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SDE
Member



Joined: 2007/2/1
Posts: 55
Arizona

 Re:

I'm not crazy about the list-making. I think it's bad advice. To put it bluntly, it is selfish. The only thing on our lists should be that our future spouse be in the Lord. Let the Lord determine everything else.

To enter into marriage already with so many expectations about how our spouse is to meet our needs is to invite marital disaster and runs contrary to God's plan for marriage.


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Sandra

 2007/2/16 21:31Profile









 Re:

Quote:

SDE wrote:
I'm not crazy about the list-making. I think it's bad advice. To put it bluntly, it is selfish. The only thing on our lists should be that our future spouse be in the Lord. Let the Lord determine everything else.

To enter into marriage already with so many expectations about how our spouse is to meet our needs is to invite marital disaster and runs contrary to God's plan for marriage.



Dear SDE,

I would like to know more about you and your story before I consider your way to be as holy as you are presenting yourself. Have you read the entire thread? Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend/children? If so, how did you get what you have?

As for me, I did not have great expectations for my future wife. I stated that since I was in Korea, that having a Korean wife would be good. Having one which spoke English would be even better and that she is beautiful...to me. I also requested that she be willing to leave her country so that we can serve the Lord together. As for being a virgin, that has been in my heart for some time. I believe in order for MY wife and I to have a true relationship, she would have to be pure, since I am not.

Call it selfish if you want, but I prayed to the Lord that "IF" I had any say in my life, those items would be on my list. He answered my prayer with all of the requests, but the most important thing is that she is a Christian. She has many more qualities that I never thought of asking for. I could not make a list now to state what she means to me. She was made for me and I was made for her.

To say something is bad advice is being selfish. You can write your way or your prefered method of courtship and marriage as you want. This worked for me and I know it is good. Advice is free for the taking. Take it or leave it. If I said something horrible and against God, then you can rebuke me, but on the basis of your opinion, leave that beside your keyboard.

God Bless those that are patient in the Lord,
BrianMira

 2007/2/16 21:53
deltadom
Member



Joined: 2005/1/6
Posts: 2359
Hemel Hempstead

 Re:

I am single too


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Dominic Shiells

 2007/2/17 13:41Profile
blinx
Member



Joined: 2006/10/10
Posts: 57
Oeiras, Portugal

 Re:

Thx alot Brian. Great testimony and advice. When I first started this thread I didn't think I'd learn much... I just wanted to talk about it. But now I see I was wrong ;)

God bless you all!

João Tiago


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João Tiago

 2007/2/17 15:29Profile
hmmhmm
Member



Joined: 2006/1/31
Posts: 4994
Sweden

 Re:

stick around , ask questions, listen to sermons....i guarantee you will LEARN alot :-p


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CHRISTIAN

 2007/2/17 15:32Profile
sermonindex
Moderator



Joined: 2002/12/11
Posts: 39795
Canada

Online!
 Re:


Listen to these messages by [b]Paul Washer[/b] if you are single:

[b](Biblical Manhood) -evening banquet[/b]
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=13055

[b](Biblical Manhood) -morning brunch[/b]
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=13054


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SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2007/2/17 15:33Profile
wallrepairer
Member



Joined: 2005/2/7
Posts: 33


 Re: I'm single. Any word of advice?

Singleness or marriage?

…I guess what matters at the end of the day is what God requires of our lives. Our lives belong to God and he is more than capable of either matching us up or enabling us to live as happy fulfilled singles too should that be the case.

I am one of those happy single females aged 37. As a single, God has allowed me to have a very satisfying and very full ministry for the past 16 years that I have known him.

But I have met many, many singles who put their lives and ministries on hold to ‘wait’ for their partner. They believe their call from God will come through their husband’s/wife's ministry and so they sit and wait…

Some began to panic when they were getting to their thirties and found themselves still single. Some of these singles started out with long lists of eligibility factors and slowly crossed out their list until they got to the point of just a ‘nice Christian partner,’ and as a result some married in compromise.

Other singles say they will be ‘complete’ when they have a partner. But we are complete in Christ…We need to press on with God as our first and primary aim and leave the marriage question up to him. My brother went as a young missionary to China at the age of 21 and met a Canadian missionary whom he married. God is more than able to match people when we are about ‘His business’…whatever and wherever that might be.

Enjoy each phase of your life. Do not despise the days of singleness or squander a moment of them by dwelling on the need for a partner. You will probably know from God if you are called to be a permanent single or called to singleness for a period of time. If it is only singleness for a period of time…rather than dwell on it…begin to thank God that he has already planned the perfect partner for you. Tell God to give you a big nudge when you are about to be introduced so that you don't have to waste a minute to bother looking for him/her yourself. I am such a well adjusted single now that it would take an extra massive shove from God to alter my circumstances. :-)

Be encouraged that God is a good Father and knows the desires of your heart already…

 2007/2/17 16:12Profile









 Re:

Quote:

wallrepairer wrote:
Singleness or marriage?

…I guess what matters at the end of the day is what God requires of our lives. Our lives belong to God and he is more than capable of either matching us up or enabling us to live as happy fulfilled singles too should that be the case.

I am one of those happy single females aged 37. As a single, God has allowed me to have a very satisfying and very full ministry for the past 16 years that I have known him.

[b]Hi sis, yes there are a few of us about[/b]

Quote:
But I have met many, many singles who put their lives and ministries on hold to ‘wait’ for their partner. They believe their call from God will come through their husband’s/wife's ministry and so they sit and wait…

Some began to panic when they were getting to their thirties and found themselves still single. Some of these singles started out with long lists of eligibility factors and slowly crossed out their list until they got to the point of just a ‘nice Christian partner,’ and as a result some married in compromise.

Other singles say they will be ‘complete’ when they have a partner. But we are complete in Christ…We need to press on with God as our first and primary aim and leave the marriage question up to him. My brother went as a young missionary to China at the age of 21 and met a Canadian missionary whom he married. God is more than able to match people when we are about ‘His business’…whatever and wherever that might be.

Enjoy each phase of your life. Do not despise the days of singleness or squander a moment of them by dwelling on the need for a partner. You will probably know from God if you are called to be a permanent single or called to singleness for a period of time.



[b]Yes, indeed. The Lord confirmed it to me through a reading from Daily Light (some will have heard of it, daily "snippets" of scripture, dovetailed together in morning and evening readings for the year.

It was at a time when I nearly fell in love with a lovely Christian man who was already a good friend. For two weeks it nearly drove me crazy! But we were such good friends that i was able to share with him how I was beginning to feel. He said, "Sorry, I don't feel the same, but if I do I'll let you know!"

That night I read in Daily Light and one word jumped out especially, the Lord's command to the Levites, "You shall have no portion or inheritance among the children of Israel, [i]I AM thy portion and thy inheritance[/i]"

It was such a relief to be sure of the answer, ("no") before I had fully fallen in love, which would have been so much more painful, and at the same time the question was answered once and for all. As soon as I knew, the feelings evaporated; although now and again there was the thought "It would have been nice if..."

We were still friends, and used to talk on the phone now and again after he moved to another area. Two years later, he told me (rather cautiously!) that he had got engaged to someone else. My reaction was instant, "Praise the Lord!" I yelled. And then (to myself) "Oh good, I've [i]really[/i] got over him...So that's all right"![/b]

Quote:
If it is only singleness for a period of time…rather than dwell on it…begin to thank God that he has already planned the perfect partner for you. Tell God to give you a big nudge when you are about to be introduced so that you don't have to waste a minute to bother looking for him/her yourself. I am such a well adjusted single now that it would take an extra massive shove from God to alter my circumstances. :-)



[b] Me too:-D [/b]

Quote:
Be encouraged that God is a good Father and knows the desires of your heart already…



[b] Yes, although I think it must be much harder to have to wait patiently than to know the answer is no, and be able to get on with your life without wondering all the time...

Hope I haven't come over as smug here, not meant that way. There are blessings in marriage and children that we have missed.

Its true that we are "complete in Him", but on the human level we were created to share our lives with a husband or wife. Corrie ten Boom used the word "sublimation" to describe the adjustment that has to be made if the Lord has called us to be single. Those natural instincts, (not evil in themselves; after all, God "invented" sex - many creatures reproduce by other means) are very strong and need His control. Coming into a positive experience of fulfillment in Him can take time and sometimes involve much heartache before victory is gained.


Jeannette[/b]

 2007/2/17 17:14
Yeshuasboy
Member



Joined: 2006/6/10
Posts: 668
Northern Rockies, BC, Canada

 Re:

There are many "types" of singles out there. Two in particular that come to my mind are those that are content being single and can keep their bodies under control by the power of the Holy Spirit, and those that burn with lust focusing more on future spouse than letting Christ live through them and becoming seperate from the world.
I've seen people go to Bible Colleges with the notion that they're going to find their future marriage partner there and that will fill that big void in their lives.
We all make choices that whether we like it or not, we will have to live with them for the rest of our lives. Marriage is a "big" commitment in the eyes of God as stated in the Scriptures.
If one cannot commit themselves to the Lord, would it be wise for me to think that such a one would have no problem committing in marriage for the rest of their life?
I see alot of opinions in this thread. I also think that it would be good to see opinions of marriage backed with Scripture references to support their opinions as being "Godly". To me, good advice is only Godly advice... nothing less. The Lord knows what is best for each one individual. Much of this is recorded in 1Cor 7.

Here's an interesting verse: "Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called."-1Cor 7:20

and these two verses:

1Cor 7:32 "But I would not have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:"
1Cor 7:33 "But he that is married careth for the things of the world, how he pleases his wife."

Also, how many husbands are out there that rarely give much thought about pleasing his wife? I know of quite a few. Their relationships are far more "husband-centered" than "Christ-centered".

Rom 12:1 "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God,
[b]which is your reasonable service[/b]."

Mt 22:30 "For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven."

Christ bless you as you wait upon Him,
richie


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Richie

 2007/2/17 18:15Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re:

Wallrepairer wrote:

Quote:
Some began to panic when they were getting to their thirties and found themselves still single



This quote reminds me of one my preacher-grandfather liked to quote. He got it from the late Andrew Jantzi, a Mennonite evangelist: "Some females are so desperate to get married they will settle for anything in pants. After they are married a while they wish all they had were the pants!"

'nuff said.

Excellent thread...

ginnyrose


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Sandra Miller

 2007/2/18 18:26Profile





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