Hello everyone,
My name is Jennifer and I'm 30 years old and live in Kentucky. I've been in the dark for the last 30 years of my life even though I was saved when I was 19 years old. I was way to self reliant and self-directed to truly see the light of Jesus Christ that was ever before me, even when I couldn't see it. The Lord began to reveal a purpose in me when I was 27 years old. I'll never forget the date, it was November 24, 2002, the very date that my grandfather died so many years earlier. God revealed to me that I was using food as an idol which made me a glutton. It was so hard to face that fact, I thought I was the perfect Christian, as long as I read my Bible and knew that Jesus Christ died for me I was going to heaven. God knocked me down off the pedastal that I placed "self" on and placed Himself there. He told me, "Jennifer, you are an idolator and glutton. You have turned your back on me countless times and never heeded my voice. Turn away from your idols and back to me, or I will destroy you in my own time and my own way."
I have a history of turning my back on the Lord where I needed Him most. Whenever someone said an unkind word I ran to food. Whenever a situation came up that I couldn't handle I ran to food. When I was in high school and the kids were unmerciful to me I chose food. I kept choosing food over the comfort of the Lord. God would show me subtley that He wanted to be my comforter. At age 15, a friend of mine transferred to another high school. I wanted so badly to transfer there to be with him, turned out when I got there I knew it wasn't the place for me. I recount several tears in bed offered up to God, I begged Him to let me go back to the old school. The next day, by a miracle my aunt called and said she worked by the school and if I ever needed to get there she would take and bring me home. My mother agreed and enrolled me again. God showed me that I was beloved of Him, but yet other times after that I still chose food over Him. My uncle got sick, had a heart problem. I turned to God in intercession for my uncle. God healed Him and he lived! Yet, the other times I needed the Lord I ran to food. You would think at this point God wanting to use me for something better would have hit me? I would have seen His power and miracles? I was so foolish, I had a veil over my head, eyes, and heart.
As I got older my foolishness grew. When I was 26 years old, in 1998, a company came into town that offered customer service for computer companies. I prayed hard for at least three months, begging God to let me have a job with them. When the company came into town, surely enough I was given an interview and took a computer test. In the end, they didn't choose me for a job with them. I got enraged at God and actually found myself hating Him. I allowed that anger to be repressed for two weeks while I indulged myself in the arts of wicca and learned all I could about their practices. The moment I began to consider becoming a solitary witch practitioner the Lord slapped me hard in the face and heart, one of their rituals included placing the cross of Jesus in a cup and well, let's just say for the sake of sensitive hearts that it wasn't pleasant the things they did to that cross of Jesus hanging there suffering for us all. I felt the fear of God come upon me, the fear of judgement. I knew that I had turned my back deliberately on Him. I wanted to jump under a rock and stay there and just die in my terrible sins I had committed against the Lord. God rich in his mercies had a dear friend, Diane, who was online and called me. We prayed over the phone and I was released from the bondage of the occult. I was so scared, I can't believe I was so deceived. God filled me with His love and the gift of repentance and restoration came from heaven, I'll never forget the moment I surrendered to God!
What makes this so terrible is I still had areas of my life I hadn't surrendered. I kept running to food when I was mentally drained, emotionally exhausted, and indifferent. I totally hated who I was. I made my weight my identity. I hated everything about myself, even hated looking in the mirror. God had mercy upon my wretchedness as He does us all and lead me down a road of three years of recovery from overeating. I was around 296 and getting bigger by the months. God lead me to victory when I finally learned that I had to surrender my desires and hunger over to Him. He taught me to eat His table instead of the world's table. He taught me to find satisfaction in Him and not in the world! He gave me victory over myself! I have went from 296 to 169 and I am praising Him each day. I am no longer a slave to food, but to Him. I am currently working with women who are fighting gluttony as I was and the Lord has blessed me in more ways than I can ever imagine. Again, I am brought to my knees by this with humility. I am His servant now. I work for Him, not for me. What a beautiful thing the Lord has done in my life.
My dear friend Chanin has been there to witness my spiritual awakening, she is a blessed one of God and a beautiful sisters in the Lord. I want to publicly thank God for all He's done in me and for me, and also Chanin for all her encouragement and care she's shown me. Silence is speaking louder than words ever can.
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Jennifer
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