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Discussion Forum : Miracles that follow the plow : I feel like the worst sinner ever dom, that is why I havent been posting

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Joined: 2005/1/6
Posts: 1910
Hemel Hempstead

 I feel like the worst sinner ever dom, that is why I havent been posting

One night I was praying and the devil tempted me with technical ability I heard my mouth say "yes" for my soul. I then screamed out "no" over and over again and then again. I felt like I was going to hell and not even a christian. I feel like the lord has been battling for my soul. I so want my soul locked up in heaven and so that the devil cannot get it.
I was so miserable I love Jesus so much and he is my Lord and Saviour I want to do all I can to please him not only say it but do it.
Anyway I was so miserable and felt like I went down to hell liturally. I was praying liturally teh whole night to ask god back into my life.
I know all the verses about hell and they really did kind of scared me being in eternity with no food or drink, being burned alive for the rest of your life in torment and being in pain, the worst thing in my view is being away from Jesus.
That experience made me wanted to save every person I can from that pit of hell. I dont want anybody to go there.
I love jesus so much and why did I do such a thing. All I know is that my mind was not working properly at the time and I know it may have been forced worship but even saying anything like that is completly out of the question for me because I know the bible verse out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Anyway god got me out of it , hopefully but it has shaken me up. I need Jesus , I long for Jesus.
I was so upset about that I was thinking of banning myself from this forum because I was so miserable and i did not want to be a hypocrite , I did not want to do what I did and I have repented and repented. I thought it was the devil just getting a grip of me making me feel like i was not a christian and then failing Jesus is the worst thing. There is a verse that when your spirit unites with his spirit, I did not want other people to tell me that I was a christian I wanted to know in my heart. I have felt that reasurance recently but I want to feel so much like I am saved that noone on this planet can do anything about it. I love Jesus because I imagined hell and did not want to be there.
Jesus help, Jesus help I love Jesus so much I have found it so hard to talk about this, can the devil control your mouth.

Dominic Shiells

 2006/3/29 17:56Profile

Joined: 2005/1/8
Posts: 132

 Re: I feel like the worst sinner ever dom, that is why I havent been posting

me feel like i was not a christian

There are many of days I awoke and I don't feel like going to work, what would happen if I allow that feeling to take effect too many times?
What the Lord Jesus as done for me on the cross doesn't have any thing to do with how I feel! The fact is its done finish work and all I have to is believe and live accordingly.
One can't go in and out of "Love." You either love or you don't. We follow Christ because we love Him. We love Him because He loves us first. He proves His love by bearing our sin on the cross. We experience His love and learn to love more as we read the scriptures and pray. We are to surround ourselves with the things of Christ as much as we can and think on the things that are pure, praise worthy and honoring to Christ. The more of us we give to the things of the world the less of us Christ has and the dimmer our light becomes. How do you start and end your day? How much of each day do you give Christ or to his affairs?


 2006/3/29 19:24Profile

Joined: 2005/1/6
Posts: 1910
Hemel Hempstead


alot of time I normally pray alot and I normally have my bible on cd 24/7 . I listen to christian music all the time


Dominic Shiells

 2006/3/29 19:45Profile


Dom, You're attacked because you're alone too much.

You do all the pressing in to Jesus well ... but you don't communicate enough with the Body.

I see Paula's email's up there and you have mine and probably other folks.

You ought to keep in touch with brothers and sisters when you have needs or even praises and send out a group email to all of us with your thoughts .... whether they be good or bad .... Plus post here more.

The wolf (demon) finds a 'lone' sheep easier to attack.

Ya just need Body ministry to go along with all the neat things you're doing to get as close to our Jesus as possible. Others need to do half the stuff you're doing ... but you just need fellowship more.

Make up a Dom-newsletter and put a bunch of us on your mailing list. I'd personally love it.

I can't do that xanga thing, so that's the only reason I haven't been there. But emails I love.
Gives me something to read where I can answer or not, depending how I'm feeling at that moment and if I DO answer half asleep - nobody minds - Haaaa.

LOVE YOU as always.
Annie too

 2006/3/29 20:19

Joined: 2003/10/15
Posts: 1632



I don't post on here much anymore, but when I read your post I felt compelled to reply.

I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I do know how it feels to feel like a failure and a disappointment to the Lord. I have been feeling this way the last few days. But I am trusting the Lord to finish this good work that He started in me and He will do the same for you if you trust Him- rest in Him.

I read this today by Amy Carmichael and posted it on my []xanga[/url]:

His (her) thoughts said, "I am ashamed because of my poverty of love and my interrupted obedience."

[i]His (her) Father said, "I know it all. I know thee as thou art and yet I love thee."[/i]

His thoughts said, "I often pray to be delivered from slothfulness that all the spaces of my time may be fruitfully filled by Thee; and yet the spaces seem to me quite empty, and the little that is done is so imperfectly done that I am ashamed."

[i]His Father said, "Commit thine empty spaces to Me, and let thy trust be in the tender mercy of thy God forever and ever. [b]I will perfect thy imperfections."[/b][/i]

-Amy Carmichael (His Thoughts Said...His Father Said...)

We cannot be 'try' to be any more holy or perfect. The more we try, the more we fail. Surrender this to Him and offer it to Him and say that you trust Him to work this in you. And it will take time.

Praying for you, that you know His peace, His mercy and His love for you.

In His love, Chanin


 2006/3/29 20:47Profile

Joined: 2005/5/2
Posts: 3777

 Re: finding the root

I want to feel so much like I am saved that noone on this planet can do anything about it.

When we want to FEEL like we are saved, we are on dangerous ground. We must live by faith, not by sight or feelings. The object of our faith is God himself. Only what HE says about your salvation is valid.

You must put all other voices to death. If you pay attention to them, or if you agree with them, you feed them, and that give them ever increasing power over you - power to drag you down into an endless pit of despondency and defeat.

Yet, you aught not to discount the feelings you are experiencing. Feelings can be a very important indicator that something is amiss, and can lead you to the root problem, much like a doctor uses symptoms to help him make a diagnosis.

Your morbid self-absorption indicates a lack of the peace and joy that Christ came to give. I do not understand where does this self-loathing comes from but perhaps you do. All I can say is that I suspect that if you get very honest with yourself, you would have to admit that there is a root of pride under it all. Ask the Spirit to show you.

I trust that you will not let pride keep you distant from Christ who is constantly extending his arms of mercy out, willing to completely forgive you and embrace you. Will you receive it? That IS repentance. Or will you always find a reason (or rather excuse) to reject the glorious love of Christ - and that includes the ministy of the Body, as is available to you here?

You are a precious person, so dear to the Lord that he died for you.


 2006/3/29 22:04Profile

Joined: 2006/2/2
Posts: 61

 Re: God's love

I do not want to discount what has been said in the previous posts here. There is much truth in them.

I am aware, Dom, that we are not familiar with each other. I have read many of your posts, and have felt a lot of the things which you are feeling now.

We are family. And I am glad that you have posted this thread to keep your family posted.

"He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." [u][b]Hebrews 13:5[/b][/u]

I know that you know this, but I pray that you'll be encouraged by God's own word. You are aware of our Lord's love for you. Let me tell you what a mentor I had in high school told me: you can't do anything that will shock God. He is not suprised at our failings. And His love for you is not based on your being perfect, or even good.

Understand that I would be the first to spur you on to holiness, so I am not advocating sin. I feel led right now to encourage you to take heart in the faithfulness of the Most High, He Who gave Himself for you.

Many passages of scripture come to mind, so much so that I am not sure what to say.

[u][b]2 Timothy 2:13[/b][/u] "If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself."

God is faithful. This cannot be stressed enough. Your salvation is not based on your works (Ephesians 2:8-9); your forgiveness is not based on you own righteousness (1 John 1:9-10, Philippians 3:9); God's love toward you is not base on your earning it(1 John 4:9-10). Jesus bought you at the cross, and gained for you everything you need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). It's all in Him!

Let me say something hard: you have turned from your sin, correct? (Even repentance is a gift) Now you have to trust God. YOU CANNOT GET IT RIGHT! None of us can. In man dwelleth no good thing (Romans 7:18), and without the True Vine we can do nothing at all (John 14:5). Christ Jesus is your Life (Colossians 3:4). Trust Him, submit to Him. And boy do I know how difficult this is to do.

I hope that this post made sense. Like I said, I can relate to your situation, Dom. I am praying for you, as are the brethren. Have faith (another gift from the Father of lights), and watch God glorify Himself in you.

Your brother,

P.S. Make sure to check out the scriptures referenced in the post. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17).

P.P.S. Here's an interesting article you may be interested in: by David Tryon. Be blessed and encouraged!

D. Bryant

 2006/3/30 1:41Profile

Joined: 2005/7/26
Posts: 524
Tennessee, USA

 Re: I feel like the worst sinner ever dom, that is why I havent been posting

Dear Dom,

Diane said,

When we want to FEEL like we are saved, we are on dangerous ground. We must live by faith, not by sight or feelings. The object of our faith is God himself. Only what HE says about your salvation is valid.

And I say "Amen" to that.

Jesus is the mastercraftsman. Jesus is the one who does all the work. There is Christ's part of salvation and man's part of salvation. Christ's part is the work. Jesus is the one who fights the Devil and conquers sin. He is the one who does good works. Our part is to continually have faith and trust in Him and let Him do the work in us.

Faith is not an easy task. It means letting go of ourselves, of our own strength, and of our own will. It means giving everything over to Jesus. It means we stop fighting sin with our own power. We stop trying not to sin, and instead, trust that Jesus will take our sins away from us. Rather, we take up our cross and sacrifice our life to Jesus, so that He may transform us and make us into a new creation. We abandon everything to Jesus, including our sins. Then Jesus can take all we are and do good.

When the Devil comes knocking at our door, and sin threatens to enter in, we must call out to Jesus for salvation. Some people think that we do this once and it is always done. Well, this is true. We are saved once. However, we will be continally tested and tempted by the Devil. And each time, we must call upon Jesus Christ to come and conquer.

However, some Christians meet Jesus, become born again, and then say, "Now Jesus, I will fight off sin for you." And then they fall and stumble forgetting that it is Jesus who saves. We need Jesus to help us, and for Him to take our sins away. And so, whenever the Devil comes knocking on the door, the worst thing we can do is say, "No, no, no." Our first reaction should be to call for Jesus. "Please Lord, tell the Devil to leave me alone. Please come and save me." We do this, until we finally believe that Jesus has answered our prayer. When we finally do believe, we will say, "Thank you Jesus for helping me." And if we should fall weak and do sin, we must always hold onto the promise of Jesus, that we are forgiven for our sins.

Forgiveness is something accepted. It is a gift. We either accept it or reject it. Imagine if I had gone out and bought you a brand new car, and you looked at me and say, "I can't take that car. I don't deserve it." Would you then have the new car? No. And so, when Jesus comes and says, "You are forgiven," if you continue say, "I am not worthy" then you are rejecting God's forgiveness.

Have faith in Jesus and the cross and say, "I have victory over all sin because Jesus has died for me on the cross. Get away from me Satan!! Jesus has died for my sins." Always hold fast to your faith in Jesus Christ. Do not feel bad about yourself, or feel down. Jesus loves you and has saved you. You are free. God has lifted you up. Do not listen to these thoughts of the Devil that keep you down.

As far as "feelings" are concerned. You must realize that feelings are a result. They are something that happens after something else. First comes the fact or experience, then comes the feeling. What this means is that you must first have faith. Take a leap of faith. Believe in Jesus. And then, God will bless you with the feeling. However, you must first have faith.

The question is, do you believe Jesus Christ has died for your sins? Do you believe Jesus has the power to conquer sin in you? Do you believe Jesus has saved you?

If you can say "yes" to this, then you are saved.

You must always remember, it is not about you. It is not about what you do or say. It is always about Jesus. People will ask, "How do you know you are saved?" And you say, "because Jesus died for my sins."

Sometimes the Devil will come knocking on your mind's door, and He will say, "Look how horrible of a person you are. Look how you have sinned! You are terrible. You are not saved. You are going to Hell!" If you start to believe the Devil you will start to feel depressed and confused. You will start to have doubts. Instead, believe in Jesus. Tell the Devil, "Flee from me Satan!!Jesus has defeated you on the cross. You have no power over me. Jesus has saved me." And if the Devil continues to torment you, then call upon the name of Jesus. Call out to Jesus and pray, "My Lord, I know you love me. I know I have been forgiven because you have died for me. I know you are mine, and I am yours. Please help me, and tell the Devil to leave me alone."

One of the things that always helps me, is to remember that God is always with you. (Matthew 28:20) Jesus will never leave you. Jesus goes with you everywhere. He is continually by your side. He lives inside of you. He is with you at work, at school, at home, when you eat, when you use the bathroom, even when you sin. Jesus will never leave you.

However, like a heartbeat, some people forget Jesus is there. It is important to practice the presence of God. Acknowledge Jesus throughout your day. You can do this through short and quick prayers in your mind. Every so often say, "I love you Jesus. I know you are with me." Praying is always good. I pray around 7 times a day. This really helps me to stay in touch with God. I will tell Jesus whatever is on my heart. I confess everything to Him. All my thoughts, my sins, and my pleasures.

As you do these things, as you acknowledge Jesus, and draw close to Him, He will also bless you with confidence. As your faith grows, you will also feel like your are saved. But you should not worry about it. Jesus is the gardener. This means, He must take care of you, so that your faith will grow. You just need to enjoy His love and care.

I will also pray for you my brother,
May Christ be yours, now and forever,

In love,

Blake Kidney

 2006/3/30 8:49Profile

Joined: 2006/3/20
Posts: 235
fredericksburg, Virginia


This takes alot of courage to confess this to your brothers, I feel us as christians should take pointers, I know sometimes I do.

I was just reading Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor, for if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But Woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up."

thanks guys, and have a blessed day in the lord


Matt Kroelinger

 2006/3/30 9:04Profile

Joined: 2005/10/18
Posts: 490



I would encourage you to continue pressing in to the Lord. The devil is after your faith because if he can get that, he's got you.

Two of my favorite verses in scripture are Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I pray that you lean on Jesus because he will bring you through. I'm reminded of what Jesus told Peter in Luke 22 "And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired [to have] you, that he may sift [you] as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren."

I'm praying that the Lord God will sustain you during this season of sifting. Know that you're not alone in this process...

Ed Pugh

 2006/3/30 11:58Profile

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