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Discussion Forum : General Topics : why believe in god if you lost your loved one?

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luckyd
Member



Joined: 2005/6/1
Posts: 71
tx

 why believe in god if you lost your loved one?

well first off, i think it would be better if maybe someone who lost a loved one that they were so angry at god would write in this because i know people can sometimes say it wasnt gods fault so why be angry with him...anyways, this girl told me she doesnt believe in god anymore because she loved god so much and with all that love, god let her father die whom she loved so much. what can u say to her?


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jesse

 2005/10/25 21:45Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7431
Mississippi

 Re: why believe in god if you lost your loved one?

Sir, we lost our 25 YO daughter to a brain tumor in 1996. She left behind four brothers, a husband and two very small children, plus her parents and host of other kin and friends. She was terminally ill for at least 13 months.

When a person is afflicted with terminl illness it gives the family time to come to terms with this fact and make peace with the victim - if there are questions and conflicts. It also gives you plenty of time to say goodby and say all those things you want to say to a person who is leaving you.

I have met people who will refuse to do this when a loved one is terminally ill. When they do that, they are setting themselves up for trouble, big time. I promise you! They will get so consumed with anger...and what good will that do? Nothing!!

You did not say, was her dad terminally ill or did he die suddenly?

When a person dies suddenly you will have the added grief of not having the opportunity to say goodby. But then not all people will do that even when given the opportunity.

How did I come to terms with Gina's possible passing? When Dr. Field called and told me she was going to die in a few weeks unless she has surgery (and she was pregnant at the time), I cried hard for two days, almost non-stop. I also knew I could not function like this for very long. So after I tucked my granddaughter into bed I decided I need to have this thing out with GOD. I took my Bible, prayed, read, prayed. After spending a lot of quiet time ALONE with the LORD he gave me peace, impressed upon my mind that if and when that should happen He will be with me, carry me through that. But in the meantime, I am to work to make life happen, enjoy each and every day. This was done and when she died less then ten months later He comforted me in what some would call a supernatural way.

Sir, what the girl needs is to go to God and express her anger and frustration and ALLOW Him to comfort her. That is the only place one can get comfort. Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. I mean spend a lot of time with God and do NOT hurry the process. If she is so consumed with anger it will take a lot of repenting, confessing and surrendering before she will experience that God-given comfort. This issue has to be dealt with before anything else should be attempted. Her mind is so consumed with grief that she cannot see anything else. She needs first to get rid of that anger and only God can do that.

Did I ever cry for my DD? Sure, but it was not out of anger, more because of my grandchildren's sake....they had no mommy! (But God miraculously provided for that in a couple of years!!PTL) And I do miss not having a daughter and only sons. But anger, no.

Hope this helps...if you have any more questions, ask and I will try to answer...altho'I will be out of pocket after tomorrow night...we plan to go to the Smokies with my siblings for the rest of the week. Or you can email me privately, if you wish.

God bless you. You have a difficult task..

ginnyrose


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Sandra Miller

 2005/10/25 22:59Profile
Child-of-God
Member



Joined: 2005/7/21
Posts: 10
The Netherlands

 Re: why believe in god if you lost your loved one?

Lucky, after reading your post I started to think about your question.
You wrote:
" anyways, this girl told me she doesnt believe in god anymore because she loved god so much and with all that love, god let her father die whom she loved so much. what can u say to her?"

"Why believe in God if you lost your loved one?".
I had certain thoughts about it, but I first read the post of Ginnyrose. I agree with Ginnyrose, that, before she can work on that question she has, her anger to God must dissapear.

I do understand that it's really hard for that girl, when you lost somebody you loved. I've never lost someone that stood so close to me, so, perhaps i've got no right to speak, but I just want to share some thoughts about it.
The question that's in my mind is: "Why would a person love God?" Is that for what He has given you all, or because He's your Creator or because just for Who He is or because what He has done for you? Many reasons why you could love God. Did you ever wonder why you love God? I think we should love God for Who He is, He's our creator, and not for what He has done or what He has given to you. Those things should be seperated from each other. Our love for God should not depend on our circumstances, because they change by and by.

Now your talking about a profound and sensitive something! You're talking about someone who just passed away! I can't give you an anwer on the question why God allowed that, I don't know, but I just wanted to give you some thoughts to think about. Why would a person love God?....

I wish you good luck in this difficult situation and I'll pray for wisdom!


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Esther

 2005/10/26 5:01Profile
KingJimmy
Member



Joined: 2003/5/8
Posts: 4419
Charlotte, NC

 Re:

If the girl were being honest with herself, she would know as a Christian that the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away, but blessed be the name of the Lord. She would know that the wages of sin is death, and that it is appointed for all man to die once, then the judgement. If we are to truly be faithful, our faith cannot be determined on our circumstances. Our faith determines our circumstances, not our circumstances our faith.

A friend I know once lost a daughter, and then his wife had a miscarriage. He had a great insight into this matter. We always ask "Why God do you let these bad things happen to me?" He says, you never hear anybody ask "Why God do you allow these good things to happen in my life? Why have you chosen to bless me? Why is it my child lived?"


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Jimmy H

 2005/10/26 6:51Profile
Warrior4Jah
Member



Joined: 2005/7/5
Posts: 382
The Netherlands

 Re:

Perhaps its because we take these good things for granted...


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Jonathan Veldhuis

 2005/10/26 7:49Profile
mary0418
Member



Joined: 2005/8/4
Posts: 33


 Re:

Although that is true, where is your compassion??
Yes, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, but honestly, how can you even say such a thing in such a way?
Time after time I see this on this forum and I have to honestly ask, where is the compassion? where is the love??? Did the Lord Jesus act this way to someone who was hurting? To someone who needed good counsel?
To give good Godly advice is a wonderful thing, but to give it in a way that offends is quite another! Then it isn't really good Godly advice, is it? Please, let's try to be sensitive to one anothers feelings.
And the thing is, I am almost 100% sure someone will come up behind and totally criticize me for writing this. But I honestly don't care. Go ahead.

I think Ginnyrose put it beautifully and I agree with her. Only the Lord can give comfort like that. We need Him even to need Him. We need Him to love Him. We can do nothing of ourselves.
My advice to this girl is to seek the Lord with all of her heart and He will be found of her. 10 out of 10 people die and everyone has their appointed time. Only the Lord can give true comfort and she only needs to look for Him and she will find that supernatural comfort.
My father died 8 years ago and I have found peace with it only by the Lord. I miss him terribly, but it is the natural order and when we lean on the Lord He will give all comfort.
Death is a hard thing to deal with- I will be praying for you lucky, that the Lord will give you wisdom to help her and strength to be a good friend to her when she needs it. I will be praying for your friend to- may she find comfort and security in God as her eternal and heavenly Father.

God Bless,
Mary


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Mary Beth Ersig

 2005/10/26 9:58Profile
KingJimmy
Member



Joined: 2003/5/8
Posts: 4419
Charlotte, NC

 Re:

Please do not misunderstand me, I was not attempting to be cold. Since we are not actually posting to the person who lost their loved one, I was a little bit more blunt than I would be otherwise.

However, a person who has abandoned the faith is in danger of everlasting fire should we simply let them be, and not say anything to them about such. It would indeed, be much colder to say nothing at all, and allow them to damn themselves simply because we don't want to hurt their feelings anymore during their time of grief. For if somebody is in error, even if it is over such a sensitive matter of the loss of a loved one, such does not make them above correction or being called to give an account for their actions. Granted, one must do this in a much more tactful way that surely shows sensitivity to the situation that is simply soaked in the love and mercy of our Lord. However, the situation itself does not excuse one from what the right thing to do is, and that is to gently point out their error.

Remember our Lord's answer to a man who he called, that wanted to first go burry his loved one. The hurt we feel does not excuse us from following the Lord first and foremost. God will not pardon you on the day of judgment and say, "Well, it was ok that you blasphemed me, I totally understand, afterall, you were mourning your loss of a loved one."


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Jimmy H

 2005/10/26 13:39Profile
Warrior4Jah
Member



Joined: 2005/7/5
Posts: 382
The Netherlands

 Re:

Was her faith real? We can't answer that question. But we can pray for her!

Let us pray that she will step back in faith, convicted, hungry longing for God.. that she will live for Him bringing glory to God.
Lets pray that she will find comfort in Him!

Father I ask you to touch her heart! Heal her wounds Lord and help her to look at You Lord! Father, please show her what it truly is about. Make her set her eyes on you Lord Jesus so You can be a strong Tower and Comfort to her and she a living testimony to others!
Amen.


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Jonathan Veldhuis

 2005/10/27 19:54Profile





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