Testimonies

THE NIGHT GOD BECAME REAL By Norman Rasmussen What a joy it is to know beyond all shadow of a doubt that there really is a God. Not just to believe there is a God and leave it at that, but to have personally experienced His presence in my room. That was the night my doubts about God and Jesus Christ changed forever! It is my hope that if you are somehow doubting the reality of God, my testimony will help begin to change that. After all, to believe that Jesus Christ is merely the Son of God is one thing, but to know by the Holy Spirit to the depths of your soul that Jesus Christ is also God Himself -- knowing that He is co-equal with God the Father (though He submits His will to the Father) and God the Holy Spirit - One God in three distinct persons . . . that's when Christianity takes on a whole new meaning! Then it's not so much what you believe that is important anymore, but who you are believing in that makes all the pieces of the puzzle of Christianity start coming together. Early in my childhood, somewhere around 1955, I accepted Christ as my Savior. With a child's mentality, I'm sure I did it to hopefully make God happy with me, and so I wouldn't go to hell. There was a lot of turbulence in my home-life through those years. Because of the turbulence, I was attracted to whatever would make me happy. Wherever alcohol was available, I sought after it. Drugs were not readily available like they are today, so drugs were not an option, thank goodness. After high school, in 1967, I enlisted in the Army, rather than risking being drafted and sent to Vietnam to die in a war that I had mixed feelings about. Through some trickery on the Army's part, I was "volunteered" to become a prisoner-of-war interrogator through little choice of my own and was sent to Vietnam anyway. In the name of "war" I tortured prisoners to get information. Experiencing first-hand the horrors and injustices of that war, my concept of an "all loving, all merciful, all compassionate God being in control of this planet drastically began to become twisted. Seeing all the pain the Vietnam conflict was bringing to the lives of so many innocent people ... and knowing we were never going to be able to stop Communism from spreading in South Vietnam the way we were going about it ... I wasn't sure I wanted to put my trust in any supposed God who allowed such things to happen. Before going to Vietnam, I married a special lady I had met in the military. I was probably not suitable marriage material for any women at the time, though I would not have admitted it. My selfish desire to have someone love me and be faithful to me while I was in Vietnam probably obscured my lack of wisdom in waiting until after Vietnam to enter into marriage. I came back from Vietnam twisted by the war, and probably emotionally raped, though I was in denial to it. Torturing and having prisoners killed contributed greatly to my being hard-hearted. (For prisoners caught in outright firefights against our soldiers who refused to divulge information, I ordered them to be secretly executed at $25 dollars a person with little remorse. The Army was not aware of this practice and I would have been court-martialed for it had I been found out). Consequently, I came back from Vietnam a heavy drinker with a heart cold as steel, capable of doing almost anything to anyone. As with any marriage when conflict arrives, I buried most of my feelings rather than seek professional advice to help work them out. Like many others, I began to think that an intimate relationship with other women might bring a little happiness to drown out the hollowness and pain inside me. Sad to say, adultery followed, and the "happiness" was short-lived, because the guilt ate at me constantly. To bury my guilt, I drank more alcohol and smoked more cigarettes and sought out whatever means at my disposal to fill the ache in my soul that I now realize only God was capable of mending. Through all those trying years, I still wondered if there really was a God. Part of me wanted to believe there was, yet there was another part of me that had difficulty believing unless I could "prove" there was a God. I had read a number of "positive thinking" books that the devil had used to convince me that if a person can believe hard enough, you can create your own reality. I had experimented with hypnotism at an early age, and had experienced manifestations that many have not. Reading and experimenting with hypnosis, I was an ardent student of "mind over matter." Meaning ... God can become real to you . . . but that doesn't mean He really exists. Little did I realize how strong the sin of pride was that had been operating in my life that caused this deception. Worse yet, little did I know that I was addicted to the MOST LETHAL KIND of drugs known to fallen mankind: The spiritual drugs of doubt and unbelief. As I look back at my life then, I essentially was tied to a gurney with needles in every vein of my body taking in the two drugs of doubt and unbelief seven days a week, 24 hours a day. [Fear is the drug that often accompanies these other two, but I was so filled with the sin of pride, I feared nothing ... (until I was about to pass over into eternity that fateful weekend that God made Himself real to me)]. I was quick to find fault in Christians and organized religion as well; totally unaware of the devil's influence over my thinking -- totally unaware how much influence Satan has had over Christianity over the last 2,000 years. Like many others, I felt all churches wanted was to control you and con you out of your money. [Actually far too many of them do! Satan's controlling influence is alive and well in many local "churches," don't kid yourself! Many a Christian has been wounded by Satan's influence on them without their even knowing he was the one behind it, so sad to say. Nevertheless, this is not a license to say most churches want to control you and your money, because there are many who do not. One needs to let God show them which ones are and which ones aren't]. After all, if one believes there probably is no God unless it can be "proven," how can that person possibly believe there could be a devil or Satan who also has great influence over the affairs of mankind? My belief about the devil or Satan or demons was that it was just something early Christians had come up with to try to put fear into people to get them to believe the way they wanted them to believe. The classic overflow of my doubt and unbelief-addicted mind was that I also felt a person was stupid to believe that they could trust the Bible. Man screws everything up and you couldn't convince me that that modern-day accepted translations of the Bible have been preserved by God to be trusted to know what God wants mankind to know about Him and properly relate to Him and others. And another question I had: why would God allow so many different translations of the Bible to be printed anyway? It just made no sense to me whatsoever, thus I came to the conclusion that there was no sense to be made of it period. Fortunately though, there were people God used along life's way to influence me positively about God. An older sister was one of those people. Flora and her husband had become "born again," and their excitement about their relationship with Jesus Christ captured my attention. My youngest brother, Dale, the black sheep of the family as far as I was concerned growing up, also had a powerful born again experience. And it was seeing the incredible change in his life for the better that began to make me take a more serious look at my comprehension of Christianity. When I would talk with Dale, all he would tell me was to forget about my hang-ups about Christianity and organized religion, and just fall in love with Jesus Christ. He said the rest of it would all fall into place in due time. But I didn't know who Jesus Christ was, or should I say, IS. That's because I refused to believe what the Bible says about Him is true. I believed the lie that the Bible cannot be trusted. If the devil can convince you of that you'll never come to know truly who Jesus Christ really is. Alcoholism continued to take its ugly toll, as well as the other affects of sin in my life. At mid-life, I was told unexpectedly by a nurse that my heart was a walking time bomb, ready to explode. My heart was ready to quit any minute due to extreme high blood pressure. I was sleeping very little, smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day, and drinking close to three-quarters of a fifth of hard liquor a day, not to mention various amounts of beer and wine. When I was told that I had to quit smoking and drinking or else suffer a heart attack, part of me didn't care if I died. In a cowardly sort of way, it was a way out of my pain and misery with life. After all, it would be death through "natural causes." Who would ever know the real reason? Yet another part of me wanted what my sister and her husband Jerry, and my younger brother Dale had found, which was a peace with whom they believed to be the Creator of the universe -- no substitutes. They weren't propagating a religion, a denomination, or a teacher. What they were propagating was a relationship with the triune God: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, and I liked the exciting fruits, or results you might say, that they were getting. They had joy in their life that I didn't have. They had purpose for living that I didn't have. They spoke about the privilege of being used of God in ministry to lay up treasures in heaven for eternity (See Matthew 6:19-20) that I knew nothing about. So near age 35 (around 1980), I was a wreck. I was facing death, and I wasn't convinced in my heart that I would go to heaven (if there was such a place). My marriage had essentially dissolved; my life was in shambles. I had two precious children who did not have a suitable father and an emotionally strained wife who did not have a suitable husband. I had reached a place in my life where I felt like the first 35 years of my life had pretty much been mental hell, and I didn't look forward to spending the last 35 years of my life experiencing the same. Death seem the only way out, yet I really didn't want to die either. All I really wanted was to have a purpose for living that I just wasn't able to find, no matter how hard I tried. Despair descended upon me, and fear of dying began to suddenly plague my thoughts. What if there really WAS a heaven and a hell? How could I actually prove there wasn't? Furthermore, if there actually was a heaven and a hell, once on the other side, what assurance did I have of having a second chance to get right with God? All I had ever done was live for myself. What would God find in me that would make Him want to let me be in heaven with Him? I had no valid reasons I could come up with. My despair eventually turned to desperation. Everything culminated on a Friday night. I went to bed early that evening, and started crying out to Jesus Christ. . . if there was a Jesus Christ who could hear me, or wanted to hear me. "Let me know you are real! I do want to serve the real God, but I've got to know you are real! I've got to know that what the Bible says about you is true! I've got to know if you really care for me!" I cried and agonized to God until the wee hours of dawn, but all I heard was silence. "God. . .do you even hear me?" More silence. I finally gave up. What a fool I had been to cry out like this all night long. Thinking that maybe - just maybe - God would have compassion on me and somehow reveal His reality to me in a way that I wasn't so doubtful and confused. It was just starting to break day and then it happened! The bedroom instantly became about 30% brighter. I looked for a light to be on but none was! I thought maybe the sun was now up and I had fallen asleep and had wakened hours later, but the clock said differently. No - I wasn't imagining it nor was I dreaming it. The light was real! It was of equal intensity throughout the room. An invisible presence was in my room. The reason I know so was because an indescribable love was so strong in that room that it seemed there was not enough room to contain it all! I felt like I was being shoved back by a big hand into my bed, the love was so strong. And I knew - don't ask me how I knew - I just knew that I knew that it was the Spirit of Jesus Christ in my room! At that moment He spoke very powerfully to me. Not audibly, I don't think, but powerfully to my inner being. The intensity of it was so strong though that it might just have well of been audible. He told me what I had to do to make my relationship work with Him. Then instantly all the anguish and pain and misery and confusion and doubt of a lifetime was sucked out of me. And all that was left was peace. Sweet beautiful peace . . . and knowing that God is real. Then the room instantly was darkened again as before. And the presence of Christ was now gone. The whole thing didn't take more than a few brief moments to happen, but happen it did! I was now a believer! Moments later, I pulled the covers off from me, sat on the side of the bed, and made a solemn vow to God. I said, "Thank you, Lord, for revealing yourself to me in a way that I can believe in you. I know I don't deserve what has just happened here, and I promise to serve you the rest of my life." I've done my best to keep that promise, even though I've made many mistakes since then. Yet I serve a forgiving and patient God. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me." (John 14:6). It took the Holy Spirit about a year later to break through my thick skull to reveal to me who Jesus Christ really is. Once you know, then you understand why a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is everything. How can that be? Because the One who died for your sins some 2,000 years ago -- He wasn't just a mere man -- He was all of God in human form. And He died especially for YOU. In fact, if you were the only sinner on planet earth, He still would have died just for you! Why? Because His love is that unfathomable -- that great! If you do not have peace, and the assurance of where you will go after you die (heaven or hell), I want to encourage you to invite Jesus Christ into your life....because He is the supreme PEACE GIVER. (John 14:27) If your life has little meaning and purpose, and you are searching for a reason to keep on living, I can't encourage you enough to ask Jesus Christ to become the Lord and Savior of your life. He created you for an eternal, useful purpose, and until you know WHAT that purpose IS, nothing will fill the longing in your heart....like He has filled that longing in my heart with meaning and purpose. As God had done time after time with some many lives ... he can take your "mess" and turn it into one "glorious message" that will be used to touch the lives of many others for His glory. If you can identify with many of the hang-ups I have experienced regarding Christianity, especially your need to have God "prove" His reality to you, like He did me, I want to ask you this question: what is holding you back from getting alone with God and seeking after Him until you can walk away a different person? Jesus said: "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 16:25) An expansion of this truth is found in Mark 8:35: "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it." Literally, sharing the Good News around the planet through the Internet and the other ways God is allowing us to share it: that God took your and my punishment ... there is eternal forgiveness for our sins ... that entrance into heaven is FREE and can be ASSURED ... how glorious and exciting and rewarding this NEW spiritual life has become! My former life was lived to find a little happiness to keep on going. My new life is lived to be pleasing to my Lord. Serving Him is what now makes me happiest. It's a happiness this world knows little of. (Actually, it is more joy than happiness). The best way I have found to do this is strive diligently to keep sin out of my life so as not to give the devil a foothold, and to trust the Lord daily for opportunities to minister to other people. Not because I have to, but because it is an opportunity and a privilege. In my former life, I don't remember hardly any prayers ever being answered. In my new born-again life (John 3:3), I've experienced so many answered prayers that it is abnormal to not have them answered. (John 15:7-8). Most born-again Christians can tell you the same, when they've learned to pray unselfishly and be patient with God. God has given me a purpose for living beyond anything I could have ever imagined. My number one purpose in life is to be a vessel God can use to minister through to others who are hurting, lost spiritually, and discouraged. At times I've battled discouraged myself because being involved in media outreach can become difficult to measure how effective one is being in God. It has required a special faith to keep planting and watering when it "appears" at times few even care what you have to say. Yet to be used of God to allow other Christians to have a platform to share their God-glorifying testimonies for people like you to be ministered to by reading or hearing them ... what an incredible reward, by faith, it is! Hearing the numerous testimonies we have been privileged to hear has revealed God to us in ways that is almost impossible to put in words at times. To take someone as messed up as I was and give them not only a second chance at marriage, but to then watch God use us together through this Precious Testimonies outreach to impart hope, encouragement and spiritual insight to others ... that is beyond our wildest dreams! If I died today I can now confidently say that truly, there is a 'pot of gold at the end of every rainbow', if that pot of gold is used to share the love of God found in Christ Jesus to a lost and dying world. Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth and the life." (John 14:6) In my old life, before I was born-again, I would have said in regards to this scripture, "So - big deal." AFTER I became born-again and grew in some understanding of the Holy Scriptures and how I'm to relate with God, I NOW say, "Biggest deal in all of creation and eternity!" Dear Reader: You can hear about all the glorious things God has done in my life and in the lives of others, but that won't bring you joy and peace with God. All they are are roadmaps to lead you to your final destiny: Him. You've got to experience God's peace and joy for your life personally and that will only come through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Once you accept Him as your personal Lord and Savior by asking Him into your heart and life, a time will come when you will be as excited as I am to point OTHERS to Him as well. Yes - you'll experience a lot of pain like all other Christian's do. Satan will not let things be "easy" for you. But nothing in life is easy that will matter in eternity. Only those things that we have to work hard at are those things that mean the most to us. How true this saying will become once we're on the other side: "Only one life will soon be past -- only what's done for Christ will last." He's knocking on the door of your heart, dear one. He won't break the door down - He is a gentleman. You have to invite Him in. (Revelation 3:20). You have to step over the line of reason that fallen man seeks to dwell in ... into the realm of faith that releases God to do the impossible in you, and through you. It may seem scary at first, but once you step over, you'll be like everyone else, thinking: "Why did I wait so long?" Thank you and God bless you for taking the time to read this part of my story. I'm so thankful God has given me one to tell. Had God not intervened that fateful Friday night....I'm sure I would be in hell right now. I deserved to go there. Jesus Christ wants no one to go to hell. Anyone who will mean business with Him can have the assurance that eternal joy in heaven can be his or her everlasting destiny upon death in this life (John 17:1-26), if they want that assurance. It's freely given by the Holy Spirit to those who hunger to be right with the Heavenly Father ... that can only be found in and through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.