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Act unbecomingly ("unseemly" KJV) (807) (aschemoneo from aschemon = uncomely, indecent from a = without + schema = outward shape, external form) is literally contrary to schema or form, fashion, or manner of what is proper. The idea is to behave in an ugly, indecent, unseemly or unbecoming manner. To be ill-mannered or rude. Love does none of these things.
Aschemoneo speaks of an act in defiance of social and moral standards, with resulting disgrace, embarrassment, and shame. It describes one who acts improperly or with rudeness. It means to behave unmannerly, disgracefully or dishonorably.
Love is tactful, and does nothing that would raise a blush. R C H Lenski reasons that...
When pride puffs up the heart, unseemly bearing and conduct naturally follow. Tactlessness forgets its own place and fails to accord to others their proper dues of respect, honor, or consideration. Love is forgetful of self and thoughtful toward others. (Lenski, R. C. H. The interpretation of St. Paul's First and Second epistle to the Corinthians. Minneapolis, MN.: Augsburg Publishing House)
G. G. Findlay alluding to aschemoneo writes that...
Love imparts a delicacy of feeling beyond the rules of politeness
The only other NT use of aschemoneo is found in...
1Corinthians 7:36 But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she should be of full age, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. (Comment: Here aschemoneo means to defy moral standards act disgracefully, behave improperly)
Paul uses the opposite word (euschemon) in 1Cor 7:35 which speaks of that which has an attractive form and is comely or befitting of proper behavior. And it is worth noting that such decent behavior does not stop with words and attitude but also pertains to one’s apparel and appearance. True love strives to conduct itself in conduct in harmony with the established norms of decency in every aspect of life.
Paul is saying that true Christian love never behaves in an ugly, indecent, unseemly or unbecoming manner. And remember that although we have the idea that these passages are standard fare in the marriage ceremony (where they certainly are applicable), the truth is that the Corinthian church was manifesting rudeness Rudeness found in the problem of women in worship (1Cor 11:2-16), in regard to the disorders surrounding the Lord’s Supper (1Cor 11:17-22), and in regard to the general organization of worship (1Cor 14:26-33).
The principle has to do with poor manners and thus with acting rudely. It describes the person who does not care enough for those it is around to act becomingly or politely. It cares nothing for their feelings or sensitivities. This loveless person is careless, overbearing, and often crude. The Corinthian church was a model of unbecoming behavior and acting unseemly was almost their "trademark". Nearly everything the Corinthian church did was rude and unloving, even their celebration of the Lord's Supper...
for in your eating each one takes his own supper first; and one is hungry and another is drunk. (1Cor 11:21)
During worship services each one of the Corinthians tried to outdo the other in speaking in tongues. Everyone talked at once and tried to be the most dramatic and prominent. The church did everything improperly and in disorder.
Thiselton does not hold back commenting that...
Love does not elbow its way into conversations, worship services, or public institutions in a disruptive, discourteous, attention-seeking way... The background here may allude to the intrusion of tongues or prophecies at inappropriate moments (cf. 1Cor 14). But today it may also include any kind of monopolizing of a congregation’s time and attention in the service of the self: in the tone, style, and vocabulary adopted in notices or sermons, or, worst of all, the minister as over familiar chat-show host or “prophet” of ill-mannered rebuke. (Thiselton, A. C. The First Epistle to the Corinthians : A Commentary on the Greek Text. Grand Rapids, Mich.: W. B. Eerdmans)
Steven Cole relates a tragic illustration...
I read of a man who was generally lacking in manners. He never opened the car door for his wife. “She doesn’t have two broken arms,” he would say. After many years of marriage, his wife died. At the funeral, as the pallbearers brought her casket out to the hearse, the husband was standing by the car door. The funeral director, who knew the husband by name, called out to him and said, “Open the door for her, will you?” He reached for the car door and then, for one second, froze. He realized that he had never opened the door for her in life; now, in her death, it would be the first, last, and only time. A lifetime of regret came crashing down around him. Love is not rude. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Zodhiates - The Greek word schema means "shape or plan," as reflected in our English words "scheme, schematic." It refers not to the substance of a thing or person but to its outward appearance, the shape it takes before others. Paul is concerned not only with the Christian's character but also with the way he expresses this character outwardly. Some Christians think it makes no difference whether they speak bluntly or tactfully, as long as they speak the truth. Paul says the manner of our speech and actions does make a difference. "Seemliness suggests the ideas of tact and delicacy, judgment and propriety.... It relates to shape rather than substance. It is the pattern and not the fabric" (Ainsworth, The Silences of Jesus and St. Paul's Hymn to Love, 157, 158). When we buy clothing, we are concerned not only with getting the best quality of cloth but the most becoming suit or dress. We are interested in how our clothes make us look. God is interested not only in our possessing the divine fabric of love but also in the attractiveness of the pattern love takes in our lives—not only in our being right but in our doing rightly. Much Christian behavior is shapeless, even ugly. But those who come before the Lord must have not only a pure heart but clean hands. Their behavior is to be as graceful and unoffending as their principles are true. Some people even boast about their bluntness, as though it were a virtue to "slap people in the face" with the truth. Their friends defend them by saying, "They mean well." That is not enough, Paul tells us. We must not only mean well but appear well. We must grace the gospel of love that we are so zealous to propagate. No man has a right to be blunt in his speech and shapeless and ugly in his behavior, no matter how right his beliefs may be. When unseemly behavior arises from envy, when pride makes us self-assertive, when our lust for praise leads us to trample on others that we may display ourselves, we are behaving "unseemly." The person in the church of Corinth who caused public disturbance by speaking in an unknown tongue without any useful purpose is a good example of what Paul is warning about here. Seemliness "is, if you like, the etiquette of the Christian life" (Ibid.,158). The social world has its heroes and role models. We Christians have Christ speaking through the apostle Paul to guide us to life's higher goals. So often we do good badly. We blunder and stumble along in the right direction. We practice one virtue at the expense of another. Our honesty flouts our charity. Our candor outstrips our sympathy. Our earnestness threatens our patience....Unseemliness is often the result of balance in our inner life. We need something to co-ordinate for us all the forms of good and all the forces of right. And only love is equal to that task.... love confers upon [the Christian] powers of insight and feeling... that teach him to utter the truth wisely and to do good in the best way. Thus love and seemliness are inseparable.
Love has no unloveliness. And since there are so many unlovely things in the fashion of our daily service, we can but judge that we know not love yet as we should know it, that we love not yet as we ought to love.... But for each of us each hour there is but one best way; and it is because, whilst holding to the principle, we so often miss the best way of obeying it, that our lives are often ungracious and even ineffective.... There is so much awkward piety, so much blundering goodwill, so much unattractive sanctity, so much unlovely religion (Ibid.,161-64). Love has an instinctive power of self-adjustment to every situation. But remember that it is the highest and holiest adjustment. There is a false seemliness that is secured by a tactful but immoral acceptance of things as we find them. It is not of this that Paul speaks. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" may make your lot easier in Rome, but the wrong application of the principle behind it is a cloak for half the sin of the world. The world says that the thing that is outwardly seemly is the thing that is always right. This is the reverse of what Paul says. He tells us that the right must find a way of being seemly without sacrificing its essential rightness.
John Wesley once had for a traveling companion an officer who was intelligent and agreeable in conversation; but there was one serious drawback—his profanity. When they changed vehicles, Wesley took the officer aside and, after expressing the pleasure he had enjoyed in his company, said he had a great favor to ask him. The young officer replied, "I will take great pleasure in obliging you, for I am sure you will not make an unreasonable request." "Then," said Wesley, "as we have to travel together some distance, I beg that, if I should so far forget myself as to swear, you will kindly reprove me." The officer immediately saw the motive and felt the force of the request and smiling said. "None but Mr. Wesley could have conceived a reproof in such a manner." It worked like a charm.
Love does not say that the end justifies the means, but since the end is love the means should also be lovely and loving. It does not do to separate between the fashion of life and the spirit of it, or to say of a man who continually offends others that he means well. Love does not blunder in its treatment of others. Love is not tactless. Love says the proper thing at the proper time, in the loving way. Some Christians mean well, but they fail to put themselves in the other person's place. As a consequence, they affect people like a red-hot iron. When you are in their company, you tremble; you never know what they will say next. Have you done anything indiscreet? Then be certain that they will find and publish it. No doubt they mean well. If they are our friends, we apologize for them and say, "It's just their way." But if that is all we can say for a man, then it is not much. To a person who says, "I always pride myself on saying just what I think," we might recount the story of the man who said to his pastor, "My talent is to speak my mind." Replied the preacher, "That is a good talent to bury." (An Exegetical Commentary on First Corinthians)
Bible.org Admin - 1 Corinthians 13
1. God’s Love Is Incarnational - God entered into our world and demonstrated love in a way we could visualize - understand. We must go where young people are and where they live out their lives. This in itself will demonstrate to our young people our love for them.
2. God’s Love Is Patient - We must not make impatient demands but allow young people to grow at their own pace.
3. God’s Love Is Kind - We must be gentle and sensitive to the needs and hurts of young people. We must allow them to be teenagers and not demand that they be something else.
4. God’s Love Is Not Jealous - Our supreme concern must be for our young people’s growth and not that they just attend our youth program or our activities.
5. God’s Love Does Not Brag and Is Not Arrogant - We must not spend our energies building up ourselves, but remember that servanthood is making the other person successful.
6. God’s Love Does Not Act Unbecomingly - We are not to try to act like teenagers. Teens do not want leaders who act like them, but leaders who act like leaders.
7. God’s Love Does Not Seek Its Own - Our desire must be to put others first. If we cannot do this then we cannot expect our young people to do it either.
8. God’s Love Is Not Provoked - At times this becomes a great difficulty, but we must learn as the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 2. He stated that in every disappointment he learned to use that situation to reaffirm love for the person who disappoints him.
9. God’s Love Does Not Take Into Account a Wrong Suffered - Jesus suffered much wrong and rejection and we, too, must be willing to experience that same suffering.
10. God’s Love Rejoices With the Truth - Our young people will easily see our values by what we get most excited about.
11. God’s Love Bears and Believes All Things - We must expect the best and see people as God sees people - for the potential they can become with Christ’s help.
12. God’s Love Hopes All Things - We need to memorize Philippians 4:8 and recite it daily to ourselves.
13. God’s Love Endures All Things - Many heartaches will come our way, and the desire to give up and quit will often pass through our minds. But God’s love for us endures even our shortcomings. How can we do any less' (1 Corinthians 13 - Bible.org)
IT DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN: ou zetei (3SPAI) ta heautes: (1Cor 10:24,33; 12:25; Romans 14:12, 13, 15; 15:1,2; Galatians 5:13; 6:1,2; Philippians 2:3, 4, 5,21; 2Timothy 2:10; 1John 3:16,17)
(love) does not insist on its own way (NRSV),
(love) never seeks its own advantage (NJB)
it does not take offence or store up grievances (NJB)
It does not insist on its own way (ESV)
Selfless love is not selfish and never demands its "rights".
(love) is never selfish (Moffatt)
(love never) seeks its own advantage
(love) is not preoccupied with the interests of the self (Thiselton)
Not (3756) (ou) is the strongest Greek particle for negation, signifying direct and full negation, independently and absolutely, and hence, objectively.
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