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 I need prayer friends

I've been having a rough time of it increasingly, with not wanting to stay alive.

That quote I see above the page by Martin Luther is so true to me, it leaped off the page at me as soon as I came on line today. That's how I've been living and thinking for about 25 yr.s.

Now it's just, God please take me "Home".
I know that sounds like "self-pity", but I can only say, I'm beat, weary, tired, feeling useless and 'despairing of life' because of 52 yr.s of "stuff" and now physical disablement.
If it were 'just' disablement, I know I could have taken it, but it has been 52 yr.s of "stuff" combined, that's causing this stupid dread/despair of life and just being so very tired and missing being able to do things.

Like another brother on here said, I will never consciously commit suicide, but I wonder, if how I don't eat (haven't had an appetite for yrs and only eat one small meal a day) and other similar issues, may not be my way of a slow death thing. And that 'would' be sin.

And of all songs to play right this minute, the radio's now playing "Never been more Home sick till now". This is weird. They're playing one after another on that theme.

I shared with one brother on here, this "Home" thing is a biggie with/for me and I need prayer that somehow, God could restore my desire to "live", or else just let me maybe wake up to Him .... [b]'HIS' WILL BE DONE[/b]. Amen. But to please take this internal hurting away.

I heard this song below and I started to feel my 'usual reaction' to it and figured ... Maybe it's time to ask for prayer.

Thank you anyone who will pray.

Annie



By Steven Curtis Chapman ~ When Love Takes You In

I know you’ve heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You’ve heard about a place called home
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you {Jesus to me}
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in

 2005/10/2 3:35









 Re: I need prayer friends


Annie,

Recently I began praying for you to be healed. I didn't (as you know) have any special details but, I will definitely add this information to my petitions. This is the time of year for everything going downhill.

You should think of getting a lightbox. You'd be surprised at how much difference you'll feel. 8-) Except, you take your sunglasses OFF to use it. :-P

 2005/10/2 4:39









 Re:

I sit in the sun. Is that just as good ?

I guess pain and very wacked sleep patterns from the M.E., etc., just makes things unravel some.

Thank you for responding and letting me know you care friend.

Bless you Dorcas, 'Always'.

 2005/10/2 12:26
LetUsPray
Member



Joined: 2004/10/12
Posts: 173


 Re: I need prayer friends

Dear Sister Annie,

How I wish I could bear your pain. How I pray for the Joy of the Lord to be your strength.

Unknowingly I have prayed for you. We, my wife and I, will now pray more then before.

I too have asked to be taken since Paul said for me to live is Christ, but to die is gain.

I have given everything over to the Lord, I am not where you are, but it is sometimes very difficult not to become weary.

What keeps me going and gives me strength is:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. (Eph 2:10)

I love you in the Lord,


_________________
Hans Prang

 2005/10/2 12:52Profile









 Re:

Wow Hans, you just made me smile so big it hurts my face ... Ha !

The verse you gave ... look at my post here ...

http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=6922&forum=36&start=30&36

Is this a coincidence or what ???


That made my heart leap, but in a good way.

Thank you so much brother for giving that word and for the kindness of you and your dear wife.

We've always had that kinship, since you signed on, being "Nursing Home people" :-)
And our common bond of course being Christ and Him Crucified. Amen.

[u]Thank you[/u] to the both of you and you and she will stay in my prayers also, as I have, for your ministry ... Amen. Keep up the GOOD work :-)



Thank you and His Love.

 2005/10/2 13:19
dohzman
Member



Joined: 2004/10/13
Posts: 2132


 Re: I need prayer friends

Isa 40:29 He is giving power to the weary, And to those not strong He increaseth might.
Isa 40:30 Even youths are wearied and fatigued, And young men utterly stumble,
Isa 40:31 But those expecting Jehovah pass to power, They raise up the pinion as eagles, They run and are not fatigued, They go on and do not faint!(young's trans)
Isa 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.KJV


There are times when I just quietly approach the Throne of God's grace and simply let Him know that I'm there to just wait. I'm not going to go into detail on word meanings here, but The Lord has always been a present help and renewed my strength, as He will yours. Be content to know that your present ministry of lifting up praises to Jesus and praying what's on His heart in intercession is of more importance than anything else in the world, rest in it, imbrace it and you'll be free to rejoice in it. God Bless. If you need a # to reach me to talk to someone let me know. I'll keep you in my prayers, Bro. Daryl


_________________
D.Miller

 2005/10/2 13:32Profile
roadsign
Member



Joined: 2005/5/2
Posts: 3776


 Re:

Quote:
I'm beat, weary, tired, feeling useless and 'despairing of life' because of 52 yr.s of "stuff" and now physical disablement.



Over the last few days I've been thinking of the many people whom I know who I've been suspecting have little desire to continue on. I ask myself, why should they? Each day seems to be a struggle just to get by.

I've been burdened by these thoughts, wondering how hard life must be - a dreadful form of suffering - even though on the surface these people seem to be comfortable. - And now - I read your words.

You can't imagine how precious your transparent sharing means to me. They speak far more than any discussion on theology or eschatology could ever be. They come from the real vulnerable you, and bring you into a deep human connection with me and others. I can only identify with a small dribble of your life. Yet, I know that there are countless Christians who have lived like you all their lives. I know, partly because of all the beautiful hymns they wrote. I think of all the Negro Spirituals - written in immense suffering, yet filled with hope.

Here is one song written by Thomas Dorsey:

Precious Lord, take my hand,
lead me on, let me stand;
I am TIRED, I am WEAK, I am WORN.
Through the storm, through the night,
lead me on to the light.
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.

Songs like this make me wonder: If each person was given the free choice to decide when they wanted to go home, I wonder how many would choose to go now. I suspect that I would - not because of suffering, but because there is nothing here on this world that particularly thrills me any more. As I grow closer to the Lord, the appeal to go home grows greater and greater.

There is a fine line between a desire to escape from this life - whether directly ending one's life or indirectly ending it through passive neglect of the body, and a desire to go heaven while at the same time accepting one's lot in life here.

The challenge for us is to somehow, find the place of God's rest and contentment in the midst of this perishing and troubled existance.

God calls us to a death right now - even while we are living. As we die to our old self (nature), then Christ lives in and through us more and more. Then no matter what we experience, somehow, in the midst of grief and inner turmoil, his peace, joy, and hope grow stronger and stronger, and He give us the ability to live yet another day.

It trust that God will transform your inner being - that he will continue to mortify your old fallen nature and fill you his new nature - which is his abundant life.
Diane


_________________
Diane

 2005/10/2 14:45Profile
Nellie
Member



Joined: 2004/4/5
Posts: 952


 Re: I need prayer friends

Hey Annie,
I pray that God will touch you with Divine Revelations of Himself.

Most of the time when I'm wanting to go to our Heavenly Home, it is right before God would do something Glorious in my life.

God uses you to encourage people, and I do know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

I do not think it is selfish of you to long for our Heavenly Home.
We are just pilgrims and stangers here, but, oh how we need each other.

I ask God to let you enter His Peace and Rest,
and let you realize what a large part of the Body of Christ you are, through Jesus Christ, in the Power of the Holy Spirit.

The things you write are deeper than the Ocean!!

I appreciate your honesty.

Sister in Christ, God will see you through.
1 Cor. 10:13.

God Bless you, always, Annie.
Nellie

 2005/10/2 14:55Profile









 Re: I need prayer friends


Dear Annie,

I don't want you to take this the wrong way - it's a little article by Spurgeon. I hope it gives some perspective as only he can. I have underlined the sentence that struck me most.



[i]All the days of my appointed time will I wait[/i]

A little stay on earth will make heaven more heavenly. Nothing makes rest so sweet as toil; nothing renders security so pleasant as exposure to alarms. The bitter quassia cups of earth will give a relish to the new wine which sparkles in the golden bowls of glory. Our battered armour and scarred countenances will render more illustrious our victory above, when we are welcomed to the seats of those who have overcome the world. We should not have full fellowship with Christ if we did not for awhile sojourn below, for He was baptized with a baptism of suffering among men, and we must be baptized with the same if we would share his kingdom. Fellowship with Christ is so honourable that the sorest sorrow is a light price by which to procure it. Another reason for our lingering here is for the good of others. We would not wish to enter heaven till our work is done, and it may be that we are yet ordained to minister light to souls benighted in the wilderness of sin. Our prolonged stay here is doubtless for God's glory. [u]A tried saint, like a well-cut diamond, glitters much in the King's crown[/u]. Nothing reflects so much honour on a workman as a protracted and severe trial of his work, and its triumphant endurance of the ordeal without giving way in any part. We are God's workmanship, in whom He will be glorified by our afflictions. It is for the honour of Jesus that we endure the trial of our faith with sacred joy. Let each man surrender his own longings to the glory of Jesus, and feel, "If my lying in the dust would elevate my Lord by so much as an inch, let me still lie among the pots of earth. If to live on earth for ever would make my Lord more glorious, it should be my heaven to be shut out of heaven." Our time is fixed and settled by eternal decree. Let us not be anxious about it, but wait with patience till the gates of pearl shall open.


Bless you. I will be praying your ME disappears.

 2005/10/2 21:34









 Re:

Daryl, Diane and Nellie.


I can't even put the words out here, how touched, way down deep, by your words and the affect that they have had on me and I've really "tangibly felt" the affects of your prayers, since I posted this. I really "felt" the prayers today, and that hasn't happened to me too very often.

Some have PMed or emailed, so this goes for them also.

Do you know what Jesus our Lord, did for me today ?
This "death wish" that I've had, has been with me since childhood.
Because of mom leaving when I was 2 mo.s old and then going through 7 homes after that and all since I was little were abusive, etc. etc..
And yesterday, being hit hard with 'guilt' for not being physically able to care for my home and cook, the way I used to, when I worked a job and did all sorts of things after work.

So I yearned for "A Home" and love, since very small and I suppose, since saved, saw Jesus' Arms as that desired Place.


Well, today, God laid RobertW's wife on my heart.
I read on the Announcement board that his wife has had CT, etc. scans for the possibility of cancer in the brain.

I cried out to God to let her stay around for Robert, etc. and then thought ... there are so many who "want" to live, for such good and loving and honorable reasons, yet are having their life 'threatened'. That broke my heart immeasurably and I said to myself, "you fool" ... these people have it so much worse, presently, then you do.

They "want" to live, and some can't.
I felt so foolish and rotten, yet at the same time, felt the Lord NOT condemning me, but comforting my wounds and scars while praying for Robert's wife and another family on here, that is in desperate need and pain.

Thank you ALL so very, very much for your prayers.
The pain is still with me, but the FOCUS has [u]definitely[/u] shifted back to where it was and should [u]stay[/u]. "Others, others, others." (foolish me):

I had not seen Robert's post nor the other family problem post till After I posted mine here ... so I felt mine was so minimal compared to those who need prayer here.

As Daryl has said, "intercession is of more importance than anything else in the world..."
You all have done it for me and now, I want to be back at it myself and we can all join in for Robert's wife now and our other brother & his family.


THANK YOU ALL, MORE THAN WORDS CAN POSSIBLY SAY.

His Love, Hope and Peace to you all.

With 'eternal' gratefulness. :-) Amen.
Annie

 2005/10/2 21:44





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