I want to share part of my testimony from the last couple of months. I had a fine walk with the Lord the last couple of years and enjoyed freedom and peace of heart. Then the Lord showed me multiple areas of sin in my live that I hadn't seen before that strongly. I repented, but fell, I repented again and fell, etc.
Over and over again I saw that Christs victory is there, but I fell because of my own selfishness. I saw Christ as precious, the great Victor, Sheppard... but my selfishness drawed me to my sins.
I felt ashamed, struggling, sometimes near depression, broken. I confessed multiple times a day, but then I would fall again. My thoughts were a little bit like your's. My mind wanted God, but my heart seemed to long for sin.

What I did? The bible says (1 john 1:9) that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all iniquity.
The bible says that He doesn't DESIRE anyone to be lost but that ALL BE SAVED. His death is showing these truths.
I don't feel it a lot at this moment, but His word is above my feeling. I am still not blameless and sometimes sin in certain areas... but I look to Christ for my forgiveness and for victory over this. I look to Christ to change my heart more and more. Even my looking is not perfect, but still I look!

What is the fruit of the last couple of months?
- I see that I am selfish to the core and I need forgiveness and therefor the blood of Christ. I really need to remember the Lord's death.
- I see that I must stay really close to the Lord, even though I don't feel Him... because outside Him I have nothing and I am a 'monster of iniquity'.
- I see my pride is broken more and more.
- I see I trust my own strength less and less.
- The Lord is pleased to show His grace with the worst of men!
- The Lord wants to reform my mind through the word... but that's a process.
- I am less condemning to others.
- etc.

Maybe that's the reason that the Lord allows us to go to these trials. We sin, but the Lord keeps up to His promises of forgiving and cleansing.

So I have only one suggestion for you: draw near to the Lord even without feeling. You cannot make yourself better or change your heart or emotions, but you can come to Him. Seek rest and peace in Him. He will show you the way out of this. He will guide you, because that's what He does.

One thing I still want to share with you.
You say: my heart is hardened, but my mind longs for God. In biblical terms is that impossible because your mind is part of your heart. So if you love God with your mind, you can't be in the category of Hebrews 6.
The same with faro and Moses. Faro's heart was hardened and it showed because his mind wasn't able to change.

But your speak of a desire to know Christ and dwell with Christ. That's impossible if you 'fell from the faith'.

So there are to possibilities:
1) you are not saved, but know enough to bow the knee at this moment and repent, believe and be baptized.
2) you are saved but because of sin and/or deception there is darkness around you and the Lord has drawed back a little bit. If that's the case then the call is again to bow the knew and to repent and believe. Believe means to go to Him and trust Him (even if your feelings aren't agreeing) and to devote yourself again to Him.
But know that we will not be perfect, so sin may come... we may fall, but read 1 john 2:1-2! That's the solution!

I hope this will be a blessing. I am not worthy to be trusted or to be listened to, but trust the Lord and listen to His word. He will not fail you nor forsake you!

_________________
Wijnand de Ridder

Once the Lord shows us how hopeless and helpless we are without Jesus, we must turn our eyes away from self and onto Jesus.

All those that call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved (delivered). (Romans 10:13)

https://youtu.be/gYwFR8El_Eo

_________________
Mike

These last few days have caused me to doubt whether it is possible that could be in Christ or return.

I spoke with some brothers over the weekend that assured me that they believe that I am a believer and that there is no loss of salvation. However, I've found that when I feel confident in my salvation, I no longer seem to have any interest at all in the things of the Lord. Everything seems fine. No anxiety or fear. No sense of the reality of my need for Christ. No desire to pursue Christ. Just a desire to relax and have fun.

I've found myself feeling resistant from the heart to the Lord for the few days. Gritting my teeth at him. With a rage in my heart. I did a reading through Matthew last night with some people from church and found myself becoming angry as I was reading. My heart resisting the Scriptures and a rage against the Lord lighting in me.

It has progressively gotten worse especially today. I've had an anger today that has screamed, "I don't believe any of this. I should just leave. (the faith)" It hasn't bothered me on a deep level like it has in the past. I feel like I'm gripping onto no leaving with all my might but the Lord is not meeting me there.

Is this spiritual warfare or have I fallen away?

_________________
Tyler

Most of the discussion on this topic centers on what the true Gospel requires of us. The biblical answer begins with repentance, faith, baptism and continued, loyal obedience to Christ. But identifying what the Gospel requires of us is not the same thing as saying what the true Gospel actually is. This list of duties correctly identifies the proper response to the Gospel—not the Gospel itself.

The Gospel is a particular message of good tidings, heralded through Christ and the apostles (but only rarely by modern evangelists). It is called "the Gospel of the Kingdom" (e.g., Matt.4:23; 9:35; 24:14), because it is the proclamation of the presence of another Kingdom and another King—one Jesus (Luke 2:10-11; Isa.52:7; Acts 17:7; 20:25). This entire proclamation can be summarized by the original Christian confession: "Jesus is Lord [i.e., King]." This is what one must confess, in order to be saved (Rom.10:9). It is because He is the King that we must repent (of our former neglect of His lordship), trust Him, and be baptized into His alternative, royal society. Obedience is the obvious response to Lordship:

"Why do you call me 'Lord,' 'Lord,' and you do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46)

One is not saved by the perfection of his/her obedience, but by the determination to obey completely. This is what happens when one hears, believes, and does not rebel against the proclamation of Christ's Kingship. Baptism is the public submission to the Crown, and a pledge to loyally follow Him until death. Many reduce the Gospel to a decree of justification only. However, justification, in the context of the Kingdom of Christ, is simply the amnesty granted by the King to penitent rebels, as they return in submission to the Authority they formerly spurned.

One is not saved by 80% obedience—nor by 100% obedience (which actually is possible over short periods, by the way). One is saved by having genuinely embraced the King and the life that logically follows from having such a King. None obeys completely, but we are commanded to do so, and true disciples have every intention of doing so. Failure to obey completely is a breach of the King's law, but it is not, in itself, damning. To inadvertently violate the speed limit is not to renounce your citizenship. Likewise, a child is not disowned by his parents because he forgets to do a particular assigned chore. There is grace in this Kingdom for those whose disobedience springs from weakness, ignorance or temporary insanity (James 3:2), and not from rebellion (Matt.26:41).

The Gospel is not a message of performance-oriented acceptance with God. We are saved by the grace of the Crown, and we obey because we love the King. If we do not love the King, whatever begrudged obedience we may render is a sham. It is not salvation.

_________________
Todd

"Failure to obey completely is a breach of the King's law, but it is not, in itself, damning. To inadvertently violate the speed limit is not to renounce your citizenship. Likewise, a child is not disowned by his parents because he forgets to do a particular assigned chore. There is grace in this Kingdom for those whose disobedience springs from weakness, ignorance or temporary insanity (James 3:2), and not from rebellion (Matt.26:41)."

Can salvation be lost?
I don't know how to explain the condition of my heart other than that I have lost my salvation.

_________________
Tyler

The question you must ask yourself is this:

“If my salvation is lost, do I want to find it again?”

Or could you care less?

The fact that you are posting all this leads me to believe that you DO care.

There is nothing you can do to save yourself. You are going to need to call on the name of the Lord for only He can save you.

But He will not be mocked. Don’t call on the Lord if you have no intention of doing what He says. (“why do you call me Lord and not do what I say?”) He is the King and your allegiance is to Him alone.

Your focus is on yourself- what you believe you have lost. Rather, your focus should be on Him- what has HE lost?

We come to Jesus for HIS sake, not ours.

_________________
Todd

Bathelter. I don’t know you, we don’t know each other, I don’t want to preach at you, I only want to suggest to you I believe you have a demon or demons, and the first step is to cast them out. May I suggest you find a godly humble brother who knows the lord and is filled with the Spirit, who can bring some people together, and have a prayer meeting arranged and cast them out in Jesus name. Then you can move on from there.

_________________
Elias