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Discussion Forum : Scriptures and Doctrine : Is it lawful to have a second wife?

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BenBrockway
Member



Joined: 2006/5/31
Posts: 427


 Re: She left Islam

DoulosQuinn -

Brother, I agree that counseling is something to pursue, not only for yourself, but the both of you together (hopefully you two can come together to do that).

But, I wanted to share that I think there are a few things at issue here.

It sounds like your past hurts may have caused you to be a bit controlling. Any woman is going to be concerned about finances and if she wants to help out... why not? Out of her love for you she wants to help out. If you feel that this is your debt to own and pay off, then work something out with her in a way that she can still help (i.e. she pays the house bill and groceries for example). Secondly, you are denying her a desire of her heart to not only help you out, but to also work in an environment that she would enjoy. Why deny her of that right and priveledge? If she wants to be a translator, let her be one.
Secondly, remember what her background is. She comes from a religion that lives and breaths complete submission in all aspects of her life (an islamic woman pretty much has no rights). She wanted out of this and it sounds like she is pretty nearly living the same thing out with you.

As others have said, she is your ministry. Other than God, she comes first in your life. You are husband first, evangelist second. If this means that you aren't doing what you want to do (being an evangelist) for another couple of years or longer, than so be it. It would give God greater joy to see your relationship restored. Remember that you are to submit to one another. The submission sounds a bit one-sided in your marriage.

I've had to go through the struggle of learning the same thing. When I met my wife,s he was gung-ho for Christ. She knew my hearts desire for going into ministry long before we were married and she was ok with my desire. It was only two months into our marriage when everything changed. She didn't want me in ministry, she didn't want to go to church, and she didn't want much to do with God. I, naturally had a BIG issue with this. I had a very difficult several years in our marriage, because I had been pursuing this calling for a long time and she said, out of her own mouth that she would be happy to be there along side me in the journey. When she changed, I felt betrayed and completely crushed. I thought to myself, numerous times, "Here I am now, stuck in a rotten marriage with a self-absorbed and bitter woman. Man did I ever screw up..."

I had to learn to give it over to God and let Him take control because my desire to control things were only making things worse. I had come to a point in my life where I actually considered separating and even divorcing her (even though I made the vows I made and swore up and down to myself that I would never, in my life, consider divorce, no matter how tough things got). As a result of her change she became extremely abusive, physically and verbally. I couldn't deal with her change anymore. I was an emotional wreck inside because I felt like the rest of my life was done. My dreams were shattered, not only for ministry, but for a loving, happy and precious marriage. I wanted kids so badly, but in no way was I going to raise any in the environment I was in.

And I'm telling you all this only three years into our marriage.

Our God is faithful. And boy, is He ever! I made the decision to work things out with her. I let her know that she comes first before church ministry and that if it meant I waited longer to do it, or not get a chance to do it at all, that she was more important. We still have much to work through. It is a long and rough road, but our relationship and her relationship with God has improved expidentially. Sure, I've had to wait longer to fulfill a desire of my heart, but God can still use me whether I'm 34 or 82.

And check this out... starting on January 16th I am going through a pastoral training program through my church!! And yes, my wife is completely 100% ok with it, through the help of our Lord in His working in both of our lives to get us to this place.

Will it still be a bumpy journey? Will I still have to submit to my wife? Will I still have to constantly submit my life and marriage to Christ? All are, "Yes!" With God ALL things are possible! Amen!?

Don't let the enemy fill your mind with "a lack of self-worth." I would do a "restart" with your wife. Ask her what SHE wants and go from there.

God bless you, Brother.

I hope that anything I've shared might help in some small degree.

In Christ,
Ben

 2010/1/1 9:27Profile
Lysa
Member



Joined: 2008/10/25
Posts: 3433
This world is not my home anymore.

 Re: Is it lawful to have a second wife?


But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1 Cor 7:15


_________________
Lisa

 2010/1/1 9:42Profile
KingJimmy
Member



Joined: 2003/5/8
Posts: 4419
Charlotte, NC

 Re: Is it lawful to have a second wife?

Brother,

I would encourage you to listen to this sermon I preached earlier this year that speaks to your very problem. It's called, "Eunuchs for Christ's Sake." It may not answer all your questions, but, I believe the Lord will definitely speak to you through this message.

http://www.iamadisciple.com/sermons/EunuchsForChrist.mp3

Many blessings,

Jimmy


_________________
Jimmy H

 2010/1/1 10:03Profile









 Re:



As stupid and unorthodox as this will sound, if you want to put God first in your marriage, put your family first. If you want to serve God, serve your family. If your trying to be the "man of the house", your going about it the wrong way. A woman will serve her husband if the husband will serve his wife and family first.

When we serve one another we do honour to our Head, Christ Jesus.

Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did to one of the least of these, ye did it to me.

 2010/1/1 10:13









 Re: is it lawful to have a second wife

Believe me, one wife is enough.

 2010/1/1 13:34
Miccah
Member



Joined: 2007/9/13
Posts: 1752
Wisconsin

 Re:

Quote:
Believe me, one wife is enough.



Well said. As I would also point out one husband is enough.


Blessings


_________________
Christiaan

 2010/1/1 13:54Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7511
Mississippi

 Re:

Ben,

I love your post and testimony! Once again it proves that God is interested in the stability of a covenant marriage and will work to sustain it IF one gives Him the opportunity to do so.

God bless you for sharing....this is worth several reads.

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2010/1/1 14:23Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7511
Mississippi

 Re: Is it lawful to have a second wife?

Quote:
Yet if she is joined to another, it is a shame for her to be restored



And what NT scripture do you have to support this concept?
There is none. So what are your options? Is it not reconciliation? 1Corinthians 7:11. Pursue it brother - pursue it like as though your very life depends on it! And it just might mean you will have to swallow a lot of pride...but you will survive.

Blessings,
ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2010/1/1 15:26Profile
Lysa
Member



Joined: 2008/10/25
Posts: 3433
This world is not my home anymore.

 Re: Ben and DT


Quote:
DeepThinker wrote:
As stupid and unorthodox as this will sound, if you want to put God first in your marriage, put your family first. If you want to serve God, serve your family. If your trying to be the "man of the house", your going about it the wrong way.

[b]A woman will serve her husband if the husband will serve his wife and family first.[/b]


As a divorced woman, I can attest that this is true. If the church actually taught this, I believe many marriages would be saved as well as resurrected from the dead.

Also, Ben I loved your testamony as well.

God bless you both!!


_________________
Lisa

 2010/1/1 15:43Profile
dohzman
Member



Joined: 2004/10/13
Posts: 2132


 Re: Is it lawful to have a second wife?

To the original question, the answer is no. We are to be a one woman man. The problem in asking such a question is that one may assume (boy I hate that word-assume) that a conclusion has already been made and now for the re-enforced justification to do what's already to some degree in the mind to do. Brother I think that if you are a preaching and practicing evangelist that you already know what you are to do and no amount of counsil or advice here will ultimately change what you will eventually do. Sounds harsh I know, but lets face it, thoughs who take to a pulpit ministry are suposed to be experts of the Book, they get paid to study the Bible and spend time hearing the voice of God for various situations they will minister in. Maybe this has happened for a learning experience? Who knows, but God. My advice to you is that you read 1Cor 13 and see if your actions toward her line up with God's Word, than re-aline your thinking to agree with God's Word and spend an extended period of time in prayer with fastings calling on the God of all mercies to intervene in your present circumstances.


_________________
D.Miller

 2010/1/1 15:51Profile





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