Testimonies

Freedom From Deception By Jasmine Chong I was born a Singaporean Chinese in the Year 1983, into a Taoist family. I was automatically made me a Taoist by birth. I was a big troublemaker since I was a baby, crying endlessly, and refusing to allow anyone to carry me except those people whose faces I recognize. As such, my grandmother suggested bringing me to a fortune- teller to see my fortune, and my mother agreed, worried for my future. The fortuneteller told my mother that I was an unlucky sort of baby, and most probably would not live past the age of 21 years old, unless I do not celebrate my birthdays for seven years. My mother followed what he said, and thus I never celebrated my birthday for the first seven years of my life. Feeling still very insecure over my future, my mother brought me to a Taoist temple and dedicated me to be the adopted daughter of the Goddess of Mercy, one of the Chinese god in the Taoist religion. All these of course were kept as a secret from me for a long period of time. I do not know why, but from as young as the age of eleven years old, I was a very negative child, who do not desire to live long. I always have this belief that I will die before the age of 21. Since I believe I will die young, I dedicate my young life into indulging in pleasures. Why not enjoy myself in this life, since I might die just any time in my life, thought the young me, and so that was how I lived my life when I was a child. My first suicide attempt was at the age of 11. After being unjustly slapped by my father, I intended to kill myself to make him regret for life. My mother foiled the attempt. Being a shy and reserve girl in school, I do not have any friend and thus, was a lonely and sad girl who always wishes that someday I might just cease to exist. I was also quite against Christianity, always siding with my Buddhist uncle to counter-attack all attempts by my Christian aunt, one of the only two Christians in my entire family, to share about Jesus. My knowledge of Jesus was very limited. I only knew him to be the weird guy that hanged on the cross, and my young perception of the church was very terrible. Whenever my dad drove me home, and we passed by a church, I would shudder just to see the cross on top of the church. To me, who then, had no idea what Christianity is, a church is a place that breeds Draculas. After all, my only contact with a church was the many Draculas' shows I watch as a child. Therefore, the church to me was a terrible place where horrible monsters such as Draculas roam about in freedom. So, when my aunt brought me to her church to watch her Christian concert one-day, I was very reluctant. I was thinking about Draculas. Yet, I found no Draculas in the church. Eventually, I assured my young heart that Draculas appear only in shows, not in real life. We seat ourselves at the many benches in the Church, and the show began. It was a touching story about a virgin giving birth to a baby. During the whole performance, my eyes were glued to the actors and actress in the shows, and a feeling of peace entered into my little heart, a feeling I will never forget for the rest of my life. For a moment, I lost track of my fear; Draculas simply vanished from my mind as I watched the birth of this little baby. I was somehow touched in my heart by the show. After the show, I asked my mother many questions about Jesus, which she just answered briefly, being a non-Christian herself. That was my earliest and only true contact with Jesus during the period when I was a child, and it is important because it makes Church less frightening to me, and also destroys much of my hostile feeling towards Christianity. As I proceed to become a teenager, my negative feeling about living in this world intensified. I desire... to die. I completely lose faith in humanity by the hypocrisy of everyone I see around me. I was very rebellious. I was always shouting and yelling at my parents, both of whom I thought does not love me. I hate the world I live in. I hate myself. I hate school. I hate everything around me, including everybody. My teachers hate me, too and always drove me to tears by their speech. My classmates reject me. In school, it was hell. I dread school. But home...was it any better? Absolutely no! I faced a mum that told me everyday how disappointed she was with a daughter that was always doing badly in her school examinations. I faced a father that I never spoke to, since I first began Secondary School (High school). I faced a sister that despised and looked down on me. Everywhere... it was the same, it was hell to me, and I wanted to die. My world is a miserable world, where I am all-alone, the target of everyone's hate. I was disgusted with myself, and also with the whole of mankind after reading about wars and atrocities, as well as witness with my own eyes the hypocrisy of my teachers and classmates in school. At this point in time, I had already long lost faith in my Taoist god, and was believing in an unknown God, whom I believe was the one true God, but whom I do not know come from which religion. There were so many religions in this world, and how can I know for sure where he comes from? The truth is, I do not know, and I was lost and confused. Somehow, I started to mess with the occults, surf satanic websites, consult guardian angels and prayed to the devil once in a while for favor. I started to indulge in seeking pleasure through Japanese anime, comic books and collecting cards. While my pleasures were highly intensified, my emptiness... grows. In the Year 2000, I went to a junior college, and it was there that I met this girl Jia Yan who was thinking about becoming a Christian. Feeling positive about Christianity, I highly encouraged her to be one. She was convinced and not later, she was converted, and she told me about her wonderful conversion. I was jealous of her, thinking why she could be a Christian while I was searching harder for God than her. (I was a very self-righteous person in the past.) Jia Yan brought Jie Yin, the one who converted her to my school. Jie Yin started to talk to me about Jesus. I was very interested by what she said except when she told me that now Jia Yan believe in Christ, Jia Yan was spiritually higher than me, something I strongly disagree. However, when Jie Yin wanted to lead me to Christ, I agree and she led me through the sinner's prayer. And I prayed to God as she led me. I successfully prayed through the sinner's prayer. For some, their success stories or testimonies joyfully end here. Mine do not. For the first few months, I was happy as a Christian, desiring truly nothing in the world, but after a while, I was back to my own self, again. I went back to consulting guardian angels, surfing satanic websites on how to conjure spells etc, and continue to satisfy my pleasures by reading about the occults. Eventually, my empty feeling came back once again, swallowing away every joy I might derive from my pleasures. I pursue and pursue pleasures, one of which is the writing of stories. Such pleasures bring me away from the real world into a world of fantasy, where I interact with make-believe characters who satisfy the lonely feeling in my heart, and they give me so much pleasures that I temporarily lost tract of the deep empty feeling in my heart. But like I said, such pleasures were temporal, and whether I like it or not, I was soon brought back to reality.... the reality that I still does not understand what is lacking in my life. Meanwhile, Jia Yan, who believed in Jesus only a week earlier than me was thriving and growing. She seems to be growing in her joy, and success over her studies became very evident to everyone in her class. Jealousy struck my heart at the apparent change in Jia Yan's behavior that was lacking in me. Didn't we become Christian at around the same period of time? Why is she growing while I... am still struggling with this deep sense of emptiness in my life? Desperate, I decided to seek God once more, but not in the way the Church teaches us. Sometimes, in November in the year 2001, I came across a new age book called “Conversation with God” which was written by Mr. Walsh, where it showed a conversation he had with God. (I didn’t knew it was a new age book.) I read how he wrote a letter to God, and got a response from him, and thus, they started to have a conversation. And after reading something about that, I went home and decided to try it out. When I went home, I started to write a letter that goes something similar to this. “God, I read a book written by Walsh on communicating with God, and if it is true, can you answer me. God, are you there?” I prayed very sincerely. No response. I waited a while, and the pen started to move. I wrote the word, “Yes”. And thus, I started to have a conversation with “God”. From communication through pen, this God started to communicate with me eventually through my thoughts. He is able to speak to me, by conveying his voice through my thoughts, and I in turn reply to him back either through my lips or my thoughts. I was completely deceived that he was God, and started to listen to him in everything he tells me. He kept telling me how much he loves me, and I was deceived soon into loving him back. He told me many truths, which made me even more convinced that he is God, and then he started to lie to me. But I believe in all of his lies. He can read all my thoughts. (The reason why it took me so long to believe that he is not God is the fact that everyone around me tells me that there is no way a demon could read my thought. Because of that, I believe he is God since he can read my thoughts. He claimed to be God, and spent the whole night with me, saying that I will go to hell because of my greed, my fear to speak up for God, my limited love for God, etc. We talked all about my past, and he knew with great accuracy every detail of my past, and every thought or ambition or desire I had in the past. He knew what I love, and he knew all about me. I was convinced he was God. His personality was that of a strict disciplinarian, and that of a teacher. He was with little emotions, and he was easily angry. Later on, the personality switched. And a more friendly, jovial, and full of emotions God talks to me. He claimed to be God the Father. And his personality was like that of a jealous, childish old man who loves to joke and role-play with me. He appears to be a kind and friendly father that jokes often with me. As I was being deceived at that time, I could not see through his true color. He calls me; "my dear girl" and I call him, "Daddy". He called me my dear girl in a really sweet fatherly manner that is so sincere and genuine that eventually, I can call him Daddy without any more fear. When I first talked to him, I was very reserve, and didn't dare to talk much, thinking he was God, and thinking God was fierce, because of the earlier fierce personality that kept scolding me. He breaks the ice by being really friendly with me. He told me that the personality earlier was God the Holy Spirit. Even later on, a few days later, he introduced me to God the son, Jesus, and told me that in reality Jesus was just a five years old boy in his spiritual form. He told me, God was a trinity, with Jesus as the boy, him as the authority and the Holy Spirit as the judge. They told me that although their personalities were different, they were in reality one God. I was deceived completely. He told me a lot of lies. I believe all of them. Later on, he told me that they were lies, and I was shaken and angry that he lied to me, thought that maybe he was not God, but when he cried and apologized to me, I was softened and I forgave him and once again believe he is God. Now, I will go onto the lies he told me. (I will now call him the devil instead of God, for that is what he is. But remember, at that time, I really think he was God.) He said that in the beginning that was nothing and then he create himself and Jesus and the holy spirit and was about to create me when he made an accident and I dropped out and thus, was not a part of him. And thus, it was three persons as one, and not four persons as one. And thus, it was trinity and not quadity. Thus, he told me that I was God and the long awaited second messiah. And he loved me most, more than even Jesus. He told me I was his daughter, just like Jesus was his son. He told me that in heaven, I was a five years old girl in spiritual form just like Jesus was a five years old boy in his spiritual form. He loved me most, because he was guilty that when he made himself, I dropped out and was not a part of him. He loved me most, more than Jesus because of the mistake that he had made. But I was a mean and disobedient girl. I wrecked havoc in heaven and grieved him greatly. I bullied Jesus in heaven, and snatched away his computer games. (Yes, he told me that heaven was just like Earth, with computer games and such. The only difference is that heaven is peaceful, and also technologically more advanced that Earth.) Then, he told me that he sent Jesus to die on the cross for mankind, and he gave Jesus the memory. So Jesus knew he was God since the very beginning. I was jealous and angry and blamed him for being so unfair to Jesus. So, he decided that when Jesus returned to earth on the Second Coming, I would go in the place of Jesus. There was why he spent me on Earth to be born as the second messiah, the way Jesus is, only this time, he made me came without the memory of myself as the daughter of God. He told me I was the messiah. I was awfully shock when I heard that. I was reluctant and told him I don’t want to be the messiah, as I sin, and thus, is not perfect, and thus, cannot hold the great task of being the light of the world. Well, he told me that he was angry with me, indeed that being God, I sin so much. And I felt ashamed of myself and tried my best not to sin, for the next few days of my life. He told me that though I sin, I was so much more obedient than I was, originally, when I was in heaven as a five years old girl. He told me he missed me, and cried, saying how he wished to see me. I was very touched by his love for me (all fake, but I didn't know then), and really believe, and never doubt that I was really a child of his. I really believe I was God at that time. Meanwhile, my parents had started to notice the weirdness of me, as I time and time hinted to them something about me being Jesus Christ. And I started to share to them about Jesus, telling them how great Jesus is. And I even hinted to them that I was the second Jesus. The devil (who I thought is God the Father) told me that I was to write the third testament, the latest testament added on top of the New Testament. And that was what I told my parents. You can imagined how shock my parents were. Everybody think that I am possessed by a demon, and had lost consciousness of my mind, but while all these happened, it was all so clear to me. I was in control, and was constantly talking to the voice inside my head that was “God”. There was one time, my mother, in her fear, made me took hold of the bible and grabbed hold of my hands and stared into my eyes, chanting the chants that Buddhists always chant. She stared deep into my eyes with her pair of apparently frightened eyes, and was shaking my whole body as if to wake me up. My father was beside her, equally frightened. And all these whiles she was doing this; I felt a sense of urge to laugh at the way they are all so frightened of me. (It wasn't me that wanted to laugh, though. It was the evil spirits that successfully deceived me.) My Father was greatly disturbed by my condition. He cried over me, while I was in bed one night, refusing to go to sleep unless I sleep first. He begged me not to believe that the demons were God. His tears touched my heart. I did not know that he still loves me, until I see him crying for me. I got off my bed and refused to let him sit besides my bed. I urged and pulled him back to his own bed. The devil (imposing as God the Father) was angry that I disobeyed his command to ignore my father and goes to sleep. He told me that when I do managed to sleep, my father would also leave me and go to bed. But I cannot bear to see my father in such a state besides me, so I disobey the devil. The devil was jealous that my love was so diverted that I love my own father more than him. I told him that it was not so, that I just could not bear to see my father, sitting besides my bed, waiting for me to sleep. He softened, and told me that he was just testing my love for my father. Another time, my parents brought me to a pair of staunch Christians. And the devil told me that one of them was a true Christian, and the other one was not. Unfortunately, I was seated beside the not true Christian. And he started to talk to me. Urged by the devil, I told him that "God" (referring to the devil) told me that he is not true with his faith, and wants me to tell him so. I told him that "God" is very angry that he is materialistic, and I ask him to repent. He gets very frightened and rebukes me in the name of Jesus. But I ignored his rebuke and told him that the gold watch that he wore was a proof of his materialism. During this whole period when I was talking to him, I wanted very much to laugh out loud at his fear. (Again, it was not I, but the evil spirits that controlled me that wanted to laugh.) My parents started to bring me to churches to be prayed for. (They are not Christians, but they bring me to churches.) The “voice” was not afraid of any of the pastors at all. And this convinced me that the “voice” was God. Then, the voice told me lots of lies that was too obvious not to be lies. And I started to be real hurt by him, and started not to trust him. Once, he told me that he would appear in physical form to see me outside my house and when I go outside, I wait a long time for him but I do not see him. He also told me a few other lies. After a few times of lying, I began to doubt his status as God and was so upset with him that I do not want to talk to him. He kept talking to me, though, in my head, never giving me a moment of peace and I asked him to get lost in the name of Jesus, and he tells me he can’t because he is the true God. And then, he lied to me how Satan wanted very much to kill me, how actually my friends are all Satan disguised in the physical form to monitor me, “the second Jesus Christ”. (I believe him.) And he told me how like he could read into my mind and communicate with me, he could also communicate with Satan in the same way, and Satan always tell him how much he hate him. And that hurts “god” a lot for “god” loves Satan, and really does not wish for Satan to be the way he was. And he told me how Satan was monitoring my movements by being my best friend, hating me because I am God, and always planning to kill me. That was why I almost died so many times. But Satan, by being my close friend was touched by my non-hypocrisy. And so he eventually stops hating me, and started to love me. And he decided that during the fight, the destined fight between “Jesus—me” and Satan, he will deliberately lose to me. So I was touched, and told father (I call the “god” father) not to send Satan to hell. And he said he will agree if Satan only repent. And so Satan did. And "god" allowed me to talk to Satan. And so, another personality started to speak to me. This time, he was known as what he really was--Satan. And his tone was full of hate, vulgar, and always reminds me that he hates god, but not me, the daughter of god. So I talked to "god the father", and I talked to Satan. They were very different in their tones, and personalities. And I asked Satan what about the other demons that he had with me. He said, they could all go to hell, for all he cares. And I thought to myself, well, how evil his thoughts are. I mean, he could so easily let his former workers and partners all go to hell, as long as he alone is saved. And I doubt whether he sincerely repented. And suddenly, all the other demons also wanted to speak to me, and "god the father" allows it. They are all very different in personalities and characters. They speak, and talk just like human, with different personalities. And after some talking, suddenly all the other demons started to repent of their sins on the condition that their loyalty was to me, and not to father (the devil that pretends to be god the father). And "god the father" was sad at that, and told me how he had failed in his duty as god and that he wanted me to take over his place. I was reluctant and afraid but I agreed, after being afraid for a long time. And the demons all repented. And they told me that actually Osama Bin Laden and his henchmen were they in disguise to bring people away from Christ. I believe them. And they kept causing me physical pain all the times they told me they love me. And that made me doubt the sincerity of their repents. But I dared not tell them my thought. And unlike father, they cannot read my mind (they pretend to be so), even though they tried. And then father tell me that they were proclaiming the good news everywhere that Jasmine was God—the long awaited return of Jesus. And they preached my gospels in hell and many demons repented. Satan, Ma-chan (the supposed name of the demon 2nd in rank), Sa-chan (the supposed name of the demon 3rd in rank) told me that they do not trust those demons in hell that repented. They think that those were up there to harm me, that those pretend to repent in order for a chance to kill me. I told them not to doubt. Ma-chan was so devoted to me, that he offered to write the third testament for me. And I agreed. Then "god the father" suddenly told me to watch the news to see Osama proclaim the gospels and renounce Islam. For he said that it was in news everywhere. I watched the news but nothing was there and I was disappointed. And then, the devil (imposing as god the father) changed his mind and told me that he lied when he said I was his daughter. I was not. And he lied when he said I talked to the demons and that the demons love me and repented. He told me that the demons hate me and they were evil. And that all the demons that spoke to me was in reality, he alone. It was he, that pretends and acts as all the different demon personalities that I speak to, including Satan, Ma-chan, Sa-chan etc. He just wanted me to see how evil the nature of the demons was. For I loved Satan and he wanted to get rid of my excessive love for Satan. There was why he caused me to have the pain when the demons said they repented, to show me how insincere they were and how in reality, they can never repent. He wanted to show me the evil nature of Satan and his demons so I would not love them. Then, he told me I was a prophet, not a daughter of God. (I believe him.) And there was this time, the light in my house got suddenly switched off, and my parents could not switch it on no matter how hard they tried, and he told me to go and switch in on. Just said “In the name of Jesus” and the light would on. And it was so. And I became more convinced that he is God after this "miracle". But my parents were not. They brought me to a few pastors in a few good churches to heal me, but it was to no avail. (That was how I started to attend church of our savior, my previous church. My original church refused to cast out the demon inside me, and my parents thought badly of Christians because of my original church’s pastor refusal to heal me.) So my parents gave up on churches and went instead to temples to ask monks to cast up demons for me. I was a bit upset to go to temple for I thought that defiles God and I asked the devil (imposing as god the father) what I should do. He was against me going to the temple, but said that he would forgive me for it, since I was forced to go to it. It was to no avail. The devil was still talking to me, and not cast out. So my parents brought me to Church of our savoir, again, and brother Teo who had gift of healing was to heal me. My mother told him my problem, and as he was about to heal me, he saw a vision. He asked me, “Have you been to the temple?” My mother lied, “No.” He started to utter prayer, asking Satan to get out of me. But “god” was still there. I felt faint. And after the deliverance, “god” talked to me about the temple vision brother Teo saw. He told me how actually he hated to see me go to temple, as he is a jealous god. I told him I would try my best not to worship other gods, or bow down to idols. Then, he started to “test” me. The “testing” was that he was to make me feel very prompt to speak evil words, and very prompt to uneasiness, and he would kept talking bad things about me for a while, and I WAS not to reply. If I replied or talked bad words, because I cannot endure the prompts, he would make it last longer. I was very miserable with all the words that he spoke to me. I thought, God doesn’t test people like that. So I kept saying, “In the name of Jesus, I rebuke you, Satan to go away.” But he just tell me it is useless because he is God, and the “Test” is necessary and as for why, I ought not to question the way God works. I was so miserable that I told him that I wanted to kill myself, and he was angry. He told me he was angry and he told me how I was so mean, how I always used to tell him that I want to die. And he told me that suicide was a sin, and if I do kill myself, I “fail” the test he gives me. The “test” lasts for quite a while, a few hours, where I kept hearing him talked bad things to me in a loud “thought voice” and I was prompted to speak evil things. I was so worried that my father who was beside me would discover the fact that the demon he thought to possess me had not left me, yet. After a few hours, the devil stopped testing me, because I was crying so hard and I told him I could not take it anymore, and rather died than take this “test” he gave me. So he told me, that he would stop this time, and gave me the “test” some other day. Then, we began to talk as usual, jokes and discuss how I could stop sinning. Then, I told him my feeling, I told him how I felt inferior to everyone, how I thought God would hate me, because I was so fat. And he told me to take a bible, closed my eyes and flicked it to a page and points my finger there. I did so, and when I opened my eyes, it was at a verse, where God speaks about David. Where it said, “God looks not at the outward appearance, but at the heart.” And I felt so glad and secure of “God” 's love. And he kept telling me that love is God and God is love, and he wanted me to love everybody. And he kept telling me how much he loves me. (And I believe him.) Then, as time passed, I started to be more confident of myself, and started to appreciate the people around me. I realized how blind I was not to see that my parents and sister love me. And I thank “God” for showing me all that. Then, one day, I was sharing with the devil how I felt he was bias to the women, and I just could not get rid of that thought. For why were women not circumcised? And he told me, “ Go and check the dictionary what circumcision meant”. He said so in anger. And I go and check it up. And I felt so ashamed. I wronged God. Women are not allowed to be circumcised not because God is bias but because we don’t have that body part which is circumcised. And I tell the devil how sorry I was, and he told me how God was never bias and he loved men and women equally. I cried with joy at that information. Then, one day, the devil decided to “test” me, again, and I was so miserable, that I started to doubt again that he is God. I cried out to Jesus for help. It was no use. And I told the devil he was a liar, if he was God, he would not make me so miserable by “testing” me. And the devil suddenly said, “Actually, I am not God. I am Wei Qiang, a spirit. I pretend to be God but decided to tell you the truth, now.” (And I believe him.) And he told me that when I was writing the letter to God, he came into my thought, and wanted to get out of my thought, but he could not. So I told my mother about it. And she brought me to a Buddhist. The Buddhist said I was spirit possessed, and gave detail as to where I was possessed without knowing my house. He even knew that I passed a bamboo tree on my way home from tuition. And there was really a bamboo tree near my house, which I always failed to notice. I started to believe the Buddhist, and doubt Wei Qiang, who claimed to be God, again, saying that he was only testing me when he said he was Wei Qiang. I doubt him. He was angry. He threatened me not to go and offer incense to chase away Wei Qiang, and by doing so, disown Jesus as God. I ignored him, and my family and I prayed the Buddhist way for Wei Qiang to leave. I was very determined for him to leave. But Wei Qiang did not leave. And he was angry, he retaliated by controlling my body and twisting my head, and waist, threatening to break them because I disown Jesus by offering sacrifices to a Buddhist God. My parents were worried, seeing that I couldn’t even walked straight. I walked home, twisting my neck and waist. It was not me that twist my body; it was the evil spirits that controlled me. And I cried and was so scared the devil (imposing as an angry, jealous god the father) would kill me for disobeying him. I told him to show me mercy. But he just told me how angry he was. I bathed and ate, being twisted in neck and waist. Then, the devil cooled down, and offered me forgiveness if I would asked a pastor over to pray for me, for my forgiveness. My family and I obeyed. And the devil stopped controlling my body and gave me control, again. The pastor came and prayed for me. I slept. The next day, he told me never to disown Jesus in my life, ever again. I agreed. This all happened between November to December in the year 2001. Then, the devil (imposing as god the father) suddenly told me that Jesus was the one who died for me, and I should respect him, and not get jealous of him. Then, he let the devil (imposing as Jesus) talked to me. And from then on, the devil talked to me as the identity of Jesus (god the son), and I called him Jesus instead of father, like I used to. As school was about to begin, the devil (pretending to be Jesus) urged me to study hard. He urged me to go to churches. He urged me to pray more often. He urged me to stay away from all my occults, urged me to forgive, urged me to read the bible, and urged me to repent and change. The devil (imposing as Jesus) told me that the devil (imposing as god the father) lied when he said that he was five years old. He was not five years old. He was an adult. I believe him. From then on, it was he—the devil imposing as Jesus who spoke to me. Unlike the devil who imposed as “god the father”, “jesus” was not childish, was more serious and less humorous. Unlike “god the father”, “jesus” rarely tells me jokes and also tells me much less lies than “god the father”. His lies were also harder to be exposed as lies. Also, unlike “god the father”, “jesus” plays with my feelings less. Also, he only talks to me when no one is looking, or when I have nothing to do. He does not disturb me when I am studying, or doing something etc which is unlike “god the father” who talks to me at almost every moment of my time. The evil spirit disguised as “jesus” encouraged me to go to church and to do all sorts of religious stuffs. Because of his apparent “goodness”, (consoling me when I was rejected, encouraging me to study hard, and many other stuffs), all my former feeling of pain caused by “god the father” was gone, and for a moment of time, my doubt that he is not god was temporarily forgotten. I believe in the devil for about seven months. Throughout this period, however, a feeling of uneasiness often came to me. I often doubted that the one I spoke to was God. But I dismissed the thought. More feeling of uneasiness came. I started to have nightmares. In my dream, I was always with Satan, and Satan was always portrayed as my best friend who kept oppressing me, but who lived in the same house as me, and refused to leave. I started to feel uneasy. Why do I keep dreaming about Satan as living in my house, oppressing me? I became desperate, wanting some Christians to prove to me that the "God" who spoke to me everyday, every free moments of my life was not the devil, but truly God. So I went to a Christian message forum and get people to pray to me. A miracle happened in that Christian forum. One of the posters was posting a post about evil spirit deceiving me as God and confusing my life, but God will free me through all this. Her message, unfortunately vanish completely. While she was deciding whether or not to post the message again, the Holy Spirit told her to wait and see. Surprisingly, the next day, when she went on the forum, her message was there, but it was not posted by her, but by two other Christian posters in that forum. The combination message of these two Christian posters was the exact form of the message she posted earlier which vanished, word for word. I learnt of this miracle, and after a serious day of reflection, became convinced that the message was from the true God, despite what the devil (imposing as peaceful “jesus”) tell me. I immediately renounce the devil in the name of Jesus Christ. Yet, at the same time, the self-righteous me, instead of thanking God for my release from deception blamed God for not stopping the deception in its earlier state. I could not understand why my sincere search for God resulted in the devil coming in disguise as God. I lost all hope, and felt that all was lost. I felt too ashamed to face God. I was also very angry that God did nothing to stop me on my very first day of deception. That day, I was greatly humiliated. I had always thought I was a very wise person, and yet in my wisdom, I believe the most ridiculous of the devil's lies. For the first time in my life, I fully realized I do not deserved to be saved. What will had happened to me if God had not saved me, if God had not use the miracle to tell me that it was the devil speaking to me? The pain, believe me, was the greatest pain I had ever encountered in my whole life. Imagine. How would you feel, if you realized that the object of your true love was in reality an imposter who was out there to bring you complete ruin in your life? It was painful, indeed, to think that for a period of seven months, I loved the devil, thinking he loves me. I felt... that day like the most foolish person in the whole wide world. So, not long later I rededicated my life to Jesus once again, telling God how sorry I was to believe the devil was God, asking God to forgive me once more, and this time, I sincerely accepted Jesus as my lord and savior. I asked God to make me into the Christian he wants me to be, and free me from all demonic deception in the future. My moment of victory came... at this moment, and I could have stopped here, but I do not want to. I want to share with you the many rich blessings God had brought into my life. After I rededicate my life to God, my struggle did not stop here. The devil continued to try to talk to me, to pretend that he really was God. However, I was not fooled. I kept rebuking him in the name of Jesus Christ. When the devil knew that I could no longer be fooled, he revealed his true color. He told me all sort of horrible things about God and myself. It was hard ignoring what the devil said but I kept rejecting him in the name of Jesus. Soon, he gave out his control of me. And I was thus, set free from his deception. Praise is to God! God is great! But friend; believe me, the most painful part of this journey was not dealing with the devil. The most painful part of this journey of mine was to once again be able to lift up my head before God. For a long period of time after I first discovered the truth of the devil’s lies, I had to deal with all sorts of negative feelings and guilt. It was hard, initially, to believe that God completely forgives me for what I did. Eventually, however, under constant encouragement by God, I believe once again, that I am a child of God and the devil had no right in my life. Do you know, in the initial period after I first reject the devil, he continues to speak to me, and when I rejects him, he replies, “What right have you to reject me? You invite me here first.” Stunned and full of guilt, I find it hard to rebuke him because I thought what he said was true. Friend, if you are experiencing the same thing as me, and the devil said this as you, do not be deceived by his words like I do. Continue to tell him off. Sure, you invited him into your life first, but does that matter? No! Because the part of your life in which you invite him into your life… is completely forgotten by God after you repented from your life. Satan no longer has any right in your life, now. So, be firm. Resist him. Rebuke him. Ultimately, you will see victory. Trust me! P/S: Having gone through such period of pain, it is my desire to help people in similar situation as mine see light out of the darkness they face. I had been through the pain, and I know how painful and hard it is to believe that God can help you when all around you, the voices of the devil seems so loud and real to you. I cannot help much. All I can do is pray for you, and to correspond to you by letters, offering you as much encouragement as I could until the day you finally see the little bit of light in the total darkness. So do contact me, if you need help. Remember that the same God who helps me will help you, too. Bear with it a while and victory will come. It takes seven months for me to get out of my deception, and realized that the evil spirit speaking to me is not God. It takes another four or five more months for me to deal with continual spiritual attacks by the devil that still refused to let go of me, even though I had already turned from him to God. This period, which was the most painful for me, also makes me mature a lot. Finally, it takes one month more of spiritual struggle, before I starts to see my slow but certain victory which gives me enough confident to write this testimony.