I respect what everyone else has written, however you wanted a way out of this vexation of soul, as simple as it may seem if you'll "do" what I wrote for just 3 months the desired results will follow. To the super spiritual who say wait on God for a specific plan/deliverence/word, I say that a ship moving in the waters of life is easier to steer than one sitting still. You need to be doing something for Christ with other believers on a regular weekly basis, even if it's not what God has specifically called you to as your lifes work, "START" somewhere and get submitted to good leadership and you'll look back months latter and realize like the 10 lepers that the Lord has already healed you, than you'll be faced with some decisions as concerns your response and relationship to Jesus. As it is right now you can't focus on or hear anything other than what distresses you, including all the advice you have recieved thus far. You need to get busy "Doing", in a structured environment, something for the Lord. The choice is yours.

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D.Miller

The Lord was in control with the situation with your wife. Your sin in not in what you did then, but is in what you are doing now. Your focus has turned entirely upon yourself and what you suppose as your sin - thereby turning from God and opening up yourself to attack. Your selfishness and self pity is in fact bringing upon yourself that which you are running from. Jesus Christ died to set you free - but you must believe that what He has done is greater than what you have done. Do not trust in the council of men - turn back unto Him - turn back to the Arms that once held you so dear.


John 8:36
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

I just started listening to this sermon
- it sounds like it may be perfect for your situation.

The Humble Will Soon Hear Your Song by Carter Conlon

If Paul the apostle counciled a believing wife to stay with the unbelieving husband (as long as he'll have her), why wouldn't the same be true in the believing husband verses the unbelieving wife?

>>>>>>[i had someone email me and tell me the best thing i could do is leave my unsaved wife and my parents house for a whole year and then come back and if their is no change then stay away still. What do you guys think.Please pray if this is what God wants then i will do it, pray that he opens a door for that to happen.]

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D.Miller

i will heed to all of what you all said and start reading the scriptures more than i do. I am really going to try to have the strength to not give in so easily. I am concerned if i am truly saved too, maybe i have been going through for a year so God could let me know i was never saved in the first place, i want to be saved, i am just shaken that i might not be saved. I was convinced that i was saved for 4 years until the past 6 months.

Now reading is fine, we are to study to show ourselves approved, but that's not salvation. Jesus called the disciples to follow Him, Luke added take up your cross daily and follow Him, as they followed Him He taught them, lessons and things about Himself, to observant the very acts He performed told them things about who Jesus was. If you want set free, you'll get active in some regular weekly out reach, food and clothing ministry for example, where you can help behind the scenes and be part of a team ministry effort, maybe visiting nursing homes with others or something. The lessons you'll learn and the vision you will see of Jesus will last a lifetime, and in time when you look back you'll see that while you were out doing for the Lord He was in doing for you. It's so simple, just try it, you don't need a law that says youre not reading or praying enough, thats bondage, just simply get involved and reach out in love in some sort of ministry, thats all. His burden is light and His yoke is easy, there is rest there, just follow Him.

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D.Miller

Hesitate to pile on here ...

John, first off this;

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Mike Balog

Amen, to what brother Chris and others wrote about striving to love your wife as Christ loved the church. How much does He love the church ? Immeasurably so !!

One thing I don’t talk about often but which I felt might relate somewhat to your situation, John, is my experience growing up with my parents. Although my home life was far less difficult than what some people have experienced, who have been abused etc, it was challenging nonetheless. My mother is an extremely godly woman, a woman of prayer. My dad has not been kind to her over the years, and her years have been spent putting up with a great deal of anger and belittling. In all of this, she has stayed with my dad, because she believed this was what God wanted her to do, because she dearly loved us, her kids, and because she loved my dad. This, I sometimes found quite amazing; that she could love him, after all that he had done to her. But I can honestly say that she TRULY loves him, not in the ‘I love you because you make me feel good’ sort of way but, ‘ I love you because I’ve committed myself to you as a person and I am willing to lay down my life for you’. I cannot honestly say that I have ever known anyone in my life who has so ardently taken up the biblical admonition to ‘lay down your life for others’. My mother has prayed for my dad for years and continues to do so, hours on end, as she believes that he needs to be saved. She also demonstrates an unwavering commitment to the principle that God is no respecter of persons, as she often befriends people who much of the rest of society would scarcely give the time of day. I pray for such a love as hers to be mine also ! I believe that it is Christ’s love that motivates her to love my dad the way that she does.

John 12:24,25
24 Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. 25 He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.

In Christ,
John

i appreciate all your advice . I am not trying to profane the christian name and anger you. i have been honest with you. The woman who responded to me in the email it scared me, because i began to think about the times when i thought the Lord was telling me to leave my wife before we were married and i just felt like he didn't want me to be with her. So when i heard say that i started to think what if God is speaking through her. But i even brought up to the girl doesn't Paul exhort us to stay with the unbelieving wife. I have been going through this since last june of 2007 i know what i have been through and what i am going through now. I have prayed and prayed and prayed and cried to the Lord. I have read the scriptures more in the past year then i ever have. I read the whole new testament and almost finished the old testament all in this year. Also reading scriptures for other circumstances, so reading the Bible i have done and during these problems. I have went through my sins and repented of them all on more than one occasion. I have got on my knees and cried and and begged for mercy that i can't do it anymore. I have prayed that Jesus would save me, convict me of my sins to save me, that he would take over all of my life. I feel like if i sin even once now that these demons start attacking my mind ten times worse and i go through a huge trial all over. I have to almost live perfectly so i don't get attacked. Really i have already seen many others get sick of my problems and stop talking to me and i would like to say be my guest because i have already had others doing so in my life. I don't know if God is telling them to leave me or what but it hurts a lot if they didn't know. I am being truthful i love and care about you guys and i don't want you to shun me or get tired of me, i want you to be here for me and i want people to understand things i am going through and encourage me.

I know I have already posted that what you could be experiencing is severe anxiety. The only reason I am saying this is because much of what you are saying you are experiencing- I have also experienced when I was dealing with anxiety/panic disorder 2 years ago. I am not a medical doctor but I do know what I had to go through to recover.

Dealing with irrational, dark thoughts. Your feelings of unreality and fear. Your over analyzing everything including yourself and your salvation. Your feeling you can’t ever be ‘good enough’ or sinless enough. Classic symptoms of anxiety. You already mentioned your history of panic attacks and fear- so we know that you are prone to these. I also was prone to fear and to panic and anxiety before it became extreme a couple of years ago. All it took was 2 life altering things to happen in my life to put me over the edge. And I say all this was when I had a wonderful relationship with the Lord. But the Lord has so much more to teach me- about Himself, about fear, and about how our minds and thoughts work.

It is amazing how our minds and thought life are wired to our physical being. Our thoughts effect our physical sensations and our physical health. I had all kinds of physical symptoms from my anxiety and had no idea where it was all coming from. Aches and pains, tingling sensations and some numbness, feeling spacey or dizzy. Difficulty breathing at times. If I thought something was wrong with me- I could actually produce pain in that area just because I was constantly thinking about it. (You have to remember that at this time I had been diagnosed with melanoma and was so worried about my health).

After my scare with melanoma, I found out that my husband was unfaithful. I dealt with it ok at first, but about a year later it took it’s toll on my nervous system. I had a nervous breakdown which looked and felt like the longest and worst panic attack I’d ever had. I didn’t sleep for almost 10 days straight because my adrenalin was running so high. I was terrified that I was going crazy. I felt as though I was falling into a pit of darkness and I would just die. I did not know what was happening to me. I would have sworn that it was demonic. That all the demons of hell were tormenting me- and maybe they were because I was giving them permission. I did not know at that time that my mind needed to be completely renewed in this area. I had no idea that I was scaring myself and causing myself to experience all of these physical symptoms and mental anguishes.

I am so thankful to the Lord that He rescued me!

I eventually learned about I was thinking unbiblical, negative thoughts. That I was giving place to fear in my life. I learned that I had hidden feelings of bitterness toward my husband that were also fanning the flame of anxiety (and giving foothold to the enemy).

I don’t want to make this post any longer than necessary, but if you think that you might relate to anything I am saying here please visit my blog on this page here: [url=http://www.xanga.com/NewSurrender?nextdate=4%2f29%2f2008+21%3a34%3a52.937&direction=n]NewSurrender[/url]

Please scroll down and start reading at the April 24th entry and then go up from there. I hope this might help you in some way. Or maybe it will help someone else.

Just so you know, I am almost completely recovered. Medication free. And God is being faithful to heal my marriage! I still struggle a bit with anxiety here and there. But I know what it is and what to do. God is so faithful but we have to do some hard work to get there.

Many on here have given some great advice already- staying busy, helping others, loving others (including your wife) , not focusing so much on yourself, reading scriptures. But I know where I was 2 years ago I needed practical tools that could help me. I could read the scriptures but I was so afraid of what was happening to me that the scriptures did not penetrate like they could have. But eventually they did.

The Lord is going to teach you an amazing amount through this trial if you will trust Him and be willing to work hard on this and not dismiss it as the ‘devil’.

Praying for you!

In Christ, Chanin

[url=http://www.xanga.com/NewSurrender]NewSurrender[/url]

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Chanin