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MaryJane Member

Joined: 2006/7/31 Posts: 3057
| Chatting online | | greetings
I was talking with some sisters in Christ and we were discussing the dangers of internet chat, and even the use of pm on a forum such as this. One of the ladies shared with us about a woman in a news article who professed to be a christian and yet has become involved with a another married man through a forum on the internet. It began with them sharing in the forums and then they started sending each other private messages. Their conversations became more personal and more secretive, this woman said that she was able to share things with this man that her own husband would never be able to understand. After a few months of sharing through pm they began chatting online with out their spouses knowing. Eventually they decided to meet and are now involved in an affair. Both are leaving their spouses and getting divorced. They believe God brought them together because both were actually in really unhappy marriages, even though the woman admits things did not become really strained until after she began secretly chatting with this other man.
I was wondering how some of the other who visit the forum handle this. For me, I always have my husband read any pm that I get that are from men, and if he thinks its appropriate then I respond under his guidance. My husband knows my passwords to my email and online accounts and I do not take part in chat. I really think that any woman/guy who finds themselves ever keeping their passwords or online activity like chat, posting, or pm with the opposite sex a secret from their spouses this should be an alarm that they are on dangerous ground.
God bless maryjane |
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2009/10/11 15:58 | Profile |
White_Stone Member

Joined: 2008/10/25 Posts: 1196 North Central Florida
| Re: keeping secrets | | Maryjane,
How would I handle this? I would not sit still for a conversation like this. If this is the level of conversation these 'sisters in Christ' have to offer, you are better off leaving them alone.
First off, you are hearing gossip, this is to be avoided. It is slanderous, too.
If some woman confessed this behavior to you personally then you could comment and advise her to repent but for a group of women who call themselves 'Christian' to sit and gossip is just wrong. Perhaps the one telling the story is actually the one, or she has a day dream of being the one, still it is sin, to actually have done it, to think of it and to partake in a hen party cackling about it. Flee their company.
Does you husband know about that conversation, as you say he knows all your passwords? I would think you wouldn't want him to see you partaking in anything like that. If he does know, what did he say? I would think you would know what would be said here, I can't imagine why you even have to pose a question as this. Quote:
this should be an alarm that they are on dangerous ground.
white stone :-( _________________ Janice
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2009/10/11 17:46 | Profile |
MaryJane Member

Joined: 2006/7/31 Posts: 3057
| Re: | | White stone or anyone else I offended
I should have made clear that the lady was sharing from an article about women and men who have become involved with in extra marital relationships because of their use of internet chat and so forth. Sorry I did not convey that better. No this was not some one that we knew personally and yes my husband does know about this post and the article and the conversation. The group that I was talking this over with where not gossiping but discussing that there is in fact a real danger for that kind of thing to go on if you are keeping secrets from your spouse. I think its a valid question to consider, many men and woman spend a great deal of time on the internet chatting and visiting forums(not saying that is wrong) just think it can open up people to temptation that does not need to be if they are not careful about how they go about sharing with others of the opposite sex. Personally I do not believe that woman should be a sharing or counseling with men with out their husbands being present and involved. I believe woman should minster and share with women and men should do so with men. This is just my opinion though and I wondered what others view point on this subject might be. If this is not an acceptable topic then I will take it down it is not my intention to cause anyone and offense or harm.
God Bless mj
Edit: I went back and corrected my original post, hope that makes things a bit more clear then before. Also I did not mean to imply or make it seem as if I was saying that the forums that were talked about was this one, but rather it was said to have been a Christian forum. I really hope that clears things up and sorry for any confusion. At my husbands suggestion I also changed the title of the thread, the other one was probably not the best choice. |
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2009/10/11 18:17 | Profile |
White_Stone Member

Joined: 2008/10/25 Posts: 1196 North Central Florida
| Re: | | Whew! :-P
Excuse my comments, in light of your explanation, they are not necessary.
Kindest regards, white stone _________________ Janice
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2009/10/11 19:10 | Profile |
| Re: Chatting online | | Quote:
For me, I always have my husband read any pm that I get that are from men, and if he thinks its appropriate then I respond under his guidance. My husband knows my passwords to my email and online accounts and I do not take part in chat.
Mary Jane you are a beautiful woman and your husband is one lucky man. I wish that all men and women were like you.
Regarding these PM's. My Sister met a guy in England and she poured out her life to him. She's a believer and he's an Atheist. She knew that she was going against the grain and her relationship with her husband was strained. It all came to a head when he told her that he loves his wife and that he did not find her (my sister) attractive, at least not enough to leave his wife. He just stopped talking to her. I had prayed that week that God would chop that relationship and He did, but a few months later he contacted her again and now they are talking. Though she says that she wants to make sure that she doesn't become emotionally involved, I do hope she just realizes that this is a married man who wants to remain married with his wife. My Sister is the type of woman that needs to have a man tell her what to do, and her husband is too passive and doesn't do that, though he tried but it wasn't in his nature. So she looks for that and this guy fed that. Oh the web we weave, eh? |
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2009/10/11 22:54 | |
sermonindex Moderator

Joined: 2002/12/11 Posts: 39795 Canada
Online! | Re: | | Sister,
I appreciate your heart in posting this and I do believe this has come up before. We even considered a "women" only section for the forums so sisters in christ could fellowship.
I do think even with posting on the forums on sermonindex and ESPECIALLY with responding to emails and private messages there should be much caution for sisters and carefulness. There is much evil on the internet and many evil men.
_________________ SI Moderator - Greg Gordon
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2009/10/12 11:31 | Profile |
billk Member

Joined: 2009/10/13 Posts: 2
| Re: Chatting online | | Well, anybody that has a strong marriage has nothing to worry about chatting online. No man or woman would ever leave their spouse if they are truly committed to each other. The internet does not break marriages.
Now if the marriage isn't strong and the spouses aren't committed to each other, it's a different story. it just won't matter whether through the internet or meeting somebody at work or at the gym, people will have affairs and sometimes divorce as a result.
So the key is having a christ centered marriage and committing to God to never leave your spouse.
Chatting online is much less dangerous than flirting with a co-worket or going with a friend of the opposite sex to the gym. |
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2009/10/13 0:40 | Profile |
HeartSong Member

Joined: 2006/9/13 Posts: 3179
| Re: | | The important thing is to always have ones heart, and ones eyes, set continually upon the Lord. To sin is to lose communion with He that is altogether lovely - and no person, or thing, is worth the loss of He that is above all things. |
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2009/10/13 1:12 | Profile |
MaryJane Member

Joined: 2006/7/31 Posts: 3057
| Re: | | Greetings billk
It was not the chatting that is the problem necessarily its keeping secrets from a spouse and conversing with a member of the opposite sex with out your spouse knowing that is the danger. Of course your are right if a persons marriage is not on solid ground and centered on Christ Jesus then that couple is already going to be facing huge hurdles to begin with. And I agree that flirting or hanging out alone with members of the opposite sex with out your spouse present should not be happening.
Thank you for your post and welcome to SI
God Bless maryjane
Edit: Heartsong I think we posted at the same time. I agree that its never worth grieving our Lord. He is and should always be our focus. Thank you:-) |
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2009/10/13 1:16 | Profile |
| Re: | | Any conversations between a married woman and a married man who are not married to each other should be kept public if possible. If not possible they should be open to the spouses, and the conversations should absolutely be done in a way that they keep each other at arms length... or farther.
I've had brief private conversations with a couple of ladies on this forum, and I am sure they will testify to the fact that I ask no questions about them personally, and everything is kept very brief. I offer no advice except on theological themes, nothing personal.
And my wife knows my password and is welcome to review any thing I do on here.
All these things are done on purpose. It's called integrity.
No married man or married woman not married to each other should ever get into a personal conversation with each other. Ever. The potential is too real.
I've probably even offended a few ladies here because they asked innocent questions about me or my family... not meaning any harm by it, I'm sure... but I just won't go there.
Krispy |
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2009/10/13 8:20 | |