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Discussion Forum : Scriptures and Doctrine : When are desires of the heart wrong?

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Silo
Member



Joined: 2009/11/11
Posts: 73


 When are desires of the heart wrong?

I'm almost embarrased to bring this up since this website is about revival and there's a dying world out there but this is heavy on my heart.

I met a very Godly woman who just graduated bible college and I want to pursue her.(she feels the same.)
BUT there's this nagging feeling that I have to marry an old friend of mine that I have no interest in. I feel like I have to pray that God give me feelings for the old friend.

Would God lead a man to pursue a woman he has no feelings for?

Or can I just go with my heart's desire now and pursue the one I want to be with?

I remember Paul Washer saying the reason he married Charro is because he just wanted to be with her. Is it that easy?

 2009/11/30 10:26Profile
sojourner7
Member



Joined: 2007/6/27
Posts: 1573
Omaha, NE

 Re: When are desires of the heart wrong?

Ask GOD what HE desires for you. Seek first HIS
kingdom and HIS righteousness. For a relationship
to grow and last; it must be centered upon Christ
and led by the Spirit. Study the covenant bond
of marriage and learn what it truly means from
the scriptures.


_________________
Martin G. Smith

 2009/11/30 11:17Profile









 Re: When are desires of the heart wrong?

Go with the Godly woman that you like and she likes you. Good chemistry starts with that type of mixture.

Quote:
Would God lead a man to pursue a woman he has no feelings for?

Generally no.

You have to weigh the variables.

For example, why do you like this godly woman? Is she going to save you from yourself because she seems to have it all together spiritually and you don't?

Is she better looking than the other woman?

Why does she like you?

What of this other woman? Is she a believer? What is wrong with her? list both positive as well as the negative.

 2009/11/30 11:30
Silo
Member



Joined: 2009/11/11
Posts: 73


 Re:

That makes sense...we have a great chemistry.

How important is the attraction level?

 2009/11/30 12:55Profile









 Re:

I try to steer clear of these kind of things lest I give the wrong advice...

Let me come at this from a different angle. Do you feel you must marry this old friend because deep down inside you think it is not spiritual to be excited about this new lady? There are a lot of Christians who believe it is sinful to feel happiness and excitement.

Do you feel compelled within yourself to marry this old friend as some kind of sacrifice to God?

If so... I believe this is your "feelings", but it is not of God. It has more to do with you trying to make yourself feel spiritual. But Jesus came to give you life! And life more abundantly! You should be excited and raptured by the woman you marry!

Is this old friend even interested in you in this way?

I was married before I was ever saved, so I can not speak from experience. However, if this new lady is godly as you say, and your relationship with her brings both of you closer to God... than my suggestion is marry her before she gets away!

As far as attraction... let me say that my wife is the most beautiful creature God ever created. Sorry pal, but neither of these women you are torn between can hold a candle next to my bride! :-)

I have seen lovely women marry some pretty ugly men... and vice versa... and you stand back and wonder what the attraction is. But if you were to ask their spouse they would tell you the other person is the most beautiful thing they ever saw.

I've met a lot of beautiful women in my life who got uglier the more they talked, or the more I got to know them.

Physical attraction is important, but not nearly as important as what's on the inside. I was blessed with a bride who is so incredibly attractive that she turns heads still in her early 40's. But she is waaaaay more beautiful inside. She was like that before she was saved, and even moreso afterwards!

Of course you want to have physical attractiveness to the one you marry. God designed us that way, especially us guys. Women... not as much.

I'm telling ya tho... personally, take a long look at how your relationship with either one of these ladies effects your relationship with God. Marriage is forever. And Israel got in a lot of trouble with God in the OT for marrying outside of His will.

If you marry someone you are not sure about... you may be headed for a heap of trouble and a miserable life. Don't do that to your future children.

I've been married almost 2 decades. That's my advice to you as a young man.

Krispy

 2009/11/30 13:19
Silo
Member



Joined: 2009/11/11
Posts: 73


 Re:

Krisp, my man...if you were here, I would hug you. (even though you don't support the Jets)

You hit the nail on the head. I don't feel any happiness or excitement for my old friend (who's interested in me)nor any attraction. We were just close friends and maybe bad seeds were planted of people saying we should be together.

But this new sister is too good to be true...and she wants me to pursue her! But maybe it's my catholic upbringing where I can't chose a wife that makes me happy. I don't know.

But it's hard to pray when I'm biased. Could I even hear a 'no' in this state?

PS - I love to hear testimonies of men loving there wives after so many years. Sooo encouraging.

 2009/11/30 13:52Profile
elected
Member



Joined: 2004/11/21
Posts: 362
Tulsa OK

 Re:

Silo just take in consideration that feelings come and go and if you love for your would be wife is not based on agape love of corinthians 13 someday your marriage will have serious problems.

Feelings are all right as long as they are pure and innocent.I would suggest to be patient and pray God to guide you. To feel attraction is something that everybody is looking for to have for their would be wife but you will be wise if you look deeper in the heart to see if someone has those beautiful qualities of godly character.Inner beauty is more important than appearance. Human love and feelings are a natural thing but think long term about a stable and peaceful marriage, you better check that your priorities and the priorities of your would be wife are on Jesus.

Just keep in mind that true love is not just a romantic feeling, its more than that, its a choice and commitment you make from the bottom of you heart to love someone unconditional.Look for spiritual unity in Jesus and godly freindship.

Blessings,
Redi


_________________
Redi

 2009/11/30 13:55Profile
Silo
Member



Joined: 2009/11/11
Posts: 73


 Re:

thanks elected...your so right.

The new sister intimidates me because i feel she's so much more spiritual than I am and i would really have to step it up. She's a bible college graduate and cares nothing but JEsus, Jesus, Jesus...she was always like that.

I don't people...I'm so scared of marriage that I almost just want to be alone...so much easier. =)

 2009/11/30 14:05Profile
savannah
Member



Joined: 2008/10/30
Posts: 2265


 Re: Biblical & Practical Wisdom For Choosing A Marriage Partner

Hopefully this may help...

Click on the following link:

http://www.grantedministries.org/articles/qualities_for_potential_mate_d_e.pdf

 2009/11/30 14:19Profile









 Re:

Quote:
Krisp, my man...if you were here, I would hug you. (even though you don't support the Jets)



The Jets finally found a quaterback they can depend on! ... Jake Delhomme!

If y'all want him you can have him... we're done with him down here!

Krispy

 2009/11/30 14:55





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