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I met a Captain Newland, who, evidently had been regenerated, born again, forty years before I knew him. Yet he was entirely unconscious of it. He said he prayed for forty years for conviction for sin. He had never half seen his sins, as he believed. And how could he be converted until he was convicted more than he had ever been? When the church had communion, he would sit to one side, and look on, and often say, "How I wish I was worthy to be one of them!" How he wanted to observe the ordinances, if he could only experience religion!
No society he enjoyed as he did the society of God's people; yet he had no idea that he was a Christian. In this state he had lived on all these years.
I finally asked him if there had never been a time in earlier life that he had thought at that time it was possible he had been born again. He thought not. He would give worlds, if he had them, if he could become a Christian.
I then related to him my weak Christian experience. That I could not tell when the Holy Spirit took possession of my heart; that I had gone alone a great many times, and prayed for a deeper sense of my sins; that I would often find myself trying to sing almost as soon as I got off of my knees. I would go back and pray again for conviction, but could never have it as I desired.
I finally discovered one little ray of evidence of a change. It was this. I knew I felt different towards those that acted like Christians. I wanted to be with them, and hear them speak of their experience. I read in the Scriptures: "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren " (that is, experienced Christians). I knew I loved a Christian as well as I knew I loved my mother. No matter when or how it came into my heart, it was there. With this little ray I joined the church, and started in the service of Christ. Now my hope is clear and bright.
He looked at me with surprise.
"Do you think you are a Christian? " he said. " I have had all you speak of."
Finding that his church home would be among the Baptists, if anywhere, I recommended him to go with me to the church at their next church meeting, and tell the church just how he had felt, and what he had done during all these years, and I would be present, and charge the church to vote in his case just as they were willing to meet at the Judgment.
"If you will do that, I will go," he said.
The church voted unanimously to receive him. They then told him they were as ready to receive him twenty years ago as they had been that day.
As the church had no pastor, I baptized him. He went to work actively in Christ's cause. Soon he became a deacon in that church, and I had much rather have his hope to meet God with than many a self-confident professor.
Going over the country as I have, I have found a great many men and women in the same state--"unconscious Christians," I could feel, as it were, a spiritual pulse beating in their bosoms, yet they feel no evidence of regeneration. Like Lazarus, after Christ restored him to life, his heart beating, his blood coursing, yet he had no light. The napkin was about his eyes. "Loose him," said the Saviour, "and let him go."
So I have found a multitude who only needed to have the napkin taken off, and all was light. They are unconscious Christians. Others have evidence of the conversion of these persons, but they are not satisfied themselves, and need help. Let me say to Christians who have light, ascertain, if you can, if there are those among you in this state of doubt and darkness. "Loose him, and let him go." -- A. B. Earle, From: "Incidents Used ... In His Meetings," published in 1888
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