I've spent this past week completely broken for two reasons. The first is caused by my own trials that I've endured for years. The second, (and the heaviest burden) is the pain I see others around me in. The pain caused by living a life of pain and bondage brought on by the enemy and serving his dark kingdom.

Concerning my own trials, the Lord has shown me how I have certain expectations of how they are to come to a completion. That one day I will wake up and everything will be the way I desire it to be. I will endure such and such because after one or two more years the Lord will bless me with perfection (or my image of it) and I will be completely happy in my circumstances. He has been showing me that that is not the case. That these trials are only to prepare me for the bigger ones to come!!

Now, I do have peace...I have the Lord!! He is my reward and strength. I told a friend the other day, that I would suffer for 40 more years, if just one person could come to Christ as a result of the brokeness He's allowed me to walk in before Him. But I feel like I'm in mourning. I've burried the old me, but now I'm also burrying the "future me." I could cry right now as I type. Oh, to serve the Lord and forsake everything for HIM!! We must not only burry the old man, but the future man must die too!! Every expectation I have, every desire of comfort and persuit of happiness must die!! Oh what a greif I have!! I'm so broken I can hardly stand the thought of eveything I have ever known (whether it be real or not) must die. It all must be broken and conformed to the image of CHRIST!!

Concerning the burden for the lost, the Lord has asked me one question "Will you lay down your life for them?" What that means is will I die to myself, my comforts and my all rights for them?? I say my little "now I lay me down to sleep" prayers every night for them and I will even witness to them from time to time, but IT'S NOT ENOUGH!!!!!!! I'm watching them DIE right before my very eyes!!! I'm watching the enemy come right in before my very eyes and kill,rob and destroy!!! Oh WAKE UP.. they are dying and I'm too worried about getting in a good night sleep!!! To worried about what I'm wearing to work tomorrow. OH LORD forgive me!!!!!

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tina

So appreciate this sister.



God break us and pour out our lives into this troubled world.

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Christopher Joel Dandrow