Testimonies

I Started to Feel Ashamed Before God By Ekrem When I was really young, only 6-7 years old, I lived in a small village in Konya-Turkey. On cold winter days very early in the morning, with other young children of the village, I used to go to the mosque and memorize the suras for prayer in front of the imam. Because all the surahs are in Arabic, we did not know the meaning of what we were praying, but just for the sake of being able to pray we memorized them by listening. I myself was always curious about the Word of Allah and its meaning. I had a well-educated older brother who was on influential government worker when I was in Middle School. One day I asked him "Who is Allah." He thought for a while, then, because he did not want to admit that he did not know the answer, he just said, "you are too young to worry about it, you will understand when you get older". Of course this was not an answer to my question, and my curiosity only increased. I always prayed with my mom and dad, knowing that it pleased them, but I wanted to learn what is written in the Qur'an, as well as the character of Allah. When I started high school I clearly saw that my friends had the very same desire. When we discovered this we wrote a letter together to the Department of Religious Affairs, and asked them whether we could read the Qur'an in Turkish in order to understand it better. The answer we got was, "It is wrong to read any translation of the Qur'an. Commentaries on the Qur'an are available, however these commentaries are written in old Ottoman Turkish. Therefore it is impossible for you to understand them. For these reasons you should read the Qur'an in Arabic and leave the good deeds coming from reading it to Allah. In reality, the Qur'an is not for understanding it is for worship." So, the students who sincerely wanted to learn the Qur'an was left in darkness. My curiosity about Allah continued when as a boarding student I attended the University to study English. My classmates, who knew I regularly prayed 5 times a day, generally viewed me with awe and envy, asking, "Ekrem, how can you find time for prayer in between all these classes?". I answered them, "if you were sincere about your faith you would pray and you wouldn't hesitate to create time for prayer. You can pray during the breaks in between classes or you can pray before you rush for dinner." I used to embarrass them by telling them this. However, I did not know what the word of Allah said or who He was. After I became a teacher I contunued to pray 5 times a day. For this reason people started to call me Hafiz, I took pride in this and I was very happy. One day at the university I met with a man. We started to talk about religion, faith, Allah, and the Word of God. Because he believed in the Bible, I immediately told him that the Bible is superstition, and not authoritative. This man showed me the Injeel and claimed that I slandered the Injeel, because I did not know what it said. He challenged me to read it in order to find the truth. I told him that if I read the Injeel, I would underline all the wrong statements and I would burn it up. He said if I read it with a sincere attitude and still found things conflicting with God's merciful spirit I was allowed to burn it. Since now it had become my duty to read and examine the Injeel, I was impatient to proof the falsehood of in it, so I could burn it. I started to read the Injeel, starting with the Book of Matthew. I didn't come accros any sentence that would allow me to burn it. When I came to the chapter 5, I was not able read it quickly, because I was amazed at the amount of mercy that was required from the sons of Adam by Allah, the Judge and the Creator. Before I advanced further in my reading of Injeel, I knew that I needed to read the Qur'an, because it was the book that last and most superior. Before I knew what it said I could not put my faith in anything else. I knew that it was a must for me to read and understand what the Qur'an said. However I had no idea how could I do this. Finally, I obtained three Qur'ans to examine, one of which was written in Turkish and the other two in English. I wanted to see if the three Qur'ans translated by three different authors were identical. Since my childhood, I had heard that the Qur'an could never be translated and I believed this. I compared the three translations book by book, sura by sura, sentence by sentence. When I saw that all three translations had the same meaning I realized that the Qur'an could be translated, and I believed that I had the Qur'an in my hand. When I first started to read the Qur'an I was pleased because of nationalist, religious and male chauvenist feelings I had. However, when I remembered the Words of Jesus and the Light of Jesus presented in the Injeel, my violent and unloving feelings feelings made me feel ashamed before Allah. When the book and the religion I wanted to defend proved empty before the real love and mercy of Allah, I wanted to search the other books. So, I read the Teachings of Buddha. I saw that Buddha did not say anything about God. His teachings were about self/inner discipline and not harming others. Then I studied the theory of Evolution and the writings of Darwin, as well as the teachings of Karl Marx. I saw that all these men were confused and confusing because they did not know the unmeasurable love of God and His merciful words. I realized that Jesus the Messiah needed to be listened to again and again. I felt that I needed to be obedient and listen to these Holy Words that I had never heard before. In the Injeel Jesus the Messiah that "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" (Matt. 5:44-47) Jesus not only said this but He lived it out in His life. The merciful Messiah who is from above is not like the sinful and earthly human and cannot be compared to them. I started to understand that the spirit of compassion in Jesus the Messiah is ineffable and incomparable. The ones who beat Him, the ones who made fun of Him and the ones who nailed Him on the cross were commiting sin, yet Jesus the Messiah showed them compasion by His Spirit and He was prayed for them all and He forgive their sins. Because they didn't know what they were doing He asked God to forgive each one of them. This Holy Spirit, this desire, this incomparable compasion is not observed on earth among sinful human beings. It is clear that compared to this holy compassion and power, Buddah, Mohammed, Darwin, Karl Marx and all the sons of Adam are poor and helpless. I desire that all of us repent in the name of Messiah, the perfect sacrifice, and we all know the Injeel in which compasionate Allah offers us the good news of salvation, and find freedom in Jesus the Messiah who calls us to eternal life. For this purpose I serve with my believer brothers and sisters with thanksgiving, because I know that the perfect sacrifice, the Messiah, gives eternal life to everybody who acknowladges his sin and repents before Him. I am thankful to Allah for the word of life which is the eternal freedom and and the eternal Good News.