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Ginny... I kinda understand what you're saying, but it sounds a bit like "conditional" love.

I have a friend, a state trooper, who is a good looking rugged kinda guy. Loves the Lord. I reckon most women would consider him quite a catch. He fell in love with a woman in a wheel chair (paralyzed from the hips down from a sports injury at age 16) and married her knowing she would never walk, and could not bear children. They are a very loving and godly couple, and have adopted 3 children.

That's love.

Being widowed in your 50's because your husband was 70 is certainly something to think about, but I'm a romantic at heart... if they are in love, so what?

You could marry someone the same age as you, and you could still be widowed at age 35.


 2008/12/2 8:12

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7497


but it sounds a bit like "conditional" love.

Actually, Krispy, I think my response sounds more like a business consideration then a romantic, love relationship! The reason is reality! All the romantic love one may have for another will be sorely tested when the limitations of age set in, coupled with interior plumbing that has become temperamental in function. Reckon, I have seen too many old folks in recent years become infirm which require lots of care.

While I am on this subject of care-giving, I will go off on a rabbit trail which I suppose will anger some. But please bear me out before reacting.

When people become infirm, it requires a LOT of care from loved ones. These caregivers must relinquish all their needs/desires to care for this loved one and this could include your own health, well-being. AN infirm person must be fed, bathed, and if there is any paralysis, their feces may have to be removed by the caregiver as well. It is extremely stressful to the caregiver.

While the physical aspect is very tiring, the emotional stress is just as great or greater. Too many infirm people become very demanding, unconsciencely living vicariously their desires through their loved ones which most of the time is in conflict with the the native interests that abide in the caregiver.

I am speaking from experience as a caregiver; I have personally spoken with my cousins who cared for their infirm parents; I am also witnessing what is happening in our family who is handicapped. It is a subject one is very careful who you discuss it with because of wrong perceptions. So, the people suffer in silence.

It is one thing to become handicapped at a young age because of accidents, or illnesses. Then you have the dying of the human body at old age which is promised to all unless the LORD returns before then. This dying process for many has been prolonged because of advancements in medicine which keeps a body alive but does not cure whatever ails you.

Should a much younger person marry a person old enough to be your parent? I suggest you consider very carefully the realities of life and not make the decision based on romantic love, but on what is the Holy Spirit telling me to do. This is the only correct answer, IMHO, to this question.


Sandra Miller

 2008/12/2 19:16Profile

Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 3317


ginny I don't think I will live long enough for my wife to have to take care of me physically, I don't know if that is the good,bad or ugly part of marrying a younger person. :-P

No but I do understand were your coming from, my Dad was married to a woman after he and my Mom divorced, 25 years younger than him, and they stayed together like love birds for over 25 years until my Dad suddenly died back in 1990 of a heart attack, I will not elaborate. I will say Kathy once told me she don't think the sun would rise if she ever lost my Dad but it did, the really sad part is one year after Dad passed on, Kathy passed away from brain cancer, 1990 and 1991 was a terrible time for me and my family and step sisters.


 2008/12/2 19:51Profile

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