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philologos
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Joined: 2003/7/18
Posts: 6566
Reading, UK

 Re: On the Lighter Side

One of our number has begun to use baseball terms as illustrations. Personally I have avoided using cricketin metaphors so as not to confuse the colonials. However, in case I do have to revert to cricketing illustrations I thought a simple explanation of the game might help a little. Its not really very complicated

You have two sides one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that goes in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.

When both sides have been in and out including not outs, that's the end of the game.

I hope that makes things a little clearer, Clutch. :-D


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Ron Bailey

 2004/1/22 12:50Profile
crsschk
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Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re:

Quote:
so as not to confuse the colonials


Well, this help's! :-?

Next up, an explanation of 'offside's' in Hockey...


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Mike Balog

 2004/1/22 17:03Profile
crsschk
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Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re: Animal Journals

[u]FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:[/u]

8:00 am. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!


[u]FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:[/u]


Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.


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Mike Balog

 2004/1/25 8:47Profile
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 Re:


[b]A Prayer Upon Waking[/b]
Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.

I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!

But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on,
I'm probably going to need a lot of help.

Thank you! Amen.


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SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2004/2/15 8:20Profile
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 Re:

[img]https://www.sermonindex.net/images/forum2/99.gif[/img]
If you don't mind, I was talking to this bush!

[b]Exodus 3:1-5[/b] - Now Moses kept the flock of Jethro his father in law, the priest of Midian: and he led the flock to the backside of the desert, and came to the mountain of God, even to Horeb. And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed. And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt. And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I. And he said, Draw not nigh hither: put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.


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SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2004/2/15 9:29Profile
moreofHim
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Joined: 2003/10/15
Posts: 1632


 Re:

I'm allowed to post this because I AM blond. :-D

Two young blonde women are sitting at a table in a coffe shoppe in such an obviously celebratory mood that a man drifts over intending to offer to buy them a coffee. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the man says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"

Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"


:-) ~Chanin


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Chanin

 2004/3/11 18:12Profile
moreofHim
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 Re: letter from a farm kid

LETTER FROM A FARM KID . . . . NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS, RECRUIT DEPOT

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are.

Tell Brother Walt and Brother elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. He thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6'' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8'' and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Gail


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Chanin

 2004/4/15 20:46Profile
crsschk
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Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re:

That's [i]really[/i] good!
I have to send this to my Pa...

Thanks Chanin :-D


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Mike Balog

 2004/4/15 20:51Profile
moreofHim
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Joined: 2003/10/15
Posts: 1632


 Re: Baptist Dog

Baptist Dog
-------------------
A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.

They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife.

"Fetch the Bible," he commanded the dog. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

"Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw.

The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses.

The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular tricks, too?"

"I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "Heel!" the pastor commanded.

The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "My goodness! He's Pentecostal!" :-D


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Chanin

 2004/5/30 9:34Profile
Tears_of_joy
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Joined: 2003/10/30
Posts: 1554


 Re: In God's Army

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always was to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

So the Pastor questioned, "Then how come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."

 2004/5/30 12:30Profile





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