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IWantAnguish
Member



Joined: 2006/6/15
Posts: 343


 Re:

Yes... I've counted the cost of what it will take on my behalf... In all my selfishness of wanting to be born again, I've completely forgotten to see things through the eyes of Jesus...

I feel as if the Son of God asking me...

"Sure you've counted the cost on your behalf, but have you counted the cost of what I went through for you ? The humiliation of being beaten and spit on, naked and bleeding, scourged for the sake of righteousness... The Son of God doing this for you, being put on the cross... do you actually realize my torment, what it cost ME?"

I need to pray


_________________
Sba

 2006/6/17 15:58Profile
IWantAnguish
Member



Joined: 2006/6/15
Posts: 343


 Re:

'I feel lonely without hope, I feel desperate without vision...'

I'm getting desperate you guys...

God I know you can save me... what's holding You back... what's holding me back... what's going on ?

'I feel I'm drowning... my arms are just too tired to swim... I feel like I'm sinking... on my knees again'


_________________
Sba

 2006/6/17 20:23Profile
Logic
Member



Joined: 2005/7/17
Posts: 1791


 Re:

IWantAnguish wrote:

Quote:
'I feel lonely without hope, I feel desperate without vision...'

I'm getting desperate you guys...

God I know you can save me... what's holding You back... what's holding me back... what's going on ?

'I feel I'm drowning... my arms are just too tired to swim... I feel like I'm sinking... on my knees again'


This is what He is waiting for....for you to absolutly give up, with out strength.

Your problen seems to be that you are wanting to act or even feel like a christian when you are not.
Quote:
I've been saying Christ... save me... "Save you from what ?" My sins God... "What sins?" All of them... "I don't think you're willing to give it all up, you haven't counted the cost."


You will not be saved from your sins, [b]you will be saved from Gods' wrath.[/b]
He will make you not accountable for your sins.

Counting the cost is a no brainer if you think about it.
[b]Matthew 10:28[/b] [color=990000]And do not fear those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul; [b]but rather fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in Gehenna.[/b][/color]
[b]Matthew 16:25[/b] [color=990000]For whoever desires to save his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake shall find it.[/color]
[b]Matthew 13:12[/b] [color=990000]For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he shall have abundance; [b]but whoever has not, from him even what he has shall be taken away.[/b][/color]

Quote:
while doing this, I felt 'horizontal repentance.' I felt wrong towards fellow man, but towards God, there was none, except 'sorry God'


The knowlage of the wrong towards HIM was there, what els do you thing you need?
Quote:
Look at me, this wretched self that I am. I look at this sheet of paper, and I say to myself, 'No, God, not this one...


Why do you think getting rid of sins will make you any better off in GODs' sight.
He will only see you through HIS perfect son.

 2006/6/17 21:28Profile
IWantAnguish
Member



Joined: 2006/6/15
Posts: 343


 Re:

Yes... Was listening to a sermon and felt the repeated theme of godly sorrow works repentance. Fear towards God for breaking the divine Law.

I need to pray...

Sinners in the hands of an angry God... preach to me Jonathan !


_________________
Sba

 2006/6/17 21:37Profile
voloscire
Member



Joined: 2006/6/17
Posts: 2


 Re:

Back again; isn't that nice? Your honesty drew me back - post #2:

Quote:
God I know you can save me... what's holding You back... what's holding me back... what's going on ?


Sam, Sam...IWantAnguish: how anguished you truly sound. Although you'll just be reading words and I doubt it means much, I'm crying for you, with my eyes and my soul...and I'm glad so many people have offered you comfort and understanding and advice with your thread.
All of my words are stuck and all I can hope is that you can feel the compassion I feel for you.

 2006/6/17 22:30Profile
IWantAnguish
Member



Joined: 2006/6/15
Posts: 343


 Re:

Please everyone, speak nothing to me of grace and love and the sacrifice of Christ.

Only speak to me of how I deserve to be in hell.

I believe that it is this sub-conscience belief in the depth of my soul, that God is somehow endeared to treat me to everlasting life, that somehow God owes me something, I believe that this is holding me back from understanding the grace of God.

Speak to me of the righteousness of God, please.
Speak to me of the Holiness of God.
Speak to me of the Judgement of God.

Only this way, may my hard heart be broken, and may I finally be humbled before God.

All this talk of grace and love has hardened my heart beyond comprehension. I agree with Finney when he states, that without breaking the heart, and plowing the soil, messages of Christs sacrifice will only harden the heart evermore.


_________________
Sba

 2006/6/17 22:47Profile
Christinyou
Member



Joined: 2005/11/2
Posts: 3710
Ca.

 Re:

Sam, all your judgment was put on Jesus Christ at the Cross. You of all people can see what an unrepentant heart can do to people. You feel the depth of your sin and God see's it. You don't even know how deceived you are by saying you want to feel the deserving of Hell. There is only one that felt that and it was Jesus Christ on the Cross, crucified for you that you might be crucified with Him. If you believe the Bible, then believe this; Galatians 2:20-21 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain. If you believe on the nave of the Son of God Jesus Christ, you will be saved. If you do not believe on His Name, You won't be saved. 1 John 5:11-13 And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God. Do you believe on His Name.

If the answer is yes, it is done and you are a son of God, crucified with Jesus Christ on the Cross and God see's you as dead to sin as He is, even though He had all the sin of the world on His being, hanging on the Cross, for all your sin and mine and the whole world was on Him. When He died our sin died with Him and all we can do for salvation is believe it.

When His dead head fell on those bloody shoulders it was truly finished. He is now given us birth by His Own Spirit being put in us that we might live unto God His Father and ours that believe. You must see yourself on that cross with Him, and realize that you were crucified with Him. You have already received the ultimate penalty for all your sin. You were crucified with Him and now by His Life in you, you are free from sin, Oh you still have an unregenerate mind but even that will change line upon line and precept upon precept, because you now have the Mind of Christ. 1Cr 2:16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.

You cannot understand the things of God without a teacher and the new Mind to go with Him. Your teacher is the Holy Spirit who will teach you all things pertaining to Godliness which is in Christ Jesus who when you believe is born again in your spirit. You now have the Spirit of Christ in you. Eph 1:17 That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: The Christ in you is your wisdom, righteousness, sanctification and justification. Not anything you do or can do or will do. 1 Corinthians 1:30-31 But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Sam, Glory in the Lord, He is your all.
Your Teacher will show you this. Jhn 14:16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

Jhn 14:26 But the Comforter, [which is] the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

Jhn 15:26 But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, [even] the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me:

May you see your death on the Cross with Christ that you may live to God through Him.

In Christ Jesus whom we were crucified with and are as dead to sin as He is, That is how Your and my Father God see's us. Phillip


_________________
Phillip

 2006/6/17 23:21Profile
crsschk
Member



Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re:

One evening, when wrestling hard with God in prayer,
my soul was silenced by these words being applied
with power to my soul--"This is My beloved Son, in
whom I am well pleased; hear Him!"

I was instantly led by the blessed Spirit in the exercise
of faith to look on Him whom my sins had pierced, and
exclaimed, "This is my beloved Savior, I want no more!
This is my Friend and my Brother, my Lord and my God!"

What a sin-killing, self-abasing sight! Every high thought
and towering imagination fell down flat before Him like
Dagon before the ark. When I saw, by the eye of faith,
His pierced hands and feet, and that He shed His blood
for me--so interesting did the sight appear that I was
lost to every other thought--as if I were the only sinner
in the world that had been the procuring cause of His
sufferings. Now I could say--"Lord, I have heard of You
many times by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye
sees You; therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust
and ashes!"

Then did the Lord bind up my wounded spirit by pouring
in oil and wine as fast as I could receive it, one passage
of Scripture after another being applied to my soul so
fraught with comfort and divine consolation.

From the autobiography of Frances Wernham


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Mike Balog

 2006/6/18 0:27Profile
IWantAnguish
Member



Joined: 2006/6/15
Posts: 343


 Re:

Hmm... was just recently talking to a friend of mine, who has been helping me through my struggles... and I came upon the feeling that I could identify with the elder son in the parable of the Prodigal Son...

I can't understand my father's love towards the prodigal brother because, I, Myself, have never left the home and experienced the 'lost' feeling that the brother had. I haven't experienced the father's grace because I feel that I haven't sinned against my father.

What will it take... must I go out and sin in order for myself to know how sinful I am?

If that's what it's going to take, I will do it.

rahhhhhhhh


_________________
Sba

 2006/6/18 1:41Profile
Christinyou
Member



Joined: 2005/11/2
Posts: 3710
Ca.

 Re:

Sam, Quote; "What will it take... must I go out and sin in order for myself to know how sinful I am?

If that's what it's going to take, I will do it.

rahhhhhhhh"



I thought you were serious about your thoughts about God. Now you sound like a small child that is having a tantrum because he did not get his way. You can only push God so far and He will push back. You won't like the disciplining of a son. I guarantee it. I have been disciplined to the point that I did not think I could take any more. Then is when it got serious. If you want to challenge God, guess who will win. The prodigal son was feeding the pigs and it was the only thing he had to eat also, then is when he went to his father. The elder son was worse off in his self pride than the Prodigal son, who was honest on his knees before his father.

When you first started this abasement of yourself I thought you were being honest. Well with your last post I can see you are not and only set on your own self worth and want God to be servant in your petty manipulation of words and thoughts in deceiving others to believe you are sincere. You don't need any training in sin, it is apparent. I will still pray for you in the hopes you will someday see your death on the Cross of Christ and become a child of God. Every knee will bow and yours will be one of them, as mine will also.

Tell me How Christ died and I will show you How He lives in the spirit's, hearts, and lives of believers that Love Him. Even in that it is His Love in them that give us the ability.

In The Love of Christ: Phillip


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Phillip

 2006/6/18 2:21Profile





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