to respect her and encourage her. After I asked her dad's permission I prayed an extra couple of weeks, because I was dealing with the anxiety, and all I got was that I needed to take a step of faith. So to answer you question after that long description of what has happened over the past few years, I suppose God never did move me from that. I accepted it just fine, but at the same time He did not bind me to say that I would be single. I believe He was teaching me and making me wait and pray and learn.

Dear Norton330,

I believe that if you remain faithful to God, willing to wait for His timing, He'll steer things in one direction or the other. Just as when Abraham was asked by God to put his son Isaac on the altar, if you put this girl on God's altar and entrust the outcome to Him saying, "whatever you want Lord", I believe he will honor this attitude. I know how it is, the waiting times of life are not easy, but they deepen our faith in the Lord. Trials, in whatever form they come in, are seldom welcomed by us. But I love how Peter puts it in 1 Peter 1:7 that these same trials, in God's eyes, are more precious than GOLD. Brother, be encouraged that through this trial, God's desire is to perform a work in you that will strengthen your faith and will bring glory to His name, if you let it.

In Jesus,
John

1 Peter 1:7
That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: