SermonIndex Audio Sermons
SermonIndex - Promoting Revival to this Generation
Give To SermonIndex
Discussion Forum : General Topics : Engagement ring?

Print Thread (PDF)

Goto page ( 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 Next Page )
PosterThread
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Engagement ring?

May I ask for some prayerfully council for a young couple, is it a wasteful use of the money the Lord provides for a future husband to spend on a diamond engagement ring for his future wife? When those that are married here on SI got married did you buy a diamond for your fiancee, did you pray about it or seek the Lord about this purchase before hand?

God bless
mj

 2009/11/29 21:36Profile
KingJimmy
Member



Joined: 2003/5/8
Posts: 4419
Charlotte, NC

 Re: Engagement ring?

The engagement ring is a deeply symbolic gift, and I believe anybody buying one should put a lot of thought into, and spend as much as they can reasonably afford. No doubt, it is a "vanity." But, with that said, "all is vanity." And being that we all do vain things in this life, I think one should make this "vanity" really count for something.


_________________
Jimmy H

 2009/11/29 23:00Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Thank you KingJimmy for your thoughts. I will admit I am not the best person to give advice on this matter, I do not really wear any jewelry myself except a small plain gold wedding band. When my husband and I got married we already had our daughter and were very young, diamond rings were not in the budget so I am not sure I really understand the whole purpose or need for buying an engagement ring?. I do find it interesting that you mentioned that you see the ring as a vanity, but then you go on to say that it should be bought anyway. I kind of find this confusing, isn't this the same then as saying yes giving your future bride the diamond she wants is a vain thing to do, and vanity is sin but go for it anyway? How would this be giving good counsel?
Not trying to be difficult, just trying to understand your point in this?

Thank you for your time and God Bless
mj

 2009/11/30 1:15Profile
davidk0228
Member



Joined: 2009/11/30
Posts: 1


 Re:

I think you are in danger of getting into a dispute about a doubtful thing, unless you are among those who believe that the scripture forbids all wearing of gold, etc. In that case, you shouldn't even be wearing your gold band.

If you don't believe that is the point of the relevant passage of scripture on the topic, then you are talking about a doubtful thing, ie, a thing that the scripture does not address specifically.

Why then would it be a sin for someone else to wear a diamond wedding set (engagement ring with accompanying band) and it's ok for you to wear a gold band only? Do you see what happens when we try to define things the scripture doesn't define?

You couldn't afford a diamond wedding set, so it is vanity (I know you didn't actually say this; just responding as if that is the conclusion). What if you couldn't afford the 2006 minivan my wife drives? Would that make it a vanity as well?

Point is, you don't really get to define stuff the scripture doesn't define. That's not how it works. Some of us grew up in churches where anything the preacher didn't like or couldn't afford was a sin. There is no power in that kind of Christianity.

If you are advising this couple, you should focus on the issue of what they can afford, etc., and not going in debt for things such as rings, not whether something you don't personally like would be a sin.

 2009/11/30 1:52Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greeting David0228

You wrote:I think you are in danger of getting into a dispute about a doubtful thing, unless you are among those who believe that the scripture forbids all wearing of gold, etc. In that case, you shouldn't even be wearing your gold band.
_____

I am sorry if my post some how came across to you or towards King Jimmy that we were having or about to be in danger of a dispute. Also I will admit to my shame I do not know the Bible verse that you mentioned that forbids the wearing of gold so I do not hold to the view at this time that wearing jewelery is sinful. IF I came across that way then I hope this clears that up.
___

Your wrote next:Why then would it be a sin for someone else to wear a diamond wedding set (engagement ring with accompanying band) and it's ok for you to wear a gold band only? Do you see what happens when we try to define things the scripture doesn't define?
___

I was not saying that wearing a diamond is a sinful thing for this young woman to do. I was not asking if it was sin for her to have the ring. King Jimmy mentioned that he thought it to be vanity, not me. I was just hoping to understand better what he was sharing about it being vanity but to go ahead and get the ring anyway?
____

Next you wrote:You couldn't afford a diamond wedding set, so it is vanity (I know you didn't actually say this; just responding as if that is the conclusion). What if you couldn't afford the 2006 minivan my wife drives? Would that make it a vanity as well?
___
Just to clarify I did not say this was vanity, I was asking a question about the spending of the money on the diamond ring(this is the future grooms concern) King Jimmy again was the one who mentioned it being vanity? I was curious to understand his point and was asking him if he would explain more.
___

last you wrote:If you are advising this couple, you should focus on the issue of what they can afford, etc., and not going in debt for things such as rings, not whether something you don't personally like would be a sin.
___

this young couple has asked advice of my husband and myself. I shared with them both that to me since I do not really wear jewelery or care about it that I might not be the best person so seek on this. I only mentioned my ring because I do not really understand the importance that having a diamond might be for this young woman. It was not a big deal to me but I understand that it is for her and I do not want to take away from that. I was looking for the thoughts of others about this because I do want to share the best advice that the Lord would have me. The groom is concerned about spending money on things that are not needs, but rather wants. I can understand his point of view also. He wants to be a good steward with the money the Lord has provided. The groom feels that buying the ring is wasteful. The bride would like to have her diamond and so they are not agreed. Since this has never really been an issue for me I just thought I would see what others heart on the matter was.

Thank you for your sharing your thoughts davidk and welcome to the forum.

King Jimmy I hope I did not put you on the spot or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. I really am not looking to argue or dispute this topic at all. If I came across in a manner that was other then a loving Christ like heart please forgive me.

God Bless
maryjane

 2009/11/30 2:27Profile
Leo_Grace
Member



Joined: 2009/6/14
Posts: 703


 Re:

Quote:
The groom is concerned about spending money on things that are not needs, but rather wants. I can understand his point of view also. He wants to be a good steward with the money the Lord has provided. The groom feels that buying the ring is wasteful. The bride would like to have her diamond and so they are not agreed.


Hi Maryjane,

There is no verse in scripture that says the wearing of jewelry is sinful; just the admonition by Paul that women should refrain from expensive adornments but rely on a godly character as their attraction.

[i]1Ti 2:9-10 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.[/i]

If bride and groom were in agreement, then there would be no problem because either way (ring or no ring) is OK. However, the more critical aspect in the situation, I think, is the fact that they are already in disagreement, and it seems from your narrative that neither wants to give way to the other.

Maybe instead of counseling about the ring, they should be counselled about how husband and wife are to relate to each other at times like this.

If I were the husband, I would get the ring to make my wife happy and not fuss about it UNLESS the money for the ring represents a significant amount that could impact their start as a married couple. If the money is significant, I believe the wife should be willing to give way to more important things than jewelry.

If they break up because of this little thing then they probably should not wed anyway.

 2009/11/30 3:01Profile
jimp
Member



Joined: 2005/6/18
Posts: 1481


 Re:

hi, you can buy a gold cz of high quality that a jeweler would have to use a loop to tell what it was for a hundred or so... now aint that pretty.jimp

 2009/11/30 3:53Profile
anonymity
Member



Joined: 2009/1/16
Posts: 392


 Re: Engagement ring?

This is a very good question. I thought it was interesting because I was thinking about posting this question. We are so used to the way things are and then when they come up to us with a renewed mind it is funny how different things can be. I mean before I had the mind of Christ I wouldn't even think of it and then as a Christian I wouldn't even think of it til it came up and then comparing it to Apostolic doctrine and life. I thought to myself does the Bible say that a ring needs to be bought for the wife? Or I thought what were weddings like in Biblical times if even they were right or if it were changed at different times or? I don't think there is a Biblical telling of this. I do remember being told that in times past slaves would be given an earring, but I don't think that needs to be done now. I also randomly heard a respected missionary preacher say that he was not able to buy a ring for his wife til years after they were married. I also thought what if as ministers we were in hard places and a diamond ring can be seen as something to be stolen or gaudy even and not modest. I think in many cultures it can be seen as a rich mans luxury. I don't know I am still thinking over the subject and have more thoughts. I am not sure, but I don't think it too far fetched that in other countries rings are not even bought. So, maybe it can be seen as a cultural thing and in some instances we are to be cultural though in some not. As for it being a vanity. I think there is a vanity that is sinful and one that is not. Solomon said that all things are vanity and obviously all things are not sin. In the sense in which Solomon was talking it would be vanity to breath because at the end we all die or it has already been done. A sinful sense of vanity would be dressing yourself up to excess to make a person lust after you or to be proud before man and God. What some would say is that it would be a waste. Others would say that you only marry once and you want to show love so maybe spend on this one since it is so important. They would say that we spend on things and why not this which is much more important. God gives us grace and we are not all to live in 100% self denial like John the Baptist. Just like some are called to marry and it is not a sin when full self denial would be singleness. I think I would say thought that it is a good thing not to spend extreme amounts though what really is extreme is it from a western mindset. I also think that couples should not be hindered from marrying because of a very expensive ring, nor be shamed in some way, nor not be able to pay for some other very important thing. I was encouraged in this hearing of the missionary who was not able to buy a ring until years after they were married because they were missionaries and poor.

 2009/11/30 4:36Profile
KingJimmy
Member



Joined: 2003/5/8
Posts: 4419
Charlotte, NC

 Re:

By "vanity" I don't mean anything sinful per say. Solomon said ***ALL*** is vanity. That's not necessary a bad thing, it's just Solomon putting everything in perspective. So, my argument is that if all is vanity as Solomon said, then being there is a great deal of symbolic significance of a engagement/wedding ring in this life, especially in our culture, then I'm all for somebody splurging (within reason) to buy this item for their bride to be. Considering all the other things we spend money on in this life, I think one would do well, within reason, to spend as much money as they could afford.

Whatever the case, Romans 14 applies here. It falls within the area of Christian liberty. Whatever one's conviction, let him have it before the Lord. When I got engaged to a woman that is now my ex-fiance, I spent about two months pay to get it. Even though our engagement did not work out, and I only fetched 25% of the ring when I resold it, I still do not regret spending what I did to get the ring. It was still a modest ring by most standards, only a 3/4 ct. solitaire stone, but, it was the ring that I absolutely wanted to get her, and it was a ring that I knew she wanted.


_________________
Jimmy H

 2009/11/30 6:52Profile
sermonindex
Moderator



Joined: 2002/12/11
Posts: 39795
Canada

Online!
 Re:

This seems to be a area where the scripture is not explict about it. I would personally say a much simpler ring even one without diamonds would even work if you felt there wasn't to be an extravance with it. I would say biblical there needs to be a dowry a gift that the man gives to the women and even to the family.

On the value or prominence of the gift it is not said as much and is more open to what the cultural normal is. But I feel Christians ought not to be following the dictates of cultural so perhaps a simpler form of the same thing could work.

Either way you have liberty.


_________________
SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2009/11/30 7:19Profile





©2002-2024 SermonIndex.net
Promoting Revival to this Generation.
Privacy Policy